Repulsive Guy
oddyogi
Posts: 1,816 Member
So I had to go to a "briefing" today at work, and sat next to a guy who repulsed me with what he said. This is the gist of what he was saying to his friend next to him, paraphrased a little bit:
"My ex wife's mom was a feminist, and she was kind of a feminist cool, and I'm okay with that as long as you listen to me. So her mom came over one time and sat in my chair, and my son said, 'Grandma, that's daddy's chair' and she said 'Oh Noah, your daddy can sit somewhere else, it'll be fine,' but my son still said, 'But that's where daddy always sits,' and she said 'Well he can sit somewhere else tonight.' So I went and there and told her to get out of my chair, and she said she didn't think it was a big deal for her to sit there, so while my wife was making my plate for dinner, I knocked her mom's plate on the floor and said 'Now you can either eat it off the floor or get out of my chair.'"
Then he starts talking about his current girlfriend:
"My girlfriend now is pretty good. In her old marriage she used to control everything, so it's kind of a shocker for her now. Haha, the other day she got mad and said, 'You can't tell me what to do!' So I said, 'The *kitten* I can, and if you don't like it then you can leave!"
It took everything within me to not turn to him and tell him how disgusting of a person he is.
"My ex wife's mom was a feminist, and she was kind of a feminist cool, and I'm okay with that as long as you listen to me. So her mom came over one time and sat in my chair, and my son said, 'Grandma, that's daddy's chair' and she said 'Oh Noah, your daddy can sit somewhere else, it'll be fine,' but my son still said, 'But that's where daddy always sits,' and she said 'Well he can sit somewhere else tonight.' So I went and there and told her to get out of my chair, and she said she didn't think it was a big deal for her to sit there, so while my wife was making my plate for dinner, I knocked her mom's plate on the floor and said 'Now you can either eat it off the floor or get out of my chair.'"
Then he starts talking about his current girlfriend:
"My girlfriend now is pretty good. In her old marriage she used to control everything, so it's kind of a shocker for her now. Haha, the other day she got mad and said, 'You can't tell me what to do!' So I said, 'The *kitten* I can, and if you don't like it then you can leave!"
It took everything within me to not turn to him and tell him how disgusting of a person he is.
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Replies
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Ugh! The saddest part of that story is he has a son to whom he has probably passed on some of these unpleasant views. I hope not! What a jerk! It would be funny though if the friend he was telling all this stuff was also sitting there trying not to say what a jerk the guy is. I'm curious if you could here the responses.
I once worked with a guy who was a real pig like this. He used to spew his sexist comments sometimes while our group was at coffee break, but one time, this very quiet guy who was about the same age as him (22-23 years old) finally said "That's disrespectful to women" and I loved him for it. I thought it took real guts and decency to say that to his peer and saved me from having to say something.0 -
OMG!!! :noway: How do men like that still exist??
I feel exactly the same as you - repulsed/disgusted/sick!
I hope she leaves his misogynistic *kitten*!
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Wow, he sounds like quite the prize!! lol
This brought back a memory of my ex (son's father), who I left almost 20 years ago. Whenever I disagreed and "fought" him on something, he would say that to me...."well if you don't like it, you can get the "F" out".
So I devised a plan, got my ducks in a row and waited for the opportunity. The day came where he, once again, said that to me. I looked him in the eye and told him that we (my baby son and I) were leaving. Best moment ever!! The look on his face was priceless!
We were gone the following weekend, and I have NEVER looked back! Although thankfully, he does have a good relationship with our son which is what matters most.
If this guy's GF is smart, she'll run...and fast!0 -
Lots of guys like that where I work (military). Would rather be single...!!!0
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Hmm I wonder if he edited that story for content.. Cause if he would have knocked a plate full of food out of my hand and talked to someone in my family that way he would have needed stitches.GRRRRRRRRR0
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Hmm I wonder if he edited that story for content.. Cause if he would have knocked a plate full of food out of my hand and talked to someone in my family that way he would have needed stitches.GRRRRRRRRR
haha! Yep! I think we live in the same world Jen :flowerforyou:0 -
Haha, that's a great story. I would place my money on him making it up to try to impress his friend.0
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Haha, that's a great story. I would place my money on him making it up to try to impress his friend.
He probably did, but I can't stand guys like this. I've seen guys that talk so disrespectfully about their gfs/wives behind their back but when the lady is around he's spineless. That's NOT the kind of man I want. When I became single, one of these guys who used to talk disrespectfully about his woman tried to hit on me. AS IF I want my coworkers hearing THAT kind of talk about me when I'm not around.
