Trim down, trade up?
jesusHchris
Posts: 1,405 Member
Time to rip my brain away from productive things for a bit today.
I'm curious how people have seen their preferences / standards change as they have improved their overall health and fitness. Do you find yourself going after what you would consider a more attractive target? Have you become less attracted to someone you are currently involved with that is not interested in getting in shape? Do you turn into that hot mofo with the chubby date that makes us all scratch our ends and contemplate the existence of bottled mojo?
I'm sure this topic has been posted a million times, but really - haven't they all?
Have a great day everyone!
I'm curious how people have seen their preferences / standards change as they have improved their overall health and fitness. Do you find yourself going after what you would consider a more attractive target? Have you become less attracted to someone you are currently involved with that is not interested in getting in shape? Do you turn into that hot mofo with the chubby date that makes us all scratch our ends and contemplate the existence of bottled mojo?
I'm sure this topic has been posted a million times, but really - haven't they all?
Have a great day everyone!
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short answer: Yes as standards for myself have increased I want a significant other with higher standards as well.
This might have been different if I was involved with someone when I started losing weight but I wasn't.0 -
The main thing that has changed for me in terms of physical desirability is that I have a new appreciation for women with muscle definition. It is definitely not a requirement though, I'm only obsessed with my own health.
I have unfortunately developed impossibly high standards for the inside, though.0 -
Well, I'm too chubby to comment :laugh: But physique has never bothered me half as much as brains, kindness and humour :flowerforyou:0
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Well, I'm too chubby to comment :laugh: But physique has never bothered me half as much as brains, kindness and humour :flowerforyou:
BOLOGNA <-- my word of the week.
You are not too chubby to comment... pretty lady!
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Yes - however, I don't mind a bit of pudge.. I just don't want the beer belly ala Homer Simpson. It's okay if the guy is working on his health and becoming more fit - not quite there, but if there is no desire to be healthy at all it's hard for me to cope with. I do put more stock on inside qualities... but it certainly helps if I'm attracted to the outside.0 -
Well, I'm too chubby to comment :laugh: But physique has never bothered me half as much as brains, kindness and humour :flowerforyou:
1.) No, you're not.
2.) You don't see brains, kindness, and humor when you pass someone walking down the street... unless you are a super hero.
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Well, I'm too chubby to comment :laugh: But physique has never bothered me half as much as brains, kindness and humour :flowerforyou:
1.) No, you're not.
2.) You don't see brains, kindness, and humor when you pass someone walking down the street... unless you are a super hero.
1. Thank you :flowerforyou:
2. Sorry, I didn't realise the question was based on a glance at someone down a street. In that case, if I'm going to swoon, it would be at stocky guys with broad shoulders, like firemen, who dont mind tucking into burger and chips! :bigsmile: I think I've said before, that health freaks intimidate me. I like to keep fit, but I like ice cream and wine too much to let health get in the way!!!! :laugh:
TBH my taste in men has not changed in 20 years, no matter what size I am :flowerforyou:0 -
In that case, if I'm going to swoon, it would be at stocky guys with broad shoulders, like firemen, who dont mind tucking into burger and chips! :bigsmile: I think I've said before, that health freaks intimidate me. I like to keep fit, but I like ice cream and wine too much to let health get in the way!!!! :laugh:
I'm so glad you said that, I get intimidated too and just thought I was weird for it.0 -
Yeah, I realize that being a health nut is generally considered unattractive. I hide it like all my other personality defects. 0
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I think it is more about lifestyle with me. I've had a SO that started watching a lot of TV and eating crap (she was depressed) and put on 70 lbs. I was less physically attracted and the snoring that she developed pushed me out of the bedroom entirely. But again, it really came down to lifestyle that pushed me away. I could tell she had no desire (ability) to change herself.
Otherwise, no. I've always been attracted to the same types of women. As I've gotten older, I pay much more attention to personality and intelligence. Getting fitter won't change any of that, but has made more women available. As such, I've found an awesome woman I'm going the long haul with.0 -
What I'm attracted to hasn't changed, but I guess my expectations have. I spend a lot of time working out to keep myself in good shape, so I feel like I deserve a woman with that same level of commitment to fitness and health. That might just be my way of justifying a little bit of shallowness, though.
