Who picks what to do on the date?
BelMckenzie
Posts: 249
The last 3 times I have gotten asked out, the guy has turned to me to ask what do you want to do? Where would you like to go?
This bothers me to no end, that they are asking me out to dinner and then asking me what I want to do. These dates have been found online so they can easily look at what I like to eat and what I like to do.
Does anyone else get this? Does this bother anyone else? It is my major pet peeve and I am tempted to just start turning down dates when they do this. I like the guys to take the initiative and if I would ask them to go out, I would be prepared with things to do. Am I too picky?
This bothers me to no end, that they are asking me out to dinner and then asking me what I want to do. These dates have been found online so they can easily look at what I like to eat and what I like to do.
Does anyone else get this? Does this bother anyone else? It is my major pet peeve and I am tempted to just start turning down dates when they do this. I like the guys to take the initiative and if I would ask them to go out, I would be prepared with things to do. Am I too picky?
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No, I think you are pretty reasonable.
I always am prepared with a date idea prior to the ask out.0 -
I also like it when guys take initiative and are decisive. I don't mind if they confer with me on a place because you never know if your date might not like a particular establishment even if they like a type of food. One thing I don't like about the situation is if they intend to pay for dinner, making me to select the place is kind of setting how much it will cost, essentially. That makes me feel really uncomfortable, especially when the bill comes and I'll want to pay half (and always do offer any way). I don't want a situation that I know beforehand is going to make me feel uncomfortable on the date.
I would respond with - You asked me. What would you like to do?0 -
I see both sides on this.
Part of me thinks that he should have some idea of what to do and be confident and present that to you.
But he also probably wants you to agree to the idea and feel like you can have input. He might be thinking, "I love sushi, but what if she hates it?" So he asks you, "Where do you want to go to eat?" so he can gauge what you are thinking.
I lean more on the side of asking your input. Why? Because the first time a guy asked me to hang out, he suggested a movie at his house, but then he said, "if you think of something else, let me know." I was really nervous about going to his house (even though I know him and his roommates, I was just worried he was going to try and put moves on me), so with the help of you MFP-ers, I decided to ask him to play racquetball instead. I think he appreciated me stating what I wanted.0 -
I always think the person that asks someone out should be the person that picks the date.
I would even be fine if they gave 2 options like "How about we go to this mexican resturant or if you don't want to eat how about we go bowling." They should have at least some ideas of what you want to do.
I even get annoyed when my friends ask if I want to do something but have no clue where they want to go or do.0 -
If it gets on your nerves then you're not compatible!! So, move on :flowerforyou:
There is no right or wrong here, it's whatever you feel suits you. You want a dominant, assertive man, then go get one
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If it gets on your nerves then you're not compatible!! So, move on :flowerforyou:
There is no right or wrong here, it's whatever you feel suits you. You want a dominant, assertive man, then go get one
I agree, I need to be with a more dominant man(i even put that as one of my questions on eharmony) since it drives me nuts that the guys can't make a decision. Well, I'm finding lots of guys but having trouble finding the right ones plus I never settle if something feels off.0 -
A couple of suggestions...
Perhaps on your profile you work into it exact places you like such as "I love Thai cuisine,xyz restaurant is my favorite" and things like that.
It takes the guess work out and shows if he is really paying attention.
Second is maybe take a step back and take a look at things from the perspective of a guy who knows that at this stage anything he doesn`t get "right" is likely to be the opposite of hitting the correct emotional buttons and will leave him one and done.
As an example just the case here where what could be an honest effort to create the perfect date is unbeknown to him shooting himself in the foot.
Work with the thing instead of looking for that swoon,sense his character because long after the rush has passed that is what you have to deal with. :flowerforyou:0 -
The last 3 times I have gotten asked out, the guy has turned to me to ask what do you want to do? Where would you like to go?
This bothers me to no end, that they are asking me out to dinner and then asking me what I want to do. These dates have been found online so they can easily look at what I like to eat and what I like to do.
Does anyone else get this? Does this bother anyone else? It is my major pet peeve and I am tempted to just start turning down dates when they do this. I like the guys to take the initiative and if I would ask them to go out, I would be prepared with things to do. Am I too picky?
