What's considered cheating
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newmein2013
Posts: 674 Member
This question is for discussion only. I am not, nor will I ever be in a situation like this. I just find it interesting. Why do married people cheat and why do they have a different definition of cheating? I've noticed a lot of married guys & women on this site take flirting just a bit too far but they see nothing wrong with it. Even in real life, if a married person is cheating (doing everything you would normally do in a relationship except actual sex) they don't see it as cheating. It's as though that one thing will make the difference. I believe emptional attatchment, excessive flirting, exchanging private photos via text or email, and oral sex is definitely cheating. I think most, if not all, of you would agree. Why don't they see this?
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Flirting can be somewhat innocent but sex can't. For the most part, if you're doing something with someone else that you know you're significant other would be upset about then don't do it. It might as well be cheating.0
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The lines are to be defined by the relationship. Some people think looking at someone else is cheating and some couples very happily manage open relationships. It's up to you to figure out what you consider cheating or not - and a lot of that is dependent not only on your preferences but your level of trust and comfort in the relationship. People tend to pull on the reins when they're less secure about what's happening and where things are going. So if you were okay with SO flirting around a bit before and suddenly it's bothering you more analyze what's inside that's making you feel that way and then have an open honest discussion. A lot of times instead of addressing issues in a healthy way everything gets bottled up and turned into horrible fights that only end up driving people away from each other... which leads to cheating.
There's no easy short answer to this question I think.0 -
I tend to think flirting in general is disrespectful to the relationship. I don't know if I'd call it cheating. All the stuff you mentioned:
would be considered cheating in my book.emotional attatchment, excessive flirting, exchanging private photos via text or email, and oral sex
I personally would take it a step further. Why in the world would a woman send a man a pic (tastefull or otherwise) of her just as friends? You wanna run an outfit, text a chick!
Different people are going to have different boundaries in their relationships.0 -
You wanna run an outfit, text a chick!
I respectfully disagree. I run my date outfit options by my male roommate all the time. He's going to give me the opinion of a man - which is who I'm trying to impress. It's interesting because his opinion almost always conflicts with the girlfriends.
Edit: And yes, he has a girlfriend who is totally chill with it.0 -
I'll definitely agree that it's about an individual couple's defined boundaries. If you wonder if your SO would be upset, that's a sure sign it's not a good choice. Personally, almost everything you listed would be cheating to me. Flirting minorly is no big deal.
I literally just let myself get involved with someone who I later found out is married. It was stunning to me. When I confronted him, he literally said he hadn't lied... he'd just omitted some information. COP OUT! He also said it wasn't MY issue, that he was the one making that choice and living with the consequences/ guilt. True, maybe the first time, but once I knew, I'd be just as guilty as him the next time.
I've never cheated but have ended up the "other woman" twice unbeknownst to me....it's a horrible feeling to realize you've been played. It was more about the emotional attachment in both cases in my opinion... well that and I clearly haven't learned to spot a player!0 -
If you wouldn't tell your significant other you are probably doing something wrong. I know most people flirt and talk to members of the oposite sex but there have to be limits. Any sexual physical touch is off limits! For some people the rules are different depending on the type of relationtionship such as the polyamorous couple I met Monday night.0
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The lines are to be defined by the relationship. Some people think looking at someone else is cheating and some couples very happily manage open relationships. It's up to you to figure out what you consider cheating or not - and a lot of that is dependent not only on your preferences but your level of trust and comfort in the relationship. People tend to pull on the reins when they're less secure about what's happening and where things are going. So if you were okay with SO flirting around a bit before and suddenly it's bothering you more analyze what's inside that's making you feel that way and then have an open honest discussion. A lot of times instead of addressing issues in a healthy way everything gets bottled up and turned into horrible fights that only end up driving people away from each other... which leads to cheating.
There's no easy short answer to this question I think.
^^^ This ^^^
If you wouldn't do it in front of your SO, or with their full knowledge ahead of time, it's cheating.0 -
If you feel like you need to hide it... You're probably doing something wrong.
No secrets!0 -
When you start locking your phone without giving your SO the password. . .you are cheating. .0
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Yep, I agree with most,: anything your partner doesnt know/approve of.
I can't imagine I'd be ok with some bird giving my b/f a bj!! Or vice versa!!! Who on earth thinks oral sex is not cheating??? :noway:0 -
This post has an excerpt from Marilyn Manson's book "The Long Hard Road Out Of Hell". Rules on cheating.
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/long-hard-road-out-of-hell?before=13038876280 -
You wanna run an outfit, text a chick!
I respectfully disagree. I run my date outfit options by my male roommate all the time. He's going to give me the opinion of a man - which is who I'm trying to impress. It's interesting because his opinion almost always conflicts with the girlfriends.
Edit: And yes, he has a girlfriend who is totally chill with it.
The girlfriend deserves a gold medal because there is no way in hell I'd tolerate my bf living with a chick he's not related to.0 -
You wanna run an outfit, text a chick!