It's probably simpler to look at it like this: I spend a lot of my free time running, so if running (or working out in general) isn't something we can do together, then it's probably not going to work out.0 -
I'm not sure my standards have changed, per se, but I probably pay more attention.
For me, it's more about body type-I tend to gravitate toward guys who were super thin in youth-and some extra adult weight is usually fine with me on that kind of frame.
(Obviously this is superficial, and other things are more important, but physical attraction gets things off the ground)0 -
I'm all for my partners being as healthy as they can be but putting on a few pounds should never be a reason to leave someone.
All you can be is honest. If someone is getting really overweight and it is affecting your ability to be attracted to them I think you owe it to them and yourself to say something... but say it NICELY... GENTLY. <<< THAT is what guys aren't generally good at... and some women... well... they'll ALWAYS take it the wrong way.0 -
I've kind of always "punched above my weight" :laugh: but now I feel it's more justified if that even makes sense in a non douche bag way.0
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Men are much more visual, and so I can see where women who lose weight, especially a lot of weight, will increase their prospects with men considerably*. But is the reverse true?
I look a lot better now than I did six months ago, but I don't necessarily think it's my ticket to girlfriend 2.0 (and right now I don't even have girlfriend 1.0)...
I began this journey thinking a slimmer, fitter, stronger me was just the ticket to attract more women. But the cold, hard reality is that it's not so simple. And what are you "upgrading" to if the new woman is only interested in your physical appearance? Sounds like a very superficial person, one that won't be around long should you falter a bit. Hardly an upgrade.
Sure, I'm not naive, looks do matter. All things being equal, I'd rather be fit. But after a certain point, when it comes to attracting the vast majority of women, it's overkill. I'm doing it for me, now. Just trying to push myself and see how my body will respond. Not trying to take it further and further, with dreams of twin supermodels at the end of my personal fitness rainbow.
--P
* Even women, once they hit "curvy" status, are fine. More weight loss for them is also a bit of overkill. Many women believe they need to get thinner and thinner, but I don't think this is a major issue for 95% of men. But again, only after they've hit "curvy" status.0 -
The type I like hasn't changed.
While getting fitter has increased the quantity of men who are attracted to me, it's still very rare that someone "my type" is interested in me. Which is why I would love to have a relationship with someone who is 100% super hot to me, but I'm not holding my breath. I’m happy with 80% hot with an awesome, go-getter personality.0 -
Also, if I had a long term partner and their weight gain turned me off, I would eventually find a way to let them know. Sounds mean, but it's one of very few things I appreciate my ex doing for me: telling me when my weight gain had turned him off. Granted, the weight gain came from surgery and steroids and there wasn’t much I could do about gaining the weight in the first place. But I was taking my sweet time in losing it, because it wasn’t important to me. Once he told me, I put more emphasis in my weight loss efforts.0
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With me its kinda weird....
Somehow losing weight has made me more open to dating people outside my normal preference. (like guys who are my height or a tiny bit shorter, normally I like em super tall).... I still dont like super skinny guys but thats because I want to feed them. lol0 -
Honestly? You won't tell anyone that will be all judgey and stuff, will ya?
I am separated for over a year, and considered divorced for all intents and purposes since the mediation. Healing has occured and now I am a bit interested in dating (I think)
The problem is with the divorce and myriad of health issues, I have put on 15 pounds of the 36 I lost. WORSE is that I lost all my 'mojo'. That something you feel when you are fit, even if you still have 10 or 15 to lose. You can jump, and run and your muscle pops when you bend your arm. sigh.
Well the point is I don't want to date the guy I attract while I am a couch potato. My health is getting better, my food is now healthy and I am starting to exercise as much as I can for now. Soon and very soon, I will be kicking *kitten* again and a hot 51 year old 135 with attitude.
Right now I am a marshmellow. Now the most awesome would be to meet a guy around my age that is ALSO on his way to losing the last 20. Man that would kick *kitten*:bigsmile:0 -
Honestly? You won't tell anyone that will be all judgey and stuff, will ya?
