Another one bites the dust (JJ’s Venting)
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
<begin rant>
Yet another male friend is taken in by the “perfect” woman. You know the one: she’s super hot, puts out readily, always down for golf/hangs out at the sports bar watching ALL the games, doesn’t mind if he doesn’t call her the next day, doesn’t care about money, loves him just the way he is.
Except that most of us can see that it’s the same act a lot of women play: Be what the man wants until you snag him. Then “now you have to love me the way I am” sets in (along with weight gain, diminished sex, and spending all his money) and eventually the man discovers his cool girl has been replaced by a psycho nag.
I’m really tempted to say something. But I know how this goes down: The guy won’t listen to me. Instead, he’ll think I’m really just after him and bitter cuz I’m not that hot, and the friendship is ruined forever. So I’ll pray for him. Hopefully his eyes will open BEFORE he makes long-term commitments with this woman (they've made plans, just takes time to put in motion).
<end rant>
Yet another male friend is taken in by the “perfect” woman. You know the one: she’s super hot, puts out readily, always down for golf/hangs out at the sports bar watching ALL the games, doesn’t mind if he doesn’t call her the next day, doesn’t care about money, loves him just the way he is.
Except that most of us can see that it’s the same act a lot of women play: Be what the man wants until you snag him. Then “now you have to love me the way I am” sets in (along with weight gain, diminished sex, and spending all his money) and eventually the man discovers his cool girl has been replaced by a psycho nag.
I’m really tempted to say something. But I know how this goes down: The guy won’t listen to me. Instead, he’ll think I’m really just after him and bitter cuz I’m not that hot, and the friendship is ruined forever. So I’ll pray for him. Hopefully his eyes will open BEFORE he makes long-term commitments with this woman (they've made plans, just takes time to put in motion).
<end rant>
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Replies
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weight gain
Meh. But tolerable.spending all his money)
Preventable.diminished sex
DEALBREAKER!0 -
What? How can you possibly know at this stage that the woman will change?
And then, who cares... If she changes, you just ditch her and replace her. That's how it is!0 -
What? How can you possibly know at this stage that the woman will change?
And then, who cares... If she changes, you just ditch her and replace her. That's how it is!
Florian, you're joking but that's what makes this so bad. He ditched the last LTR, and insisted he's gonna find one who loves him for HIM. And now has the same kind of girl.
It's like these high-earning men can't get the clue that 90% of all women chasing after them are all in it for the finances and the benefits, NOT really caring about THEM. All they see is "HOT GIRL WANTS ME." Ugh.0 -
What? How can you possibly know at this stage that the woman will change?
And then, who cares... If she changes, you just ditch her and replace her. That's how it is!
Florian, you're joking but that's what makes this so bad. He ditched the last LTR, and insisted he's gonna find one who loves him for HIM. And now has the same kind of girl.
It's like these high-earning men can't get the clue that 90% of all women chasing after them are all in it for the finances and the benefits, NOT really caring about THEM. All they see is "HOT GIRL WANTS ME." Ugh.
SO TRUE!!! And then it ruins it for us 'good' girls looking for a good man!! :explode:0 -
Why such big changes from the cool girl to the psycho nag? We want the cool girl to remain forever.
Probably a good case for a long relationship prior to putting a ring on it. How long can a psycho nag act as a cool girl?0 -
This is where I have to give the girl a little bit of credit. She knows that if she looks good, she can land a successful, good looking man whom she can build a life with. All men are individuals, but most would agree that overall appearance is the most important thing in a partner. For me, looks are 95%, while personality, smarts, and everything else compromises the remaining 5%. This is just how men are biologically hardwired. However, this often clashes with realistic expectations, if I held out and only went for 18 year old supermodels, I've be a very lonely guy!
It seems that the girl your friend is dating has done a lot of preparations in her life to land a good man. And for that, I have to give her a lot of credit.
Now, from a young age, I've always tried to be the ideal guy that a woman would go for. So I did well in school, graduated from a good college, got a good job, stayed in decent shape (though much better now since MFP!), always acted confident, traveled, and did just about everything that I thought a women would want. And even though I had my ups and downs, I've done OK in the women department.
I think the most important thing someone can do is try to be as desirable to the opposite sex as humanly possible.0 -
I guess I don't understand what red flags you're seeing with this girl. Is it her in particular or do you feel any hot girl that is with a guy could only be interested in him for his money? I have plenty of hot friends.. .heck, my sister is to die for gorgeous.... they are good inside too. I would hate them to be judged solely on their looks and be categorized as someone as you described.0
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This is where I have to give the girl a little bit of credit. She knows that if she looks good, she can land a successful, good looking man whom she can build a life with. All men are individuals, but most would agree that overall appearance is the most important thing in a partner. For me, looks are 95%, while personality, smarts, and everything else compromises the remaining 5%. This is just how men are biologically hardwired. However, this often clashes with realistic expectations, if I held out and only went for 18 year old supermodels, I've be a very lonely guy!
