Another one bites the dust (JJ’s Venting)
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Just playing devil's advocate here... but why so much hatred for the girl? Have you tried getting to know her? Maybe she is just as awesome as he thinks she is. You're not really being a supportive friend if you have just made assumptions about their relationship without even giving this girl a chance.0
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Just playing devil's advocate here... but why so much hatred for the girl? Have you tried getting to know her? Maybe she is just as awesome as he thinks she is. You're not really being a supportive friend if you have just made assumptions about their relationship without even giving this girl a chance.
.... and ^^^This0 -
I'm a cool girl that gets a bit emotional at times. I'm open to explore activities that my dates/ Bfs enjoy (I watched NASCAR for Gods sake- but I enjoyed it). Not because I want their approval but because I genuinely want to learn new things. This is a must in a partner as well. I like to cake decorate. How fun would it be to see my macho man in a fun cake decorating class all just because he knows I like it? It'd be a huge sexual turn on that he'd do something new for ME.
Yea I do believe there are women out there like you're describing but she might just be open minded and wanting to simply try new things.0 -
There is absolutely nothing wrong with liking "guy" stuff -- hell, most of my friends are guys, so trust me, I've been to plenty of sporting events, watched all the guy movies (which are way cooler than girl movies, let's be honest :laugh: ), check out girls with them (hey, I can appreciate a girl's *kitten* as much as the next guy!), and if they want to try something new or tell me endless details about something that interests them (even if it doesn't interest me), I am happy to listen and try! Example: I hated football for a very long time, but living in New England means I'm going to meet a TON of Pats fans. What's a girl to do? I asked questions and got my dates to teach me about the game -- now I can follow a game and be just as excited as the guys. I didn't do this to "get" guys. I did this because I was genuinely interested in the guy I was with (date or friend). This is completely different from the "Cool Girl" act in that I wanted to do those things to make him happy, not just to get him to like me long enough to "snag" him and then do whatever I want while leaving him scratching his head wondering what the hell just happened. See the difference?0
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Well my point is that I'd rather date the cool girl that at least tries to do the things I want to do in the beginning than the girl I seemingly have nothing in common with. I can tell when a girl isn't into sports, I'm not stupid. They claim to love the team but can't name more than 3 players, they never actually watch the games but instead just hang out and talk the whole time, etc. It just makes them seem a little more outgoing than someone else.So "cool girls" pretend to be cool in the beginning, and then turn into a psycho nag.
Normal girls are just psycho nags from the start?
I hate the word nag. If men would do what they were supposed to do to begin with then women wouldn't have to remind them that their **** is everywhere.
I'd totally go to a museum or something to impress a girl, but it's not something I'd do by myself. Plus, you never know who's going to turn into a psycho nag, maybe she actually is pretty cool.0 -
It's easy to figure out if she is really a so-called "cool girl." If it's really as simplistic as tchristine says, the girl will do anything to please her man. All you have to do is find something that is degrading and/or humiliating and get her to do it. If she is all gung-ho and tells you how awesome it is, there you go.
Look, if you guys want to date Cool Girls that's great. But just beware - it's all an act. And eventually the act will stop and you'll meet the real girl. Don't you want to know the real girl from the start, rather than some made up imitation designed to please you?? I don't get you guys at all honestly.WAit wait wait .......
I like video games and beer and football and action movies... I'm basically the "cool girl" except for the smoking hot part .... Why does it have to be a trap... Cant she just be an awesome girl. And as for the willing to have sex part ...most of us are lol
Her'es the difference though. You genuinely like them I assume, and you didn't just start those activities because you wanted to get a guy. Cool Girls don't like those things, but pretend they do.
Most of what you are describing isn't what I would call the cool girl. It is the desperate girl. She isn't usually smoking hot either. She is more likely 40+ pounds overweight, extremely insecure and is willing to do damn near anything to get some male attention. I've never met the perrenial doormat that you're describing. If anything, people in general will put on a little facade and be okay with things they don't really like because they felt an attraction to the person they are dating. They do an internal debate about whether this or that is a deal breaker and waive off dislikes and and such out of recognition that no one is perfect and that you aren't going to like everything about any one. If nothing is said, it either isn't a big deal or is a sign of poor communication skills.0 -
Well I guess I'm a "Cool Girl."
