Who picks what to do on the date?
Replies
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A little off topic, but how did it go?I had a very smooth experience with this recently, and the lunch date was today.
I asked him to lunch, he accepted and gave me a few areas in the city to choose from, I chose a restaurant in one of those areas, he replied that "Thai would not be a good look on me for a first meeting" which made me laugh, so he suggested a few other places, and I chose one.
It was relatively involved, but a very comfortable planning interaction. I hate generating date ideas, but am all about being given choices.
I made my friend based intentions clear very early on, and I think that's where it'll stay. He was super smart and very quick, and think we were both wondering which way it would turn. Other than not being a love connection, it was relaxed and fun.0 -
If you have a good lead in email or phone conversation then perhaps it could be easy to mention that you really like X restaurant / cuisine or has he been to that new place Y because you were wondering if it's worth trying... Throwing hints out during informal conversation is a good way to let him know that you like or dislike something without having to feel awkward by the time the ask out comes along.
I like this approach because honestly men can get the raw end of the deal no matter how they look at it. Damned if they do and damned if they dont0 -
I don't mind if men ask for my input but it is nice if we both end up making decisions. I will admit I had an ex who's friend offered to let the girl choose. She choose Cheesecake Factory and they were laughing about how stupid that choice was for the first date and "How cheap does she think I am?" It was horrible. I was trying to defend her for not seeming like a gold digger even though he makes good money. I think she was trying to pick somewhere in the middle.
This is why men may be afraid to choose just as much as women are.. Everything you do in the beginning is under a microscope and open to interpretation.. Not everyone is nice.0 -
I usually give 2-3 choices. Not the restaurant, but the type of food, e.g. Italian, sushi, or Thai? And then choose based on her feedback. Some women are vegetarians. Some don't like sushi (sad, but true). Some are allergic to seafood. Etc., etc.
I'm not sure why giving a few choices is considered "weak." That's just being considerate.
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See I would love this! But all I have been getting lately is you want to go out sometime? What do you want to do?0 -
I usually give 2-3 choices. Not the restaurant, but the type of food, e.g. Italian, sushi, or Thai? And then choose based on her feedback. Some women are vegetarians. Some don't like sushi (sad, but true). Some are allergic to seafood. Etc., etc.
I'm not sure why giving a few choices is considered "weak." That's just being considerate.
--P
See I would love this! But all I have been getting lately is you want to go out sometime? What do you want to do?
If I wanted him to choose, I might say something back like "I would love to go out. Why don't you pick a place and we can talk about what time and date?"0 -
If I wanted him to choose, I might say something back like "I would love to go out. Why don't you pick a place and we can talk about what time and date?"
As roadie mentioned, you can often tell a lot about someone based on this seemingly innocuous exercise. And clearly different men/women are looking for different things in a partner: passive or active, creative or conventional? This is a nice test.
For me, I want to see involvement in the decision making process. Yes, I want to have control. I want to ultimately choose the restaurant, at least for the first few dates. But I do want active participation from the woman. If I give 2-3 general choices, I'm happy as a clam if she says "I'd love a steak," or "I haven't had Vietnamese in a while, that might be fun" etc., etc., etc. She can leave the rest up to me. But at least give me some direction. Something.
I don't like "Whatever, you decide," or some equivalent. I mean, the woman can't take 5 seconds to give me some feedback??? She can't think a bit for herself? Perhaps it's a bit unfair, but I assume a woman with this approach to dinner is going to be passive in everything, and I personally don't like this at all.
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I don't mind if men ask for my input but it is nice if we both end up making decisions. I will admit I had an ex who's friend offered to let the girl choose. She choose Cheesecake Factory and they were laughing about how stupid that choice was for the first date and "How cheap does she think I am?" It was horrible. I was trying to defend her for not seeming like a gold digger even though he makes good money. I think she was trying to pick somewhere in the middle.
This is why men may be afraid to choose just as much as women are.. Everything you do in the beginning is under a microscope and open to interpretation.. Not everyone is nice.
I think I once ate at a Cheesecake Factory, and I LOVE Big Bang Theory, so I know "Penny" works there. :-)
But as a non-resident American, I don't understand this post. Was it a stupid choice because the Cheesecake Factory is too cheap or too expensive?
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See I would love this! But all I have been getting lately is you want to go out sometime? What do you want to do?
OK, got it. And I agree, for a man to say "Where do you want to go?" doesn't seem right to me. It's too vague and open ended.
Plus, as a man, choosing the right restaurant is a great way to make a strong first impression. Why would you want to give up your advantage by allowing the woman to choose the specific restaurant? Big mistake.
It's not about the money, btw. And in fact, I never choose pricy restaurants for the first couple of dates. Quite the opposite. But it is about showing the woman you like unconventional food, you know interesting restaurants, you're creative, original, etc.
Also, for the first couple of dates, you want to talk. A lot. Atmosphere in a restaurant is key. You don't want your neighbors too close so you can't open up a bit. You don't want too much noise, but you don't want to be alone. Lighting is very important. Many restaurants just don't understand lighting, and I don't want to feel like I'm at a cafeteria, nor in a movie theater.
I'm lucky that I usually date in Prague, and it has so many interesting restaurants. Plus, because I eat out a lot on business, I know lots of great places. I even know some of the owners, etc. So again, this all works in the guy's favor, and to give it up by allowing the woman to choose the restaurant is a missed opportunity to impress.
--P0 -
Perfectly stated!As roadie mentioned, you can often tell a lot about someone based on this seemingly innocuous exercise. And clearly different men/women are looking for different things in a partner: passive or active, creative or conventional? This is a nice test.
