Who picks what to do on the date?

nolachick

sometimes if i really dont wanna pick and i wanna see what he likes i'll just say something like..."Surprise me "

I hate "Surprise me..." too.
I realise this is a very sensitive topic for me ahahahah :laugh:

Why not ask "What do you like?". Surprise me (to me) means that you have expectations of something impressive already - something out of the ordinary, not just a normal restaurant.

LOL :laugh: i didnt meant like a big surprise...nothing fancy or anything!
and i dont actually go on a blind date without knowing where the hell we're going lol.

I would just say that after we've discussed what we both like and we can't decide....so i'll just say surprise me liek trying to tell him ok we've discussed this, now u pick.

Carl01

No, if I really didn't like the restaurant he suggested, then I would speak up but I would not hold it against him. However I have had a guy suggest Ihop and perkins once and honestly that had a negative effect on how I viewed him.

I had a date take me to a horrible mexican place that had karoke so loud that night, you could barely talk. However it was his first time and mine there and I just chalked it up to never visit that place again but I went out with him multiple more times since I didn't blame the restaurant on him.

Not that it makes anyone a bad person but see,it can happen so is a bit of a catch 22 for the guy.
Choose "poorly" and it can be a bad thing,ask for a preference to avoid that and it can be seen as weak.

Now if it is a case where he says for all practical purposes lets go out to dinner,you tell me where it will be then dinner has become the suggestion rather then the destination being that.
Kind of a whole different context along the lines of lets have a party,let me know where it will be when you have it arranged.

julesboots

I had a very smooth experience with this recently, and the lunch date was today.

I asked him to lunch, he accepted and gave me a few areas in the city to choose from, I chose a restaurant in one of those areas, he replied that "Thai would not be a good look on me for a first meeting" which made me laugh, so he suggested a few other places, and I chose one.

It was relatively involved, but a very comfortable planning interaction. I hate generating date ideas, but am all about being given choices.

SouthernSweetie74

I've never seen it as weak... I see it as thoughtful and considerate. And I don't mind offering my input.

Prahasaurus

I usually give 2-3 choices. Not the restaurant, but the type of food, e.g. Italian, sushi, or Thai? And then choose based on her feedback. Some women are vegetarians. Some don't like sushi (sad, but true). Some are allergic to seafood. Etc., etc.

I'm not sure why giving a few choices is considered "weak." That's just being considerate.

--P

onedayillbeamilf

That bothers me too! The guy I'm currently talking to didn't ask me out on the first date, I kind of sort of asked him....in a way. It was kind of "hey, the kid is at her dads, wanna meet up for a drink?" We won't be going on any more dates unless he asks me and has a plan.

Mellie289

I usually give 2-3 choices. Not the restaurant, but the type of food, e.g. Italian, sushi, or Thai? And then choose based on her feedback. Some women are vegetarians. Some don't like sushi (sad, but true). Some are allergic to seafood. Etc., etc.

I'm not sure why giving a few choices is considered "weak." That's just being considerate.

--P

^To me, this is perfect! You are deciding, but allowing her input. Considerate and taking charge at the same time.

Mellie289

I had a very smooth experience with this recently, and the lunch date was today.

I asked him to lunch, he accepted and gave me a few areas in the city to choose from, I chose a restaurant in one of those areas, he replied that "Thai would not be a good look on me for a first meeting" which made me laugh, so he suggested a few other places, and I chose one.

It was relatively involved, but a very comfortable planning interaction. I hate generating date ideas, but am all about being given choices.

A little off topic, but how did it go?

julesboots

I usually give 2-3 choices. Not the restaurant, but the type of food, e.g. Italian, sushi, or Thai? And then choose based on her feedback. Some women are vegetarians. Some don't like sushi (sad, but true). Some are allergic to seafood. Etc., etc.

I'm not sure why giving a few choices is considered "weak." That's just being considerate.

--P

High five!