I enjoy drinking beer, eating hot dogs and hamburgers, making dirty jokes, bragging to men that I can do more pushups than they can, and I enjoy golfing, fishing, and started watching NASCAR because of Steve because I know he enjoys watching it. I more so pay attention for perverted phrases that the commentators say that I can make fun of, but we make an event out of it with snacks and beer.
I lovelovelove watching football, NCAA and NFL. Football is pretty much my life from August to February.
Although I do like to do girly things like shop, go to the spa, and have girls' nights out. I still do these things, away from Steve. I did start fishing because it's something he really enjoys to do, and I genuinely enjoy it as well. I can tell it makes him happy and excited when I catch a fish, and it makes me excited and happy to make him happy!
And I guess I'm pretty cute too.0 -
I actually find this somewhat offensive. I mean, I think I'm cute. I've never not had a guy if I've wanted one. Sorry if that seems bad. I'm cool.. .I'm nice... I like sex.. I have big boobs... I make good money... I have two homes... WTF... why can't I be interested in someone without his friends thinking I'm digging... or if not me, the next cute girl. Why are we/they all stereo-typed as fake and acting. I don't get women who think like this... at all. I'm the most REAL girl I know.... and most men think I'm dang cool. Does it mean our relationships always last.. no. But crap, I don't like the stereotyping at all.
^^Well said, thank you!
"Being cool' can mean many things to each individual, so why all the bashing of women who may indeed like sports or other typical guy things? Perhaps those that are bashing the 'cool girl' are jealous because that's not who they are? Instead of being down on them, why not figure out your own cool traits. For example, I'm not into many sports myself, and I'm not hot by any means, but I know I'm funny, smart, easy to talk to and willing to be adventerous...all cool qualities in my book.0 -
It's easy to figure out if she is really a so-called "cool girl." If it's really as simplistic as tchristine says, the girl will do anything to please her man. All you have to do is find something that is degrading and/or humiliating and get her to do it. If she is all gung-ho and tells you how awesome it is, there you go.
Look, if you guys want to date Cool Girls that's great. But just beware - it's all an act. And eventually the act will stop and you'll meet the real girl. Don't you want to know the real girl from the start, rather than some made up imitation designed to please you?? I don't get you guys at all honestly.WAit wait wait .......
I like video games and beer and football and action movies... I'm basically the "cool girl" except for the smoking hot part .... Why does it have to be a trap... Cant she just be an awesome girl. And as for the willing to have sex part ...most of us are lol
Her'es the difference though. You genuinely like them I assume, and you didn't just start those activities because you wanted to get a guy. Cool Girls don't like those things, but pretend they do.
Most of what you are describing isn't what I would call the cool girl. It is the desperate girl. She isn't usually smoking hot either. She is more likely 40+ pounds overweight, extremely insecure and is willing to do damn near anything to get some male attention. I've never met the perrenial doormat that you're describing. If anything, people in general will put on a little facade and be okay with things they don't really like because they felt an attraction to the person they are dating. They do an internal debate about whether this or that is a deal breaker and waive off dislikes and and such out of recognition that no one is perfect and that you aren't going to like everything about any one. If nothing is said, it either isn't a big deal or is a sign of poor communication skills.
This is an extremely valid point... let's be honest a smoking hot girl doesn't have to do a damn thing to attract a guys attention in the early stages, 90-100% of guys will give her a shot on looks alone.0 -
My two cents - when I was married I despised anything and everything my husband did because I simply grew to despise him. Now since I've been divoreced I see myself drawn to those things that I never wanted to do with him because I'm happy now. So I guess if my ex saw me doing these things he would say that I'm being fake when in fact I'm not.0
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I actually wasn't joking JJ.
The only punishment I can see for a girl that "fakes it" to please me is splitting with her, ditching her (and yes, faking it completely is different from "wanting to please me" and accepting to try stuff she might not like and do it with a genuine will to try).
Why would I even bother staying with her anyway? It's not like I'm trapped once I'm married. It's not like I'm ever going to get married. It's not like I'm minted and can afford her whatever she wants anyway.
I realise I might not be the target market for the "fake cool girls", however, I've met some "genuine cool girls" in my life, and always enjoyed their company.
Kudos to all the "genuine cool girls" who posted here! Yes, some women like men activities and vice versa. Can't see anything wrong with it.
[/quote]Yay!WAit wait wait .......
I like video games and beer and football and action movies... I'm basically the "cool girl" except for the smoking hot part .... Why does it have to be a trap... Cant she just be an awesome girl. And as for the willing to have sex part ...most of us are lol0 -
Well I guess I'm a "Cool Girl."
