a Chip a Chair and a Chance
Replies
-
I've been on Plenty Of Fish, okCupid and Christian Mingle... all with several dates, all with nothing lasting. So I think I can answer this question for you, but first it requires some answers from you?
Like for instance, what type of information do you put in your message? I have had so many guys just tell me I'm beautiful and expect me to write back. I want someone with substance and I want someone who took the time to read my profile. Drop some lines about the things you liked about their profiles. It can't be just a generic message that you could mass send to everyone. You have to get personal... do you get personal?
If you answered yes to that question... then I'm kind of already lost. Personally if I was in your area, I'd be asking you on a date right now. But this is based solely on what I know about you from this site. You're attractive, so I don't see that being an issue. You are physically fit, and like to stay active which is also a plus.
From what I hear from most men on these dating sites is that the women can be quite snobbish. I never felt I was. If I got a good personal message, I would answer it, even if to say I'm sorry I'm not interested. But who knows, maybe you aren't their type, maybe you don't make enough money, maybe they want someone who sucks at life.
I personally gave up on-line dating... which means I have given up dating lol. I don't have time to go out and meet people in a normal setting, so single it is... forever?
Good luck though. Hopefully you will find what you are looking for!0 -
I guess I don't have anything to complain about. I think I am about 1 in 10 that reply and about 1 in 15 that goes to a second message. I don't send out a lot of messages and try to be sarcastic/funny with my responses. I had one where the girl said "bonus points if you're tall enough to change the lights in my kitchen." I ended my message to her by saying there probably weren't that many guys taller but if I couldn't reach the lights, I'd get on all fours and let her stand on my back to do it. She should consider herself lucky, I don't let just any woman walk all over me.0
-
I had one where the girl said "bonus points if you're tall enough to change the lights in my kitchen." I ended my message to her by saying there probably weren't that many guys taller but if I couldn't reach the lights, I'd get on all fours and let her stand on my back to do it. She should consider herself lucky, I don't let just any woman walk all over me.
Awesome!0 -
I think DM's 1:15 is the best I've seen. Actually I wasn't trying to come off as someone who can't get a date in this post... but more looking for reasons why someone wouldn't respond to something with such a low risk, that could pay off huge. As I just messaged someone on here, I remember the days of sharing 1-5 minutes of convo with a person exchanging #'s and boom you have a date. Now we're suppose to master the art of writing a dating profile to get a simple response (not even a date)??... way to technical for my blood.
Even my ratio sucks in my opinion, which is part of why I have been known to express negative sentiments about the online process. So if I get 1 of 15 to reply, that's ok. Then of those who reply, I need to get to the point of asking out and getting her to accept a date. Not all repliers will get to that point. Then, you have to account for those who you set dates with who bail before the first dates. Then you'll have some one & dones. So the numbers are not impressive, even with a good first reply rate. I perceive that as an inefficient process, even if one is effective in getting an LTR out of it. Efficiency and effectiveness are not the same things.
You are right about the technicality of the whole thing. I work in a digital marketing agency, and our goal is writing effective web copy (websites, social media outlets, PPC ads, etc). There is actually a lot of market research and analytics that goes into that line of work, if it is done right. It is a very intricate process to write effective ad copy, and a dating website is basically an advertisement for you as a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover, etc.
There is some overlap between dating and advertising, but it is not entirely analogous.0 -
Girls are way too complicated to try and pin point. :noway: My suggestion would be to change/branch out to a different site(s). You're adorable, btw! Just checked my FB friends list for a single friend to hook you up with, but to no avail. I'd go for ya myself, but I'm an old lady with teenagers. :drinker: ha!0
-
As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.
I can tell you it isn't his locale as I used to live there. I know quite a few single girls that live in that area.0 -
As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.
I can tell you it isn't his locale as I used to live there. I know quite a few single girls that live in that area.
Hello Matchmaker ... hook them up!0 -
As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.
I can tell you it isn't his locale as I used to live there. I know quite a few single girls that live in that area.