I'm sure it's not just a military thing, so WHY do guys DO this??0 -
I think its because they lack self respect...so they have to put down others to make themselves feel like the bigger better person.
It's sad.
And mostly I agree I feel badly about that man's son. I hope the women in his life become strong and teach him how to have self respect and respect others.0 -
Haha, that's a great story. I would place my money on him making it up to try to impress his friend.
He probably did, but I can't stand guys like this. I've seen guys that talk so disrespectfully about their gfs/wives behind their back but when the lady is around he's spineless. That's NOT the kind of man I want. When I became single, one of these guys who used to talk disrespectfully about his woman tried to hit on me. AS IF I want my coworkers hearing THAT kind of talk about me when I'm not around.
I'm sure it's not just a military thing, so WHY do guys DO this??
I think this is another example of gender differences. Men tend to talk up what they think other people see as "macho" and women tend to exaggerate their struggles. Kind of the damsel in distress versus knight in shining armor if you catch my drift? The ideals we were taught to live up to. /sarcasm0 -
Haha, that's a great story. I would place my money on him making it up to try to impress his friend.
He probably did, but I can't stand guys like this. I've seen guys that talk so disrespectfully about their gfs/wives behind their back but when the lady is around he's spineless. That's NOT the kind of man I want. When I became single, one of these guys who used to talk disrespectfully about his woman tried to hit on me. AS IF I want my coworkers hearing THAT kind of talk about me when I'm not around.
I'm sure it's not just a military thing, so WHY do guys DO this??
I think this is another example of gender differences. Men tend to talk up what they think other people see as "macho" and women tend to exaggerate their struggles. Kind of the damsel in distress versus knight in shining armor if you catch my drift? The ideals we were taught to live up to. /sarcasm
If I heard the story about smacking the food out of grandma's hand from someone, I would definitely think less of them. I might crack up at first, but then the little part inside of me that is still human would remind me that this person is a complete tool - whether or not the story was true. Some people do make up really stupid stories in an attempt to impress others; it astounds me.
As a great man once said, "You aint gotta lie to kick it."0 -
Haha, that's a great story. I would place my money on him making it up to try to impress his friend.
He probably did, but I can't stand guys like this. I've seen guys that talk so disrespectfully about their gfs/wives behind their back but when the lady is around he's spineless. That's NOT the kind of man I want. When I became single, one of these guys who used to talk disrespectfully about his woman tried to hit on me. AS IF I want my coworkers hearing THAT kind of talk about me when I'm not around.
I'm sure it's not just a military thing, so WHY do guys DO this??
I think this is another example of gender differences. Men tend to talk up what they think other people see as "macho" and women tend to exaggerate their struggles. Kind of the damsel in distress versus knight in shining armor if you catch my drift? The ideals we were taught to live up to. /sarcasm
If I heard the story about smacking the food out of grandma's hand from someone, I would definitely think less of them. I might crack up at first, but then the little part inside of me that is still human would remind me that this person is a complete tool - whether or not the story was true. Some people do make up really stupid stories in an attempt to impress others; it astounds me.
As a great man once said, "You aint gotta lie to kick it."
This is true for anyone worth their weight in salt. My point was merely is that he thought these stories made him sound like a big man and that he would be respected for it. It's about perception. YOU might never do this sort of thing, let alone tell a story about it, but that's because you assert yourself in other ways (like showing off your cute pooch in your profile picture). So when Janie asked why guys would talk like that, I was just saying it was how dominant personalities (not just men, I'd like to redact that first assertion I made) try to find ways to make other people think they're cool too. Less aggressive personalities instead highlight what a victim they are to get people to protect/comfort them.
Of course, I'm basing this on absolutely nothing other than observations of my own. I haven't even read a ****ty article about a poorly done study with too many uncontrolled variables.0 -
What was the "friends" reaction to this? The guy that told it seems to have no redeeming factor. Let me guess he was also overweight and dirty looking?0
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What was the "friends" reaction to this? The guy that told it seems to have no redeeming factor. Let me guess he was also overweight and dirty looking?
He probably gave him a high-five :laugh:0 -
"My ex wife's mom was a feminist, and she was kind of a feminist cool, and I'm okay with that as long as you listen to me. So her mom came over one time and sat in my chair, and my son said, 'Grandma, that's daddy's chair' and she said 'Oh Noah, your daddy can sit somewhere else, it'll be fine,' but my son still said, 'But that's where daddy always sits,' and she said 'Well he can sit somewhere else tonight.' So I went and there and told her to get out of my chair, and she said she didn't think it was a big deal for her to sit there, so while my wife was making my plate for dinner, I knocked her mom's plate on the floor and said 'Now you can either eat it off the floor or get out of my chair.'"