I lovelovelove watching football, NCAA and NFL. Football is pretty much my life from August to February.
Yeh .. me too.
I'm playing change my name game on MFP. Don't ask. lol0 -
What if she really IS that girl? And not just pretending? How can you KNOW that she'll turn into a psycho nag? As a (semi) "cool girl" I feel slightly offended at your characterization and generalization, because what you described is essentially me (maybe not the smoking hot part) and honestly, I've never turned into a psycho nag. I'm only slightly offended though, because as a (semi) "cool girl" I don't actually give a *kitten* what other girls think :laugh:0
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<begin rant>
Yet another male friend is taken in by the “perfect” woman. You know the one: she’s super hot, puts out readily, always down for golf/hangs out at the sports bar watching ALL the games, doesn’t mind if he doesn’t call her the next day, doesn’t care about money, loves him just the way he is.
Except that most of us can see that it’s the same act a lot of women play: Be what the man wants until you snag him. Then “now you have to love me the way I am” sets in (along with weight gain, diminished sex, and spending all his money) and eventually the man discovers his cool girl has been replaced by a psycho nag.
I’m really tempted to say something. But I know how this goes down: The guy won’t listen to me. Instead, he’ll think I’m really just after him and bitter cuz I’m not that hot, and the friendship is ruined forever. So I’ll pray for him. Hopefully his eyes will open BEFORE he makes long-term commitments with this woman (they've made plans, just takes time to put in motion).
<end rant>
I had to read this twice just to make sure but you sound jealous and bitter. You pray that God give him the wisdom and understanding to use his best judgement in this,and really all situations, and let him live his life and you live yours. This is called being an independent adult and having the same expectations from your friends and confidants. Good luck with this.0 -
Just playing devil's advocate here... but why so much hatred for the girl? Have you tried getting to know her? Maybe she is just as awesome as he thinks she is. You're not really being a supportive friend if you have just made assumptions about their relationship without even giving this girl a chance.What if she really IS that girl? And not just pretending? How can you KNOW that she'll turn into a psycho nag?
I've been around her enough to observe how she REALLY feels about things and him. And he's in for a rude awakening. My guy friends have this thing about wanting me to be friends with their new chicas. I went through this with the last one. Same kinda girl. Even wrinkled her nose at me talking about him. I told him she didn’t care for him and was using him. He didn’t talk to me for months. So no. I’m not going to say anything.
Look, I’m all about being “cool” y'all. I love most sports and know enough to bring a guy a sandwich instead of trying to talk through the sports I don't like. I like video games, camping, and all that jazz. I’m open to trying new things, and I have learned not to force my “girlie” interests on a man (that’s what girlfriends are for). I'm honest, frugal, and not good looking. I wouldn't call myself the "cool girl" because I do believe in taking care of business (work hard play hard), I am analytical, and I don't just go through life pretending that when a guy hurts me "it's cool." But fast forward 10 years and my attitude won’t change. What you see is what you get. Unlike the “cool girl” pretending “it’s all fun, it’s all good and I’m all about you honey.” 10 years later she’s sprung her “real self” on him and he’s miserable.
I’ve seen this play out so many times back when I was a pastor’s wife. I have friends who are way "cooler" than me- will go hunting/fishing/whatever but still can dress up for a night on the town. And guess what? The guys don't go for my "cool" friends. Because they're real woman and there's real responsibility attached to dating them. They go for the hot things that pretend to be a good time with no responsibility thinking "this time will be different."
While, all along, the women that would really make them happy long term- that would be fun sexy companions through life (a "real life" cool girl, with a story probably similar to most of the cool girls in this forum who are still single) - are ignored.0 -
I'm not saying you are wrong for being concerned for your friend, but I'm thinking that you have entered into this situation with a preconceived notion about this girl because she is so similar to his previous girlfriends. You should be wishing them well and not hoping for a break-up. The motivations behind your feelings towards her are a bit auspicious. I suggest that you do a little soul-searching and ask yourself what it is that makes you feel this way.
Additionally, you have to understand that people don't change unless they want to. If he is picking women like this as a norm, there is a reason for it.0 -
I'm not saying you are wrong for being concerned for your friend, but I'm thinking that you have entered into this situation with a preconceived notion about this girl because she is so similar to his previous girlfriends. You should be wishing them well and not hoping for a break-up. The motivations behind your feelings towards her are a bit auspicious. I suggest that you do a little soul-searching and ask yourself what it is that makes you feel this way.
