Intimidation
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Honestly, I think a huge part of it is that I actually smile, a lot, and make and maintain eye contact! I see so many beautiful women walking around with frowns and faces that communicate "leave me alone". If I was a shy or less confident guy I would absolutely be intimidated by that. I also know that many of these women are shy and lack confidence..but really do want someone to approach them.
On the flip side, I will also talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. Particularly if you are really, really hot, or really important. I like the little internal challenge!
Great approach. Can't recommend this enough.
I'm a very confident guy in so many areas. And you see that immediately after I get to know you. But I'm terrible at starting conversations with women out of the blue. I always have been. This is a major issue now. When much younger, before my marriage (e.g. at university), it was much easier, because you always found yourself in groups of people, and you usually knew a few of them. So the conversation flowed quite easily for me.
But if I just see an attractive woman at Starbucks, for example, I'll almost never say anything. I always feel like I'm imposing, perhaps she's married, seeing someone, etc., etc. The problem is, with my busy lifestyle, this is probably one of the few ways I can meet potential dates, especially when I don't like on-line dating, and don't bother...
Quite a conundrum.
What do you think, ladies, when a guy begins to chat you up out of the blue, perhaps in line somewhere, on a tram, in an airplane, etc.? Somewhere where you typically don't expect to meet a potential date... Is it awkward? Uncomfortable? Enticing? Any tips for staring conversations so I don't seem like a total slime ball? Again, the key is that you're not in a bar, or any place that people typically go to meet people.
Edit: oh, and also, the conversation needs to lead to the desired result, i.e. her phone number, or some way to actually see her again... Making a great impression is not enough! I've got perhaps 2 minutes, how to achieve my goal? Thanks!
--P
I have never had a man approach me in that manner..just out of the blue..but if I found him non creepy..and attractive..I would be all for it!
I tend to smile alot as well when I'm in a setting that is comfortable for me..work/coffee shop/shopping ect.
When I become alittle more closed off is when its a potential meeting place for guys..ie, I become a little shy at the bar or when I'm at a meet up gathering. I don't find it easy either to talk to complete strangers in these situations. I wish that wasn't the case as this is exactly when I need to attract the attention of men haha. I'm working on it.0 -
But I'm terrible at starting conversations with women out of the blue.
Well, blow me down!! You're the LAST person I would have thought would have chat up issues....:flowerforyou:
But if I just see an attractive woman at Starbucks, for example, I'll almost never say anything. I always feel like I'm imposing, perhaps she's married, seeing someone, etc., etc. The problem is, with my busy lifestyle, this is probably one of the few ways I can meet potential dates, especially when I don't like on-line dating, and don't bother...
Firstly, always look for a wedding ring. If she's in a relationship, she'll tell you pretty quick. Just like men tell me! There have been serveral times when I've got talking to a guy and within minutes he will include his g/f in the conversation. Women do this too.
You'll know if you're imposing as she won't make eye contact or give you the chance to speak!
What do you think, ladies, when a guy begins to chat you up out of the blue, perhaps in line somewhere, on a tram, in an airplane, etc.? Somewhere where you typically don't expect to meet a potential date... Is it awkward? Uncomfortable? Enticing? Any tips for staring conversations so I don't seem like a total slime ball? Again, the key is that you're not in a bar, or any place that people typically go to meet people.
Edit: oh, and also, the conversation needs to lead to the desired result, i.e. her phone number, or some way to actually see her again... Making a great impression is not enough! I've got perhaps 2 minutes, how to achieve my goal? Thanks!
--P
I am quite responsive to casual chat. But I never know if the guy is just wanting a chat or wanting a date! So, I usually opt for the former and it goes nowhere. I would never ask for a number. So, that's where you have to bite the bullet I think. How about "lovely chatting to you. Ermm, perhaps if you're free sometime we could continue over drinks. Here's my number". And give her your biz card.