It seems that the girl your friend is dating has done a lot of preparations in her life to land a good man. And for that, I have to give her a lot of credit.
Now, from a young age, I've always tried to be the ideal guy that a woman would go for. So I did well in school, graduated from a good college, got a good job, stayed in decent shape (though much better now since MFP!), always acted confident, traveled, and did just about everything that I thought a women would want. And even though I had my ups and downs, I've done OK in the women department.
I think the most important thing someone can do is try to be as desirable to the opposite sex as humanly possible.
Hahaha umm wow. I sort of understand where you're coming from, but at the same time, this girl may or may not be putting on an act (I really have no idea since I don't know her), when once she "wins the prize" so to speak, she'll turn into a raging psycho, basically living for her own selfish expectations. I'm not sure what is admirable about that.0 -
Don't know if anyone has read Gillian Flynn's new novel Gone Girl but there is a good quote in there about the cool girl.
"Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes and burping, who plays video games and drinks cheap beer,and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth...while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls above all are hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let men do whatever they want.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they're fooled because so many woman are willing to pretend to be this girl.
[Cool Girls are] not even pretending to be the woman they want to be. They're pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.
Believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every f@#$ing thing he likes and doesn't ever complain."
Men - if a woman seems too eager to please, something is probably wrong. You want a relationship that is equal, where she speaks up to you when something's up. If your girlfriend or love interest just goes along passively with whatever you say - she's a Cool Girl. I'm not saying some of these women don't have these traits, and that's completely fine, but just giving you a warning that these types of girls might do a 180 after you are actually together for a while, because the Cool Girl is an "act" they put on to get you.0 -
In my experience the psycho's show their crazy early... the cool girls usually maintain. However I've never married one, so I guess I can't say they wouldn't have changed with a ring.0
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I'm also curious how you know she'll turn into a psycho nag.
Most people eventually change once they get comfortable, gain weight, sex gets boring, they start nagging, etc. It's called a relationship.0 -
Don't know if anyone has read Gillian Flynn's new novel Gone Girl but there is a good quote in there about the cool girl.
"Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes and burping, who plays video games and drinks cheap beer,and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth...while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls above all are hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let men do whatever they want.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they're fooled because so many woman are willing to pretend to be this girl.
[Cool Girls are] not even pretending to be the woman they want to be. They're pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.
Believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every f@#$ing thing he likes and doesn't ever complain."
Men - if a woman seems too eager to please, something is probably wrong. You want a relationship that is equal, where she speaks up to you when something's up. If your girlfriend or love interest just goes along passively with whatever you say - she's a Cool Girl. I'm not saying some of these women don't have these traits, and that's completely fine, but just giving you a warning that these types of girls might do a 180 after you are actually together for a while, because the Cool Girl is an "act" they put on to get you.
I certainly love me some Cool Girls! But, what's wrong with a girl trying to do all of the above to be with a guy that she wants to be with? I give the Cool Girls a lot of credit for being smart enough be exactly what a guy wants.0 -
I'm also curious how you know she'll turn into a psycho nag.
Most people eventually change once they get comfortable, gain weight, sex gets boring, they start nagging, etc. It's called a relationship.
Because of this:Yet another male friend is taken in by the “perfect” woman. You know the one: she’s super hot, puts out readily, always down for golf/hangs out at the sports bar watching ALL the games, doesn’t mind if he doesn’t call her the next day, doesn’t care about money, loves him just the way he is.
Just an FYI for all the men: if a woman doesn't like sports but will watch all the games with you at the bar, she's a Cool Girl. If she doesn't care if you don't call her the next day, she's a Cool Girl. Because no one wants to watch something they don't care about, and a girl wants you to call her the next day.
It's an act. Plain and simple.
For example, this guy I was seeing a while back loved watching golf. I hate watching golf, and I told him so. A Cool Girl would've sat down next to him and not said a peep.I certainly love me some Cool Girls! But, what's wrong with a girl trying to do all of the above to be with a guy that she wants to be with? I give the Cool Girls a lot of credit for being smart enough be exactly what a guy wants.
Because it's an act. Don't you want to meet the real girl and her real personality, rather than an actress who is doing whatever she can to get you???0 -
Janie, I applaud the way you often seem to be looking out for your friends in the dating world, that's an excellent quality. :flowerforyou:
Maybe it's just because Single Peeps feels like the place for it, but more times than not what you end up saying about your friend's date or partner seems to be criticism though. You may or may not be right in this situation, but your friend obviously needs to learn these life lessons through trial and error - it's kind of like weight loss - support, helpful suggestions and even some warnings when necessary are fantastic, but no one can do it for you!0 -
For example, this guy I was seeing a while back loved watching golf. I hate watching golf, and I told him so. A Cool Girl would've sat down next to him and not said a peep.
