What's your story?

shammxo

We all have a story...
What compelled you to make this wonderful change in your life?

I listened to and followed who or whatever I could convince myself was right. I did this because I would not (not could not) listen to myself. By mid-2011 I was as empty as I possibly could be and there was a void in me that I was constantly trying to fill. Over the years, I tried to fill it with things. Alcohol, men, whatever. In thinking that I was simply behaving like everyone else my age, I was going down every possible path to self destruction that I could find. I had created this void in myself, and nothing seemed to fill it. At this time, the alcohol was doing a number on my immune system and also helped me to gain a substantial amount of weight. I was constantly sick, tired, and miserable. But I still would not change. One would think that my declining health and shattering mental state would have been a good indication that I should stop. All of the signs were there, and many red flags were thrown up in my way. I chose to ignore these things and continued to numb myself. This was going to be my life, death, everything; and I was fine with that.

I have heard many times that it takes something drastic or terrible to make someone who refuses to acknowledge their situation change, kind of like a rude awakening. Well, I got one. I scraped the bottom of everything and almost fell completely. This time it really was different. I was told, “Stop, or you WILL die”. I had to take full responsibility for myself. Coming to the end of what I thought was myself, I was stripped of my “defenses” and given the chance to face up. For the first time, I did not want to die. I came to realize that God had not left me. I had left Him. Raw and healing, I was embraced by my family. Sorry had become meaningless, as did the empty promises that I was constantly giving them. There was no sorry; this time I had to show them and the only way to say sorry was through my actions.
December 30th was my last drink.

Still going strong . I'm glad that all of the bad things happened, because I wouldn't change my new position for ANYTHING. No matter what life throws at me, I can handle it.

Also---
Anyone here done 8th/9th step before? My sponsor and I are about to start mine. I'm just interested in stories... You never knew what to expect.

alerica1

Thank you for sharing. I've been a member of AA since 2006. I relapsed on August 4 so now I am 16 days sober. My sponsor and I had worked through all 12 steps, and I continued to live the 12 steps for quite a few 24 hours. My mom became ill in early May of this year and became her caretaker. I allowed myself to get angry, lonely and tired....I let my meetings slip and a relapse is where it took me. Obviously, I'm starting the steps over, working on Step 4. When I do the things I need to do my life is so much better and the Promises really do come true, after all, this is a design for living. Keep up the good work.

Carla

kristenstejskal

Hi Sham! i thought I'd share my story with you and the rest of this board.

From the time my dad was 18, he was an alcoholic, as well as addicted to mixing heroin and coke (speedballing). Growing up, I never once saw my dad sober, except for the 8 years he was in prison. And unfortunately, he wasn't a happy, fun drunk..he was rude, so mean to my mom and occasionally scary. I wish I could say that this experience was enough to steer me away from alcohol, but it wasn't.

When I started drinking, I drank the same amount as everyone else. However, it progressively got worse, as alcoholism does. And I did not behave well when I was drunk. I was mean to my husband, was arrested for domestic violence against him and was promiscuous despite having a serious relationship. The sad part is, none of this is who I AM, this is who alcohol made me.

I definitely had about a year (2011) of denial when everyone was telling me I had a problem and I kept defending my actions..."I'm in college, I don't drink everyday, I know a lot of people who drink more than me"...etc. However, throughout this year, my drinking (and my behavior) got worse. I would be completely drunk about 4-5 nights a week and was convinced that I could hide it from my husband. I even drove home smashed from the bars when I had told my husband I was at a study group. Then, before I went inside, I chewed up a bunch of grass and leaves thinking he wouldn't be able to smell the alcohol. The next day I thought it was hilarious, but now I look back and I feel so much shame.

On Dec 13th, 2011, my dad was in a near fatal dui car accident. His BAC was 8x the legal limit. A car on the highway in front of him was waiting to turn left and my dad hit her going 55mph. He then went off the road and into a house about 100 ft away. Jaws of life had to cut both the woman and my dad out of their cars. Of course, he was not wearing his seatbelt, yet he did not sustain life threatening injuries, however, he broke every single rib, both femurs, his clavical, his nose, punctured a lung and had a concussion. The lady he hit is now paralyzed from the waist down. And part of me will never forgive my dad for that.

As soon as my dad left the hospital, we checked him into rehab. Hed been to rehab before, but this time was different. I think this was the first time in his life he wanted to change. And he did wonderfully. He completed 30 days and 90 days in a halfway house before moving back in with my mom. He is now serving jail time for the accident but he is still committed to sobriety.

About 2 weeks after the accident, on new years eve 2011, my husband and I went to his best friend's dads house to celebrate. Everyone was drinking, but I was drinking wayyy more. I was playing beer pong with the friend's dad while double fisting wine. I don't remember anything after about 9pm but I ended up completely naked in the house in front of my husband, his friend and family and about 50 other people. I KNOW my husband has never been so humiliated in his life.

That was the last time I drank. I do not have the ability to moderate or inhibit my drinking. Sobriety is the ONLY way for me. Not just for now, not just for this year, but for my whole life.

I know have "I will choose a different path." Tattooed on my forearm. I may have my dad's genetics, but I also have the experience of witnessing the distruction alcohol has caused on his life and for that reason, I have no excuse not to stay sober.