I am separated for over a year, and considered divorced for all intents and purposes since the mediation. Healing has occured and now I am a bit interested in dating (I think)
Nice profile... You'll get there... just keep believing in yourself.0 -
I'm not necessarily attracted to 5% body fat men (but I wouldn't turn one down for a date!), but I'm generally more attracted to men ranging from average muscle definition to being "fit" (i.e. you can tell they work out, but they also like their beer and pizza too)--because this is what I am. By looking at me you can tell I work out, but I'm DEFINITELY far from perfect. I got my little tummy bulge thanks to my weekend beer consumption and dessert cravings.
It's more important me for my partner to accept and support my workouts. I spend 5-6 days a week working out for anywhere from 45 mins to 1.5 hours.. he doesn't have to work out with me, but it turns me on sooo much to watch a man do any type of exercise.
The biff and I are probably doing a mud race together this year, and we've gone on a couple of runs before, and we play golf and fish together, so we do some active things together, plus that one other thing.
:laugh: 0 -
Yeah, I realize that being a health nut is generally considered unattractive. I hide it like all my other personality defects.
I hardly find anything about you defective, JHC!0 -
No, I always have, but really now I think I stand a better chance so I do it more convincingly (and I actually DO stand a better chance). In fact, losing weight was such a boost for me that I don't feel any woman is out of my league now (pretty much...).Do you find yourself going after what you would consider a more attractive target?
Yes, when I started losing weight I was also losing patience with my SO sometimes...Have you become less attracted to someone you are currently involved with that is not interested in getting in shape?
Yeah, I've done that too during my transition period... Not really now, no time for this any more.Do you turn into that hot mofo with the chubby date that makes us all scratch our ends and contemplate the existence of bottled mojo?0 -
Men are much more visual, and so I can see where women who lose weight, especially a lot of weight, will increase their prospects with men considerably*. But is the reverse true?
I look a lot better now than I did six months ago, but I don't necessarily think it's my ticket to girlfriend 2.0 (and right now I don't even have girlfriend 1.0)...
I began this journey thinking a slimmer, fitter, stronger me was just the ticket to attract more women. But the cold, hard reality is that it's not so simple. And what are you "upgrading" to if the new woman is only interested in your physical appearance? Sounds like a very superficial person, one that won't be around long should you falter a bit. Hardly an upgrade.
Sure, I'm not naive, looks do matter. All things being equal, I'd rather be fit. But after a certain point, when it comes to attracting the vast majority of women, it's overkill. I'm doing it for me, now. Just trying to push myself and see how my body will respond. Not trying to take it further and further, with dreams of twin supermodels at the end of my personal fitness rainbow.
--P
* Even women, once they hit "curvy" status, are fine. More weight loss for them is also a bit of overkill. Many women believe they need to get thinner and thinner, but I don't think this is a major issue for 95% of men. But again, only after they've hit "curvy" status.
I agree entirely with this... just reverse it for a woman...
But ooohhhh, "curvy" status is so subjective!!!! Some guys think curvy... while another will think fat! You men are all so different and incredibly difficult to read.
I will say this... I don't flirt with guys that are super fit in real life... BECAUSE I assume they don't want someone as "curvy" as myself and are looking for more of the super-lean Barbie gal. I probably miss a lot of opportunities. I'm pretty darn outgoing and not shy so I'll TALK to them.. just won't turn on the charm, if that makes sense.0 -
I basically still find the same thing attractive..only NOW I feel that I could be attractive to that type back lol.
I've really always found active fit men most attractive..average to fit to a slight belly...but those guys were never looking back at 400lb me and saying "Wow what a catch" Lol.
Now I still find its not that easy for me in the dating world..hence still a single peep.
But atleast I feel I can keep up, be active and fun and able to stand my own with the type of man I've always been drawn to. I am not reaching out of my bounds thinking Male Fitness Model lol..but I feel pretty confident that I could handle my own and keep up with the average guy out there who's fairly healthy and active.0 -
I do think P's point for women is correct. Women who lose weight end up with more options because men are visual. Men who lose weight, eh, unless they were heavyset, then it may not change as much...but there will still be a little more response.
