On-line dating favors men
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I am interested in hearing the women's perspectives on what body type classifications mean to them. I think that body type affects whether I show up in searches and I want to be honest, as much because I don't want to waste others time and moreso because I don't want to waste my own time. I list mine as "a few extra pounds." I weigh 297 lbs but due to my height, overall frame and lifting weights 5 days a week for 5 hours a day when I was younger, I really think "genetic freak" would be the ideal classification. I only plan to lose another 25-30 pounds. That's only 10% of my current weight. The categories just seem to be off. "Stocky" gives me a mental image of short and fat, there is nothing "about average" about my body. I run 5+ miles three days a week, lift weights 3 days a week, and often do a 20-40 mile bike ride and a few 10-15 mile rides during the week but I don't yet see myself as "athletic and toned" yet either.0
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I am interested in hearing the women's perspectives on what body type classifications mean to them. I think that body type affects whether I show up in searches and I want to be honest, as much because I don't want to waste others time and moreso because I don't want to waste my own time. I list mine as "a few extra pounds." I weigh 297 lbs but due to my height, overall frame and lifting weights 5 days a week for 5 hours a day when I was younger, I really think "genetic freak" would be the ideal classification. I only plan to lose another 25-30 pounds.
Um, I'm not a woman, but didn't you once say you're 6'4"? If so, you need to be 200 lbs just to have a normal BMI. How can you say you have just "a few extra pounds"? In fact, you're BMI says you're not just overweight, but "obese". Even after you lose 30 additional pounds, you'll still be "obese," based on BMI.
On the other hand, most people are now so overweight that what is considered "normal" has shifted considerably.
Apologies in advance if you're much taller than 6'4".
--P0 -
Um, I'm not a woman, but didn't you once say you're 6'4"? If so, you need to be 200 lbs just to have a normal BMI. How can you say you have just "a few extra pounds"?
Woman over here, lol! I think Dave looks pretty good! He could stand to lose a few pounds (as could I!) but I don’t think I’d be attracted to him at 200 lbs. He would probably look sickly to me!
As to what you should put Dave, IDK... If stocky or husky were a category, I'd do that but I don't search for guys/seek out guys online so my opinion might not be valuable here. I don't think women eliminate men in the heavier categories the way men eliminate women in those categories. When a guy writes me, I just judge him by his photos.0 -
Yeah, from his pic he doesn't really seem that much overweight. I suppose the pics are what really matters. So a good strategy is to ensure you maximize your search results, while having enough pics so that there are no surprises.
However, I do think we have redefined what it means to be overweight as a society. I suppose that's both a good and bad thing.
--P0 -
I also think a lot of it is in the eye of the beholder. Fitness is fairly definable (can accomplish athletic feats, in good medical shape) but that’s not really what people mean when they say they’re looking for someone athletic.
There was another thread where some of the guys said that people put “athletic” or “fit” online to mean they’re looking for a *thin, hot* person, not necessarily someone who is just athletic or fit.
Even though Mr. Southern Gentleman did show me that I can actually feel feminine around the super thin, wiry type, I still prefer someone stocky and athletic- someone who’s like me (fitter though bigger than most). That’s all about lifestyle and attitude- not something you can determine from pictures or “body-type” check blocks.0 -
I am interested in hearing the women's perspectives on what body type classifications mean to them. I think that body type affects whether I show up in searches and I want to be honest, as much because I don't want to waste others time and moreso because I don't want to waste my own time. I list mine as "a few extra pounds." I weigh 297 lbs but due to my height, overall frame and lifting weights 5 days a week for 5 hours a day when I was younger, I really think "genetic freak" would be the ideal classification. I only plan to lose another 25-30 pounds.
Um, I'm not a woman, but didn't you once say you're 6'4"? If so, you need to be 200 lbs just to have a normal BMI. How can you say you have just "a few extra pounds"? In fact, you're BMI says you're not just overweight, but "obese". Even after you lose 30 additional pounds, you'll still be "obese," based on BMI.