For me, I want to see involvement in the decision making process. Yes, I want to have control. I want to ultimately choose the restaurant, at least for the first few dates. But I do want active participation from the woman. If I give 2-3 general choices, I'm happy as a clam if she says "I'd love a steak," or "I haven't had Vietnamese in a while, that might be fun" etc., etc., etc. She can leave the rest up to me. But at least give me some direction. Something.
I don't like "Whatever, you decide," or some equivalent. I mean, the woman can't take 5 seconds to give me some feedback??? She can't think a bit for herself? Perhaps it's a bit unfair, but I assume a woman with this approach to dinner is going to be passive in everything, and I personally don't like this at all.
--P0 -
I don't mind if men ask for my input but it is nice if we both end up making decisions. I will admit I had an ex who's friend offered to let the girl choose. She choose Cheesecake Factory and they were laughing about how stupid that choice was for the first date and "How cheap does she think I am?" It was horrible. I was trying to defend her for not seeming like a gold digger even though he makes good money. I think she was trying to pick somewhere in the middle.
This is why men may be afraid to choose just as much as women are.. Everything you do in the beginning is under a microscope and open to interpretation.. Not everyone is nice.
I think I once ate at a Cheesecake Factory, and I LOVE Big Bang Theory, so I know "Penny" works there. :-)
But as a non-resident American, I don't understand this post. Was it a stupid choice because the Cheesecake Factory is too cheap or too expensive?
--P
Yeah I dont get it either! I thought it was expensive.
I once read online about a girl who did the restaurant test to men she dated. If they chose a chain restaurant she wouldn't date them again because she wanted someone outside the box.0 -
For me, I want to see involvement in the decision making process. Yes, I want to have control. I want to ultimately choose the restaurant, at least for the first few dates. But I do want active participation from the woman. If I give 2-3 general choices, I'm happy as a clam if she says "I'd love a steak," or "I haven't had Vietnamese in a while, that might be fun" etc., etc., etc. She can leave the rest up to me. But at least give me some direction. Something.
I don't like "Whatever, you decide," or some equivalent. I mean, the woman can't take 5 seconds to give me some feedback??? She can't think a bit for herself? Perhaps it's a bit unfair, but I assume a woman with this approach to dinner is going to be passive in everything, and I personally don't like this at all.
--P
To me this is perfect. I also hate the whatever you decide route. Another way to go about it would be something like
Him "What kind of food do you like?"
Me "My favorites are mexican or american but the only thing I don't really like is seafood or sushi."
Him "I really like such and such place, would you like to go there?"
and then I can either say yes or no but if I say no I would suggest a replacement.
I think both parties should have some input but I think the person asking the date should take the initiative on the first suggestion.0 -
OK, got it. And I agree, for a man to say "Where do you want to go?" doesn't seem right to me. It's too vague and open ended.
Plus, as a man, choosing the right restaurant is a great way to make a strong first impression. Why would you want to give up your advantage by allowing the woman to choose the specific restaurant? Big mistake.
It's not about the money, btw. And in fact, I never choose pricy restaurants for the first couple of dates. Quite the opposite. But it is about showing the woman you like unconventional food, you know interesting restaurants, you're creative, original, etc.
Also, for the first couple of dates, you want to talk. A lot. Atmosphere in a restaurant is key. You don't want your neighbors too close so you can't open up a bit. You don't want too much noise, but you don't want to be alone. Lighting is very important. Many restaurants just don't understand lighting, and I don't want to feel like I'm at a cafeteria, nor in a movie theater.
I'm lucky that I usually date in Prague, and it has so many interesting restaurants. Plus, because I eat out a lot on business, I know lots of great places. I even know some of the owners, etc. So again, this all works in the guy's favor, and to give it up by allowing the woman to choose the restaurant is a missed opportunity to impress.
--P
Yeah, and for the date last night I picked the worst place since it had the Packers preseason game on and I was so distracted wtih it, but I also went into the date with very low expectations. Honestly, when I pick the places, usually it a date spot I have had many other guys take me too since none of them can decide places.
I love that you said it is a missed opportunity to impress. And damn, I would love to go on a date with you since it looks like you put thought into it versus leaving all the choices up to me. I am fully capable of making decisions but it impresses me greatly when they actually pull out all the stops even if it's not an expensive or high end place. Since what I am paying attention is how they act on the date and whether they hold the door for me, walk me to my car, pay, make sure I am ready to order before they call the waitress/waiter over when they have decided, open my car door, follow up with a call/text later, to have them actually listen when I say things, stay off their phone and act interested. Don't worry, I am not looking for perfect, just for someone that truly seems to care. I am thinking of someone that I am/complicately dating at this time, so it is out there. But when you let the door slam on my face- you are unlikely to have a second date.0 -
[I love that you said it is a missed opportunity to impress. And damn, I would love to go on a date with you since it looks like you put thought into it versus leaving all the choices up to me. I am fully capable of making decisions but it impresses me greatly when they actually pull out all the stops even if it's not an expensive or high end place. Since what I am paying attention is how they act on the date and whether they hold the door for me, walk me to my car, pay, make sure I am ready to order before they call the waitress/waiter over when they have decided, open my car door, follow up with a call/text later, to have them actually listen when I say things, stay off their phone and act interested. Don't worry, I am not looking for perfect, just for someone that truly seems to care. I am thinking of someone that I am/complicately dating at this time, so it is out there. But when you let the door slam on my face- you are unlikely to have a second date.
agree 100%
its amazing to me how some guys have forgotten how to be a gentleman and do little things like you mentioned.
for me its super important! no matter how good u look or how much money you have, if you dont know how to act like a gentleman, pull out chairs, open doors, etc, sorry we probably wont be going out again.0