Roadie2000

See I kind of see this whole thing as like a practice couples exercise. I feel you can tell a lot about someone by just the planning of the first date. If she suggests something really fancy and expensive right away she might be kind of bossy and a bit of a gold digger. If she says she doesn't care...well I don't want to have to make all the decisions by myself forever. But if she suggests a place that I like or at least makes an effort and contributes to the conversation then that's a pretty good sign.

julesboots

I had a very smooth experience with this recently, and the lunch date was today.

I asked him to lunch, he accepted and gave me a few areas in the city to choose from, I chose a restaurant in one of those areas, he replied that "Thai would not be a good look on me for a first meeting" which made me laugh, so he suggested a few other places, and I chose one.

It was relatively involved, but a very comfortable planning interaction. I hate generating date ideas, but am all about being given choices.

A little off topic, but how did it go?

I made my friend based intentions clear very early on, and I think that's where it'll stay. He was super smart and very quick, and think we were both wondering which way it would turn. Other than not being a love connection, it was relaxed and fun.

Tropical_Turtle

If you have a good lead in email or phone conversation then perhaps it could be easy to mention that you really like X restaurant / cuisine or has he been to that new place Y because you were wondering if it's worth trying... Throwing hints out during informal conversation is a good way to let him know that you like or dislike something without having to feel awkward by the time the ask out comes along.

I like this approach because honestly men can get the raw end of the deal no matter how they look at it. Damned if they do and damned if they dont

RMuske

I don't mind if men ask for my input but it is nice if we both end up making decisions. I will admit I had an ex who's friend offered to let the girl choose. She choose Cheesecake Factory and they were laughing about how stupid that choice was for the first date and "How cheap does she think I am?" It was horrible. I was trying to defend her for not seeming like a gold digger even though he makes good money. I think she was trying to pick somewhere in the middle.

This is why men may be afraid to choose just as much as women are.. Everything you do in the beginning is under a microscope and open to interpretation.. Not everyone is nice.

BelMckenzie

I usually give 2-3 choices. Not the restaurant, but the type of food, e.g. Italian, sushi, or Thai? And then choose based on her feedback. Some women are vegetarians. Some don't like sushi (sad, but true). Some are allergic to seafood. Etc., etc.

I'm not sure why giving a few choices is considered "weak." That's just being considerate.

--P

See I would love this! But all I have been getting lately is you want to go out sometime? What do you want to do?

christine24t

I usually give 2-3 choices. Not the restaurant, but the type of food, e.g. Italian, sushi, or Thai? And then choose based on her feedback. Some women are vegetarians. Some don't like sushi (sad, but true). Some are allergic to seafood. Etc., etc.

I'm not sure why giving a few choices is considered "weak." That's just being considerate.

--P

See I would love this! But all I have been getting lately is you want to go out sometime? What do you want to do?

If I wanted him to choose, I might say something back like "I would love to go out. Why don't you pick a place and we can talk about what time and date?"

Prahasaurus

If I wanted him to choose, I might say something back like "I would love to go out. Why don't you pick a place and we can talk about what time and date?"

As roadie mentioned, you can often tell a lot about someone based on this seemingly innocuous exercise. And clearly different men/women are looking for different things in a partner: passive or active, creative or conventional? This is a nice test.

For me, I want to see involvement in the decision making process. Yes, I want to have control. I want to ultimately choose the restaurant, at least for the first few dates. But I do want active participation from the woman. If I give 2-3 general choices, I'm happy as a clam if she says "I'd love a steak," or "I haven't had Vietnamese in a while, that might be fun" etc., etc., etc. She can leave the rest up to me. But at least give me some direction. Something.

I don't like "Whatever, you decide," or some equivalent. I mean, the woman can't take 5 seconds to give me some feedback??? She can't think a bit for herself? Perhaps it's a bit unfair, but I assume a woman with this approach to dinner is going to be passive in everything, and I personally don't like this at all.

