shy peeps
Replies
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He's quiet, reserved, takes a while to open up to others while she is the polar opposite. It gives me hope knowing that how my father is, he was able attract someone friendly and outgoing as her, and that I could do the same.
I know quite a few couples with this polar opposite attraction. I would say my first LTR was the same. Him being very outgoing and me being quite reserved.
I've got more outgoing as I've got older. I think he taught me a lot over 12 years. I was quite suppressed as a child so I think the 'real' me took some time to emerge. Also, I think you begin to realise that people dont bite, and most people are just as wary of speaking to strangers (or groups of frends etc) than they portray! I remember asking my best friend about this. He is the most gregarious person I know. But he told me that sometimes he's a bag of nerves inside!!
Christine, sometimes I just force myself to be chatty and outgoing. I think I have nothing to lose. Even if I say something that results in making a fool of myself or some kind of rejection, my pride will be hurt for about 10 seconds. I do still struggle with guys I fancy per se, but I think that's more of a inner confidence issue, than a shy one. Besides, there's nothing wrong with being demure, just as long as it's not holding you back to be the woman you want to be!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Well, I know for a fact that I'm not a "natural" outgoing person. So I will never be one of these people who, regardless of where and when you talk to them, will be uplifting, amazing and will have something interesting to say.
I function mainly in two modes, the "get out of my way" mode for shopping, work, sitting in a coffee shop, transports, etc. where I have no desire whatsoever to interact with people (because I don't want to at this time and because I feel it would be a waste of time to interact - in depth - with random people) and the "most friendly person on earth" mode mostly for night outs, pubs, clubs and social events of all sort (where I generally leave a good impression to people and have all the time in the world to talk to them).
I'm quite happy about that. I've always been a very reserved person though and like to be alone at times.0 -
I give less than two f*cks about your opinion about anything. Your thinly veiled passive aggressive p*ssy attack here has done nothing but let me know that if I come across you, for any unfortunate reason ever, exactly how I will behave and I will treasure every delicious, brutally crass second of it. Hell you might even come away having learned a few words.
:laugh:
I stand by my opinion. Women who curse are unattractive to me.Thanks, but he just hates me because I don't suck his sexist, ageist d*ck.
I could make some shallow, mean comments here (lets face it, you're an easy target), but I'll take the high road.0 -
Well, I know for a fact that I'm not a "natural" outgoing person. So I will never be one of these people who, regardless of where and when you talk to them, will be uplifting, amazing and will have something interesting to say.
I function mainly in two modes, the "get out of my way" mode for shopping, work, sitting in a coffee shop, transports, etc. where I have no desire whatsoever to interact with people (because I don't want to at this time and because I feel it would be a waste of time to interact - in depth - with random people) and the "most friendly person on earth" mode mostly for night outs, pubs, clubs and social events of all sort (where I generally leave a good impression to people and have all the time in the world to talk to them).
I'm quite happy about that. I've always been a very reserved person though and like to be alone at times.
Well for two naturally reserved people we manage to talk the hind legs off a donkey when we meet!!!! :laugh:0 -
Oh yeah! I remember, it was funny to make fun of *all* the MFP single peeps behind their back... MUAHAHAHAHAH! :bigsmile:Well for two naturally reserved people we manage to talk the hind legs off a donkey when we meet!!!! :laugh:0 -
I stand by my opinion. Women who curse are unattractive to me.
Mike, I think we all get the type of woman you're attracted to (100lbs, fake boobs, thigh gap, barbie doll that speaks when she's spoken to) And she doesnt exist on this forum!! So why do you keep imposing your radical preferences on us?
Is it just for attention? Or to provoke an attack? Or do you just like causing offence to women that dont meet your ideals.........??
Seriously, I dont know anyone that would persist in posting in a singles forum where 99% of the opposite sex are abhorrent to them? It's almost masochistic.........
Please enlighten me..........0 -
I stand by my opinion. Women who curse are unattractive to me.
Mike, I think we all get the type of woman you're attracted to (100lbs, fake boobs, thigh gap, barbie doll that speaks when she's spoken to) And she doesnt exist on this forum!! So why do you keep imposing your radical preferences on us?
Is it just for attention? Or to provoke an attack? Or do you just like causing offence to women that dont meet your ideals.........??
Seriously, I dont know anyone that would persist in posting in a singles forum where 99% of the opposite sex are abhorrent to you? It's almost masochistic.........
Please enlighten me..........
Everyone has to have a reason why they are single.
Mike, you just have a whole bunch.0 -
Oh yeah! I remember, it was funny to make fun of *all* the MFP single peeps behind their back... MUAHAHAHAHAH! :bigsmile:Well for two naturally reserved people we manage to talk the hind legs off a donkey when we meet!!!! :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I miss you. What you up to? Skint? I will have to treat you to a couple of bottles of wine at the Cafe soon and catch up on our love lives :bigsmile: :smooched:0 -
I am losing my patience on a lot things here so everyone please stick to discussing the OP.