1. I don’t assume they read my profile so them not knowing what I like doesn’t bother me for a first date
2. It doesn’t bother me if my input is asked, especially since I’m kinda weird and there’s a lot I don’t like to do that others like for dates (don’t like bars, don’t like going to the movies) so I appreciate the opportunity to throw out a few places
3. That said, I feel awkward if a guy asks me where to go to dinner. If he does, I try to list a few places in the low-to-moderate range, but really I’d prefer he pick (or give me a few suggestions to choose from), because it’s his budget, not mine.
4. Not only that, I just feel like guys who plan out seem more invested. As if the more they like you the more they want to handle everything. Could just be my perception though.
5. And like Anna said, if this bothers you then you’re not compatible. It would bother me if the same guy was always asking me to make all the decisions. Let me see your personality, what YOU like, so we can decide if we’re compatible.0 -
Just because he asks you where you would like to go doesn't mean he is being indecisive or isn't interested. It means he is giving you a chance to contribute to the decision making. If he says, "Okay, lets go get sushi" and then you say you don't like sushi or you're a vegan or something, than that would have been good to know. Have you heard of any good places you've been wanting to check out? Stuff like that.The last 3 times I have gotten asked out, the guy has turned to me to ask what do you want to do? Where would you like to go?
This bothers me to no end, that they are asking me out to dinner and then asking me what I want to do. These dates have been found online so they can easily look at what I like to eat and what I like to do.
Does anyone else get this? Does this bother anyone else? It is my major pet peeve and I am tempted to just start turning down dates when they do this. I like the guys to take the initiative and if I would ask them to go out, I would be prepared with things to do. Am I too picky?
Also a lot of times if you don't live near each other and he comes out closer to you, it would be helpful if you suggested a few places because you are probably more familiar with the neighborhood.
I don't understand why women say they want nice guys, but then complain when guys try to be nice by giving them a choice. Sometimes we mean to say "Is there anywhere in particular you like to go or would not like to go, or should I just pick something" but it comes out "Where do you want to go". Most guys are more than capable in deciding on a place, we are just trying to be polite and ask for your input.
Is it really that difficult just to say "I have no preference, I'm not picky, you decide." ??
And what is really annoying for us is when we get there and you complain that you don't like that place, or if we've gone out on 5 dates and you haven't made one suggestion on something to do. This goes along with the thread about girls having it so much easier.0 -
If you have a good lead in email or phone conversation then perhaps it could be easy to mention that you really like X restaurant / cuisine or has he been to that new place Y because you were wondering if it's worth trying... Throwing hints out during informal conversation is a good way to let him know that you like or dislike something without having to feel awkward by the time the ask out comes along.0
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If you have a good lead in email or phone conversation then perhaps it could be easy to mention that you really like X restaurant / cuisine or has he been to that new place Y because you were wondering if it's worth trying... Throwing hints out during informal conversation is a good way to let him know that you like or dislike something without having to feel awkward by the time the ask out comes along.
I would appreciate this approach.
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The last 3 times I have gotten asked out, the guy has turned to me to ask what do you want to do? Where would you like to go?
This bothers me to no end, that they are asking me out to dinner and then asking me what I want to do. These dates have been found online so they can easily look at what I like to eat and what I like to do.
Does anyone else get this? Does this bother anyone else? It is my major pet peeve and I am tempted to just start turning down dates when they do this. I like the guys to take the initiative and if I would ask them to go out, I would be prepared with things to do. Am I too picky?
I pick cause I pay and I like to show my assertiveness and the ability to plan cause I hear a lot of women complaining that men don't like to do anything and always want them to plan things.0 -
I don't understand why women say they want nice guys, but then complain when guys try to be nice by giving them a choice. Sometimes we mean to say "Is there anywhere in particular you like to go or would not like to go, or should I just pick something" but it comes out "Where do you want to go". Most guys are more than capable in deciding on a place, we are just trying to be polite and ask for your input.
Is it really that difficult just to say "I have no preference, I'm not picky, you decide." ??
And what is really annoying for us is when we get there and you complain that you don't like that place, or if we've gone out on 5 dates and you haven't made one suggestion on something to do. This goes along with the thread about girls having it so much easier.
