Domestic violence and when to intervene.
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I ever did get an answer to whether the girl was super hot.
As in a subconscious, "she's too amazing to be with a jerk like that, I'll get her out of this and show her how a *real* man treats a woman."
Janie, I love you, that's friggin' genius.
I know, I know, I'm pessimistic. Really just hopeless. haha.
BUT there *IS* a ring of truth to it. I travel a lot. And one thing I've started doing is watch people. Beautiful women get PLENTY of help with their bags, getting stuff off a high shelf, even guys giving them their spot in line at the terminal Starbucks. But guys rarely help the less attractive "un-put-together" women, unless those "ugly" women are also elderly. It makes me feel sad to watch a so-so looking woman up the aisle struggle with her bags and no one move. But a beautiful woman doesn't even have to struggle before the men near her are jumping up to offer help.
Just sayin'
Definitely so. I even think about this in the workplace as well.
Me, I help most everybody. If I'm pushing a door open, and you're behind me, it doesn't matter if you're my age, if you're ten years old or if you're elderly, or what you look like. I am courteous for how it makes me feel, and how it makes the other person feel. Not because I want to impress that person. It is nice to be helped. It just makes you feel good. We should all try to help others, regardless of who they are.
You're right, Janie, I bet this woman in the OP's situation was attractive!0 -
I for one would certainly not help an ugly lady. Call it natural selection if you will... Nah I'm just kidding! :laugh:You're right, Janie, I bet this woman in the OP's situation was attractive!
Mind you never been helped much - yeah, I've always been part of the ugly clan moreover I'm a man... but I think this made me fairly independent and self reliant. I guess the stupid blonde bimbo stereotype has to come from somewhere.0 -
but I think this made me fairly independent and self reliant.
Same here!0 -
Mind you never been helped much - yeah, I've always been part of the ugly clan moreover I'm a man...
Is that sarcasm?0 -
I ever did get an answer to whether the girl was super hot.
As in a subconscious, "she's too amazing to be with a jerk like that, I'll get her out of this and show her how a *real* man treats a woman."
Janie, I love you, that's friggin' genius.
I know, I know, I'm pessimistic. Really just hopeless. haha.
BUT there *IS* a ring of truth to it. I travel a lot. And one thing I've started doing is watch people. Beautiful women get PLENTY of help with their bags, getting stuff off a high shelf, even guys giving them their spot in line at the terminal Starbucks. But guys rarely help the less attractive "un-put-together" women, unless those "ugly" women are also elderly. It makes me feel sad to watch a so-so looking woman up the aisle struggle with her bags and no one move. But a beautiful woman doesn't even have to struggle before the men near her are jumping up to offer help.
Just sayin'
Maybe it's a cultural thing, too?
I live in the south. I wouldn't call myself a "beautiful" woman... at best, a "so-so" looking woman, but I've never had trouble getting a man to help me...0 -
Back to the original topic of domestic abuse:
And women knowing when to get help... and listening to their family members...
Ummm... I don't know about everyone else, but I didn't always share my situation and circumstances with others. When my husband smashed his fist into my face and I swelled up like a freakin' black and blue balloon on my left side, I made up a story about how I slipped and fell in the tub and hit my head on the side. After that, he made sure the bruises were not visible with clothes on.
Like I said earlier... I still have a hard time believing or knowing that I was in an abusive relationship...
But usually when you are physically abused, you are also emotionally and verbally abused.
I was told that I was a stupid f*&^ing b*&^% probably every day for a year. I believed him. I really thought I was stupid. I also believed him when he told me that NO ONE else would ever love me. NO ONE else would ever want me. How could they? I was ugly and stupid. Oh, and I was a B*&^%. (Maybe I do still believe that, too... that no one else will ever want me...)
So... yeah... it's a difficult situation. I do agree that a complete stranger maybe should not get involved.
I mean, I went to court with my husband and told them that it was a mistake for him to be arrested. (and they'd only seen one bruise, not the others that I had been hiding)
I almost went to the women's shelter after I almost died one night... but I was pregnant and I had Medicaid and I had been told that I couldn't change my doctor... if I left and went to the shelter, I would not have had a car... I would have had to give up my medical care... so I stayed...0 -
Sadly I came from a home of domestic violence, and although I knew different, my mom did not. I had taken her to the ER to get stitches in her face from my dad slamming her into a cupboard. My mom came from an abusive step dad into a an abusive marriage with my dad. I tried to intervene, but I got the receiving end of his wrath too. I know others knew of what was going on, but no one else did anything.
Verbal, mental, emotional and physical abuse usually all fall hand in hand with one another, and my mom and I are product of it. Self preservation and my uncanny ability to find ways to take care of me, is what I am sure kept me from killing myself when I was a teenager.
As for this situation, best actually to not intervene because you never know what may happen after you initiate. More often than not, she would have been beaten senseless, and you would have been made to look like an *kitten*.0 -
my general take is to stay out of grown folks business.
i've intervened before in the past with a couple i knew from grad school. they invited me to dinner and during dinner she said something and he hit her. right in the middle of dinner.. right in front of me. i was like well i feel uncomfortable now and left.
later i saw the wife at school and asked if she needed help . she ripped me a new one in the student lounge and told me to mind my own business.
if i saw something on the street then the only intervention i would do is to call the police. i wouldnt be stepping in the middle of anyone's drama unless we're talking about a child0