On the other hand, most people are now so overweight that what is considered "normal" has shifted considerably.
Apologies in advance if you're much taller than 6'4".
--P
You're so charming today P!! :laugh:
BMI is an outdated and innacurate measure (google it if you dont believe me). Particularly for people who are above or below average height, bone density and muscle mass.
David, I think a 'few extra pounds' is fine. Women dont pay that much attention to a guys weight/shape like men do to a woman's. Aint you lucky!
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I am interested in hearing the women's perspectives on what body type classifications mean to them. I think that body type affects whether I show up in searches and I want to be honest, as much because I don't want to waste others time and moreso because I don't want to waste my own time. I list mine as "a few extra pounds." I weigh 297 lbs but due to my height, overall frame and lifting weights 5 days a week for 5 hours a day when I was younger, I really think "genetic freak" would be the ideal classification. I only plan to lose another 25-30 pounds.
Um, I'm not a woman, but didn't you once say you're 6'4"? If so, you need to be 200 lbs just to have a normal BMI. How can you say you have just "a few extra pounds"? In fact, you're BMI says you're not just overweight, but "obese". Even after you lose 30 additional pounds, you'll still be "obese," based on BMI.
On the other hand, most people are now so overweight that what is considered "normal" has shifted considerably.
Apologies in advance if you're much taller than 6'4".
--P
I am 6' 4". I hate to make it sound like I am making excuses like "but I am big boned," etc. but BMI and height/weight charts are just a guidleine and certainly not the be-all-end-all definitive guide. If these charts were to be the only guide, then yes I am obese. However, by these charts most professional athletes and collegiate athletes where strength training is a major component of performance would also be classified as either overweight or obese.
I certainly need to lose weight. I think 30 lbs is about what I need to lose (I weigh 12 lbs less now than I do in the profile pic). When I say I am a genetic freak, I mean it. I can leg press 800 pounds for multiple sets of 25 reps. When I was younger my best squat was about 710 pounds (going from memory it's probably more). My best clean and jerk was 355 and I could shoulder press 225 lbs. My calves are currently 26.5" and my legs are 32". There is virtually no fat on either of these areas. My legs are defined well enough that four distinct muscles can be seen without flexing. My wrist is 9.75". I may need to lose more than 30 but I don't think it is far off as an estimate. I know the last time I weighed 265-270 pounds, it was common for women to approach me at bars, buy me drinks, and on two ocassions I had women I knew less than an hour get in actual fights because they were competing for my attention. I tend to believe that is more realistic feedback about whether I am proportioned properly than a chart that will undoubtedly be based on statistics and require some allowances for standard deviations from the mean.0 -
Anna, women may not pay as much attention to it as do men but I can say that 30 pounds ago I wasn't getting any attention from women who were not obese to morbidly obese and 55 pounds ago, I wasn't even getting attention from those women.0
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I agree with JJ, that women aren't as likely to eliminate based on category. I actually filter by someone who reports working out vs. not and if I've ever used body type, I still include stocky, plus a few lbs etc... other than perhaps heavyset.
I think you're fine to stay as you are. Your pics are up and most women are more open, outside of the really hot ones !!0 -
Woman over here, lol! I think Dave looks pretty good! He could stand to lose a few pounds (as could I!) but I don’t think I’d be attracted to him at 200 lbs. He would probably look sickly to me!
Exactly! I much prefer 'stocky' guys. And stocky doesnt mean short to me. It's more of a broad shoulders, paunchy stomach, strapping, looks like he can lift you out of a burning house kinda look!! :laugh: 0 -
I'm 5'8.5 size 12 jeans.. What the hell am I?? I used to have a few extra pounds. I deleted my profile when I got with ex so I had to rebuild it from new. This time I have curvy and average where curvy isn't available. I hate that this question stumps us girls.