Thank you.0 -
:noway: Just ignoring the drama...
I am selectively shy. I can generally talk to anyone and can be chatty out in public with people I don't know. But with a relatively attractive, seemingly available and around my age guy...I shut down. I think that's largely because I'm not really ready to pursue anything. Married guys, young guys, old guys...no problem. Women too...I'm not chatty with just men. :laugh:0 -
When I was in Dallas a month ago I was determined that despite my mouth full of crooked teeth I was going to smile and say hi to ladies that I found attractive.
Did I think for a second any of them would be swept off their feet...no,and that was the case.
I proved to myself I could do it though and that made me feel a little good.
Maybe no one was swept off of their feet, Carl, but you really do not know how appreciative some of us women are when we get smiled at, winked at, said, "hi," to, or my personal favorite, "Hello, beautiful." IF a man wants to smile at me and say hi or call me beautiful, I say, bring it. LOL
There are some days when some of us need that. Like last night, I was at the music fest with my kids. It was great. It was fun. But I have to admit, as a single person, being there alone with my kids, I felt alienated, looking around and seeing all the couples and families. Even some of the most unattractive looking people had mates (I know that sounds mean, I'm sorry), and, yet, there I was... It was those few guys who smiled at me and did double takes (whether I found them attractive or not) that helped me get through the night. If only one of them had been brave enough to actually approach me, wow, even better.0 -
When I was in Dallas a month ago I was determined that despite my mouth full of crooked teeth I was going to smile and say hi to ladies that I found attractive.
Did I think for a second any of them would be swept off their feet...no,and that was the case.
I proved to myself I could do it though and that made me feel a little good.
Maybe no one was swept off of their feet, Carl, but you really do not know how appreciative some of us women are when we get smiled at, winked at, said, "hi," to, or my personal favorite, "Hello, beautiful." IF a man wants to smile at me and say hi or call me beautiful, I say, bring it. LOL
There are some days when some of us need that. Like last night, I was at the music fest with my kids. It was great. It was fun. But I have to admit, as a single person, being there alone with my kids, I felt alienated, looking around and seeing all the couples and families. Even some of the most unattractive looking people had mates (I know that sounds mean, I'm sorry), and, yet, there I was... It was those few guys who smiled at me and did double takes (whether I found them attractive or not) that helped me get through the night. If only one of them had been brave enough to actually approach me, wow, even better.
Trust me,I know the feeling.
As a country bumpkin one of the "highlights" of the year is the county fair.
It is a family and couple thing though as except for teens just about everyone is walking around with a family or SO.
It really does make a person feel absolutely alone in a sea of literally thousands of people.
It can be hard to get by that at times.0 -
Most people that know me would not classify me as shy, and some people even laugh at me when I tell them how shy I actually am. I'm really great at covering it up. I tend to make eye contact, smile, and speak to people in public. I can generally strike up a conversation with whoever comes across my path or at least be friendly and polite. Part of that has to do with the culture of where I live and how I was raised. Part of it has to do with working in the public for so long and learning to deal with people.
BUT I'm not always the outgoing, bubbly, happy-go-lucky girl. Sometimes I really have to work at it. When I was younger, I was so shy that when someone spoke to me, I couldn't speak back, even if I wanted to. The words were there, in my head, but my mouth just wouldn't open. My mom used to get so mad at me. I was often called "stuck up" or a "snob" because of this...
Fast forward to now...
When it comes to men, I CAN be shy. At first. It depends on the man and how he makes me feel. It can also depend on my frame of mind. If I'm feeling like a hot sexy beauty queen (LOL yes, I do feel that way sometimes... shhh... don't laugh), then, oh my gosh, watch out men cuz aint nothin' stoppin' this southern belle. But if I'm feeling inadequate or insecure, I'm shy.
New work places? I generally sit back, observe, and listen before I show them exactly how brilliant and wonderful I am. I've been at my new job since August, though, and I've already been told by my principal that there probably isn't a better English teacher "out there"... So, game on.
I'm not shy with children or teens. Ever. I shine like a rock star with them.
Other females? Yes. Probably shyer with them because they are so catty and judgmental and competitive. No offense to my single peeps sisters. LOL But men are so much easier to talk to, so much friendlier... in general... to me... other women seem to be "sizing you up"...
Just my take on it...0 -
The cussing issue makes me giggle. To me they are just words and I use them like any other word. They are just apart of the vocabulary its only a big deal to people who make it a big deal....but back on to the OP topics
I used to be painfully shy. I mean really really bad. Living inside of my books not making eye contact bad. This ended in the 10th grade. First you need to build up your bravado ACT like your not shy and eventually you'll start to realize your not feeling that panicy encroched feeling anymore.As for those crazy people in the mall who want to wax my eyebrow I simply stare them in the eye as the start to approach and shake my head.
