I found this to be relevant to some subjects in this group
poncho33
Posts: 1,511
It's an article on this site I just stumbled on called "Stop hanging out with women and start dating them"
http://artofmanliness.com/2008/01/16/stop-hanging-out-with-women-and-start-dating-them/
I found the "why the decline in dating" to be pretty accurate especially for my generation.
http://artofmanliness.com/2008/01/16/stop-hanging-out-with-women-and-start-dating-them/
I found the "why the decline in dating" to be pretty accurate especially for my generation.
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Good article. it seems today that lots of people want to date they just dont know how. too many people have moved away from hometowns or are in unfamiliar places and are too afraid of rejection and what other people will say or think about them. (aka rumors)
i hate to say it but todays generation is soooo "clic-y" if u dont belong....u dont belong.0 -
I might as well be the one to get the controversy rolling.
1. She wants you to ask. Despite the rhetoric you hear about the liberated woman, women still appreciate it when a guy asks her out on a date. They like when men take the initiative. I’ve heard lots of successful young professional women lament the fact that men don’t ask them out. They’re beautiful, smart, and charming, but don’t have a man. Be a man and ask these women out.
Fine and far and away been shown here but don`t be surprised when we get annoyed that your vision of equality ends when it means you lose an advantaged position of acceptance or rejection.
Woman up and be willing to face the same.
2. Asking is easy. Asking a woman out on a date isn’t rocket science. When you ask, though, do it in person or over the phone. If you’re poking a woman you’re interested in on Facebook, you lose any credibility as a man.
Poking is a silly thing,no one is asking for a date that way,a stupid inclusion to fill out the list.
3. Keep dates simple. Dates don’t have to be huge, expensive affairs. Keep it simple. If you want to keep things informal, ask her out for lunch or coffee. If you want a more romantic date, invite her over to your place and make dinner for her. She’ll be impressed that you know how to cook. The whole point of dating is to get some one on one interaction with a person to find out if she is someone you’d like to start a long term relationship with. Simple and frequent dates will assist you in this.
50/50 on this one,some ladies enjoy this it seems and others measure a mans desire by how much he spends so good luck guessing.
None are interested in a first,second,third or whatever date going to the guys house.
4. Prepare for rejection. Face it. Not every woman you ask out is going to say yes. Prepare for that. It’s no big deal if she says no. Think about it. You’re no worse off getting rejected than you were before you asked. You didn’t have a date with her before, you don’t have a date with her now. Your situation has not changed.
True and something both men and women need to accept and live with as hard as it can be.
5. Just do it, damn it. So what are you waiting for? Quit reading this post right now and pick up your cell phone. Call a woman and ask her on a date. Stop hanging out and start dating. Stop being scared of commitment. Commitment is liberating, not confining.
What??
Dating means an automatic commitment?
Maybe it should just mean to both a getting to know each other thing and see where it goes.
My take on it. :bigsmile:0 -
Dating means an automatic commitment?
Maybe it should just mean to both a getting to know each other thing and see where it goes.
By "commitment," I think the author meant being brave and committing to a "DATE" rather than coping out and asking her to hang out.
I loved this article.Despite the rhetoric you hear about the liberated woman, women still appreciate it when a guy asks her out on a date. They like when men take the initiative. I’ve heard lots of successful young professional women lament the fact that men don’t ask them out. They’re beautiful, smart, and charming, but don’t have a man. Be a man and ask these women out.
I so agree. Men, there might be a woman you like and might be waiting for her to ask you out, but a lot of women including myself will not ask a man out, so take initiative and do it! I know that sucks if you're shy, but a lot of women still follow traditional gender roles and will not ask a man out.0 -
Despite the rhetoric you hear about the liberated woman, women still appreciate it when a guy asks her out on a date. They like when men take the initiative. I’ve heard lots of successful young professional women lament the fact that men don’t ask them out. They’re beautiful, smart, and charming, but don’t have a man. Be a man and ask these women out.
I so agree. Men, there might be a woman you like and might be waiting for her to ask you out, but a lot of women including myself will not ask a man out, so take initiative and do it! I know that sucks if you're shy, but a lot of women still follow traditional gender roles and will not ask a man out.