I respectfully disagree. I run my date outfit options by my male roommate all the time. He's going to give me the opinion of a man - which is who I'm trying to impress. It's interesting because his opinion almost always conflicts with the girlfriends.
Edit: And yes, he has a girlfriend who is totally chill with it.
The girlfriend deserves a gold medal because there is no way in hell I'd tolerate my bf living with a chick he's not related to.
Is that really so strange? I've had roommates from , same gender to opposite gender, single to married, hetero to homo and it's never come up before.0 -
if you wouldn't do it openly in front of your significant other, it's cheating. if you need to hide whatever you are saying or doing, it's cheating...... if you're significant other is asking you to stop, and you don't want to or won't, it's cheating.
at least that's opinion :-)0 -
You wanna run an outfit, text a chick!
I respectfully disagree. I run my date outfit options by my male roommate all the time. He's going to give me the opinion of a man - which is who I'm trying to impress. It's interesting because his opinion almost always conflicts with the girlfriends.
Edit: And yes, he has a girlfriend who is totally chill with it.
The girlfriend deserves a gold medal because there is no way in hell I'd tolerate my bf living with a chick he's not related to.
I lived with two guys when I was in my 20s... just the three of us. Think Three's Company but I was Jack. LOL It was AWESOME and yes, the both had girlfriends and I had a boyfriend and everyone was cool with the situation.0 -
Yep, I agree with most,: anything your partner doesnt know/approve of.
I can't imagine I'd be ok with some bird giving my b/f a bj!! Or vice versa!!! Who on earth thinks oral sex is not cheating??? :noway:
Exactly my point! How do they not see this is SOOO wrong, on so many levels??? They "claim" it's not cheating if they're not having actual intercourse. At least this is what they tell themselves. Perhaps to minimize the guilt?0 -
You wanna run an outfit, text a chick!
I respectfully disagree. I run my date outfit options by my male roommate all the time. He's going to give me the opinion of a man - which is who I'm trying to impress. It's interesting because his opinion almost always conflicts with the girlfriends.
Edit: And yes, he has a girlfriend who is totally chill with it.
The girlfriend deserves a gold medal because there is no way in hell I'd tolerate my bf living with a chick he's not related to.
I lived with two guys when I was in my 20s... just the three of us. Think Three's Company but I was Jack. LOL It was AWESOME and yes, the both had girlfriends and I had a boyfriend and everyone was cool with the situation.
How funny Shells, so did I!! And one of the guys was my sisters b/f!!! We all had partners too, so no drama. We had the best time. Great memories!! :bigsmile:
@Nnhouston - why do you object? Isn't it quite normal in the US to flat/house share with the opposite sex? Especially when you first move out form home, into student accomodation or in your late teens/twenties when you start working? Its kinda normal/common here :flowerforyou:0 -
@Nnhouston - why do you object? Isn't it quite normal in the US to flat/house share with the opposite sex? Especially when you first move out form home, into student accomodation or in your late teens/twenties when you start working? Its kinda normal/common here :flowerforyou:
No, it';s not normal here - at least among people I knew. In college, we lived in co-ed floors but your roomie was the same sex, and everyone in houses I knew lived with either girls or guys, but not both. I would be fine with living with a single guy, but not if he was in a relationship - besides I wouldn't want his GF over all the time.
I wouldn't tolerate it either if we were serious. Its not because I wouldn't trust the guy, it's because I wouldn't trust the girls. I wouldn't make him break a lease, but I would let him know that when his lease is up, he should find different roommates.0 -
if you wouldn't do it openly in front of your significant other, it's cheating. if you need to hide whatever you are saying or doing, it's cheating...... if you're significant other is asking you to stop, and you don't want to or won't, it's cheating.
at least that's opinion :-)
I share this opinion. It's whatever your spouse would be uncomfortable with.
In the military, you find co-ed roommates all the time. I would be uncomfortable with it, but many of my peers are not. I would be uncomfortable with any sexual talk between my SO and another woman, but I wouldn't mind lighthearted (non explicit) flirting as long as my SO shared my code of not allowing myself in a situation (such as home alone together) where things could "accidentally" happen..
I know people who wouldn't be able to tolerate even that, or who would be upset at their SO for even having friends of the opposite sex. And if that's where they are, then it's up to their SO to accommodate them (or move on to someone they are more compatible with).
OTOH I have many coworkers who seem to have a strong marriage yet constantly talk suggestively, lunch, dinner, even spend play time with friends of the opposite sex. Dancing suggestively with someone else's husband/wife. I would have a problem with much of the behavior my coworkers exhibit outside of their marriage and WOULD call it cheating. But they don't. In fact, there's been men at my job who talk so much about sexual stuff with one of my married coworkers whose husband is deployed that it turned me OFF and now there's no way I would date them. To each his/her own.0 -
I'm old fashioned. I believe body fluids must be exchanged before you are officially cheating.
--P0
