Repulsive Guy

MissingMinnesota

The guy having his own chair is not that unusual. Most people in a house hold tend to sit in the same places. My dad is always on the couch and my mom in the rocking chair because it has a light over it for her reading/soduku. The thing is I was always taught to respect my elders. It has nothing to do with if it was my grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle or a friend of the family. We always let them choose where to sit first and if they want to sit where we usually sit then we find some place else to sit. I have sat on the floor numerious times because we ran out of places to sit but that is because I am the youngest in the family, and should have the least issue of sitting in the more uncomfortable spot.

shammxo

I think it's kind of ridiculous that he would have a designated chair. I find that concept extremely irritating altogether.

Wow, it's interesting to see different perspectives. I'm used to the man of the house having "his chair" and you best not sit in it if he is coming into the living room because that's his ONE spot. Of course, that was before the days of "man caves" lol.

I never thought anything disrespectful or chauvinistic about it. I have my chair. too. And while I normally wouldn't boot a guest out of my chair, I might be inclined to do so if I walked in and heard that guest telling my kid mommy would just have to sit elsewhere. Why? Just to make the point that you don't come into my house and disrupt family rules like that (don't change rules my kid is used to w/o my permission). That's not what this guy was doing, but just thought I'd throw that out there.

I guess we just never had that in my family. Maybe a chair in the living room that was my Grandpa's... Cause yeah, that's where he liked to watch TV, and he bought the chair, etc. But not in the dining room. I can understand what MissingMinnesota is saying about letting someone older choose where they WANT to sit at family meals, and having to take the floor seat because it would cause me the least amount of distress. But I don't understand the concept of having regular designated chairs at the dining room table.

MissingMinnesota

I think it's kind of ridiculous that he would have a designated chair. I find that concept extremely irritating altogether.

Wow, it's interesting to see different perspectives. I'm used to the man of the house having "his chair" and you best not sit in it if he is coming into the living room because that's his ONE spot. Of course, that was before the days of "man caves" lol.

I never thought anything disrespectful or chauvinistic about it. I have my chair. too. And while I normally wouldn't boot a guest out of my chair, I might be inclined to do so if I walked in and heard that guest telling my kid mommy would just have to sit elsewhere. Why? Just to make the point that you don't come into my house and disrupt family rules like that (don't change rules my kid is used to w/o my permission). That's not what this guy was doing, but just thought I'd throw that out there.

I guess we just never had that in my family. Maybe a chair in the living room that was my Grandpa's... Cause yeah, that's where he liked to watch TV, and he bought the chair, etc. But not in the dining room. I can understand what MissingMinnesota is saying about letting someone older choose where they WANT to sit at family meals, and having to take the floor seat because it would cause me the least amount of distress. But I don't understand the concept of having regular designated chairs at the dining room table.

Well I never sat on the floor for dinner but I have sat on a 3 step step stool before.

castadiva

"My ex wife's mom was a feminist, and she was kind of a feminist cool, and I'm okay with that as long as you listen to me. So her mom came over one time and sat in my chair, and my son said, 'Grandma, that's daddy's chair' and she said 'Oh Noah, your daddy can sit somewhere else, it'll be fine,' but my son still said, 'But that's where daddy always sits,' and she said 'Well he can sit somewhere else tonight.' So I went and there and told her to get out of my chair, and she said she didn't think it was a big deal for her to sit there, so while my wife was making my plate for dinner, I knocked her mom's plate on the floor and said 'Now you can either eat it off the floor or get out of my chair.'"

This is the story.

The former mother in law was being obstinate,miserable and a *****.

The guy responded in almost as bad a way as anyone could.

Neither should be proud and any person looking to date either is in for a miserable experience.

Sorry? The mother-in-law sat in a seat that her son in law had claimed as 'his', as a guest in his home, and assumed that he might sit somewhere else for a change, as any normal, civilised adult would, when his young son said 'But that's where Daddy always sits'. Instead of saying to her, if it really mattered that much to him "Hey, Jean, would you mind moving to another seat - this is where I always sit, because of my back/hip/view of the TV/overinflated misogynistic ego", he threw her food onto the floor and spoke to her as if she was an animal of some sort... and that makes her "obstinate,miserable and a *****" with nothing to be proud of?!?!?!?!

In my book, her behaviour was that of a normal, non-psychotic reasonable adult - nothing to be ashamed of there. His behaviour, on the other hand - completely inexcusable. Do you think in some way "she deserved it" for the having the effrontery to sit in 'his' seat?

I think you're basically a really nice guy, Carl, but did you really think this one through? This man's behaviour is utterly appalling, and the 'provocation' offered is a)insignificant in the mind of any rational adult and b)irrelevant. Domestic abuse is not just physical, but emotional and psychological too, and those scars take a long time to fade. If this man thinks this is an acceptable way to treat a more-distant female member of his family, imagine how he behaves to his wife/girlfriend/children. Making excuses for that: "he was provoked", "she was being an obstinate ******", she "deserved" it, is anything but cool.