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Im usually the one that starts the conversation...but i have yet to find a keeper. x-(
so that leads me to ask...do guys find girls who ask them out creepy or needy?0 -
so that leads me to ask...do guys find girls who ask them out creepy or needy?
I am curious too!0 -
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Asks men out if I'm interested. So far I have not found one man that has said no or found it creepy. I think the majority of them are relieved to not have to ask a woman out. People are people.. if you're interested, let it be known and just ask. It's just a simple question.
However, I will say I find men that I WANT to ask out few and far between.0 -
However, I will say I find men that I WANT to ask out few and far between.
...and that's pretty much what a lot of us are aware of and afraid of, which is why it's hard.
Still, we need to just bite the bullet and go for it.0 -
The art of not friend zoning yourself :laugh:0
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I agree that people dont 'date' much anymore. It's more of a hang out round my house or FWB situation.
I think lack of money is one reason; its just cheaper to stay home and chill
And I think laziness is another reason; after a date or two people dont make the effort to romance each other.
It's not just your generation Jim, its a sign of the times, sadly :brokenheart:0 -
3. Keep dates simple. Dates don’t have to be huge, expensive affairs. Keep it simple. If you want to keep things informal, ask her out for lunch or coffee. If you want a more romantic date, invite her over to your place and make dinner for her. She’ll be impressed that you know how to cook. The whole point of dating is to get some one on one interaction with a person to find out if she is someone you’d like to start a long term relationship with. Simple and frequent dates will assist you in this.
50/50 on this one,some ladies enjoy this it seems and others measure a mans desire by how much he spends so good luck guessing.
None are interested in a first,second,third or whatever date going to the guys house.
I don't think the author thought this one through! It's a safety and security issue - if a friend of mine was going to a man's house early on in getting to know him, I'd be concerned and vocal about it. Now, if he's cooking a picnic and taking you to a public place/park/beauty spot to eat it...swoon
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1. So many women complain that men don't ask them out, or ask why a certain guy won't ask them out. Instead of complaining, do something about it. Lots of guys are just as scared of you as you are of them. So this goes for men and women. If you like someone, ask them out. Quit making excuses like you're afraid of rejection, you want a man to be a man, and all that crap. What's the worst that can happen, they say no? So what, you'll live, you probably won't even lose any sleep over it. Better than being alone.
2. Do that many people actually poke other people? You can absolutely ask someone out over text, especially if that's how the two of you primarily communicate. I do it all that time. In person? How many people do you see that often that you want to ask out? For me, not very many. I don't think I've ever asked someone out in person. Get their number, chat for a while, then ask them out. But don't beat around the bush, just do it.
3. I agree you shouldn't invite someone over within the first few dates, but I don't think that's what the author meant. Keeping it simple is great. And for the first few dates I prefer to do things without distractions so you can focus on getting to know each other, so I wouldn't want to cook anyway.
4. Rejection really doesn't hurt as bad as people make it out to. It's like getting a shot at the doctor, you may get nervous and worry about it leading up to it, when it actually happens it stings for a couple seconds and after a few minutes you've forgotten about it. It's actually quite liberating and you feel good about yourself that you faced your fears and at least tried. And then the next time it won't sting as much.
5. You very well should be scared of commitment. Once you are in a relationship you have to start thinking about other people's feelings whatever you do. They are also a lot of work and usually end with someone getting hurt. But when you meet the right person it's totally worth it.0 -
I have asked men out before..but for me there is something lost in the romance of it when I have to do the asking, I've been rejected I get over it lol.
I enjoy an assertive man. I would like to be asked...there is something sexy about someone putting themselves out there for that few seconds. But today its a lost art, I know the article is focused on the young adult. But I think its lost in the 30 somethings as well.
Either way I do think Dating has gone away..and that is a shame. I don't want to just "hang out" with a guy. I want to do things, go out hiking, dancing, enjoying romantic moments..and I have yet to meet a romantic man. They just want to hang out on the couch and watch movies ugh....boring (don't get me wrong a cuddle on the couch is great..just not every night from the second "date" on boring!)0 -
You lost me at "lost in the romance." Quit comparing real life to a fairy tale.I have asked men out before..but for me there is something lost in the romance of it when I have to do the asking, I've been rejected I get over it lol.