My best friend (male) got cards printed for this purpose alone!! lol
I wish, wish, wish I had been thrown a card a few weeks back when I guy approached me. I rushed off without more than 2 words spoken. Sometimes I'm suspicious of guys being that bold, but on that occasion I think I was so taken aback I just didnt think he was serious and I practically ran away!!! I know I would have text him though, having calmed down and thought about it.....:noway: :laugh:0 -
Seconding the card idea! Puts the ball in her court, makes you seem interested enough to hand over your info, but not a potential-stalker looking for hers! Does take the control out of your hands, but at least you'll only get a call/email from the ones who are really interested, which reduces wasted time - possibly a selling-point, actually, as I gather from your posts that you have a lot going on, and not much spare time, Prahasaurus.0
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If a guy gave me his business card, but did not ask my number, I would think he wasn't really interested and was just ending the convo politely. If he was interested, he'd ask for my card/number too.
Could be I'm just brainwashed by "he's just not that into you."0 -
Could be a US/UK cultural difference thing? We Brits don't like/do 'direct' much - it somehow seems too forward to us!0
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I have been approached randomly by a few men over time.. and I am always shocked.. and delighted. LOL
One simply came up to me and said "you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen". Now.. certainly an over-exaggeration.. but did it work? Yes, yes it did. However, I'm not sure I can speak for the majority of women.
Having said that, nothing wrong with a smile, catching an eye and if you get positive feedback, continue the conversation with a joke, some lighthearted banter or comment on whatever you happen to be doing. As for getting a number in under two minutes.. good luck! That is expert level my friend. But then again, would there be anything wrong with a bit of conversation..establishing at least a reciprocated friendliness and then saying something like... you know, I think you're really pretty and you seem like a great person..*could I take you out for a coffee sometime? She can always say no or give an excuse, but it also would come across (to me) as confident and very clear with your intentions without being creepy.
Note: The phrase "can I take you out" as opposed to "do you want to meet for" indicates a much higher level of interest for me.
I don't totally hate the card idea.. but it is a bit of a cop out. I'd always wonder how many he was handing out, and if he was actually really interested in me specifically. It is nice for a guy to do the asking.. then again, I like a little old fashioned "chase".
Totally agree with JJ that if he was interested - he'd ask for my number.0 -
Honestly, I think a huge part of it is that I actually smile, a lot, and make and maintain eye contact! I see so many beautiful women walking around with frowns and faces that communicate "leave me alone". If I was a shy or less confident guy I would absolutely be intimidated by that. I also know that many of these women are shy and lack confidence..but really do want someone to approach them.
On the flip side, I will also talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. Particularly if you are really, really hot, or really important. I like the little internal challenge!
Great approach. Can't recommend this enough.
I'm a very confident guy in so many areas. And you see that immediately after I get to know you. But I'm terrible at starting conversations with women out of the blue. I always have been. This is a major issue now. When much younger, before my marriage (e.g. at university), it was much easier, because you always found yourself in groups of people, and you usually knew a few of them. So the conversation flowed quite easily for me.
But if I just see an attractive woman at Starbucks, for example, I'll almost never say anything. I always feel like I'm imposing, perhaps she's married, seeing someone, etc., etc. The problem is, with my busy lifestyle, this is probably one of the few ways I can meet potential dates, especially when I don't like on-line dating, and don't bother...
Quite a conundrum.
What do you think, ladies, when a guy begins to chat you up out of the blue, perhaps in line somewhere, on a tram, in an airplane, etc.? Somewhere where you typically don't expect to meet a potential date... Is it awkward? Uncomfortable? Enticing? Any tips for staring conversations so I don't seem like a total slime ball? Again, the key is that you're not in a bar, or any place that people typically go to meet people.
Edit: oh, and also, the conversation needs to lead to the desired result, i.e. her phone number, or some way to actually see her again... Making a great impression is not enough! I've got perhaps 2 minutes, how to achieve my goal? Thanks!
--P
I love it!
I'm also the type of person who walks around with a smile on her face, who maintains eye contact, etc. I've been approached in all kinds of places... the grocery store, the parking lot of the grocery store, in line at the gas station, Wal-Mart, the laundry mat, the fair, insert any public place here... People (not just men) talk to me... I also am comfortable talking to anyone and will start up conversations with random strangers.
