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Performances. And performing. And my brain.

FH36251
Posts: 44 Member
Ok, so I do know what's wrong with my brain; I'm not The Best. That's what. but bear with me.
In the past 6 months I've been given 2 opportunities to perform in showcases put on by my Pole Schools. I turned down the chance of doing a solo in both, but did a group piece in one with the rest of the crew. The next one is on Friday, and I've politely declined the chance to perform (after being told I was performing!), and have agreed to pole clean instead.
Now I'm no shrinking violet or wallflower. I have no qualms about performing, and if it was a Hoop, burlesque or dance performance, I'd be straight there, right in front of the lights, possibly jumping up and down and screaming "memememememememe!!!!!". I've got a Hoop show upcoming in Sept, and cannot wait - my last one was amazing, and I absolutley loved it. So why do I not want to do a Pole Show?
I'm good, I'm strong, but I'm not the best. I see the dedication others put into their routines, and envy them. I think because I can't put in that level of effort, whatever I do will be a disappointment. I've choreographed others' routines, and know how to best use their strengths, but pull a blank on my own.
I'm not self-conscious, but I feel that if I do perform, I'll be a huge disappointment to those who come and see me - to my OH who has seen really hot, sexy, amazing dancers who are much better than I am, to my teacher and the team I train with - who have put so much effort into things, who can land their moved every time, and will perform absolutley beautifully. I guess I just think I'll feel like the kid who sings slightly out of tune yet gets the sympathy applause. Know what I mean...?
So I'm not sure what this long rant is for - but tell me, have you guys ever felt the same. And should I resign myself to a life behind the scenes, rather than in the spotlight...?!
Ax
In the past 6 months I've been given 2 opportunities to perform in showcases put on by my Pole Schools. I turned down the chance of doing a solo in both, but did a group piece in one with the rest of the crew. The next one is on Friday, and I've politely declined the chance to perform (after being told I was performing!), and have agreed to pole clean instead.
Now I'm no shrinking violet or wallflower. I have no qualms about performing, and if it was a Hoop, burlesque or dance performance, I'd be straight there, right in front of the lights, possibly jumping up and down and screaming "memememememememe!!!!!". I've got a Hoop show upcoming in Sept, and cannot wait - my last one was amazing, and I absolutley loved it. So why do I not want to do a Pole Show?
I'm good, I'm strong, but I'm not the best. I see the dedication others put into their routines, and envy them. I think because I can't put in that level of effort, whatever I do will be a disappointment. I've choreographed others' routines, and know how to best use their strengths, but pull a blank on my own.
I'm not self-conscious, but I feel that if I do perform, I'll be a huge disappointment to those who come and see me - to my OH who has seen really hot, sexy, amazing dancers who are much better than I am, to my teacher and the team I train with - who have put so much effort into things, who can land their moved every time, and will perform absolutley beautifully. I guess I just think I'll feel like the kid who sings slightly out of tune yet gets the sympathy applause. Know what I mean...?
So I'm not sure what this long rant is for - but tell me, have you guys ever felt the same. And should I resign myself to a life behind the scenes, rather than in the spotlight...?!
Ax
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Replies
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I have been asked many a time if I would ever take part in pole competitions and shows... I know quite a few girls that do and look amazing, but as you know, from my previous thread, I have zero confidence in myself and don't think I'm good enough to practise infront of girls who are better and faster learners than me, let alone perform in front of crowds of polers I don't know!
Have you ever filmed yourself? If you haven't then I think it's worth trying that! At least then you get to see for yourself how good you are and where your strengths and weaknesses lie... you never know, you may turn round and say "Actually, I look quite good!"
But either way, I wouldn't worry about it too much, from what I've seen, you look amazing and if you don't feel like doing shows, then don't do them, not every pole dancer does it to be watched, they do it for their own personal goals!
xx0 -
I'm not self-conscious, but I feel that if I do perform, I'll be a huge disappointment to those who come and see me - to my OH who has seen really hot, sexy, amazing dancers who are much better than I am, to my teacher and the team I train with - who have put so much effort into things, who can land their moved every time, and will perform absolutley beautifully. I guess I just think I'll feel like the kid who sings slightly out of tune yet gets the sympathy applause. Know what I mean...?
Your instructor will always be disappointed unless she knows you gave it your all, if you do, then im sure she would be proud.
Your "OH" would never be anything but amazed and slightly confused by whatever bendy nonsense that physics takes issue with you get upto on that pole, he is just glad to be there with you, enjoying the things you enjoy.
Speaking of the OH im fairly sure he has been all up in your business for most of the last 6 months taking every spare moment you have, distracting you with adventure and making a right mess of your training schedule, maybe when he moves to the area it will calm down a bit?
You are amazing and awesome and my favourite.0 -
Sweetie,
You have fantastic courage - you've shown that by writting your post.
Performance isn't for everyone and maybe it's not for you. However, your instructor(s) would only ask pole dancers to solo perform if they felt that that person would give a good account of themselves and the instructors business. Think of it like this, showcases are advertising and noone is going to knowingly put out a bad advertisement for their business.
If you've been asked and asked repeatedly - then you are good enough.
If you decide to do a routine, then carry yourself with pride. The audience and other performers will connect to that confidence and love you.
Mavis0
This discussion has been closed.