This is the story.
The former mother in law was being obstinate,miserable and a *****.
The guy responded in almost as bad a way as anyone could.
Neither should be proud and any person looking to date either is in for a miserable experience.0 -
What was the "friends" reaction to this? The guy that told it seems to have no redeeming factor. Let me guess he was also overweight and dirty looking?
The other guy was just kind of laughing uncomfortably, like he didn't really care about what the dude was saying. The guy actually wasn't bad looking. But meh.0 -
"My ex wife's mom was a feminist, and she was kind of a feminist cool, and I'm okay with that as long as you listen to me. So her mom came over one time and sat in my chair, and my son said, 'Grandma, that's daddy's chair' and she said 'Oh Noah, your daddy can sit somewhere else, it'll be fine,' but my son still said, 'But that's where daddy always sits,' and she said 'Well he can sit somewhere else tonight.' So I went and there and told her to get out of my chair, and she said she didn't think it was a big deal for her to sit there, so while my wife was making my plate for dinner, I knocked her mom's plate on the floor and said 'Now you can either eat it off the floor or get out of my chair.'"
This is the story.
The former mother in law was being obstinate,miserable and a *****.
The guy responded in almost as bad a way as anyone could.
Neither should be proud and any person looking to date either is in for a miserable experience.
Yeah, but the mother was a guest in their home. That's rude.0 -
"My ex wife's mom was a feminist, and she was kind of a feminist cool, and I'm okay with that as long as you listen to me. So her mom came over one time and sat in my chair, and my son said, 'Grandma, that's daddy's chair' and she said 'Oh Noah, your daddy can sit somewhere else, it'll be fine,' but my son still said, 'But that's where daddy always sits,' and she said 'Well he can sit somewhere else tonight.' So I went and there and told her to get out of my chair, and she said she didn't think it was a big deal for her to sit there, so while my wife was making my plate for dinner, I knocked her mom's plate on the floor and said 'Now you can either eat it off the floor or get out of my chair.'"
This is the story.
The former mother in law was being obstinate,miserable and a *****.
The guy responded in almost as bad a way as anyone could.
Neither should be proud and any person looking to date either is in for a miserable experience.
Yeah, but the mother was a guest in their home. That's rude.
Not only was she a guest, but I think it's kind of ridiculous that he would have a designated chair. I find that concept extremely irritating altogether.
Like JHC and others said, I really doubt it even happened... Not that it even makes a difference. The guy is an *kitten* either way.0 -
I think it's kind of ridiculous that he would have a designated chair. I find that concept extremely irritating altogether.
Wow, it's interesting to see different perspectives. I'm used to the man of the house having "his chair" and you best not sit in it if he is coming into the living room because that's his ONE spot. Of course, that was before the days of "man caves" lol.
I never thought anything disrespectful or chauvinistic about it. I have my chair. too. And while I normally wouldn't boot a guest out of my chair, I might be inclined to do so if I walked in and heard that guest telling my kid mommy would just have to sit elsewhere. Why? Just to make the point that you don't come into my house and disrupt family rules like that (don't change rules my kid is used to w/o my permission). That's not what this guy was doing, but just thought I'd throw that out there.0 -
Sounds to me like he stretched the truth to impress his buddy. I don't believe all of that actually happened.0
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Some people should really watch what they say in public...
I was once in a department store and overheard this lady talking about how she occasionally drives drunk. :noway: Not cool.0 -
wow. that's just wrong.0
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"My ex wife's mom was a feminist, and she was kind of a feminist cool, and I'm okay with that as long as you listen to me. So her mom came over one time and sat in my chair, and my son said, 'Grandma, that's daddy's chair' and she said 'Oh Noah, your daddy can sit somewhere else, it'll be fine,' but my son still said, 'But that's where daddy always sits,' and she said 'Well he can sit somewhere else tonight.' So I went and there and told her to get out of my chair, and she said she didn't think it was a big deal for her to sit there, so while my wife was making my plate for dinner, I knocked her mom's plate on the floor and said 'Now you can either eat it off the floor or get out of my chair.'"
This is the story.
The former mother in law was being obstinate,miserable and a *****.
The guy responded in almost as bad a way as anyone could.
Neither should be proud and any person looking to date either is in for a miserable experience.
