Intimidation
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three different guy friends (known them since college), who all told me that they always wanted to ask me out, but were positive I would say no, so they never bothered. The reason? (This is in their words, mind you) I'm pretty, smart, unbelievably talented, outgoing and amazing, and they can't really imagine a guy living up to that.
Wow! That reminds me of the guy friend who told me part of my problem is that men take one look at me and think I'll never be happy and have no need for a man. Which strikes me as odd because I think I'm actually pretty easy to please and there's definately some things I need a man for (:embarassed:) or that I know a man could do better (like today when I did my tires... and had to get help).0 -
I think intimidation keeps someone from approaching you or asking you to do something together. It would never stop them once they gotcha. Cause if they can get you then they deserve you. Logic.
What makes a guy stand a girl up? I think its a combination of I thought I could overlook such and such but now thats its getting down to the wire, I cant. and im having a low self esterrm day and i cant bother even trying today cause i know how its going to end combined with she just isnt so and so.0 -
This thought from the thread fits well with intimidation. This is a very real thing. Guys want a smart woman (won't embarrass me at work events), but not too smart (otherwise she wouldn't put up with my jerkiness). A woman who's independent (i.e. not clingy) but not too independent (doesn't need me).women want to appear independent and strong (and are asked to be like that by society), which is clearly counter productive in that it can indeed work against you if you have that aura of "I'm too good for you, sorry pal!" (my man "mental soundtrack" will start bugging me).0
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I think some women are intimidating, but generally, a man who is intimidated wouldn't go so far to ask her out on a date.
Your friend is being stood up so often because she is attracted to the wrong kind of men.0 -
This thought from the thread fits well with intimidation. This is a very real thing. Guys want a smart woman (won't embarrass me at work events), but not too smart (otherwise she wouldn't put up with my jerkiness). A woman who's independent (i.e. not clingy) but not too independent (doesn't need me).
Problem is, for most intelligent, independent women, it isn't about 'need', it's about 'want'. I can do my own tax return, change a car tire and build shelves if I need to, but I can't snuggle myself into being the little spoon at night, or bring myself breakfast in bed because I suddenly felt lucky to have me! I don't 'need' a man in any practical sense, but damn, I do want one to do all the fun stuff with. Guys seem to be intimidated by the former and forget all about the latter :frown:0 -
This thought from the thread fits well with intimidation. This is a very real thing. Guys want a smart woman (won't embarrass me at work events), but not too smart (otherwise she wouldn't put up with my jerkiness). A woman who's independent (i.e. not clingy) but not too independent (doesn't need me).
I don't 'need' a man in any practical sense, but --- I do want one to do all the fun stuff with. Guys seem to be intimidated by the former and forget all about the latter :frown:
I know, right??0 -
I think some women are intimidating, but generally, a man who is intimidated wouldn't go so far to ask her out on a date.
Exactly what I was going to say.
My Aunt .. she is the most intimidating woman .. not because of her job or her looks or anything .. it is just her personality. It is huge and loud and stubborn. Her husband just does what he is told ..lol. They have been married 50 years last year.0 -
I had someone explain to me what's intimidating about me FINALLY.
He said, its not that youre beautiful or smart or amazing- those things are wonderful about you- what's intimidating is knowing for a fact that, any guy that walks up to you to try to get your number or try to connect with you, is going to know that every other guy in the room that noticed you, is watching him.
Watching to see if
A) I get shot down- public humiliation
If I get shot down because you have a boyfriend, or youre just not interested in me in particular (so someone else might have a chance)
C) If you shoot me down kindly or atrociously
but what's intimidating is that his interactions with me will have an audience. Yes he will have an audience because Im desireable, but it isnt actually me that is intimidating him, its the exposure when you're already having to be brave.
It made me feel lots better that its not something Im putting off.0 -
I had someone explain to me what's intimidating about me FINALLY.
He said, its not that youre beautiful or smart or amazing- those things are wonderful about you- what's intimidating is knowing for a fact that, any guy that walks up to you to try to get your number or try to connect with you, is going to know that every other guy in the room that noticed you, is watching him.
Watching to see if
A) I get shot down- public humiliation If I get shot down because you have a boyfriend, or youre just not interested in me in particular (so someone else might have a chance)
C) If you shoot me down kindly or atrociously
but what's intimidating is that his interactions with me will have an audience. Yes he will have an audience because Im desireable, but it isnt actually me that is intimidating him, its the exposure when you're already having to be brave.
It made me feel lots better that its not something Im putting off.
^^^^ I can agree with this....Obviously it is a little intimidating for men to randomly approach women in the first place but I dont think that women, especially a random stranger you have never met can be intimidating. The situation is or can be quite intimidating as you are essentially putting yourself out there and most times you are going to be rejected...finding a connection or starting a conversation out of nowhere with a total stranger is not an easy thing to do, but I dont blame that on the woman and think she is intimidating.
I have met a lot of people who after getting to know them agree they are intimidating for various reasons. I gave a brief to Gen McChrystal (at the time the senior commander in Afghanistan) that was intimidating, and he is an intimidating man to brief. He probably isnt an intimidating person but has a thousand briefs a day and does not suffer fools or need extraneous info....
Sorry I got off track. My point is, ladies I dont think you are or can be intimidating until after we have gotten to at least know you a little bit. Yes the initial approach is always intimidating, and men need to realize that you arent going to wow every woman you approach so get over it, have fun and learn from each experience. Besides I have made some great friends and had some great, weird strange off the wall conversations approaching random strangers.0