I enjoy an assertive man. I would like to be asked...there is something sexy about someone putting themselves out there for that few seconds. But today its a lost art, I know the article is focused on the young adult. But I think its lost in the 30 somethings as well.
Either way I do think Dating has gone away..and that is a shame. I don't want to just "hang out" with a guy. I want to do things, go out hiking, dancing, enjoying romantic moments..and I have yet to meet a romantic man. They just want to hang out on the couch and watch movies ugh....boring (don't get me wrong a cuddle on the couch is great..just not every night from the second "date" on boring!)
And just because someone doesn't ask you out doesn't mean he is not assertive. I'm plenty assertive but I'm seeing someone who asked me out first. Seems to be working out pretty well. It really shouldn't be about who asked who, it should be about how the two of you are together.0 -
You seem to like your men romantic as much as I like my women slutty! :drinker:I have asked men out before..but for me there is something lost in the romance of it when I have to do the asking, I've been rejected I get over it lol.
I enjoy an assertive man. I would like to be asked...there is something sexy about someone putting themselves out there for that few seconds. But today its a lost art, I know the article is focused on the young adult. But I think its lost in the 30 somethings as well.
Either way I do think Dating has gone away..and that is a shame. I don't want to just "hang out" with a guy. I want to do things, go out hiking, dancing, enjoying romantic moments..and I have yet to meet a romantic man. They just want to hang out on the couch and watch movies ugh....boring (don't get me wrong a cuddle on the couch is great..just not every night from the second "date" on boring!)
(or what Roadie said...)0 -
Lol.. well I've done it..but nothing has ever happened with me asking a man out other than the occasional coffee date, I get the feeling the men who've said yes were just humoring me anyway lol.
And believe me when I say. I'm not expecting a fairy tail I'm 35yo single woman the fairy tail ended a LONG time ago. But why can't there be something romantic about dating..it is just all gone. I don't think desiring romance = fair tail or delusional expectations.0 -
Lol.. well I've done it..but nothing has ever happened with me asking a man out other than the occasional coffee date, I get the feeling the men who've said yes were just humoring me anyway lol.
And believe me when I say. I'm not expecting a fairy tail I'm 35yo single woman the fairy tail ended a LONG time ago. But why can't there be something romantic about dating..it is just all gone. I don't think desiring romance = fair tail or delusional expectations.
Well I guess I should quit dating altogether then because they've only ever ended with someone getting hurt. What's the point in trying then, eh?
Like flam said it's fine that you like romance, but everyone is so paranoid these days it's not like a guy can invite someone over for a romantic candlelight dinner within the first few dates. But I'm the complete opposite as you, romance makes me feel stupid or like I'm trying too hard.0 -
You seem to like your men romantic as much as I like my women slutty! :drinker:
(or what Roadie said...)
Oh, Flam... this is why I love you! LOL :flowerforyou:0 -
I really know how to talk to women, don't I? :laugh:
Oh, Flam... this is why I love you! LOL :flowerforyou:You seem to like your men romantic as much as I like my women slutty! :drinker:
(or what Roadie said...)
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Lol.. well I've done it..but nothing has ever happened with me asking a man out other than the occasional coffee date, I get the feeling the men who've said yes were just humoring me anyway lol.
And believe me when I say. I'm not expecting a fairy tail I'm 35yo single woman the fairy tail ended a LONG time ago. But why can't there be something romantic about dating..it is just all gone. I don't think desiring romance = fair tail or delusional expectations.
Well I guess I should quit dating altogether then because they've only ever ended with someone getting hurt. What's the point in trying then, eh?
Like flam said it's fine that you like romance, but everyone is so paranoid these days it's not like a guy can invite someone over for a romantic candlelight dinner within the first few dates. But I'm the complete opposite as you, romance makes me feel stupid or like I'm trying too hard.