Sorry? The mother-in-law sat in a seat that her son in law had claimed as 'his', as a guest in his home, and assumed that he might sit somewhere else for a change, as any normal, civilised adult would, when his young son said 'But that's where Daddy always sits'. Instead of saying to her, if it really mattered that much to him "Hey, Jean, would you mind moving to another seat - this is where I always sit, because of my back/hip/view of the TV/overinflated misogynistic ego", he threw her food onto the floor and spoke to her as if she was an animal of some sort... and that makes her "obstinate,miserable and a *****" with nothing to be proud of?!?!?!?!
In my book, her behaviour was that of a normal, non-psychotic reasonable adult - nothing to be ashamed of there. His behaviour, on the other hand - completely inexcusable. Do you think in some way "she deserved it" for the having the effrontery to sit in 'his' seat?
I think you're basically a really nice guy, Carl, but did you really think this one through? This man's behaviour is utterly appalling, and the 'provocation' offered is a)insignificant in the mind of any rational adult and b)irrelevant. Domestic abuse is not just physical, but emotional and psychological too, and those scars take a long time to fade. If this man thinks this is an acceptable way to treat a more-distant female member of his family, imagine how he behaves to his wife/girlfriend/children. Making excuses for that: "he was provoked", "she was being an obstinate ******", she "deserved" it, is anything but cool.
There is still an alarming culture of blaming the victim in cases of domestic abuse, and more widely in situations of violence against women in general, for that matter. Tolerating the sort of stories this man tells, making excuses for his despicable behaviour, not challenging him about his attitude - these are the reasons such attitudes persist.0 -
Well, during my parents 45 years of marriage neither of them ever had a 'chair' until my Mum developed acute arthritis and could only sit in a very upright one. Even then she would be gracious enough to give that chair up if someone else wanted it. God bless her in heaven now
In MY house my Mum would always have the right to sit wherever she damn well chose, whether in pain or not! I was brought up to always respect my elders, a guest in my home, and humans in general!!
Men are supposed to be gentlemen!!! This incident is a non issue and should never have escalated into a power struggle!! (If it did happen, I would imagine that the MIL has a history with the bloke along the lines of she thinks he's not right for her daughter, and she would be right!)
The poor excuse of a man is a complete tosser!! :explode:0 -
Yep. When I was 10 years old, I already had a designated chair at the table, my father had one, my mother had one, so had my brothers and sisters. Can't see anything wrong with that.
I never thought anything disrespectful or chauvinistic about it. I have my chair. too. And while I normally wouldn't boot a guest out of my chair, I might be inclined to do so if I walked in and heard that guest telling my kid mommy would just have to sit elsewhere. Why? Just to make the point that you don't come into my house and disrupt family rules like that (don't change rules my kid is used to w/o my permission).I think it's kind of ridiculous that he would have a designated chair. I find that concept extremely irritating altogether.
How about she tries to take the chair of the 10 years old me? Oh wait... Not nearly as fun of course.
I understand this "mom's mom" has a troubled past with who controls the "main chair" and maybe in her mind it's a power struggle, or maybe she has something to prove, but I don't really care about all that if she comes to my place - yet I would make a point to have my chair with someone some narrow minded.
Narrow mindedness attracts narrow mindedness. That's when feminism becomes bad: when you're trying to impose stuff on others when it is irrelevant to them.
I would tend to agree with Carl, but really you can read this story in two different ways: either imagine the Grandma with a snappy, irritated, angry tone of voice and a past when it comes to arguing for silly thing and being an extremist feminist, or imagine her talking with a apologetic, scared tone of voice constantly being abused by the husband. It changes the whole story.
Sorry? The mother-in-law sat in a seat that her son in law had claimed as 'his', as a guest in his home, and assumed that he might sit somewhere else for a change, as any normal, civilised adult would, when his young son said 'But that's where Daddy always sits'. Instead of saying to her, if it really mattered that much to him "Hey, Jean, would you mind moving to another seat - this is where I always sit, because of my back/hip/view of the TV/overinflated misogynistic ego", he threw her food onto the floor and spoke to her as if she was an animal of some sort... and that makes her "obstinate,miserable and a *****" with nothing to be proud of?!?!?!?!This is the story.
The former mother in law was being obstinate,miserable and a *****.
The guy responded in almost as bad a way as anyone could.
Neither should be proud and any person looking to date either is in for a miserable experience.
- Son : 'Grandma, that's daddy's chair'
- GMa : 'Oh Noah, your daddy can sit somewhere else, it'll be fine,'
- Son 'But that's where daddy always sits,'
- GMa 'Well he can sit somewhere else tonight.'
- Man: 'Get out of my chair!'
- GMa: 'I don't think it's a big deal for me to sit here!'