Hello Matchmaker ... hook them up!
I like the idea. I talk about the friend of friend network all the time. This is a way to put that into action.0 -
As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.
I can tell you it isn't his locale as I used to live there. I know quite a few single girls that live in that area.
Hello Matchmaker ... hook them up!
I like the idea. I talk about the friend of friend network all the time. This is a way to put that into action.
I don't like to match up my friends with guys I never met in person.0 -
A few questions...
- how old are you? How old are the women you message?
- what are you saying in your messages? Can you give us an example of what you are saying?
- what kinds of women do you message? What draws you to them?0 -
As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.
I can tell you it isn't his locale as I used to live there. I know quite a few single girls that live in that area.
Well then why don't you post your profile, Poncho? If you're profile is as awesome as you say it is, then the only reason I can think of that you aren't getting more interest is that you're not going after "average" women.
A couple guys on this forum burst my “oh wow, look at all these guys interested in me on Match” bubble by talking about how low scoring women are treated like 10s. So when a guy says there’s no one interested, I think that either they’ve got a profile that’s way too condescending/a total turn off or they’re holding out for the super hotties and turning down their nose at normal women like the rest of us.0 -
As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.
I can tell you it isn't his locale as I used to live there. I know quite a few single girls that live in that area.
Well then why don't you post your profile, Poncho? If you're profile is as awesome as you say it is, then the only reason I can think of that you aren't getting more interest is that you're not going after "average" women.
A couple guys on this forum burst my “oh wow, look at all these guys interested in me on Match” bubble by talking about how low scoring women are treated like 10s. So when a guy says there’s no one interested, I think that either they’ve got a profile that’s way too condescending/a total turn off or they’re holding out for the super hotties and turning down their nose at normal women like the rest of us.
I don't want to post my profile because I'm not looking for advice, I guess I shouldn't have mentioned myself in my original post... I just wanted to know what reasons girls had for not replying... more of a curiosity thing than anything else.
I think what those guys are calling low scoring women are maybe ones that don't seem to add up to ex gf or people they have been on dates with offline. I don't think it's turning down their nose at anyone... it's just taking offline and comparing it to online.0 -
Poncho, all guys suffer from this. My ratio is roughly 1:15 and believe me, I do not swing for the fences.
I think there are more men than women that do online dating, hence women have a huge upper hand. Your odds to score a hot babe are MUCH better in a bar setting or through mutual friends. However, that being said, it certainly isn't impossible to meet a great girl online. I've done it.. and if I can do it, anyone can. Just keep those e-mails flowing.0 -
Poncho, all guys suffer from this. My ratio is roughly 1:15 and believe me, I do not swing for the fences.
I think there are more men than women that do online dating, hence women have a huge upper hand. Your odds to score a hot babe are MUCH better in a bar setting or through mutual friends. However, that being said, it certainly isn't impossible to meet a great girl online. I've done it.. and if I can do it, anyone can. Just keep those e-mails flowing.
Wasn't online dating originally conceived as a way to avoid the nonsense and garbage of the bar scene? It is funny that some now think that the bar scene is preferable to the online dating scene. And the regular bar scene has plenty of faults.0 -
Poncho, all guys suffer from this. My ratio is roughly 1:15 and believe me, I do not swing for the fences.
I think there are more men than women that do online dating, hence women have a huge upper hand. Your odds to score a hot babe are MUCH better in a bar setting or through mutual friends. However, that being said, it certainly isn't impossible to meet a great girl online. I've done it.. and if I can do it, anyone can. Just keep those e-mails flowing.
Wasn't online dating originally conceived as a way to avoid the nonsense and garbage of the bar scene? It is funny that some now think that the bar scene is preferable to the online dating scene. And the regular bar scene has plenty of faults.
I always found the the two major faults with the bar scene : #1 most are too loud and #2 men outnumber women at most places.