Kerry, I get what Roadie is trying to say and his point is valid. BUT, he's also never been in your shoes (or mine). I've asked out every guy I've ever "dated" because no one has ever asked me out. And those relationships went on longer than they should because they were too nice to say they just wanted to be friends, or more because on paper, I'm everything they're looking for but weren't attracted to me physically. It's not that I'm not willing to still ask someone out, but as every man on here has complained, it's tough to keep doing that without ever getting ANY positive reinforcement! Just ONCE I'd love it if someone I was interested in actually wanted me back...but hey, that's the fairy tale this 36 year old girl keeps having! So I've had to say no more whining and just accept my fate unless I'm willing to keep trying... and at this point, I'm not :sad:
Dang, Dave, sounds like you need a chill pill this morning from your posts Fired up much?! I won't say anything further for fear of incurring your wrath... 0 -
2. Do that many people actually poke other people? You can absolutely ask someone out over text, especially if that's how the two of you primarily communicate. I do it all that time. In person? How many people do you see that often that you want to ask out? For me, not very many. I don't think I've ever asked someone out in person. Get their number, chat for a while, then ask them out. But don't beat around the bush, just do it.
I have to laugh at this since I have not remembered that you can poke on FB since FB first came out. The guy I have been dating/very complicated situation for 4 months pokes me on FB all the time. It was odd the first time he did it, but I am used to it now. However that is not his only line of communication but with him being out of the country right now- him poking me at least reminds me that he is thinking of me.
Yeah, I don't think many guys ask ladies out in person much anymore and I actually prefer to give them my number first since I have a much harder time telling them no in person.
Overall that article was very interesting and I enjoyed reading it.0 -
Oh Ang you know it's all in good fun. I apologize if anybody takes me too seriously today.Dang, Dave, sounds like you need a chill pill this morning from your posts Fired up much?! I won't say anything further for fear of incurring your wrath...0 -
Something profoundly wrong is happening in our culture now. Facebook and internet dating are creating a new race of social losers.
Poking on Facebook? I mean, seriously, that is beyond pathetic.
--P0 -
Something profoundly wrong is happening in our culture now. Facebook and internet dating are creating a new race of social losers.
Poking on Facebook? I mean, seriously, that is beyond pathetic.
--P
It's beyond annoying too!!! I was a social loser before facebook and the internet and these Johnny come latelys are stealing all my thunder!0 -
Something profoundly wrong is happening in our culture now. Facebook and internet dating are creating a new race of social losers.
Poking on Facebook? I mean, seriously, that is beyond pathetic.
--P
Agreed.0 -
The only people on FB I poke are my kids.... when they are away at their dad's. I think poking adults is a little weird!0
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Oh Ang you know it's all in good fun. I apologize if anybody takes me too seriously today.Dang, Dave, sounds like you need a chill pill this morning from your posts Fired up much?! I won't say anything further for fear of incurring your wrath...
Oh Dave, you mean I wasn't supposed to give up on dating... it's NOT all pointless?! Oh, thank you for clarifying :noway:
And yes, poking is silly. The only person I poke is my best friend from high school. He's gay so it's the only way we'll ever poke each other, haha... really, it means neither of us is willing to let the other win so it's gone on for a year now :grumble:0 -
Happy to not know what poking is; no facebook because my job requires a level of privacy, thank god.
Regarding the article, I didn't date in my 20's, but I did I hang out with boys/men. We went to see music, films, and paired off without formal dating. I don't think it's really necessary to formally date in your 20s. In my 20s- a "date" to see a band or go to the symphony was something I did with a boyfriend. At 35, it's something I do with a date who might become a boyfriend.0 -
I might as well be the one to get the controversy rolling.
1. She wants you to ask. Despite the rhetoric you hear about the liberated woman, women still appreciate it when a guy asks her out on a date. They like when men take the initiative. I’ve heard lots of successful young professional women lament the fact that men don’t ask them out. They’re beautiful, smart, and charming, but don’t have a man. Be a man and ask these women out.
Fine and far and away been shown here but don`t be surprised when we get annoyed that your vision of equality ends when it means you lose an advantaged position of acceptance or rejection.
Woman up and be willing to face the same.
2. Asking is easy. Asking a woman out on a date isn’t rocket science. When you ask, though, do it in person or over the phone. If you’re poking a woman you’re interested in on Facebook, you lose any credibility as a man.
Poking is a silly thing,no one is asking for a date that way,a stupid inclusion to fill out the list.
3. Keep dates simple. Dates don’t have to be huge, expensive affairs. Keep it simple. If you want to keep things informal, ask her out for lunch or coffee. If you want a more romantic date, invite her over to your place and make dinner for her. She’ll be impressed that you know how to cook. The whole point of dating is to get some one on one interaction with a person to find out if she is someone you’d like to start a long term relationship with. Simple and frequent dates will assist you in this.