I have 3 body shots to clear up any concerns. So far guys have said I do look like my pics but nobody has said anything about whether or not my body type is accurate.0 -
Anna, women may not pay as much attention to it as do men but I can say that 30 pounds ago I wasn't getting any attention from women who were not obese to morbidly obese and 55 pounds ago, I wasn't even getting attention from those women.
Don't get me wrong David, a woman likes to breathe when she has a man on top of her!!! :laugh: But in terms of slim, athletic, stocky, few extra pounds, fat but can still see his penis, i think all men are good :flowerforyou:0 -
It's more of a broad shoulders, paunchy stomach, strapping, looks like he can lift you out of a burning house kinda look!! :laugh:
With one arm, no less! YUMMM!0 -
Don't get me wrong David, a woman likes to breathe when she has a man on top of her!!! :laugh: But in terms of slim, athletic, stocky, few extra pounds, fat but can still see his penis, i think all men are good :flowerforyou:
Thank God I got the new glasses in March :laugh: :blushing:0 -
I know the last time I weighed 265-270 pounds, it was common for women to approach me at bars, buy me drinks, and on two ocassions I had women I knew less than an hour get in actual fights because they were competing for my attention. I tend to believe that is more realistic feedback about whether I am proportioned properly than a chart that will undoubtedly be based on statistics and require some allowances for standard deviations from the mean.
Absolutely!!! I read in one of the other threads about how my goal size is overweight for most women. Welll, BMI charts say my max is 148 to be "normal" but guess what? I look smokin hot at 153-156. My goal weight is 153. Which is 10 lbs from where I am now.
I really don't care what the charts say as long as I'm turning heads and all my medical indicators are perfect.0 -
I prefer lean tall men. Not skinny but lean. But I was telling my cousin today that Hulks body makes me feel so feminine. Last night I wore 5 inch wedge sandals with a cute dress and he was still a bit taller. His arms are so big and strong. His back is so wide that feel small by him. I feel protected too. When I'd walk by myself to the bathroom or bar, guys would check me out but anytime he was with me the same very guys would look away. :laugh: It's definitely nice!0
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I'm 5'8.5 size 12 jeans.. What the hell am I?? I used to have a few extra pounds. I deleted my profile when I got with ex so I had to rebuild it from new. This time I have curvy and average where curvy isn't available. I hate that this question stumps us girls.
I have 3 body shots to clear up any concerns. So far guys have said I do look like my pics but nobody has said anything about whether or not my body type is accurate.
Why wouldn`t it,just look at the insane way womens clothes are sized.:noway:
Waist and inseem is quite efficient for guys. :smokin:0 -
His arms are so big and strong. His back is so wide that feel small by him. I feel protected too.
Absolutely! When his arm wraps completely around my body... heaven!! I feel normal instead of super huge!
With really thin guys (even the lean ones with muscles in the right places) I feel like I'm hugging my son (Ms Piggy/Kermit thing I mentioned before). Here's what I don't get though (since this *IS* a thread about how online dating favors the men):
How is it that the big guys can attract both big women and thin women, but mostly I attract the lean, lanky type? You would think the big guys would want a broad woman to (eventually, ahem) handle all that weight??0 -
I am much more attracted to bigger men, like 6-5 with a belly even. I just would feel more feminine. But that is not to say that shorter leaner men can't get women - they can, but just the skinnier, shorter women.
However, the guys that have all been into me are skinny.0 -
It's more of a broad shoulders, paunchy stomach, strapping, looks like he can lift you out of a burning house kinda look!! :laugh:
With one arm, no less! YUMMM!