Now, church isn't my thing, however, I met a guy who married a absolutely gorgeous women through church. The guy was just an average fellow, yet his wife was a bonafide 9/9.5. Just some food for thought..0 -
Wasn't online dating originally conceived as a way to avoid the nonsense and garbage of the bar scene? It is funny that some now think that the bar scene is preferable to the online dating scene. And the regular bar scene has plenty of faults.
I think this might be where online dating is better for older singles, especially if they have children and very little free time on top of low opportunity to meet people. I know that I sure am not going to start going to bars again now in my 40s like I might have in my 20s. It's much more difficult as you get older to meet people generally as people our age get married and settle into their family lives. If I was in my 20s still, I would be out trying to meet men (bars, clubs, classes, etc.), not online. Maybe because there are often more men at bars than women, as Mike pointed out, the odds would have been in my favor.0 -
Poncho, all guys suffer from this. My ratio is roughly 1:15 and believe me, I do not swing for the fences.
I think there are more men than women that do online dating, hence women have a huge upper hand. Your odds to score a hot babe are MUCH better in a bar setting or through mutual friends. However, that being said, it certainly isn't impossible to meet a great girl online. I've done it.. and if I can do it, anyone can. Just keep those e-mails flowing.
Wasn't online dating originally conceived as a way to avoid the nonsense and garbage of the bar scene? It is funny that some now think that the bar scene is preferable to the online dating scene. And the regular bar scene has plenty of faults.
I always found the the two major faults with the bar scene : #1 most are too loud and #2 men outnumber women at most places.
Now, church isn't my thing, however, I met a guy who married a absolutely gorgeous women through church. The guy was just an average fellow, yet his wife was a bonafide 9/9.5. Just some food for thought..
It seems like the thinking is that men outnumber women at both bars and online. Wouldn't that represent two bad choices?
I like exercise classes as an option in theory. In my experience, any exercise class skews more female.0 -
Poncho, how are your opening e-mails to a girl? I like to keep it short (but not too short) and sweet. 5 sentences max.
If your reply rate is low, post a example of an opening e-mail and we can let you know our opinions on it.
Mine are pretty much the same, I just sent this one out about 5 minutes ago to a girl who made note that she enjoys tennis and works as a speech pathologist.
"Hey, how are you? I enjoyed reading your profile and you seem like a nice girl. I see that you enjoy tennis, which is a huge plus in my book. How often do you play?
I see that you work as a speech pathologist, how long have you been doing that?
--Mike"
Just enough to get the conversation flowing if she's interested.0 -
A couple guys on this forum burst my “oh wow, look at all these guys interested in me on Match” bubble by talking about how low scoring women are treated like 10s. So when a guy says there’s no one interested, I think that either they’ve got a profile that’s way too condescending/a total turn off or they’re holding out for the super hotties and turning down their nose at normal women like the rest of us.
I think what those guys are calling low scoring women are maybe ones that don't seem to add up to ex gf or people they have been on dates with offline. I don't think it's turning down their nose at anyone... it's just taking offline and comparing it to online.
I appreciate you trying to soften it, but when I compare offline to online, I realize I’m now one of those women who doesn’t get in –person attention.
Last year I got asked out at grocery stores and gas stations. 2012 I have not been out on ONE date that resulted from a guy meeting me in person. I’m not sure what changed (can’t think of anything except I got promoted), but right now the only guys who chat me up and ask me out in person are guys old enough to be my dad. So imagine my surprise when online I got so much attention I literally did not have enough time in the week to go out with all the guy s interested.I just wanted to know what reasons girls had for not replying... more of a curiosity thing than anything else.