Additionally, you have to understand that people don't change unless they want to. If he is picking women like this as a norm, there is a reason for it.
Very well said. It's time to accept that the sky is blue in this situation...0 -
Additionally, you have to understand that people don't change unless they want to. If he is picking women like this as a norm, there is a reason for it.
Very well said. It's time to accept that the sky is blue in this situation...
Absolutely. There is something about him internally that keeps pushing him to make this mistake. I personally think he feels inadequate for any of the great women around him. I hurt for him that when he finally wakes up it will probably push him into depression that takes another year to recover. And I can't control him. I can only control myself, and I will do that by not support him in this like I used to the other girl (doing stuff for her at his request).0 -
. All men are individuals, but most would agree that overall appearance is the most important thing in a partner. For me, looks are 95%, while personality, smarts, and everything else compromises the remaining 5%. This is just how men are biologically hardwired.
hehe I'm glad you said it... I tried to say the same thing not long ago and everyone jumped on me as mean and bitter.0 -
For example, this guy I was seeing a while back loved watching golf. I hate watching golf, and I told him so. A Cool Girl would've sat down next to him and not said a peep.
Seriously? I hate the ballet, but if I dated a women who loved it, I would certainly be tolerant of it. Heck, I'd even buy her tickets and accompany her to the local ballet because I know it would make her happy.
So would most people. The problem (in my eye) is that they wouldn’t say, “You know, I’m not really into ballet, but since you really like it for the rest of my life I will go to the ballet with you sometimes.” Instead, it’s a temporary measure to impress, and then months later both partners are frustrated because each has such different tastes that they’re not spending fun time together. He thinks, “man, she used to love golfing; why did she change?” and she’s thinking, “he used to love coming to the ballet with me; is there another woman?”
But I get it… you can’t be too honest in a relationship or you’ll scare everyone off. That’s why I think an essential step for singles is deciding who you really are, and determining what things about you are non-negotiable, and then honoring yourself enough not to settle.0 -
I'm also curious how you know she'll turn into a psycho nag.
Most people eventually change once they get comfortable, gain weight, sex gets boring, they start nagging, etc. It's called a relationship.
Well, maybe “psycho” is a bit strong… she’s not psycho. She’s just not really in love with him (she’s told me this). She’s using him.
I disagree with your second point. Not everyone’s relationship deteriorates into boring sex and constant nagging. My parents and several other older couples I admire have vibrant relationships including hot sex. Which, admittedly, used to gross me out about my parents. But now that I’m meeting mostly older men, the potential for this kind of relationship in my later years is something I pay attention to.0 -
Oh, I was just being sarcastic, I know every relationship doesn't end up like that.I'm also curious how you know she'll turn into a psycho nag.
Most people eventually change once they get comfortable, gain weight, sex gets boring, they start nagging, etc. It's called a relationship.
Well, maybe “psycho” is a bit strong… she’s not psycho. She’s just not really in love with him (she’s told me this). She’s using him.
I disagree with your second point. Not everyone’s relationship deteriorates into boring sex and constant nagging. My parents and several other older couples I admire have vibrant relationships including hot sex. Which, admittedly, used to gross me out about my parents. But now that I’m meeting mostly older men, the potential for this kind of relationship in my later years is something I pay attention to.
As for the fact that she told you she doesn't love him; I'm not sure why you didn't include this in your original post because it seems to be more relevant than the fact that she like to watch sports and play golf. That just makes it sound a bit presumptuous.
Some guys may not mind that she's using him. He's probably mainly using her for sex and likes her because she's hot. It's a win win!0 -
Oh, I was just being sarcastic, I know every relationship doesn't end up like that.I disagree with your second point. Not everyone’s relationship deteriorates into boring sex and constant nagging. My parents and several other older couples I admire have vibrant relationships including hot sex. Which, admittedly, used to gross me out about my parents. But now that I’m meeting mostly older men, the potential for this kind of relationship in my later years is something I pay attention to.
As for the fact that she told you she doesn't love him; I'm not sure why you didn't include this in your original post because it seems to be more relevant than the fact that she like to watch sports and play golf. That just makes it sound a bit presumptuous.
you were joking?? lol! Joke's on me!!
One of the biggest reasons I'm hesitant to remarry is that too many relationships I see degrade that way! I'd rather be single.