For me, I've lost 72 lbs in the last 1.5 years (100 from my highest) and don't really feel like even that much is enough to have opened the door since I still need to lose 50 more to officially be normal weight. I'm still not "curvy" as P says, really still just obese, haha... Some day I hope to be curvy enough to actually have some options :smokin:0 -
For me, I've lost 72 lbs in the last 1.5 years (100 from my highest) and don't really feel like even that much is enough to have opened the door since I still need to lose 50 more to officially be normal weight. I'm still not "curvy" as P says, really still just obese, haha... Some day I hope to be curvy enough to actually have some options :smokin:
I do still feel this pressure myself..I'm still 50lbs away from normal. But I've lost so much and I'm so different from where I started that I'm sick of waiting for that last 50lbs which have alluded me for 1.5 years. I want to be loved and to love back lol 50lbs or not. god damn it lol end rant.0 -
When I was married, my weight when up (along with my exes) to a point where I felt blobby. We were couch potatoes and ate too many calories a day, and he looked like he was in his third trimester. I lost most of the weight after we divorced and was coming close to my goal weight then broke my foot (ending my 5K training). That point also marked the beginning of my hypothyroidism getting worse and I gained 45 pounds within a year (plus a little more to follow). I'm now getting it off again (thanks to Synthroid!) and for the first time in my adult life, I really feel like working out is part of my lifestyle change.
I have found the same men attractive pretty much as my weight has gone up and down, but I would say as I've gotten older, I have broadened what I find okay in terms of extra weight. Most people I know carry more weight in their 40s than they did in their 20s. I do feel much more "marketable" at a lower weight and I also want to trim down more before I throw myself back into the dating pool - not because I'm trading up, but because I feel like I won't be overlooked as much.
I had one date with an EH match early this year who was morbidly obese. I thought I would go anyway since I was trying to keep an open mind - personality is more important and all. I came to realize that his lifestyle was way too unhealthy for me to want to be with someone like that and his personality wasn't very good because he was so self-conscious of how obese he was. I'm sticking with men who are normal weight to carrying a few extra pounds. Really fit guys scare me off a bit too because I am a curvy girl when I'm in my normal range and I would worry that he might want to trade me in for a thinner, fitter model if I gained two pounds - having had a medical issue take that out of my control already, I know that life can happen sometimes. and I get the sense from many of my online matches that the really fit men are more shallow (that's not aimed at anyone here - just at my EH matches).0 -
That point also marked the beginning of my hypothyroidism getting worse and I gained 45 pounds within a year (plus a little more to follow). I'm now getting it off again (thanks to Synthroid!) and for the first time in my adult life, I really feel like working out is part of my lifestyle change.
I'm on Synthroid too... so I know the frustration of easy weight gain and slow losses. I had pre-cancerous tumors that I had to have removed in 1999 -- I have about a finger-tip of my gland left and that is all. Hang in there... it's always harder when you have medical issues to deal with! We just have to kick *kitten* extra hard!0 -
The Synthroid got me almost back to normal, but still a little sluggish, so it was slow going - then this year I started taking DHEA supplements (unbeknownst to my doctor). OMG! I have more energy now than I have any time since I've been an adult. With Synthroid plus DHEA, I feel like a teenager again almost. The weight has been coming off well and I can workout so much more now. For the first time in decades, I actually feel the endorphins.That point also marked the beginning of my hypothyroidism getting worse and I gained 45 pounds within a year (plus a little more to follow). I'm now getting it off again (thanks to Synthroid!) and for the first time in my adult life, I really feel like working out is part of my lifestyle change.
I'm on Synthroid too... so I know the frustration of easy weight gain and slow losses. I had pre-cancerous tumors that I had to have removed in 1999 -- I have about a finger-tip of my gland left and that is all. Hang in there... it's always harder when you have medical issues to deal with! We just have to kick *kitten* extra hard!
I feel for anyone who is still struggling with their thyroid hormones and don't have things balanced out like I do now. I was in a mental fog and can't remember a lot of things from the year that I really suffered. My idiot doctor didn't diagnose me until I went in for my 4th visit about why I was feeling so tired. It was just so hard to muster up the energy to grocery shop or cook to eat properly.0 -
I do still feel this pressure myself..I'm still 50lbs away from normal. But I've lost so much and I'm so different from where I started that I'm sick of waiting for that last 50lbs which have alluded me for 1.5 years. I want to be loved and to love back lol 50lbs or not. god damn it lol end rant.
Haha, love it! If only it was about what we want, eh?! It takes two to tango so until someone finds me as equally acceptable as I find them, I'm stuck and there is no point getting frustrated. Chasing someone easily becomes stalking, haha!!!0
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