I had a guy in Wal-Mart start a conversation over the bin of DVD's. We then talked about what we were doing later that night... etc... The guy in the laundromat started by asking me what book I was reading. One guy asked me if I had a name and number to go with my pretty face...wait... I've heard that line twice... both in parking lots of grocery stores... When I've worked in the public, guys just asked me for my phone number. Telling me I'm pretty or beautiful always works. For me. I love compliments.
ETA: When I was married and got approached by men, I just politely thanked them and told them. I found it quite refreshing for my ego and didn't unwelcome being approached. I dont' know how they felt about it but I wasn't rude to them at all. And I still loved it... it was very flattering.0 -
If a guy gave me his business card, but did not ask my number, I would think he wasn't really interested and was just ending the convo politely. If he was interested, he'd ask for my card/number too.
Could be I'm just brainwashed by "he's just not that into you."
This0 -
I'll chat with just about anyone. Doesn't bother me a bit. I actually have fun with it. When I'm out and about, I try to smile, am always friendly and polite. I think I'm very approachable. However, I have had friends tell me that maybe my problems with dating are because I'm intimidating. But I don't think it is from a personality standpoint at all. I'm very independent though. They have suggested that the intimidation factor from a man's standpoint might be..."what could I ever offer her?" I'm not really buying that. I figure if you have a problem with how I manage my life, you're not the guy for me.
Another theory among a couple of male friends (and I don't know if this is necessarily considered intimidation), but when men meet me, they instantly know that I'm the kind of girl they could easily fall for and that scares the crap out of them so they disappear. Again, not sure I buy that either. I think that is more about well-meaning friends trying to make me feel good.0 -
I always had a hard time believing that as well, mostly because I would get frustrated over guys "poofing" and it felt like people were just patting me on the head condescendingly when they said "well, you're just intimidating to guys". Then I had a guy straight up tell me that he thought I was beautiful, fun, great, but I have a very strong personality that makes for great friends, but would be far too intimidating as a dating prospect. That guy was followed up in rather short succession by three different guy friends (known them since college), who all told me that they always wanted to ask me out, but were positive I would say no, so they never bothered. The reason? (This is in their words, mind you) I'm pretty, smart, unbelievably talented, outgoing and amazing, and they can't really imagine a guy living up to that.
My mind was blown. I always assumed I had a hard time with relationships because of my weight. Now I'm just not sure...0 -
three different guy friends (known them since college), who all told me that they always wanted to ask me out, but were positive I would say no, so they never bothered. The reason? (This is in their words, mind you) I'm pretty, smart, unbelievably talented, outgoing and amazing, and they can't really imagine a guy living up to that.
Wow! That reminds me of the guy friend who told me part of my problem is that men take one look at me and think I'll never be happy and have no need for a man. Which strikes me as odd because I think I'm actually pretty easy to please and there's definately some things I need a man for (:embarassed:) or that I know a man could do better (like today when I did my tires... and had to get help).0 -
I think intimidation keeps someone from approaching you or asking you to do something together. It would never stop them once they gotcha. Cause if they can get you then they deserve you. Logic.
What makes a guy stand a girl up? I think its a combination of I thought I could overlook such and such but now thats its getting down to the wire, I cant. and im having a low self esterrm day and i cant bother even trying today cause i know how its going to end combined with she just isnt so and so.0 -
This thought from the thread fits well with intimidation. This is a very real thing. Guys want a smart woman (won't embarrass me at work events), but not too smart (otherwise she wouldn't put up with my jerkiness). A woman who's independent (i.e. not clingy) but not too independent (doesn't need me).women want to appear independent and strong (and are asked to be like that by society), which is clearly counter productive in that it can indeed work against you if you have that aura of "I'm too good for you, sorry pal!" (my man "mental soundtrack" will start bugging me).0
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I think some women are intimidating, but generally, a man who is intimidated wouldn't go so far to ask her out on a date.
