Feeling liberated
little_miss_panda
Posts: 79
Throughout this process, I've changed my mentality a lot, and I guess I wanted to share where that journey got me to.
First started MFP - desperate to lose weight. I'd already lost some, just because I started my gluten free diet, and probably made healthier choices. Tried 1200 calories as MFP suggested. Left me feeling utterly awful, and I quickly developed anemia because I already have poor digestion and malabsorption (coeliac and Crohns).
Then I did EM2WL and was really feeling the benefits because I was training a lot. Pushing myself pretty hard, I'd say. Even at my 10% cut level, I felt always hungry. I was doing a "push/crash" cycle - pushing myself hard in training, then having a complete energy crash and not being able to train, being tired, grumpy and generally feeling pretty horrendous. I'd rest, get better, then throw myself headlong into training again, and the same cycle would happen over.
I wanted to get my weight down to 130lbs and fit in a UK size 10 and look amazing and hot and all that. But I kept on getting to 140lb, crashing, getting sick, and not being able to do anything, so gaining the last couple of lbs I lost back again.
I got sick of the boom and bust thing going on with my body though, and am sick of getting injured. I've now accepted that 140lbs is probably the lowest weight my body is going to settle at, and that I am probably never going to get skinny, unless I get dysentery again. I'll eat to maintain my weight, not to be a weight that's unattainable, and I will learn to accept my body the way it is. No, my stomach is not absolutely perfectly flat, I am not super-toned (pretty difficult when you can't lift any weights) and guess what - I HATE the gym, and I've given up my gym membership, because I'd rather do just about anything than exercise on machines surrounded by mirrors - give me the great outdoors any day. I'm not giving up exercise, but I think I've got to accept that however much I'd like to be, I am not built to be a super-athlete. Maybe one day I might complete the triathlon I badly want to do, but I need to get the foundation right first, and that's basic health. And some days I don't want to count calories, I want to bake, or cook something nice, and not care about whether it's low fat, low carb, paleo, clean eating, whatever. I want to enjoy my life, and I don't want to obsess about food, exercise, calories in and calories out. Life shouldn't be reduced to that. Having said that, I am now much more mindful about what I put in my mouth thanks to MFP, and I "talk" to my body a lot more - is that feeling hunger or is it something else?
There are heaps of things that I do with my time now I'm not obsessing and freaking out about having to exercise or I won't have enough calories to eat, and actually I think I'm now more active, even though it isn't in a formally defined training kind of way, as well as having more time to give back to others a bit instead of spending so much time completely focused on myself and my own body transformation project.
EM2WL was the first "liberation" point on this journey - I had always believed that I would have to starve myself to achieve my ideal weight, EM2WL showed me this wasn't true, and that I've been able to cope with an inability to do much exercise due to illness and injury and not put much weight on simply by following the science, and not cheating too much :laugh:
This journey has allowed me to enjoy life again, to stop punishing myself, and above all, to enjoy being me.
First started MFP - desperate to lose weight. I'd already lost some, just because I started my gluten free diet, and probably made healthier choices. Tried 1200 calories as MFP suggested. Left me feeling utterly awful, and I quickly developed anemia because I already have poor digestion and malabsorption (coeliac and Crohns).
Then I did EM2WL and was really feeling the benefits because I was training a lot. Pushing myself pretty hard, I'd say. Even at my 10% cut level, I felt always hungry. I was doing a "push/crash" cycle - pushing myself hard in training, then having a complete energy crash and not being able to train, being tired, grumpy and generally feeling pretty horrendous. I'd rest, get better, then throw myself headlong into training again, and the same cycle would happen over.
I wanted to get my weight down to 130lbs and fit in a UK size 10 and look amazing and hot and all that. But I kept on getting to 140lb, crashing, getting sick, and not being able to do anything, so gaining the last couple of lbs I lost back again.
I got sick of the boom and bust thing going on with my body though, and am sick of getting injured. I've now accepted that 140lbs is probably the lowest weight my body is going to settle at, and that I am probably never going to get skinny, unless I get dysentery again. I'll eat to maintain my weight, not to be a weight that's unattainable, and I will learn to accept my body the way it is. No, my stomach is not absolutely perfectly flat, I am not super-toned (pretty difficult when you can't lift any weights) and guess what - I HATE the gym, and I've given up my gym membership, because I'd rather do just about anything than exercise on machines surrounded by mirrors - give me the great outdoors any day. I'm not giving up exercise, but I think I've got to accept that however much I'd like to be, I am not built to be a super-athlete. Maybe one day I might complete the triathlon I badly want to do, but I need to get the foundation right first, and that's basic health. And some days I don't want to count calories, I want to bake, or cook something nice, and not care about whether it's low fat, low carb, paleo, clean eating, whatever. I want to enjoy my life, and I don't want to obsess about food, exercise, calories in and calories out. Life shouldn't be reduced to that. Having said that, I am now much more mindful about what I put in my mouth thanks to MFP, and I "talk" to my body a lot more - is that feeling hunger or is it something else?
There are heaps of things that I do with my time now I'm not obsessing and freaking out about having to exercise or I won't have enough calories to eat, and actually I think I'm now more active, even though it isn't in a formally defined training kind of way, as well as having more time to give back to others a bit instead of spending so much time completely focused on myself and my own body transformation project.
EM2WL was the first "liberation" point on this journey - I had always believed that I would have to starve myself to achieve my ideal weight, EM2WL showed me this wasn't true, and that I've been able to cope with an inability to do much exercise due to illness and injury and not put much weight on simply by following the science, and not cheating too much :laugh:
This journey has allowed me to enjoy life again, to stop punishing myself, and above all, to enjoy being me.
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Replies
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Yay!!! So happy that this new lifestyle is working so well for you! It definitely feels good to eat and not feel guilty!! Keep up the great work!0
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I think one of the key gains from losing weight slowly is that you retrain yourself. You learn what you can and can't get away with. So hopefully when you get to your ideal weight you can stop obsessing about calories because its mostly built in. You know how to eat well 90% of the time and that indulging every now and again isn't going to kill you.
Congratulations!0 -
Absolutely an awesome testimony.. Thank you such for sharing.
Lucia0