--P

Prahasaurus

I don't mind if men ask for my input but it is nice if we both end up making decisions. I will admit I had an ex who's friend offered to let the girl choose. She choose Cheesecake Factory and they were laughing about how stupid that choice was for the first date and "How cheap does she think I am?" It was horrible. I was trying to defend her for not seeming like a gold digger even though he makes good money. I think she was trying to pick somewhere in the middle.

This is why men may be afraid to choose just as much as women are.. Everything you do in the beginning is under a microscope and open to interpretation.. Not everyone is nice.

I think I once ate at a Cheesecake Factory, and I LOVE Big Bang Theory, so I know "Penny" works there. :-)

But as a non-resident American, I don't understand this post. Was it a stupid choice because the Cheesecake Factory is too cheap or too expensive?

--P

Prahasaurus

See I would love this! But all I have been getting lately is you want to go out sometime? What do you want to do?

OK, got it. And I agree, for a man to say "Where do you want to go?" doesn't seem right to me. It's too vague and open ended.

Plus, as a man, choosing the right restaurant is a great way to make a strong first impression. Why would you want to give up your advantage by allowing the woman to choose the specific restaurant? Big mistake.

It's not about the money, btw. And in fact, I never choose pricy restaurants for the first couple of dates. Quite the opposite. But it is about showing the woman you like unconventional food, you know interesting restaurants, you're creative, original, etc.

Also, for the first couple of dates, you want to talk. A lot. Atmosphere in a restaurant is key. You don't want your neighbors too close so you can't open up a bit. You don't want too much noise, but you don't want to be alone. Lighting is very important. Many restaurants just don't understand lighting, and I don't want to feel like I'm at a cafeteria, nor in a movie theater.

I'm lucky that I usually date in Prague, and it has so many interesting restaurants. Plus, because I eat out a lot on business, I know lots of great places. I even know some of the owners, etc. So again, this all works in the guy's favor, and to give it up by allowing the woman to choose the restaurant is a missed opportunity to impress.

--P

Roadie2000

As roadie mentioned, you can often tell a lot about someone based on this seemingly innocuous exercise. And clearly different men/women are looking for different things in a partner: passive or active, creative or conventional? This is a nice test.

For me, I want to see involvement in the decision making process. Yes, I want to have control. I want to ultimately choose the restaurant, at least for the first few dates. But I do want active participation from the woman. If I give 2-3 general choices, I'm happy as a clam if she says "I'd love a steak," or "I haven't had Vietnamese in a while, that might be fun" etc., etc., etc. She can leave the rest up to me. But at least give me some direction. Something.

I don't like "Whatever, you decide," or some equivalent. I mean, the woman can't take 5 seconds to give me some feedback??? She can't think a bit for herself? Perhaps it's a bit unfair, but I assume a woman with this approach to dinner is going to be passive in everything, and I personally don't like this at all.

--P

Perfectly stated!

christine24t

I don't mind if men ask for my input but it is nice if we both end up making decisions. I will admit I had an ex who's friend offered to let the girl choose. She choose Cheesecake Factory and they were laughing about how stupid that choice was for the first date and "How cheap does she think I am?" It was horrible. I was trying to defend her for not seeming like a gold digger even though he makes good money. I think she was trying to pick somewhere in the middle.

This is why men may be afraid to choose just as much as women are.. Everything you do in the beginning is under a microscope and open to interpretation.. Not everyone is nice.

I think I once ate at a Cheesecake Factory, and I LOVE Big Bang Theory, so I know "Penny" works there. :-)

But as a non-resident American, I don't understand this post. Was it a stupid choice because the Cheesecake Factory is too cheap or too expensive?

--P

Yeah I dont get it either! I thought it was expensive.

I once read online about a girl who did the restaurant test to men she dated. If they chose a chain restaurant she wouldn't date them again because she wanted someone outside the box.