I do have an easy time dating, just not an easy time finding the right guy- the reason why I go on quite a few dates.
If they live farther away, I don't mind picking the place, however I have had a guy drive 45 minutes to take me out and he had picked the place- which impresses me. Maybe I have just had some indecisive guys lately that all have lived in this area- to then ask me what I want to do and what did I decide to do on the date that they just asked me on.
I just don't understand why they would ask me out and then make me decide what to do. Maybe I just prefer them to show what kind of date they want to take me on, instead of me planning the date which honestly could be the same date I went on the week before with a different guy. Maybe I am just being too high maintenance and should stop dating guys that I am wishy washy about.
If we have decided to go on more dates past the first, I don't mind planning them. And if I was the one to extend the offer to get to know them better, I would make the plans.0 -
I don't understand why women say they want nice guys, but then complain when guys try to be nice by giving them a choice. Sometimes we mean to say "Is there anywhere in particular you like to go or would not like to go, or should I just pick something" but it comes out "Where do you want to go". Most guys are more than capable in deciding on a place, we are just trying to be polite and ask for your input.
Is it really that difficult just to say "I have no preference, I'm not picky, you decide." ??
And what is really annoying for us is when we get there and you complain that you don't like that place, or if we've gone out on 5 dates and you haven't made one suggestion on something to do. This goes along with the thread about girls having it so much easier.
I do have an easy time dating, just not an easy time finding the right guy- the reason why I go on quite a few dates.
If they live farther away, I don't mind picking the place, however I have had a guy drive 45 minutes to take me out and he had picked the place- which impresses me. Maybe I have just had some indecisive guys lately that all have lived in this area- to then ask me what I want to do and what did I decide to do on the date that they just asked me on.
I just don't understand why they would ask me out and then make me decide what to do. Maybe I just prefer them to show what kind of date they want to take me on, instead of me planning the date which honestly could be the same date I went on the week before with a different guy. Maybe I am just being too high maintenance and should stop dating guys that I am wishy washy about.
If we have decided to go on more dates past the first, I don't mind planning them. And if I was the one to extend the offer to get to know them better, I would make the plans.
I guess my question would be that since dinner was decided on and for the sake of argument he picked your favorite type but the exact place turned out to be poor or previous experience for you there was bad would it have an affect on how you regarded him?0 -
Yes, spot on. This irks me too.Just because he asks you where you would like to go doesn't mean he is being indecisive or isn't interested. It means he is giving you a chance to contribute to the decision making. If he says, "Okay, lets go get sushi" and then you say you don't like sushi or you're a vegan or something, than that would have been good to know. Have you heard of any good places you've been wanting to check out? Stuff like that.
I don't understand why women say they want nice guys, but then complain when guys try to be nice by giving them a choice. Sometimes we mean to say "Is there anywhere in particular you like to go or would not like to go, or should I just pick something" but it comes out "Where do you want to go". Most guys are more than capable in deciding on a place, we are just trying to be polite and ask for your input.
Is it really that difficult just to say "I have no preference, I'm not picky, you decide." ??
And what is really annoying for us is when we get there and you complain that you don't like that place, or if we've gone out on 5 dates and you haven't made one suggestion on something to do. This goes along with the thread about girls having it so much easier.
I think... I know it will sound horrible... but this is precisely one of these seemingly anodyne things that make me say that women don't know what they want, and that makes me not really care about what the girl think ultimately - because I want to go on a night out to relax and to spend some quality time with the girl, not to f'in argue about which restaurant we should have chosen.
My motto is "Never forgive, never forget" though, so after a while women I'm dating have to face their own behavioural inconsistencies.
Case study (makes me laugh):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmBkpXOP6EY 0 -
Just because he asks you where you would like to go doesn't mean he is being indecisive or isn't interested. It means he is giving you a chance to contribute to the decision making. If he says, "Okay, lets go get sushi" and then you say you don't like sushi or you're a vegan or something, than that would have been good to know. Have you heard of any good places you've been wanting to check out? Stuff like that.The last 3 times I have gotten asked out, the guy has turned to me to ask what do you want to do? Where would you like to go?
This bothers me to no end, that they are asking me out to dinner and then asking me what I want to do. These dates have been found online so they can easily look at what I like to eat and what I like to do.