When I filter out a guy, it’s because I’m not attracted or he’s too old or too young or he mentions something sexual in the first or second email. Or he’s got lost of pics with him and other girls partying or in romantic poses, or he has a lot of shirtless pics. Or he tells me how amazing I am (but he’s never met me or even talked to me, so this is just perceived as a line). Those things all point to us being incompatible personalities, and I’m not the type to waste our time (or his money).0 -
This is just a guess, but I'm wondering if due to your promotion (or other things) you are so busy/ focused / rushed / in-your-own-head, etc. that you are no longer giving off an approachable vibe in person when at the store or other similar places? I think so much of that has to do with our internal self.Last year I got asked out at grocery stores and gas stations. 2012 I have not been out on ONE date that resulted from a guy meeting me in person. I’m not sure what changed (can’t think of anything except I got promoted), but right now the only guys who chat me up and ask me out in person are guys old enough to be my dad. So imagine my surprise when online I got so much attention I literally did not have enough time in the week to go out with all the guy s interested.
I'm not trying to be picky here, but I am soooo turned off when a man calls me a 'girl' because it comes across as demeaning. If she is mid-20s or older, the word is woman."Hey, how are you? I enjoyed reading your profile and you seem like a nice girl. I see that you enjoy tennis, which is a huge plus in my book. How often do you play?0 -
Hmmm, good question. I am way more sociable now, as I don’t need to fight and scrape for rank anymore. So I thought it would be the other way around. I’ll have to think about whether I’m giving off some “too busy” vibe.
This is just a guess, but I'm wondering if due to your promotion (or other things) you are so busy/ focused / rushed / in-your-own-head, etc. that you are no longer giving off an approachable vibe in person when at the store or other similar places?2012 I have not been out on ONE date that resulted from a guy meeting me in person. I’m not sure what changed (can’t think of anything except I got promoted), but right now the only guys who chat me up and ask me out in person are guys old enough to be my dad.0 -
[/quote]I think what those guys are calling low scoring women are maybe ones that don't seem to add up to ex gf or people they have been on dates with offline. I don't think it's turning down their nose at anyone... it's just taking offline and comparing it to online.
I appreciate you trying to soften it, but when I compare offline to online, I realize I’m now one of those women who doesn’t get in –person attention.
Last year I got asked out at grocery stores and gas stations. 2012 I have not been out on ONE date that resulted from a guy meeting me in person. I’m not sure what changed (can’t think of anything except I got promoted), but right now the only guys who chat me up and ask me out in person are guys old enough to be my dad. So imagine my surprise when online I got so much attention I literally did not have enough time in the week to go out with all the guy s interested.
Offline separates the wheat from the chaff in terms of how you are perceived from opposite sex singles to an extent.
Offline is real time. People have to be in the moment and approach. Online, you can take your time, peruse, be creative behind a keyboard. In offline, it's a split second decision.
With offline, placement matters as well. The top tier women will get hit on anywhere (online dating sites, singles oriented bars, exercise classes, grocery stores, other retail stores). Lesser attractive women may not do as well in person, or may need to put themselves into the singles meet market bar scene to get attention. Presentation matters too. If you dress well, smile, look approachable, that will matter. And you need to go to places where singles are. Single men do not hang out at daycare centers for example.
I think online gives the mid to lower tier women more options. The top tier women probably have enough interest from offline sources that online is not a necessity.0 -
So this question is aimed at the ladies that do get some messages on online dating but anyone can jump in. So I have mentioned my dating ratio on here as being around 1:35... that is one reply for 35 messages. Now my messages and profile don't need to be broken down, they are just fine. My question is: It seems like such a low risk that could pay off as a pretty big reward for ladies to simply reply to a message... not a date but a friendly message... so why do so many guys have such a low response ratio?? I guess if I thought someone was even remotely attractive or interesting I would at least respond to the first message and see where it goes. Is this just an ego boost?? Are these even real people or just set up to draw in guys?? And lastly why do people join a dating site to not participate?? I was on Okcupid the other date and 90% of the gals had a red dot, meaning they barely ever reply.