Your friend is being stood up so often because she is attracted to the wrong kind of men.0 -
This thought from the thread fits well with intimidation. This is a very real thing. Guys want a smart woman (won't embarrass me at work events), but not too smart (otherwise she wouldn't put up with my jerkiness). A woman who's independent (i.e. not clingy) but not too independent (doesn't need me).
Problem is, for most intelligent, independent women, it isn't about 'need', it's about 'want'. I can do my own tax return, change a car tire and build shelves if I need to, but I can't snuggle myself into being the little spoon at night, or bring myself breakfast in bed because I suddenly felt lucky to have me! I don't 'need' a man in any practical sense, but damn, I do want one to do all the fun stuff with. Guys seem to be intimidated by the former and forget all about the latter :frown:0 -
This thought from the thread fits well with intimidation. This is a very real thing. Guys want a smart woman (won't embarrass me at work events), but not too smart (otherwise she wouldn't put up with my jerkiness). A woman who's independent (i.e. not clingy) but not too independent (doesn't need me).
I don't 'need' a man in any practical sense, but --- I do want one to do all the fun stuff with. Guys seem to be intimidated by the former and forget all about the latter :frown:
I know, right??0 -
I think some women are intimidating, but generally, a man who is intimidated wouldn't go so far to ask her out on a date.
Exactly what I was going to say.
My Aunt .. she is the most intimidating woman .. not because of her job or her looks or anything .. it is just her personality. It is huge and loud and stubborn. Her husband just does what he is told ..lol. They have been married 50 years last year.0 -
I had someone explain to me what's intimidating about me FINALLY.
He said, its not that youre beautiful or smart or amazing- those things are wonderful about you- what's intimidating is knowing for a fact that, any guy that walks up to you to try to get your number or try to connect with you, is going to know that every other guy in the room that noticed you, is watching him.
Watching to see if
A) I get shot down- public humiliation
If I get shot down because you have a boyfriend, or youre just not interested in me in particular (so someone else might have a chance)
C) If you shoot me down kindly or atrociously
but what's intimidating is that his interactions with me will have an audience. Yes he will have an audience because Im desireable, but it isnt actually me that is intimidating him, its the exposure when you're already having to be brave.
It made me feel lots better that its not something Im putting off.0 -
I had someone explain to me what's intimidating about me FINALLY.
He said, its not that youre beautiful or smart or amazing- those things are wonderful about you- what's intimidating is knowing for a fact that, any guy that walks up to you to try to get your number or try to connect with you, is going to know that every other guy in the room that noticed you, is watching him.
Watching to see if
A) I get shot down- public humiliation If I get shot down because you have a boyfriend, or youre just not interested in me in particular (so someone else might have a chance)
C) If you shoot me down kindly or atrociously
but what's intimidating is that his interactions with me will have an audience. Yes he will have an audience because Im desireable, but it isnt actually me that is intimidating him, its the exposure when you're already having to be brave.
It made me feel lots better that its not something Im putting off.
^^^^ I can agree with this....Obviously it is a little intimidating for men to randomly approach women in the first place but I dont think that women, especially a random stranger you have never met can be intimidating. The situation is or can be quite intimidating as you are essentially putting yourself out there and most times you are going to be rejected...finding a connection or starting a conversation out of nowhere with a total stranger is not an easy thing to do, but I dont blame that on the woman and think she is intimidating.
I have met a lot of people who after getting to know them agree they are intimidating for various reasons. I gave a brief to Gen McChrystal (at the time the senior commander in Afghanistan) that was intimidating, and he is an intimidating man to brief. He probably isnt an intimidating person but has a thousand briefs a day and does not suffer fools or need extraneous info....
Sorry I got off track. My point is, ladies I dont think you are or can be intimidating until after we have gotten to at least know you a little bit. Yes the initial approach is always intimidating, and men need to realize that you arent going to wow every woman you approach so get over it, have fun and learn from each experience. Besides I have made some great friends and had some great, weird strange off the wall conversations approaching random strangers.0