Janie, I feel like we just bonded!! Phwaaaaaar to stocky men! :bigsmile:
:flowerforyou:0 -
Don't get me wrong David, a woman likes to breathe when she has a man on top of her!!! :laugh: But in terms of slim, athletic, stocky, few extra pounds, fat but can still see his penis, i think all men are good :flowerforyou:
Thank God I got the new glasses in March :laugh: :blushing:
hehehe! :laugh: And a sense of humour is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar more important than a few extra pounds! :bigsmile:0 -
I truly appreciate the honesty on Single Peeps. This particular thread kept coming back to me all day. I really needed the kick in the shins to admit that online dating is not for people like me. Like it or not, looks matter and even more so online. I guess I kept hoping that my amazing personality would be enough, haha... guess not! I did all the suggested things, and after emailing or winking at 100+ men, I never got a single response in 6 weeks. Clearly this is not for me...
So tonight I made the call to stop wasting time, emotion, and money with online dating. All my profiles are now deactivated. There are too many bad people out there, and I'm too naive and/ or lonely to recognize them. I clearly can't handle rejection, and that's all I got from online dating. I feel upset about that now, but I know I'll forget about this shortly.
I really hope everyone else out there has better results than myself. I hope that it IS for you! Thanks, P, for starting good discussion!0 -
I truly appreciate the honesty on Single Peeps. This particular thread kept coming back to me all day. I really needed the kick in the shins to admit that online dating is not for people like me. Like it or not, looks matter and even more so online. I guess I kept hoping that my amazing personality would be enough, haha... guess not! I did all the suggested things, and after emailing or winking at 100+ men, I never got a single response in 6 weeks. Clearly this is not for me...
So tonight I made the call to stop wasting time, emotion, and money with online dating. All my profiles are now deactivated. There are too many bad people out there, and I'm too naive and/ or lonely to recognize them. I clearly can't handle rejection, and that's all I got from online dating. I feel upset about that now, but I know I'll forget about this shortly.
I really hope everyone else out there has better results than myself. I hope that it IS for you! Thanks, P, for starting good discussion!
BS,you simply took a brave step into the world that many of us guys have lived with for years and you are fine.
Not many ladies are willing to do that so be proud,keep your head high...work towards getting to where you like yourself as far as your body.
Small steps and frustrating but you have done an amazing thing here in being willing to face a great fear head on.
That is impressive and you know what...I wonder what would happen if you reupped a profile and put that all right out there?
Guys like ladies that are as matter of fact as we are.0 -
I thought "Curvy" meant the same thing online... VERY overweight...? Guys please chime in!
Once again, here's what female body type means to many men online, at least from my own experience and the experiences of many guys I have talked to about this process.
Thin = Usually thin, but no worse than average
Athletic = Either Athletic or Average
Average = More than likely overweight, but possibly average
Curvy= Significantly overweight
A few extra pounds = Obese, possibly morbidly obese.
Due to this guide, a lot of guys will go for just thin and athletic to assure themselves they are getting no worse than an average body type.
OMG! WHAT?
I have listed on my profile "a few extra pounds". Crap... should I change this? Will one of you peeps please look at my profile and tell me what you think? I'm 5'4" - size 10... big boobs and butt but was told not to put curvy because that just meant you were really big.... http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39313580 -- feel free to look at pic here and POF.... different on both sites.
This entire topic has confused the heck out of me. I need to respond to more, and will later.... kids are needing a mom taxi.0 -
I truly appreciate the honesty on Single Peeps. This particular thread kept coming back to me all day. I really needed the kick in the shins to admit that online dating is not for people like me. Like it or not, looks matter and even more so online. I guess I kept hoping that my amazing personality would be enough, haha... guess not! I did all the suggested things, and after emailing or winking at 100+ men, I never got a single response in 6 weeks. Clearly this is not for me...
So tonight I made the call to stop wasting time, emotion, and money with online dating. All my profiles are now deactivated. There are too many bad people out there, and I'm too naive and/ or lonely to recognize them. I clearly can't handle rejection, and that's all I got from online dating. I feel upset about that now, but I know I'll forget about this shortly.
I really hope everyone else out there has better results than myself. I hope that it IS for you! Thanks, P, for starting good discussion!
BS,you simply took a brave step into the world that many of us guys have lived with for years and you are fine.