Does anyone else get this? Does this bother anyone else? It is my major pet peeve and I am tempted to just start turning down dates when they do this. I like the guys to take the initiative and if I would ask them to go out, I would be prepared with things to do. Am I too picky?
Also a lot of times if you don't live near each other and he comes out closer to you, it would be helpful if you suggested a few places because you are probably more familiar with the neighborhood.
i can agree with this. i'm glad u explained this cuz i used to get annoyed about this too.
i dont wanna pick something too fancy and he thinks i'm high maintenance or something too cheap and he things i'm cheap lol.
sometimes if i really dont wanna pick and i wanna see what he likes i'll just say something like..."Surprise me "
and that will give him the push to take the initiative.0 -
I hate "Surprise me..." too.sometimes if i really dont wanna pick and i wanna see what he likes i'll just say something like..."Surprise me "
I realise this is a very sensitive topic for me ahahahah :laugh:
Why not ask "What do you like?". Surprise me (to me) means that you have expectations of something impressive already - something out of the ordinary, not just a normal restaurant.0 -
I don't understand why women say they want nice guys, but then complain when guys try to be nice by giving them a choice. Sometimes we mean to say "Is there anywhere in particular you like to go or would not like to go, or should I just pick something" but it comes out "Where do you want to go". Most guys are more than capable in deciding on a place, we are just trying to be polite and ask for your input.
Is it really that difficult just to say "I have no preference, I'm not picky, you decide." ??
And what is really annoying for us is when we get there and you complain that you don't like that place, or if we've gone out on 5 dates and you haven't made one suggestion on something to do. This goes along with the thread about girls having it so much easier.
I do have an easy time dating, just not an easy time finding the right guy- the reason why I go on quite a few dates.
If they live farther away, I don't mind picking the place, however I have had a guy drive 45 minutes to take me out and he had picked the place- which impresses me. Maybe I have just had some indecisive guys lately that all have lived in this area- to then ask me what I want to do and what did I decide to do on the date that they just asked me on.
I just don't understand why they would ask me out and then make me decide what to do. Maybe I just prefer them to show what kind of date they want to take me on, instead of me planning the date which honestly could be the same date I went on the week before with a different guy. Maybe I am just being too high maintenance and should stop dating guys that I am wishy washy about.
If we have decided to go on more dates past the first, I don't mind planning them. And if I was the one to extend the offer to get to know them better, I would make the plans.
I guess my question would be that since dinner was decided on and for the sake of argument he picked your favorite type but the exact place turned out to be poor or previous experience for you there was bad would it have an affect on how you regarded him?
No, if I really didn't like the restaurant he suggested, then I would speak up but I would not hold it against him. However I have had a guy suggest Ihop and perkins once and honestly that had a negative effect on how I viewed him.
I had a date take me to a horrible mexican place that had karoke so loud that night, you could barely talk. However it was his first time and mine there and I just chalked it up to never visit that place again but I went out with him multiple more times since I didn't blame the restaurant on him.0 -
The fact you (think you) said something in a profile is meaningless. Half the stuff in profiles is so generic to be worthless. If you said, "I like Italian" that doesn't mean you actually like all Italian. People spout total crap in profiles all the time. Even if you do like Italian, it doesn't mean you want to eat it on a date in the near future. It could be you've had Italian the last three days and would like something else today. It doens't mean that you like all Italian either. You could like every Italian restaurant in town except the one he chooses. Give the guy a break. He was considerate enough to ask you for your input. I always hear single women say indecisive guys are a turn off. The flip side is I hear a lot of divorced or newly single women say that there ex was a jerk because he never considered her feelings or asked for her input in anything he did. Now, I really wonder how something like that could possibly happen. Hmm?0
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Contrary to some others' opinions I love coffee/cafe dates for a first date, this topic being a big reason why.
It may not be romantic, but it allows me to pick a location that's relatively cheap and pretty safe as far as food choice. The date is simple, low key, and if there's no chemistry it can be short too. Conversation is usually free flowing and it's pretty easy to pick up/guide the conversation to things the girl likes to do which gives me ideas for future dates.
