Trim down, trade up?

Prahasaurus

But ooohhhh, "curvy" status is so subjective!!!! Some guys think curvy... while another will think fat! You men are all so different and incredibly difficult to read.

I will say this... I don't flirt with guys that are super fit in real life... BECAUSE I assume they don't want someone as "curvy" as myself and are looking for more of the super-lean Barbie gal. I probably miss a lot of opportunities. I'm pretty darn outgoing and not shy so I'll TALK to them.. just won't turn on the charm, if that makes sense.

I think curvy women are fantastic, and my prediction is that curvy will be the new super thin, sooner or later. By curvy I mean a bit overweight but fit. And here is the key to curvy status: nicely proportionate. I was going to include a link to a pic of a beautiful "curvy" woman in my original post, and say something like anything at this weight is fine. But then I decided against it, as it's probably better to keep it vague.

By the way, dressing nicely is also key. A woman who has a bit of style can make up for 10-15 pounds easy. Some clothes look absolutely horrible on curvy women. While others nicely compliment that body type. A good fit is key. And anything that better promotes that proportionality. Or at least gives the illusion of proportionality. ;-) As someone here noted, sometimes ya gotta fake it till you make it... Just try not to look lumpy.

Oh, and to be clear, "normal" weight and "thin" women are also fantastic. But they probably already knew that.... :-)

And that's my totally superficial post for the day. Or at least for the morning...

--P

Prahasaurus

For me, I've lost 72 lbs in the last 1.5 years (100 from my highest) and don't really feel like even that much is enough to have opened the door since I still need to lose 50 more to officially be normal weight. I'm still not "curvy" as P says, really still just obese, haha... Some day I hope to be curvy enough to actually have some options :smokin:

But you also seem quite kind and intelligent, and that goes a long way. OK, we men are superficial at first, but we're also not completely stupid. Especially as we age. I think you can ask just about any divorced man and he'll say he now values "kindness" a whole hell of a lot more than before.... :-)

You just need for more people to get to know you a bit.

--P

castadiva

I do think P's point for women is correct. Women who lose weight end up with more options because men are visual. Men who lose weight, eh, unless they were heavyset, then it may not change as much...but there will still be a little more response.

For me, I've lost 72 lbs in the last 1.5 years (100 from my highest) and don't really feel like even that much is enough to have opened the door since I still need to lose 50 more to officially be normal weight. I'm still not "curvy" as P says, really still just obese, haha... Some day I hope to be curvy enough to actually have some options :smokin:

Oh, I hear you. I'm tall and built on, er, sturdy lines, so I can carry more extra weight than most without it being obvious - most people guess that I'm a couple of sizes smaller, and 20-odd kg lighter than I actually am - but I still don't feel that's enough, still seeing all the extra weight in the places I dislike most, which are inevitably the last to go, it seems. I feel much better about my appearance than I did, but also that I've still got a long way to go before it's "good enough". That's probably not helped by the fact I tend to find men with a moderate build and nicely shaped musculature most attractive (n.b. I DON'T mean Muscle Mary's (or their hetero equivalent :laugh:, just nicely 'naturally' toned). High demand, lots of options, unlikely to want a larger-than-average female when they can pretty much have their pick.

Alternatively, really tall (6'2" plus) and a solid build nearer mine would be nice, so I can feel petite(ish!:laugh: ) and feminine next to them, but there aren't that many about in the UK, and those there are all seem to want 5 foot nothing, tiny girls (which I've never understood - surely both parties end up with an eternal crick in the neck!). As regards extra weight - as long as it's reasonably proportional, as I always have been, even at my heaviest, and isn't posing a grave risk to health, I'm not too worried about it.

In response to the OP, I don't think my preferences have really changed at all - I suspect I've always aimed higher than my dating 'value' looks-wise anyway (perhaps partially why I'm eternally single - ho hum.).

lacroyx

Personality aside, I don't think my physical preference has changed. Height at minimum 5 feet, hair colour, body type, I am not picky but I am not attracted to couch potato body types. I pay more attention now to the physical part than in the past. I am not looking for an olympic athlete but to be active like I am. If the girl is not active at all, I don't care if she looks like a Victora Secret model, it won't work in the long run.

Roadie2000

Not really. But I did break up with my last girlfriend right when I started getting back into shape. It had nothing to do with trading up though as she's always been in pretty good shape and she's the one who got me going to the gym again. It was more about her not being able to handle all the time I was spending at the gym. We even got the membership together but would get all bent that I didn't want to work out at the same time she did. But that was just a drop in the bucket as we had a lot of other problems.

But these days my standards are pretty much the same, I don't consider myself much hotter than I've been in the past other than a year or two when I got really out of shape and was unhappy with myself.