After reading this yesterday I decided to respond to more messages, just to be open and see what I find. Well, this morning I had 4 short back and forth messages with a guy who on the surface seemed ok, but not really my type. Then, I get message #5:
"im 37 yrs old 6"5 230 average shape with a Huge ****..i have my own business selling used cars...love sports and movies and hanging with friends"
Maybe the fact that some guys send these types of messages has a huge influence over why not all men get responses... just sayin...0 -
After reading this yesterday I decided to respond to more messages, just to be open and see what I find. Well, this morning I had 4 short back and forth messages with a guy who on the surface seemed ok, but not really my type. Then, I get message #5:
"im 37 yrs old 6"5 230 average shape with a Huge ****..i have my own business selling used cars...love sports and movies and hanging with friends"
Maybe the fact that some guys send these types of messages has a huge influence over why not all men get responses... just sayin...
I totally did the same thing, haha, and got pretty much the same result! I had three reasonable messages yesterday, so I responded to two of them that I really wasn't all that into, but I wanted to be open and they seemed decent enough. The message back from one of them offered to be my servant and pay my bills...the second actually straight up admitted he was happily married but not sexually satisfied. This is exactly why I have ONLY responded if I was really interested. Wow!0 -
After reading this yesterday I decided to respond to more messages, just to be open and see what I find. Well, this morning I had 4 short back and forth messages with a guy who on the surface seemed ok, but not really my type. Then, I get message #5:
"im 37 yrs old 6"5 230 average shape with a Huge ****..i have my own business selling used cars...love sports and movies and hanging with friends"
Maybe the fact that some guys send these types of messages has a huge influence over why not all men get responses... just sayin...
Something does not compute with this story. Wouldn't the fact that he is 37 and 6'5" appear in his profile already? Why would he need to re-iterate after a few msgs being 37 and 6'5"?
If you claim to be in average shape, a weight of 230 at a height of 6'5 is stretching the truth. That is a BMI of 27.3. A BMI of 25 is overweight. BMI has some problems as a measurement tool, particularly for athletes with a lot of muscle mass. In his prime, Jose Canseco was listed 6'4" and 230 lbs. So unless this guy has the physique of Jose Canseco 20 years ago, he's overweight.
Most people don't have interesting jobs. So this guy owning a used car lot has nothing to brag about. If he worked as a high level director or Vice President in a Fortune 500 company, that could work. Maybe a partner in a big name law firm. Pro athlete.
Talking about penis size prior to an in person meeting is not the way to go.0 -
Something does not compute with this story. Wouldn't the fact that he is 37 and 6'5" appear in his profile already? Why would he need to re-iterate after a few msgs being 37 and 6'5"?
If you claim to be in average shape, a weight of 230 at a height of 6'5 is stretching the truth. That is a BMI of 27.3. A BMI of 25 is overweight. BMI has some problems as a measurement tool, particularly for athletes with a lot of muscle mass. In his prime, Jose Canseco was listed 6'4" and 230 lbs. So unless this guy has the physique of Jose Canseco 20 years ago, he's overweight.
Most people don't have interesting jobs. So this guy owning a used car lot has nothing to brag about. If he worked as a high level director or Vice President in a Fortune 500 company, that could work. Maybe a partner in a big name law firm. Pro athlete.
Talking about penis size prior to an in person meeting is not the way to go.
Am I right to assume it is a bad idea upon greeting a person in real life for the first time too?
0 -
After a few civil exchanges, I asked him to tell me more about himself...and what I quoted was his exact response, I don't know why he needed to re-iterate the profile. I don't even care about the 'average' stats, but really this was the best he could do!? And just in case you were wondering, I can be snarky, so this was my response back "Sorry, all guys think that theirs is huge... Thanks but no thanks."Something does not compute with this story. Wouldn't the fact that he is 37 and 6'5" appear in his profile already? Why would he need to re-iterate after a few msgs being 37 and 6'5"?
*Edit to add a trend that most guys also need to describe it with the word 'thick'... just in case we were wondering.
Yes, I agree, but the point is (and ladies please back me up here) there are a million guys eager and willing to share their size immediately! Maybe the men here should have a talk with your bros because they're the ones giving all of you that low response rate!Talking about penis size prior to an in person meeting is not the way to go.