Dont go crazy and try to approach guys as your first step that like the graduate step lol. Just try make eye contact with them crazy annoying mall people first .0 -
Trust me,I know the feeling.
As a country bumpkin one of the "highlights" of the year is the county fair.
It is a family and couple thing though as except for teens just about everyone is walking around with a family or SO.
It really does make a person feel absolutely alone in a sea of literally thousands of people.
It can be hard to get by that at times.
Well, darn, if only we could shorten the distance between NY and AR, we could just walk around these things together. Lol0 -
I think I can be both shy and outgoing depending on the people and surroundings.
For example, at work, I'm forced to talk to all kinds of people and make quick decisions and I know I handle that very easily. Anyone who met me through work would never assume that I can be shy in my personal life. Sometimes I wonder if it's like an actor in a performance? You just do it without thinking.
Perhaps my shyness comes out more in my personal life because I might not always have 'a reason' to talk to someone if that makes sense. But once you've crossed the border to becoming a friend, then I'm totally comfortable.0 -
For those single/shy peeps that workout, do you feel this way about fitness? I definitely notice it helps me with shyness and anxiety which I know, in time, will eventually translate into dating.
I have to agree with you on this. I don't think it's a confidence thing for me because I've never given a damn what other people thought of me, but I'm a little bit more talkative now. Part of that could be the extra energy I have from working out.
I go to the same place for breakfast every other weekend. I'm friendly, but rarely talk. About 6 months ago the ladies there started asking me about my weight loss and like I usually do, I just quickly brushed it off and changed the subject. But it did open up the conversation a bit more now when I go in there.
I'm an extremely shy person when it comes to meeting new people. I have a small close knit group of friends and can go weeks without talking to them, let alone a total stranger. I stay in my office as much as possible to avoid talking to people at work too. About the only time I would talk to new people is if I was watching a sporting event at a bar or something like that. Something where I knew I already had something in common with the person. As far as dating, I never went anywhere to meet anyone, so I went the online dating route. It's a terrible process, but if you're committed to it, have thick skin, don't mind weeding through garbage, and have patience, it can work. I met a girl on OKC in late July and had a wonderful time meeting her mother as I took them to a fine dining establishment last night.0 -
I stand by my opinion. Women who curse are unattractive to me.
Mike, I think we all get the type of woman you're attracted to (100lbs, fake boobs, thigh gap, barbie doll that speaks when she's spoken to) And she doesnt exist on this forum!! So why do you keep imposing your radical preferences on us?
Is it just for attention? Or to provoke an attack? Or do you just like causing offence to women that dont meet your ideals.........??
Seriously, I dont know anyone that would persist in posting in a singles forum where 99% of the opposite sex are abhorrent to them? It's almost masochistic.........
Please enlighten me..........
Anna, I was solely responding to Christines comment. She stated the following: "However, I don't curse in front of men...I don't think it's very attractive, and since I struggle to get male attention anyway, I don't want to ruin it by dropping F-bombs. "
I simply said she was correct, from my point of view it's not attractive either.
Not sure what your major issue is here..?0 -
I am not trying to stifle conversation but please refer back to what I said about sticking to the OP.
Personal attacks and sniping are going to end it is not acceptable on any front.
If people have a problem with a persons post they can report it,it may take a bit as we all have lives but between myself,NC and Sherri it will be weighed out.
I don`t care who like or dislikes anyone else,we are not going down this path any farther.
There is more then enough blame and fault to spread around.
I do not wish nor will accept that anyone has to spend a long time trying to figure out if a post is offensive.
On the other hand when certain things are obviously hot buttons whether one agrees or not inflammatory posts are not okay.
Read what everyone writes and be understanding of it.
Before anyone takes offense to something,take a step back,a deep breath and ask yourself "really" and then approach it in a civil and respectful way,you may be wrong or the person may not realize something is taken that way.
In short there is going to be a fresh start here,people can be pissed at me if they like,I can`t help that but right now I am not going to stand for anymore of this useless sniping.
It is going to end here.
Now carry on with the topic.0 -
I am not trying to stifle conversation but please refer back to what I said about sticking to the OP.
Personal attacks and sniping are going to end it is not acceptable on any front.
If people have a problem with a persons post they can report it,it may take a bit as we all have lives but between myself,NC and Sherri it will be weighed out.
I don`t care who like or dislikes anyone else,we are not going down this path any farther.
There is more then enough blame and fault to spread around.
I do not wish nor will accept that anyone has to spend a long time trying to figure out if a post is offensive.