50/50 on this one,some ladies enjoy this it seems and others measure a mans desire by how much he spends so good luck guessing.
None are interested in a first,second,third or whatever date going to the guys house.
4. Prepare for rejection. Face it. Not every woman you ask out is going to say yes. Prepare for that. It’s no big deal if she says no. Think about it. You’re no worse off getting rejected than you were before you asked. You didn’t have a date with her before, you don’t have a date with her now. Your situation has not changed.
True and something both men and women need to accept and live with as hard as it can be.
5. Just do it, damn it. So what are you waiting for? Quit reading this post right now and pick up your cell phone. Call a woman and ask her on a date. Stop hanging out and start dating. Stop being scared of commitment. Commitment is liberating, not confining.
What??
Dating means an automatic commitment?
Maybe it should just mean to both a getting to know each other thing and see where it goes.
My take on it. :bigsmile:
1. yes she wants you to ask. I would never be comfortable asking a guy out. maybe hinting i wanna do something but he shud pick up on said hint and actually ask. example....i've been wanting to see xyz movie....guy: me too, would you like to go this wkend?
2. asking is easy, you dont need to come up with anything fancy - just ask
3. agreed, dates should be simple and I find that the better way to get to know someone and see how creative they can be.
fancy first date may be a little awkward if done over board. cooking and inviting the girl over = creepy.
relaxed afternoon having coffee and interesting conversation =
4. agree - don't take it personal. just do it.
5. see #4 above. 0 -
Lol.. well I've done it..but nothing has ever happened with me asking a man out other than the occasional coffee date, I get the feeling the men who've said yes were just humoring me anyway lol.
And believe me when I say. I'm not expecting a fairy tail I'm 35yo single woman the fairy tail ended a LONG time ago. But why can't there be something romantic about dating..it is just all gone. I don't think desiring romance = fair tail or delusional expectations.
Well I guess I should quit dating altogether then because they've only ever ended with someone getting hurt. What's the point in trying then, eh?
Like flam said it's fine that you like romance, but everyone is so paranoid these days it's not like a guy can invite someone over for a romantic candlelight dinner within the first few dates. But I'm the complete opposite as you, romance makes me feel stupid or like I'm trying too hard.
Kerry, I get what Roadie is trying to say and his point is valid. BUT, he's also never been in your shoes (or mine). I've asked out every guy I've ever "dated" because no one has ever asked me out. And those relationships went on longer than they should because they were too nice to say they just wanted to be friends, or more because on paper, I'm everything they're looking for but weren't attracted to me physically. It's not that I'm not willing to still ask someone out, but as every man on here has complained, it's tough to keep doing that without ever getting ANY positive reinforcement! Just ONCE I'd love it if someone I was interested in actually wanted me back...but hey, that's the fairy tale this 36 year old girl keeps having! So I've had to say no more whining and just accept my fate unless I'm willing to keep trying... and at this point, I'm not :sad:
Dang, Dave, sounds like you need a chill pill this morning from your posts Fired up much?! I won't say anything further for fear of incurring your wrath...
Lol that's pretty much it I want to know I'm desired..and that is romantic to me. I've never felt that a man has desired ME before..romance is not a big showy thing in my mind..its someone who wants to know me really know me and shows it by the things they do and the way they treat me differently than the other people in their lives.
And Roadie is doing just fine the way he is going and that's awesome..if it works for him and the woman he's dating enjoys being with him they started with her asking him out great!and whoot! It just doesn't seem to work for me that way.0 -
And Roadie is doing just fine the way he is going and that's awesome..if it works for him and the woman he's dating enjoys being with him they started with her asking him out great!and whoot! It just doesn't seem to work for me that way.
Don't encourage him, Kerry! I finally got him to be somewhat nice today... well, that or he got busy at work and stopped responding, haha.... Clearly he's doing something right if a woman he found attractive asked him out and it's working well. Not sure about the rest of us!
Clearly, you and I need to find someone who likes us first. I love the idea of being pursued just once. I don't date much since no one asks me out. That leaves me to make the moves, and I'm scared of rejection so it's only in a blue moon that I get up the nerve to do anything about it. Fairy tales can come true though, so don't give up, girlie!!! Now where is my damn glass slipper?!0