There is still an alarming culture of blaming the victim in cases of domestic abuse, and more widely in situations of violence against women in general, for that matter. Tolerating the sort of stories this man tells, making excuses for his despicable behaviour, not challenging him about his attitude - these are the reasons such attitudes persist.

Yes and why I still say neither party involved has anything to be proud of or should be given a pass on.
Both behaved as spoiled children.

When you are a guest you respect known customs in a house,one does not walk in and demand the TV channel be changed,dinner preparations altered etc.

If a guest does behave this way a host does not act like a play ground bully in return.

A host should never behave like a playground bully in any situation... Regardless of their guest's behaviour, gender or age.

I think we're coming at this from different perspectives developed from different assumptions. I'm assuming that the ex-mother-in-law sat in a particular chair because it was convenient/a good height for her/ allowed her to interact with her grandson, and didn't pay much attention to a small child's warnings because she assumed, as most adults would, that someone sitting in a particular chair was unlikely to be a big deal in the eyes of another adult, though it might seem that way to a small child. You (and possibly Florian as well?) seem to be assuming that she deliberately and knowingly chose to sit, and remain seated, in the chair this man felt to be 'his', with malicious intent, in order to provoke and inconvenience him by deliberately contravening household habits she was aware of. I don't know many adults who would act like that, to be honest, but if that is the case, then yes, her behaviour was childish. As it stands, we don't actually know whether or not the ex-MIL was aware from previous visits that the man in question had 'his' chair, or that he was quite so absurdly territorial about it. Nonetheless, no-one, childishly-behaved or otherwise, female or male, deserves to be treated like an animal as this man reportedly treated his ex-MIL.

flimflamfloz

I really don't see how the woman in question being a feminist or not has anything to do with this.

Because a woman is a feminist/expects equal respect will be shown to her as to a man, and stands up for herself/does something a man doesn't like, she is somehow deserving of abusive behaviour?

There are several types of feminists, vegans, vegetarians, religious people, etc. The "zealous/extremists" ones and those who aren't/don't care.
So yes, it might have to do with it. Maybe she's made a point every time she came to the guy's place to impose her views on him, to be discourteous to him, to disrespect him in front of her daughter, because she doesn't like him, because she wants to protect her daughter.
Maybe she is one of these feminists who also happen to hate men because of her past with them, and is not "standing up for herself" but rather being rude and annoying to everyone and imposing her (extremists) views on them, all the time because she's an angry woman.
Yes, these people exist, believe it or not.

Maybe you're right, maybe I'm right. But the point is we don't know who's right, and we would actually need to know more about the woman/the guy and the context to know better. You're assuming she's a feminist as in non-extremist feminist, I'm not (although apparently the guy said she's a feminist cool - whatever that means :laugh: ).

:noway: Not buying that. Ever. The man's reaction was completely unacceptable. Full stop. Allowing/providing excuses for this sort of behaviour, and failing to challenge people (because men can be the victims of domestic abuse too) who tell stories of attitudes and behaviours that have no place in a civilised society with the expectation of approbation, has to come to an end.

It might be "acceptable" (or maybe more "understandable") with a certain context.
For example, if the mother has been bullying him for the last 3 months, turning his wife against him, he had a bad day at work, the kid has been screaming in his ears for 3 hours, he realised he has debts and will not be able to pay...
But he was looking forward to enjoying his dinner sitting in his nice chair.
And then, suddenly, this mother in law deliberately sits in the chair, and refuses to move from his chair.
I know I would snap.
The fact that he's bragging about it indicates that he isn't too sorry about it though...

As for the reasons why, maybe the mother in law doesn't like the guy and wants to push him to commit a fault so that he can separate him from her daughter.
We don't know much.

JanieJack

Maybe a chair in the living room that was my Grandpa's... Cause yeah, that's where he liked to watch TV, and he bought the chair, etc. But not in the dining room.

Oh this happened in a dining room??? I thought it was a living room the way most of us eat around here. Oh, to me that's even worse. The man of the house always sits at the head of the table. I would never never go into someone's dining room and sit in his spot without it first being offered.

Lol. Must be the Italian old world half of me coming out.

And please, please, please don't take this to mean I support the guys self-described horrible treatment of the girl or her mother.

shammxo

Maybe a chair in the living room that was my Grandpa's... Cause yeah, that's where he liked to watch TV, and he bought the chair, etc. But not in the dining room.

Oh this happened in a dining room??? I thought it was a living room the way most of us eat around here. Oh, to me that's even worse. The man of the house always sits at the head of the table. I would never never go into someone's dining room and sit in his spot without it first being offered.

Lol. Must be the Italian old world half of me coming out.

And please, please, please don't take this to mean I support the guys self-described horrible treatment of the girl or her mother.

Bahaha, I could be wrong.. It could be a living room. That's just how I read it :P

geebusuk

Seems like a bit of a clash of egos taking the story as it is.
A bit rude to sit somewhere in someone else's house, be asked not to and then say "no".
Seems like they were both trying to be the 'Alpha' by being rude to the other - personally I don't like people trying to act like that regardless of sex.