Seriously? I hate the ballet, but if I dated a women who loved it, I would certainly be tolerant of it. Heck, I'd even buy her tickets and accompany her to the local ballet because I know it would make her happy.
Maybe I'm too much of a people-pleaser, but I enjoy putting a smile on people's face.0 -
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they're fooled because so many woman are willing to pretend to be this girl.
Tee hee!0 -
Don't know if anyone has read Gillian Flynn's new novel Gone Girl but there is a good quote in there about the cool girl.
"Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes and burping, who plays video games and drinks cheap beer,and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth...while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls above all are hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let men do whatever they want.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they're fooled because so many woman are willing to pretend to be this girl.
[Cool Girls are] not even pretending to be the woman they want to be. They're pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.
Believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every f@#$ing thing he likes and doesn't ever complain."
Men - if a woman seems too eager to please, something is probably wrong. You want a relationship that is equal, where she speaks up to you when something's up. If your girlfriend or love interest just goes along passively with whatever you say - she's a Cool Girl. I'm not saying some of these women don't have these traits, and that's completely fine, but just giving you a warning that these types of girls might do a 180 after you are actually together for a while, because the Cool Girl is an "act" they put on to get you.
This is dumb.... even if she is pretending, she likes you enough to put in the time to do it. Or maybe she is cool and even if she isn't into guy stuff, is willing to give it a try and entertain some of your interests. Ladies, wouldn't you want your guy to entertain or join in on some of your activities that maybe he wasn't into previously?? To me the cool girl sounds pretty damn cool and the girls b!tching about her seem jealous. Just saying.0 -
This may not be the popular opinion, but I figure it's his choice and his mistake to make....if that's what it turns out to be. I agree with pa_jorg though. He's going to have to figure it out on his own.0
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For example, this guy I was seeing a while back loved watching golf. I hate watching golf, and I told him so. A Cool Girl would've sat down next to him and not said a peep.
Seriously? I hate the ballet, but if I dated a women who loved it, I would certainly be tolerant of it. Heck, I'd even buy her tickets and accompany her to the local ballet because I know it would make her happy.
Maybe I'm too much of a people-pleaser, but I enjoy putting a smile on people's face.
There's a difference there. With you, you would be saying, "Well, I don't really like it, but I'll go out with you once and see." A Cool Girl or Guy would be like "the ballet? I love it!" even though they didn't.This is dumb.... even if she is pretending, she likes you enough to put in the time to do it. Or maybe she is cool and even if she isn't into guy stuff, is willing to give it a try and entertain some of your interests. Ladies, wouldn't you want your guy to entertain or join in on some of your activities that maybe he wasn't into previously?? To me the cool girl sounds pretty damn cool and the girls b!tching about her seem jealous. Just saying.
And this is prime-o example of why a guy doesn't get that the Cool Girl is all an act. No offense, you're a guy, I get why you think it's cool.
But again, do you want a girl to LIE to you, or do you want her to be honest about her likes/dislikes?
And no, I don't want to drag a guy to the mall if he doesn't like it, or to hang out with my friends. You don't have to be identical twins to get along with each other - you can have your own interests and passions.0 -
DONT say anything it will ruin your friendship. You cant tell a grown #$% man or woman anything about their SFO. Fails everytime.0
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So "cool girls" pretend to be cool in the beginning, and then turn into a psycho nag.
Normal girls are just psycho nags from the start?0 -
It's easy to figure out if she is really a so-called "cool girl." If it's really as simplistic as tchristine says, the girl will do anything to please her man. All you have to do is find something that is degrading and/or humiliating and get her to do it. If she is all gung-ho and tells you how awesome it is, there you go.0
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So "cool girls" pretend to be cool in the beginning, and then turn into a psycho nag.
Normal girls are just psycho nags from the start?
I hate the word nag. If men would do what they were supposed to do to begin with then women wouldn't have to remind them that their **** is everywhere.0 -
WAit wait wait .......
I like video games and beer and football and action movies... I'm basically the "cool girl" except for the smoking hot part .... Why does it have to be a trap... Cant she just be an awesome girl. And as for the willing to have sex part ...most of us are lol0 -
It's easy to figure out if she is really a so-called "cool girl." If it's really as simplistic as tchristine says, the girl will do anything to please her man. All you have to do is find something that is degrading and/or humiliating and get her to do it. If she is all gung-ho and tells you how awesome it is, there you go.
Look, if you guys want to date Cool Girls that's great. But just beware - it's all an act. And eventually the act will stop and you'll meet the real girl. Don't you want to know the real girl from the start, rather than some made up imitation designed to please you?? I don't get you guys at all honestly.WAit wait wait .......