I left a lot of details out because my post was crazy long and I felt like I needed to trim it (or no one would read it, lol). I was in a rush and cut more than I intended. And no, they’re not having sex (as far as I know). She’s a big flirt but he’s one of those rare “waiting for marriage” types. If they were having sex, I’d totally understand why he can’t see through her.0 -
So "cool girls" pretend to be cool in the beginning, and then turn into a psycho nag.
Normal girls are just psycho nags from the start?
finally someone who gets it! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
For example, this guy I was seeing a while back loved watching golf. I hate watching golf, and I told him so. A Cool Girl would've sat down next to him and not said a peep.
Seriously? I hate the ballet, but if I dated a women who loved it, I would certainly be tolerant of it. Heck, I'd even buy her tickets and accompany her to the local ballet because I know it would make her happy.
Maybe I'm too much of a people-pleaser, but I enjoy putting a smile on people's face.
i think its great to try n be supportive and show interest. i think what JJ means is a girl who will pretend she's the biggest fan of XYZ sport to please her man or get his interest when in fact she doesnt even know who the players are. in other words lie aboutt who u are an what u liked b4 u met0 -
By that I mean if I want to play golf she doesn`t have to tag along but also doesn`t give me grief.
The same would be for me if she liked something I don`t care for.
Both should do their thing but also be willing to bend a little too.
Probably hopelessly idealistic.
No, I think it is just what I want to!
I want a guy to have his own interests and pleasures. Going with the golf example, I might go out with him once to see what it's like, but if I don't like it, he can go do it and we can meet up afterward.i think its great to try n be supportive and show interest. i think what JJ means is a girl who will pretend she's the biggest fan of XYZ sport to please her man or get his interest when in fact she doesnt even know who the players are. in other words lie aboutt who u are an what u liked b4 u met
Yes, finally someone who gets it!
A Cool Girls fakes interest in stuff and fakes her personality so a guy will like her.0 -
Since I've been receiving messages lately from people reading my old posts, it's causing me to go back and read them too.
If any of the folks who commented on this want to know the REAL reason I was so upset buy this whole situation: I was upset because a mutual friend was very in love with this guy. They did everything together and their parents all meshed well together. He would say little things to make us all think she would be the one he'd eventually settle down with. We were all kinda waiting for him to outgrow this "gotta prove myself by getting a hot young thing" phase.
FWIW, that girl sucked as much life as she could out of him until he moved away. She actually tried to start mooching off my group of friends after he moved, but we quickly put her in her place. Then she started in on the next guy. Fast forward two years and I run into this friend while traveling the other day. We had a long heart to heart where he told me he knew he was toying with my friend's emotions. I didn't ask him to explain why he would do such a thing (I didn't think he'd give me an honest answer). I'm glad I didn't speak up - he still wouldn't have seen her for what she was.0 -
I haven't read any of the comments, but all I can say is let it go. You can't make them think any differently about thier situation just like they can't control your thought/emotions.
Let it go. People learn when they want to learn.
And with all due respect, if it had a hot *kitten* in front of me that enjoyed having sex, and all the other things you mentioned....why not enjoy the ride.
Granted I've been there done that and see it a little differently, I invest less now.0 -
Agree. While I don't like all those things I can compromise.WAit wait wait .......
I like video games and beer and football and action movies... I'm basically the "cool girl" except for the smoking hot part .... Why does it have to be a trap... Cant she just be an awesome girl. And as for the willing to have sex part ...most of us are lol
What bugs me is I feel JJ is assuming this girl is putting on an act. Is there proof? Seems very unfair to just assume she is pretending.0 -
I'm also curious how you know she'll turn into a psycho nag.
Most people eventually change once they get comfortable, gain weight, sex gets boring, they start nagging, etc. It's called a relationship.
Well, maybe “psycho” is a bit strong… she’s not psycho. She’s just not really in love with him (she’s told me this). She’s using him.
I disagree with your second point. Not everyone’s relationship deteriorates into boring sex and constant nagging. My parents and several other older couples I admire have vibrant relationships including hot sex. Which, admittedly, used to gross me out about my parents. But now that I’m meeting mostly older men, the potential for this kind of relationship in my later years is something I pay attention to.
The fact she's told you she doesn't love him and is using him would have been very important in the original post.
It sounded like you were classifying her solely on what you saw and had no basis for same.
Sounds like you have some relationship issues YOU need to work thru yourself.0