Not many ladies are willing to do that so be proud,keep your head high...work towards getting to where you like yourself as far as your body.
Small steps and frustrating but you have done an amazing thing here in being willing to face a great fear head on.
That is impressive and you know what...I wonder what would happen if you reupped a profile and put that all right out there?
Guys like ladies that are as matter of fact as we are.
Carl, you rock!0 -
I truly appreciate the honesty on Single Peeps. This particular thread kept coming back to me all day. I really needed the kick in the shins to admit that online dating is not for people like me. Like it or not, looks matter and even more so online. I guess I kept hoping that my amazing personality would be enough, haha... guess not! I did all the suggested things, and after emailing or winking at 100+ men, I never got a single response in 6 weeks. Clearly this is not for me...
So tonight I made the call to stop wasting time, emotion, and money with online dating. All my profiles are now deactivated. There are too many bad people out there, and I'm too naive and/ or lonely to recognize them. I clearly can't handle rejection, and that's all I got from online dating. I feel upset about that now, but I know I'll forget about this shortly.
I really hope everyone else out there has better results than myself. I hope that it IS for you! Thanks, P, for starting good discussion!
BS,you simply took a brave step into the world that many of us guys have lived with for years and you are fine.
Not many ladies are willing to do that so be proud,keep your head high...work towards getting to where you like yourself as far as your body.
Small steps and frustrating but you have done an amazing thing here in being willing to face a great fear head on.
That is impressive and you know what...I wonder what would happen if you reupped a profile and put that all right out there?
Guys like ladies that are as matter of fact as we are.
Carl, you rock!
Well said, Carl! I agree, NC -- you rock!0 -
OMG! WHAT?
I have listed on my profile "a few extra pounds". Crap... should I change this? Will one of you peeps please look at my profile and tell me what you think? I'm 5'4" - size 10... big boobs and butt but was told not to put curvy because that just meant you were really big.... http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39313580 -- feel free to look at pic here and POF.... different on both sites.
This entire topic has confused the heck out of me. I need to respond to more, and will later.... kids are needing a mom taxi.
Sent you a PM on my thoughts :happy: Good Luck!0 -
BS,you simply took a brave step into the world that many of us guys have lived with for years and you are fine.
Not many ladies are willing to do that so be proud,keep your head high...work towards getting to where you like yourself as far as your body.
Small steps and frustrating but you have done an amazing thing here in being willing to face a great fear head on.
That is impressive and you know what...I wonder what would happen if you reupped a profile and put that all right out there?
Guys like ladies that are as matter of fact as we are.
Carl, you rock!
Well said, Carl! I agree, NC -- you rock!
I'm a pretty lucky woman to have such great Single Peeps on MFP. Thank you guys! It felt horrible, but it was the first step, and I didn't die, haha...I don't know how men do it! Better luck next time! Cheers to you all :drinker:0 -
Very sad....and in a nutshell why I gave up on online dating over a year ago. I thought maybe people would be serious but I soon figured out that no one really was....
At 54 I'm not looking for a one night stand or to be someone's cougar.... Online dating sites aren't worth the time (or money)....but being lonely isn't fun either..0 -
BS,you simply took a brave step into the world that many of us guys have lived with for years and you are fine.
Not many ladies are willing to do that so be proud,keep your head high...work towards getting to where you like yourself as far as your body.
Small steps and frustrating but you have done an amazing thing here in being willing to face a great fear head on.
That is impressive and you know what...I wonder what would happen if you reupped a profile and put that all right out there?
Guys like ladies that are as matter of fact as we are.
Carl, you rock!
Well said, Carl! I agree, NC -- you rock!
I'm a pretty lucky woman to have such great Single Peeps on MFP. Thank you guys! It felt horrible, but it was the first step, and I didn't die, haha...I don't know how men do it! Better luck next time! Cheers to you all :drinker:
It's definitely ok that online wasn't the route for you. Just be proud of yourself for trying it at all though.0
This discussion has been closed.