The guy's reaction at the end is too much, for us, out of the blue. But it really depends on the context. Maybe she keeps poking him/harassing him all the time. Maybe not.0 -
That's when feminism becomes bad: when you're trying to impose stuff on others when it is irrelevant to them.
either imagine the Grandma with ... a past when it comes to arguing for silly thing and being an extremist feminist.
I really don't see how the woman in question being a feminist or not has anything to do with this. Because a woman is a feminist/expects equal respect will be shown to her as to a man, and stands up for herself/does something a man doesn't like, she is somehow deserving of abusive behaviour? :noway: Not buying that. Ever. The man's reaction was completely unacceptable. Full stop. Allowing/providing excuses for this sort of behaviour, and failing to challenge people (because men can be the victims of domestic abuse too) who tell stories of attitudes and behaviours that have no place in a civilised society with the expectation of approbation, has to come to an end.0 -
"My ex wife's mom was a feminist, and she was kind of a feminist cool, and I'm okay with that as long as you listen to me. So her mom came over one time and sat in my chair, and my son said, 'Grandma, that's daddy's chair' and she said 'Oh Noah, your daddy can sit somewhere else, it'll be fine,' but my son still said, 'But that's where daddy always sits,' and she said 'Well he can sit somewhere else tonight.' So I went and there and told her to get out of my chair, and she said she didn't think it was a big deal for her to sit there, so while my wife was making my plate for dinner, I knocked her mom's plate on the floor and said 'Now you can either eat it off the floor or get out of my chair.'"
This is the story.
The former mother in law was being obstinate,miserable and a *****.
The guy responded in almost as bad a way as anyone could.
Neither should be proud and any person looking to date either is in for a miserable experience.
Sorry? The mother-in-law sat in a seat that her son in law had claimed as 'his', as a guest in his home, and assumed that he might sit somewhere else for a change, as any normal, civilised adult would, when his young son said 'But that's where Daddy always sits'. Instead of saying to her, if it really mattered that much to him "Hey, Jean, would you mind moving to another seat - this is where I always sit, because of my back/hip/view of the TV/overinflated misogynistic ego", he threw her food onto the floor and spoke to her as if she was an animal of some sort... and that makes her "obstinate,miserable and a *****" with nothing to be proud of?!?!?!?!
In my book, her behaviour was that of a normal, non-psychotic reasonable adult - nothing to be ashamed of there. His behaviour, on the other hand - completely inexcusable. Do you think in some way "she deserved it" for the having the effrontery to sit in 'his' seat?
I think you're basically a really nice guy, Carl, but did you really think this one through? This man's behaviour is utterly appalling, and the 'provocation' offered is a)insignificant in the mind of any rational adult and b)irrelevant. Domestic abuse is not just physical, but emotional and psychological too, and those scars take a long time to fade. If this man thinks this is an acceptable way to treat a more-distant female member of his family, imagine how he behaves to his wife/girlfriend/children. Making excuses for that: "he was provoked", "she was being an obstinate ******", she "deserved" it, is anything but cool.
There is still an alarming culture of blaming the victim in cases of domestic abuse, and more widely in situations of violence against women in general, for that matter. Tolerating the sort of stories this man tells, making excuses for his despicable behaviour, not challenging him about his attitude - these are the reasons such attitudes persist.
Yes and why I still say neither party involved has anything to be proud of or should be given a pass on.
Both behaved as spoiled children.
When you are a guest you respect known customs in a house,one does not walk in and demand the TV channel be changed,dinner preparations altered etc.
If a guest does behave this way a host does not act like a play ground bully in return.
Gender has no part in it other then it happens to be a male and female here.
As a side note I find the entire "Chair" thing sort of ridiculous although perhaps still a custom in some areas.
To me it is a hold over from the Victorian era continuing into the 60s.
Kind of another reason I caution ladies about cherry picking certain "chivalrous" actions as having a romantic value.
Most of the customs of that era were far from friendly or respectful towards ladies.
Everyone should just be as equally polite and respectful to each other as they wish to be treated.0 -
Hmm I wonder if he edited that story for content.. Cause if he would have knocked a plate full of food out of my hand and talked to someone in my family that way he would have needed stitches.GRRRRRRRRR
I'm with you.0 -
Yeah, but the mother was a guest in their home. That's rude.
Not only was she a guest, but I think it's kind of ridiculous that he would have a designated chair. I find that concept extremely irritating altogether.
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I don't think it's weird for someone to have a designated chair, but good manners dictate that you give up your chair to someone who's a guest in your home.0 -
The guy sounds like he ups his story for shock value. He is probably also the one that caught the fish that was thiiiiisssss big. Everything is an exaggeration.
Guys that are usually really like this dont talk about it, they just are.0
This discussion has been closed.