I like video games and beer and football and action movies... I'm basically the "cool girl" except for the smoking hot part .... Why does it have to be a trap... Cant she just be an awesome girl. And as for the willing to have sex part ...most of us are lol
Her'es the difference though. You genuinely like them I assume, and you didn't just start those activities because you wanted to get a guy. Cool Girls don't like those things, but pretend they do.0 -
For example, this guy I was seeing a while back loved watching golf. I hate watching golf, and I told him so. A Cool Girl would've sat down next to him and not said a peep.
Seriously? I hate the ballet, but if I dated a women who loved it, I would certainly be tolerant of it. Heck, I'd even buy her tickets and accompany her to the local ballet because I know it would make her happy.
Maybe I'm too much of a people-pleaser, but I enjoy putting a smile on people's face.
There's a difference there. With you, you would be saying, "Well, I don't really like it, but I'll go out with you once and see." A Cool Girl or Guy would be like "the ballet? I love it!" even though they didn't.This is dumb.... even if she is pretending, she likes you enough to put in the time to do it. Or maybe she is cool and even if she isn't into guy stuff, is willing to give it a try and entertain some of your interests. Ladies, wouldn't you want your guy to entertain or join in on some of your activities that maybe he wasn't into previously?? To me the cool girl sounds pretty damn cool and the girls b!tching about her seem jealous. Just saying.
And this is prime-o example of why a guy doesn't get that the Cool Girl is all an act. No offense, you're a guy, I get why you think it's cool.
But again, do you want a girl to LIE to you, or do you want her to be honest about her likes/dislikes?
And no, I don't want to drag a guy to the mall if he doesn't like it, or to hang out with my friends. You don't have to be identical twins to get along with each other - you can have your own interests and passions.
Not sure how to break the quotes down individually here, so bare with me... another prime-o example of a dumb guy I guess.
1. I'd rather a girl be interested enough to try stuff that I like, maybe it's fake maybe it isn't... however it's an effort, and it's time spent together.
2. If I were into a girl I would try the interests she has and hope she would want me too. Every long-term relationship I've had has gives and takes... that is what makes it fun. I just think it's a poor way to look at a relationship to say "have your own interests and passions."0 -
WAit wait wait .......
I like video games and beer and football and action movies... I'm basically the "cool girl" except for the smoking hot part .... Why does it have to be a trap... Cant she just be an awesome girl. And as for the willing to have sex part ...most of us are lol
Jen, I agree... I actually find this somewhat offensive. I mean, I think I'm cute. I've never not had a guy if I've wanted one. Sorry if that seems bad. I'm cool.. .I'm nice... I like sex.. I have big boobs... I make good money... I have two homes... WTF... why can't I be interested in someone without his friends thinking I'm digging... or if not me, the next cute girl. Why are we/they all stereo-typed as fake and acting. I don't get women who think like this... at all. I'm the most REAL girl I know.... and most men think I'm dang cool. Does it mean our relationships always last.. no. But crap, I don't like the stereotyping at all.0 -
Sorry double post0
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Isn`t this just the "why do girls fall for bad guys" question in reverse.
In that case his actions are pushing emotional triggers that override her expressed desires and in this case she is doing the same with his.
Both will not be happy in the long run.
Maybe it is because I am damned near a senior citizen
but yeah at this stage I really do want someone that is interested in being a partner.
By that I mean if I want to play golf she doesn`t have to tag along but also doesn`t give me grief.
The same would be for me if she liked something I don`t care for.
Both should do their thing but also be willing to bend a little too.
Probably hopelessly idealistic.0 -
WAit wait wait .......
I like video games and beer and football and action movies... I'm basically the "cool girl" except for the smoking hot part .... Why does it have to be a trap... Cant she just be an awesome girl. And as for the willing to have sex part ...most of us are lol
Jen, I agree... I actually find this somewhat offensive. I mean, I think I'm cute. I've never not had a guy if I've wanted one. Sorry if that seems bad. I'm cool.. .I'm nice... I like sex.. I have big boobs... I make good money... I have two homes... WTF... why can't I be interested in someone without his friends thinking I'm digging... or if not me, the next cute girl. Why are we/they all stereo-typed as fake and acting. I don't get women who think like this... at all. I'm the most REAL girl I know.... and most men think I'm dang cool. Does it mean our relationships always last.. no. But crap, I don't like the stereotyping at all.
Thank you I feel the same way. And BTW I've got about 30 guys who will vouch that this is who I am which is why my friends are guys lol... I've always been a tomboy and much of that remain as I grew up.....How do you know she is digging maybe she is this way.. I mean do you actually know this girl outside of her relationship with him.. And my ex was a buddist and we used to go to the temple down here together. I didnt particularly want to go as I'm not buddist but when your dating someone you do stuff they want to do to. Its called comprimise0