NC, now at least this one made you a fun offer! Hello Sugar Daddy! :laugh:The message back from one of them offered to be my servant and pay my bills0 -
Are you sure your pics and profile are good and something isn't turning them off? You could try posting a different profile on another site, maybe with a different main photo and see if you have any better luck. I noticed that I had much better luck on some sites than I did on other ones even if my profile and pics were pretty much the same. Sometimes you just have to experiment and see what works.
I also would like to know what a typical email says. Mine typically comment on something in their profile, ask them a question, and give them my name. When I was finally getting responses I was probably 1 for 5. Right before I shut my accounts down because I was starting to get serious with my current girlfriend I even had some pretty good looking girls email me! It was sorta tough to not write them back.
Anyway, my point is if you're a decent looking guy and you're 1 for 35, it's not necessarily something you're doing wrong, it's just that something's not working for you. Switch it up. Eventually you'll find something that works.0 -
After reading this yesterday I decided to respond to more messages, just to be open and see what I find. Well, this morning I had 4 short back and forth messages with a guy who on the surface seemed ok, but not really my type. Then, I get message #5:
"im 37 yrs old 6"5 230 average shape with a Huge ****..i have my own business selling used cars...love sports and movies and hanging with friends"
Maybe the fact that some guys send these types of messages has a huge influence over why not all men get responses... just sayin...
Something does not compute with this story. Wouldn't the fact that he is 37 and 6'5" appear in his profile already? Why would he need to re-iterate after a few msgs being 37 and 6'5"?
If you claim to be in average shape, a weight of 230 at a height of 6'5 is stretching the truth. That is a BMI of 27.3. A BMI of 25 is overweight. BMI has some problems as a measurement tool, particularly for athletes with a lot of muscle mass. In his prime, Jose Canseco was listed 6'4" and 230 lbs. So unless this guy has the physique of Jose Canseco 20 years ago, he's overweight.
Most people don't have interesting jobs. So this guy owning a used car lot has nothing to brag about. If he worked as a high level director or Vice President in a Fortune 500 company, that could work. Maybe a partner in a big name law firm. Pro athlete.
Talking about penis size prior to an in person meeting is not the way to go.
DM, you crack me up!!!!! :laugh: :laugh:
I think what PJ is trying to say is the guy is complete jerk mentioning his manhood at all!! Big or small, can you answer why men think that women get off on that kind of approach? That would be far more informative cos I can't imagine the type of success rate HE is having with that kind of intro......0 -
After reading this yesterday I decided to respond to more messages, just to be open and see what I find. Well, this morning I had 4 short back and forth messages with a guy who on the surface seemed ok, but not really my type. Then, I get message #5:
"im 37 yrs old 6"5 230 average shape with a Huge ****..i have my own business selling used cars...love sports and movies and hanging with friends"
Maybe the fact that some guys send these types of messages has a huge influence over why not all men get responses... just sayin...
Something does not compute with this story. Wouldn't the fact that he is 37 and 6'5" appear in his profile already? Why would he need to re-iterate after a few msgs being 37 and 6'5"?
If you claim to be in average shape, a weight of 230 at a height of 6'5 is stretching the truth. That is a BMI of 27.3. A BMI of 25 is overweight. BMI has some problems as a measurement tool, particularly for athletes with a lot of muscle mass. In his prime, Jose Canseco was listed 6'4" and 230 lbs. So unless this guy has the physique of Jose Canseco 20 years ago, he's overweight.
Most people don't have interesting jobs. So this guy owning a used car lot has nothing to brag about. If he worked as a high level director or Vice President in a Fortune 500 company, that could work. Maybe a partner in a big name law firm. Pro athlete.
Talking about penis size prior to an in person meeting is not the way to go.
DM, you crack me up!!!!! :laugh: :laugh:
I think what PJ is trying to say is the guy is complete jerk mentioning his manhood at all!! Big or small, can you answer why men think that women get off on that kind of approach? That would be far more informative cos I can't imagine the type of success rate HE is having with that kind of intro......
Glad I could make you laugh Anna!
Some things are best left unsaid for a bit.0