NCTravellingGirl

But you also seem quite kind and intelligent, and that goes a long way. OK, we men are superficial at first, but we're also not completely stupid. Especially as we age. I think you can ask just about any divorced man and he'll say he now values "kindness" a whole hell of a lot more than before.... :-)

You just need for more people to get to know you a bit.

--P

Aw, P, that was nice :flowerforyou: So, I'm guessing men hit that point around age 60?! Anyone have a single dad on here? Haha, just kidding!

I really don't mean that NO men would be interested, but it is quite frankly limited at this stage and to the OP's question, my standards haven't gone UP, but the lower limit may have increased, if that makes sense. When I was online for just under 2 months, most of the emails were from inactive very large guys stretching UP to a girl like me. The guys I wanted still weren't interested. I can be realistic enough to understand that men are visual and even 100 lbs is still not enough... I can be realistic, but that doesn't mean I like it though :grumble:

dbrightwell1270

Since I am uninvolved, I am not trading anyone. That being said, I am seeking more physically attractive women. Part of it is the aesthitc pleasure, part of it is slimmer women tend to be more active and part of it is that slimmer women in general can maneuver better in bed.

jesusHchris

If the girl is not active at all, I don't care if she looks like a Victora Secret model, it won't work in the long run.

Yep, but it sure would be fun for the short term!

pammbroo

I basically still find the same thing attractive..only NOW I feel that I could be attractive to that type back lol.

^^This!

While I've always liked bigger guys (makes me feel more petite - lol), I would like to meet someone who I can share some of my fitness goals and interests with. I'll always be curvy and have no desire whatsoever to run a marathon, but health and fitness are priorities for me now. Wanting that in a prospective partner is what has changed for me.

newmein2013

My standards have changed slightly. I'm still attracted to the same type of guy that I've always been attracted to but now I have the confidence to think I actually have a chance at being in a relationship with one. So instead of my usual nonchalant flirting, I'll actually assess their personalities as well. I've also come to really appreciate the hard work it takes to stay fit and feel I have something solid in common with them now, whereas previously, I would have the cynical attitude thinking they're stuck up & not much upstairs. I know, that's mean. Fortunately I've been proven wrong and have learned to stop stereotyping. I've never liked couch potatoes and have always wanted to be more active. I used to be intimidated by active guys. Not anymore. The more active they are, the better. I've always felt as though there was something holding me back from living the active life I've always desired. I never believed it when people said I was hiding behind my weight. I guess they were right because I'm becoming very adventurous these days. Yay for me! So I suppose I want it all now, a fit, fun, active, health conscious guy, on top of all the other obvious traits.

christine24t

Honestly, I can tell that better looking guys might consider me more, but I am always outshined by my better-looking friends in the end so nothing ever happens. How good I look, though, has nothing to do regarding who I find attractive. I have always been head over heels for certain guys and how much I weighed at the time didn't matter. I might feel like I have a better chance with them now, but eh, nothing much has changed.

I always seem to crush on either married men (something I would never do, just so everyone knows) or men who have no idea I'm alive...so sad.

bregalad5

My inside standards are exactly the same, but my outside standards have increased a bit, simply because I believe I can get a better looking guy now. That said, I also now want a guy who can go running or swimming, or go to the gym and lift with me.

Even though I still have around 50 pounds to lose, my confidence has skyrocketed. Things never would have gone down with hot neighbor guy had I still been 50-ish pounds heavier, simply because I would never have had the confidence to ask if he wanted to have a few drinks. The fact that I can talk to him about fitness related stuff has also helped, I think. Now to lose the last half of my weight so I can have even more confidence! :P

shammxo

For me, I definitely have raised my standards.
But I think it's a combination of reasons. I used to disrespect myself a lot, and just dislike myself in general... So as terrible as it sounds, attention was attention.

Now, as I've learned to love myself and realize my self worth, I know what I "deserve". It doesn't really even have to be what I deserve physically... Although it is very important that someone be able to keep up with me (or at least try to)

kzcortes

I think it's a natural tendency to trade up when you trim down. A part of me asks...if I can have the discipline and drive to stay in shape, why can't they?

nolachick

hmm I think losing weight and trying to get healthy has changed quite a few things for how I think about men now....
1. I do notice the more physically fit men, but I don't discriminate against bigger guys at all, the difference being that now I would only notice them if they are actively trying to lose weight and get fit. Its like if they are leading an unhealthy life by eating out a lot and never working out its a turn off for me now. Not that I'm perfect, I still struggle with eating clean and getting all my workouts in but overall thats the general direction I'm going.

2. I started over my ticker this summer but before that I lost about 40lbs...not that I am super fit or anything, I'm just healthier than I was before and to me its kind of important to know that a guy doesnt want me to be perfect in terms of weight and toning. I wouldn't like this kind of pressure so I kind of stay away from guys who are super fit and or gym rats because I feel like they expect me to be the same and I will never be a skinny girl. I'm curvy and I like it.