On the other hand, I love when a girl takes the initiative and gives suggestions for a date.0 -
I hate "Surprise me..." too.sometimes if i really dont wanna pick and i wanna see what he likes i'll just say something like..."Surprise me "
I realise this is a very sensitive topic for me ahahahah :laugh:
Why not ask "What do you like?". Surprise me (to me) means that you have expectations of something impressive already - something out of the ordinary, not just a normal restaurant.
LOL :laugh: i didnt meant like a big surprise...nothing fancy or anything!
and i dont actually go on a blind date without knowing where the hell we're going lol.
I would just say that after we've discussed what we both like and we can't decide....so i'll just say surprise me liek trying to tell him ok we've discussed this, now u pick. 0 -
No, if I really didn't like the restaurant he suggested, then I would speak up but I would not hold it against him. However I have had a guy suggest Ihop and perkins once and honestly that had a negative effect on how I viewed him.
I had a date take me to a horrible mexican place that had karoke so loud that night, you could barely talk. However it was his first time and mine there and I just chalked it up to never visit that place again but I went out with him multiple more times since I didn't blame the restaurant on him.
Not that it makes anyone a bad person but see,it can happen so is a bit of a catch 22 for the guy.
Choose "poorly" and it can be a bad thing,ask for a preference to avoid that and it can be seen as weak.
Now if it is a case where he says for all practical purposes lets go out to dinner,you tell me where it will be then dinner has become the suggestion rather then the destination being that.
Kind of a whole different context along the lines of lets have a party,let me know where it will be when you have it arranged.0 -
I had a very smooth experience with this recently, and the lunch date was today.
I asked him to lunch, he accepted and gave me a few areas in the city to choose from, I chose a restaurant in one of those areas, he replied that "Thai would not be a good look on me for a first meeting" which made me laugh, so he suggested a few other places, and I chose one.
It was relatively involved, but a very comfortable planning interaction. I hate generating date ideas, but am all about being given choices.0 -
I've never seen it as weak... I see it as thoughtful and considerate. And I don't mind offering my input.0
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I usually give 2-3 choices. Not the restaurant, but the type of food, e.g. Italian, sushi, or Thai? And then choose based on her feedback. Some women are vegetarians. Some don't like sushi (sad, but true). Some are allergic to seafood. Etc., etc.
I'm not sure why giving a few choices is considered "weak." That's just being considerate.
--P0 -
That bothers me too! The guy I'm currently talking to didn't ask me out on the first date, I kind of sort of asked him....in a way. It was kind of "hey, the kid is at her dads, wanna meet up for a drink?" We won't be going on any more dates unless he asks me and has a plan.0
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^To me, this is perfect! You are deciding, but allowing her input. Considerate and taking charge at the same time.I usually give 2-3 choices. Not the restaurant, but the type of food, e.g. Italian, sushi, or Thai? And then choose based on her feedback. Some women are vegetarians. Some don't like sushi (sad, but true). Some are allergic to seafood. Etc., etc.
I'm not sure why giving a few choices is considered "weak." That's just being considerate.
--P0 -
A little off topic, but how did it go?I had a very smooth experience with this recently, and the lunch date was today.
I asked him to lunch, he accepted and gave me a few areas in the city to choose from, I chose a restaurant in one of those areas, he replied that "Thai would not be a good look on me for a first meeting" which made me laugh, so he suggested a few other places, and I chose one.
It was relatively involved, but a very comfortable planning interaction. I hate generating date ideas, but am all about being given choices.0 -
I usually give 2-3 choices. Not the restaurant, but the type of food, e.g. Italian, sushi, or Thai? And then choose based on her feedback. Some women are vegetarians. Some don't like sushi (sad, but true). Some are allergic to seafood. Etc., etc.
I'm not sure why giving a few choices is considered "weak." That's just being considerate.
--P
High five!0 -
See I kind of see this whole thing as like a practice couples exercise. I feel you can tell a lot about someone by just the planning of the first date. If she suggests something really fancy and expensive right away she might be kind of bossy and a bit of a gold digger. If she says she doesn't care...well I don't want to have to make all the decisions by myself forever. But if she suggests a place that I like or at least makes an effort and contributes to the conversation then that's a pretty good sign.0
