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a Chip a Chair and a Chance

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  • BelMckenzie
    BelMckenzie Posts: 249
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    I can't imagine you not getting a response, but you're an attractive guy looking for women at an age where they probably get more traffic. You seem to be doing the right things, and I'd definitely focus more offline.

    I agree with NCTravel... you are an attractive guy and you seem to be reading decent messages to these women. It really boggles my mind why you would not be getting responses since I know I would respond if I receieved a message from you and I am a childless women in my 20s.

    Even when I do the free sites, I can only be on a week or 2 at a time since I get overwhelmed with the amount of messages, but I do read them all since I am on the site to meet someone and don't want to pass up the good ones.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    I can't imagine you not getting a response, but you're an attractive guy looking for women at an age where they probably get more traffic. You seem to be doing the right things, and I'd definitely focus more offline.

    I agree with NCTravel... you are an attractive guy and you seem to be reading decent messages to these women. It really boggles my mind why you would not be getting responses since I know I would respond if I receieved a message from you and I am a childless women in my 20s.

    Errmmm, do you two live near each other??? :bigsmile: :wink: :love:
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    I'm not too worried, I have lots of friends, I'm not shy and I do pretty well at the bar. The reason I got into online dating in the first place was after the break up of my ex, I was down and feeling lazy about finding someone new... so I signed up. I do pretty well in person, I was just hopping not to spend my 30's in bars... but fug-it and to the bar I shall go!

    I like your 'tude! See if your friends can set you up with mutual acquaintances. I am a big believer in the friend of friend network. If you have been living in the same place for an extended period of time, that helps with having a good friend of friend network. I think fug-it and the bar is a pretty good solution from your perspective.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    Thanks to this forum and observing the guys' angst, I do respond to all emails (even the "Hey") ones unless the guy is clearly too old or too unattractive. I met 23 guys in the 3 months I was active on Match and most of them were great guys (just not great for me). Some were a little older, some where a little younger and some a little less attractive than I would have chosen for myself. But I had so much fun, learned a lot, and even fixed some of the guys up with friends. Out of the (few) guys I approached first NONE asked me out or even continued emailing me beyond the initial "thanks."

    So maybe you should shoot for a different type of woman or clean up your profile (I don't think you posted it, but when I read the ladies responses to guys who post one I typically agree with what's said as something that would turn me off).
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
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    Thanks to this forum and observing the guys' angst, I do respond to all emails (even the "Hey") ones unless the guy is clearly too old or too unattractive. I met 23 guys in the 3 months I was active on Match and most of them were great guys (just not great for me). Some were a little older, some where a little younger and some a little less attractive than I would have chosen for myself. But I had so much fun, learned a lot, and even fixed some of the guys up with friends. Out of the (few) guys I approached first NONE asked me out or even continued emailing me beyond the initial "thanks."

    So maybe you should shoot for a different type of woman or clean up your profile (I don't think you posted it, but when I read the ladies responses to guys who post one I typically agree with what's said as something that would turn me off).

    Your suggestions are good JJ and everyone else's as well. But I don't think my profile or taste in woman is the problem... I mean, I have yet to see a guy post about a good reply ratio... I think DM's 1:15 is the best I've seen. Actually I wasn't trying to come off as someone who can't get a date in this post... but more looking for reasons why someone wouldn't respond to something with such a low risk, that could pay off huge. As I just messaged someone on here, I remember the days of sharing 1-5 minutes of convo with a person exchanging #'s and boom you have a date. Now we're suppose to master the art of writing a dating profile to get a simple response (not even a date)??... way to technical for my blood.
  • Natx83
    Natx83 Posts: 1,308 Member
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    1:35 Reslly? That's rough dude lol.

    You'll get there.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    If I'm not physically attracted to the guy, I won't respond. If the guy went out of his way to write me a long message and it's obvious he read my profile, I'll politely just thank him. Otherwise, I don't see the point in responding. It probably sounds bad but that's the truth. I won't waste my time nor yours just to be nice. That's how it starts.
    And me not being physically attracted happens a lot. Out of 10 messages I get, I might be attracted to 1.
    Once I am attracted to him, I'll look at his profile... If there are deal breakers (for online dating) such as kiddos, defensiveness in his "about me" or height, or if he's just looking for casual/ non commitment, I'll decide then.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    more looking for reasons why someone wouldn't respond to something with such a low risk, that could pay off huge.

    See, I don't see it that way. As a woman, who gets emotionally attached, the first time I was on Match I was insanely more selective with who I responded to because I emotionally attached to someone too quickly. This man had to be good looking, the right age, fit in with my career goals, and be a good father. He also had to not mug, rape, or kill me on our first date, and what if I email him once and decide I don't like him?? then I get a ton of stalker messages (and my gf actually HAD a stalker at one time) and even if he's not a stalker, I only have so much time in a day (about 10 min/night) to manage my online account so it's not "low risk" to an over-analytical woman who is constantly bombarded with guys trying to get in their pants. It's easier to come up with dumb reasons not to respond to a guy when you have that many guys emailing you every day.

    This time around, I was just looking to have fun not get serious with anyone so I learned a valuable lesson in thinking outside the box, but I still don't respond to guys I have absolutely no interest in. I actually delete their emails without reading them unless the title of the email is so unique that I'll open it and respond with a "not interested but thanks for the awesome note" kind of thing.
    I don't think my profile or taste in woman is the problem
    As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
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    I think it depends on who you are messaging. If you are only messaging the top 10 percent of women who get tuns of emails you will have less response.
    The men that I don't respond to either have no pictures, or appear to be completely incompatable (ie 46 with 3 kids and dont' want any more..or 25 and party kids). Or that I see the picture and I know I'm not attracted.
    Otherwise I email back. Not that it has been all that much better. I was supposed to meet 3 people this past week and all 3 bailed on me. 0-3 this week. I could have been doing other fun things.

