I'm scared

trkinsley

Hey there. I love, love, LOVE this concept. Truly I do. I want to embrace it wholeheartedly... but I'm terrified.

I have a very disordered eating background, and I'm afraid that feeling bloated and seeing the scale tick up (I know, don't weigh yourself... but I have made an uneasy truce with my scale and I don't want to be afraid to get on it again) will launch me back into that abyss.

I'm 5'5", 145 lbs, 19.6% bodyfat, and super duper active. Scooby sez that I should eat 2020 for a 15% deficit; my BMR is 1378, and my TDEE is 2377. I'm already at 2100 plus cals on ye olde fitbit today and it's only 5 pm my time. I've been weightlifting--heavy, and I mean really heavy--for years. In fact, part of the reason I'm in this predicament of feeling like a fatass and being 12 lbs heavier than I was is because I started lifting to max 6 days a week. I didn't eat more, in fact, I rarely hit 1600 calories during all the overtraining, and it killed my metabolism. My hunger/satiety signals are really effed up too. Some days I'm ravenous; other days I could seriously go the whole day before I'd get a hunger pang.

I have been doing Chalean Extreme and Insanity as a hybrid for the last 2 months; I was seeing some very positive changes but then ate like **** all weekend while visiting the fam back home, and now I feel disgusting. I want a normal relationship with food, but I am reading through the group posts and I see far more big gains with a reset with minimal loss afterward, and I do not want to go there. I also don't want to exist on starvation calories. I'm torn.

I would love to hear from people that really leaned out doing this. Kiki of course looks great... anyone else get to that level of definition following EM2WL?

Thanks everyone.

-Tina

ANewLucia

Well, I am a work in progress. Feel free to check out my progression in my profile. I am working towards getting to 20% bf. The changes in my physique since eating more has been tremendous. The scale went down at first, then I did a reset and went up and now I am heavier than when I started...lol...this morning weighed in at 169 (due to japenese dinner and heavy lifting), so I am probably really more like 165lbs, but I am wearing the same pants that I wore at 154lbs...I am happy thus far. When I started the group, I had just started the journey...I went from living and dying by the scale to chuckling at the numbers. I appreciate the lean mass and though I want the fat off, there is no way I will sacrifice my wonderful lean muscles in any way. So, I eat about 2100 or so a day...a small cut.

Now, the key is you have the information, you know what may happen..you prepare your mind for the worst and it isn't as hard to deal with...I think.

Anyway, I wish you the best in this journey. Kiki and I would love to see your progress...please keep us posted!

lucia

trkinsley

Lucia--thank you! I'm trying to wrap my head around all of this. One of my problems is that I used to compete in olympic weightlifting, and that means you have to weigh below a certain number to stay in your class. I'm not competing now, but I still have that same old mentality.

norcal_yogi

bump..... in a very similar situation as you kinsley! interested to see others responses.

bradthemedic

I've been on this for 4 months and my results are all physical. I've lost 8lb now total but my biggest achievement has been in what the extra calories allow me to do:

1. I can climb mountains. I did the Chief in Squamish BC, and Finlayson in Victoria BC in average times. I could never have done that on 1200 calories a day eating 100-calorie pack food (which as no nutrition)
2. I can run
3. I can lift weights and do a spin class afterward

My muscles are becoming defined, I feel on top of the world and my confidence is back. I also can't forget my mental clarity. My BRAIN was starving before and I was in a constant fog.

EM2WL has changed my life.

ANewLucia

Lucia--thank you! I'm trying to wrap my head around all of this. One of my problems is that I used to compete in olympic weightlifting, and that means you have to weigh below a certain number to stay in your class. I'm not competing now, but I still have that same old mentality.

TRKinsley, the mental aspect is the most difficult. The battle is tremendous and never ending when you all you can appreciate is what the scale is telling you. It was my biggest challenge. I would NEVER have made it this far had I not broken that tie by NOT getting on the scale for a few weeks. If you can handle it, give the scale to someone and focus on macros, lifting, getting in some cardio, taking pics and measurements...you can do this!

trkinsley

TRKinsley, the mental aspect is the most difficult. The battle is tremendous and never ending when you all you can appreciate is what the scale is telling you. It was my biggest challenge. I would NEVER have made it this far had I not broken that tie by NOT getting on the scale for a few weeks. If you can handle it, give the scale to someone and focus on macros, lifting, getting in some cardio, taking pics and measurements...you can do this!

Lucia, thanks for the encouragement! I have my final PT test in the Air Force next Thursday. I will go scale free for the rest of the month after that. I ate 2050 calories yesterday and felt reasonably good this morning other than being awake at 245 AM grrrrrrr. I think I'll just take pics weekly and measure monthly and see what I see. I'm sort of wanting to do the 10% cut to see what happens; I can always do a full reset if needed but I have been taking diet breaks and I think I've repaired some of the damage... or I'm wishful thinking. One of the two. :P

MariaMariaM

My maintenance is lower than yours but I went throught the same mental work to get past the amount of food I need to eat and understand that I will not gain weight at my activity level. The pic below compares a shot of my back before moving to maintenance and 4 months after maintenance. While at maintenance I might had gained a pound but I look leaner.

If you have the right numbers then you should be OK whether you are losing or maintaining.

These are my numbers. I am also 5'4

BMR: 1276
TDEE: 1977 - Includes Moderate Excercise

trkinsley

My maintenance is lower than yours but I went throught the same mental work to get past the amount of food I need to eat and understand that I will not gain weight at my activity level. The pic below compares a shot of my back before moving to maintenance and 4 months after maintenance. While at maintenance I might had gained a pound but I look leaner.

If you have the right numbers then you should be OK whether you are losing or maintaining.

These are my numbers. I am also 5'4

BMR: 1276
TDEE: 1977 - Includes Moderate Excercise

You. Look. AMAZING.

Thank you so much for posting. This is the stuff I need to see and hear repeatedly!

trkinsley

Just a quick update....

I'm eating AROUND 2020 calories a day, the world is not crashing down around me, I feel pretty good. The scale is up slightly, but TOM starts next week, so I don't necessarily attribute it to this. I've been 150.6/150.4/150.2/150.4 over the last 4 days, so not much fluctuation. I am hoping for a couple lbs of bloat to fall off so that I don't see that 150 number (I know it's just a number, but I am much more comfortable with a lower one). I'm going to take pics next week to start tracking that way.

Here's a small NSV: I have a problem with peanut butter. Let's just say I could eat a jar with a spoon. It's crack for me. I bought some gourmet PB with honey and chunks of pretzel. Amazing isn't enough of a superlative. I always store PB in the freezer so I have to work to get it out... last night, I wanted PB, so I chipped out a tbsp, then another, then another.... and previously, this would have led to probably 2/3 of a jar gone. Last night, however, I chipped out 3 servings worth over a couple of hours, and I just didn't want anymore.

I ended up throwing it away, because I'm crave-y right now and really don't want to feel guilt or remorse while I'm trying to eat enough to fuel my body, but the fact that I didn't go back and retrieve it from the trash is ALSO another type of victory.

So, anyway, thanks for having this group. I need it.

holleysings

I have been doing a reset for the past three months. During the last two, I gained back 5lbs of the muscle I lost during a VLCD, lost 5lbs of fat (known from a DEXA scan), and dropped a pants size doing four weeks of NROL4W. My macros are 55c/15p/30f which is very different from most EM2WL people! So it's working for me! My LBM is at 124lbs right now and I plan on getting it back up to 130 at least. Hopefully higher so I can eat more lol. My strength has inscreased dramatically since I switched to eating twice as much. This program definitely works if you keep at it!