    Anyway I don't know but message not just the stunning ladies..message some of the average ladies too if you like their smile.
  • RMuske
    RMuske Posts: 271 Member
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    When I was on my Match.com profile a lot I would respond to most everyone. There were a few I did not respond to for various reasons (Ex: A message with one word in it, someone much older than me, someone with no pics or one picture you can't see, someone who's profile was full of errors or if we had nothing in common.)

    Even the people I was moderately interested in I would respond to since you never know and not everyone is photogenic. After meeting my current guy on there I have not been on or responding to anything but I am sure my profile says I have not been active in months. If you message people who are not checking that might be part of it.

    I'm not sure why otherwise. Sorry... You seem like a nice enough guy. Good luck!
  • SmexAppeal
    SmexAppeal Posts: 858 Member
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    I've been on Plenty Of Fish, okCupid and Christian Mingle... all with several dates, all with nothing lasting. So I think I can answer this question for you, but first it requires some answers from you?
    Like for instance, what type of information do you put in your message? I have had so many guys just tell me I'm beautiful and expect me to write back. I want someone with substance and I want someone who took the time to read my profile. Drop some lines about the things you liked about their profiles. It can't be just a generic message that you could mass send to everyone. You have to get personal... do you get personal?
    If you answered yes to that question... then I'm kind of already lost. Personally if I was in your area, I'd be asking you on a date right now. But this is based solely on what I know about you from this site. You're attractive, so I don't see that being an issue. You are physically fit, and like to stay active which is also a plus.
    From what I hear from most men on these dating sites is that the women can be quite snobbish. I never felt I was. If I got a good personal message, I would answer it, even if to say I'm sorry I'm not interested. But who knows, maybe you aren't their type, maybe you don't make enough money, maybe they want someone who sucks at life.
    I personally gave up on-line dating... which means I have given up dating lol. I don't have time to go out and meet people in a normal setting, so single it is... forever?
    Good luck though. Hopefully you will find what you are looking for!
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
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    I guess I don't have anything to complain about. I think I am about 1 in 10 that reply and about 1 in 15 that goes to a second message. I don't send out a lot of messages and try to be sarcastic/funny with my responses. I had one where the girl said "bonus points if you're tall enough to change the lights in my kitchen." I ended my message to her by saying there probably weren't that many guys taller but if I couldn't reach the lights, I'd get on all fours and let her stand on my back to do it. She should consider herself lucky, I don't let just any woman walk all over me.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    I had one where the girl said "bonus points if you're tall enough to change the lights in my kitchen." I ended my message to her by saying there probably weren't that many guys taller but if I couldn't reach the lights, I'd get on all fours and let her stand on my back to do it. She should consider herself lucky, I don't let just any woman walk all over me.

    Awesome!
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    I think DM's 1:15 is the best I've seen. Actually I wasn't trying to come off as someone who can't get a date in this post... but more looking for reasons why someone wouldn't respond to something with such a low risk, that could pay off huge. As I just messaged someone on here, I remember the days of sharing 1-5 minutes of convo with a person exchanging #'s and boom you have a date. Now we're suppose to master the art of writing a dating profile to get a simple response (not even a date)??... way to technical for my blood.

    Even my ratio sucks in my opinion, which is part of why I have been known to express negative sentiments about the online process. So if I get 1 of 15 to reply, that's ok. Then of those who reply, I need to get to the point of asking out and getting her to accept a date. Not all repliers will get to that point. Then, you have to account for those who you set dates with who bail before the first dates. Then you'll have some one & dones. So the numbers are not impressive, even with a good first reply rate. I perceive that as an inefficient process, even if one is effective in getting an LTR out of it. Efficiency and effectiveness are not the same things.

    You are right about the technicality of the whole thing. I work in a digital marketing agency, and our goal is writing effective web copy (websites, social media outlets, PPC ads, etc). There is actually a lot of market research and analytics that goes into that line of work, if it is done right. It is a very intricate process to write effective ad copy, and a dating website is basically an advertisement for you as a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover, etc.

    There is some overlap between dating and advertising, but it is not entirely analogous.
  • SweetBasil35
    SweetBasil35 Posts: 126 Member
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    Girls are way too complicated to try and pin point. :noway: My suggestion would be to change/branch out to a different site(s). You're adorable, btw! Just checked my FB friends list for a single friend to hook you up with, but to no avail. I'd go for ya myself, but I'm an old lady with teenagers. :drinker: ha!
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
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    As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.

    I can tell you it isn't his locale as I used to live there. I know quite a few single girls that live in that area.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.

    I can tell you it isn't his locale as I used to live there. I know quite a few single girls that live in that area.

    Hello Matchmaker ... hook them up!
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.

    I can tell you it isn't his locale as I used to live there. I know quite a few single girls that live in that area.

    Hello Matchmaker ... hook them up!

    I like the idea. I talk about the friend of friend network all the time. This is a way to put that into action.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
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    As many lonely women as there are out there, if it's not your profile or taste in women, it might be your location but that's about all I can think of.

    I can tell you it isn't his locale as I used to live there. I know quite a few single girls that live in that area.

    Hello Matchmaker ... hook them up!

    I like the idea. I talk about the friend of friend network all the time. This is a way to put that into action.

    I don't like to match up my friends with guys I never met in person.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,064 Member
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    A few questions...

    - how old are you? How old are the women you message?
    - what are you saying in your messages? Can you give us an example of what you are saying?
    - what kinds of women do you message? What draws you to them?

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