On the other hand when certain things are obviously hot buttons whether one agrees or not inflammatory posts are not okay.
Read what everyone writes and be understanding of it.
Before anyone takes offense to something,take a step back,a deep breath and ask yourself "really" and then approach it in a civil and respectful way,you may be wrong or the person may not realize something is taken that way.
In short there is going to be a fresh start here,people can be pissed at me if they like,I can`t help that but right now I am not going to stand for anymore of this useless sniping.
It is going to end here.
Now carry on with the topic.
Thanks Carl!0 -
I am not trying to stifle conversation but please refer back to what I said about sticking to the OP.
Personal attacks and sniping are going to end it is not acceptable on any front.
If people have a problem with a persons post they can report it,it may take a bit as we all have lives but between myself,NC and Sherri it will be weighed out.
I don`t care who like or dislikes anyone else,we are not going down this path any farther.
There is more then enough blame and fault to spread around.
I do not wish nor will accept that anyone has to spend a long time trying to figure out if a post is offensive.
On the other hand when certain things are obviously hot buttons whether one agrees or not inflammatory posts are not okay.
Read what everyone writes and be understanding of it.
Before anyone takes offense to something,take a step back,a deep breath and ask yourself "really" and then approach it in a civil and respectful way,you may be wrong or the person may not realize something is taken that way.
In short there is going to be a fresh start here,people can be pissed at me if they like,I can`t help that but right now I am not going to stand for anymore of this useless sniping.
It is going to end here.
Now carry on with the topic.
*slow clap*0 -
Random workers in the grocery store, shoe store, clothing store, I can smile at, look in the eye and chat them up. Cute men in public (bar, restaurant, grocery store)...FORGET ABOUT IT. It's like I'm suddenly shy.
Now, at work I'm open, welcoming and chatty - enough that I've been told to shut my trap. Which seemed to have worked with my present beau since he's our IT guy! LOL
But I understand the shy in public thing - that was me 5 years ago. I got over it, but it took A LOT. I have found it helps to have lots of self confidence and to not care what people think of you. I've come to the realization that not everyone is going to love me and that's ok, but I'm gonna be me.0 -
Wow that was an unpleasant read. What happened to singlepeeps being a safe haven from all the hostility on the main forums :noway:
I gave up reading half way but wanted to respond to those posters who seemed more socially anxious than shy (especially if alcohol or benzos are needed to manage the anxiety). If you want to try some self help for this, there is a great course available via this link: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=400 -
Wow that was an unpleasant read. What happened to singlepeeps being a safe haven from all the hostility on the main forums :noway:
Anji, It's all been downhill since you stopped posting! :sad: Please come back. :flowerforyou:0 -
Interestingly enough, this thread came to mind today as I hung out witha friend at a bar to watch some football and have a few beers. She surprised me to say she'd invited someone else, so no problem. That person showed up and brought someone else, and then they brought two more. They all knew each other except me. I felt so uncomfortable.
Ironically, to our earlier discussion, I was sitting at the bar right next to a young kinda cute guy (WAY too young for me.... I can only say he was at least old enough to drink, haha), Because I was so uncomfortable with the group I didn't know, I started chatting with him.
That's when I realized I'm not actually shy or uncomfortable with a stranger... I'm uncomfortable with GROUPS of strangers. I SO dislike being the 5th wheel or only knowing one person and starting to feel like a leech to hold on to them.
I thought back to the night that MissingMinnesota and I met also and realized the same thing... I felt horrible for tying myself to her and tried so hard not to, but I was SO uncomfortable with a group where I knew no one else...
Not sure how to deal, but the timing just seemed funny so I thought I'd share...0 -
That's when I realized I'm not actually shy or uncomfortable with a stranger... I'm uncomfortable with GROUPS of strangers. I SO dislike being the 5th wheel or only knowing one person and starting to feel like a leech to hold on to them.
I thought back to the night that MissingMinnesota and I met also and realized the same thing... I felt horrible for tying myself to her and tried so hard not to, but I was SO uncomfortable with a group where I knew no one else...
Not sure how to deal, but the timing just seemed funny so I thought I'd share...
I can totally relate! I'm NOT shy one on one... in groups, where everyone else seems to know one another, yes, I sit back, listen, observe... and then I let my freak flag fly...not really ... I save that for one on one, too... lol0 -
Wow that was an unpleasant read. What happened to singlepeeps being a safe haven from all the hostility on the main forums :noway:
Anji, It's all been downhill since you stopped posting! :sad: Please come back. :flowerforyou:
Aww PJ!! Thanks :flowerforyou:
What a pity about single peeps :frown:
NCTravellingG could this be the reason?: Shyness usually comes with a self focussed attention which evaluates how one may be coiming across to others (otherwise known as "seeing oneself as a social object"). One remedy is to consciously focus your attention on the other person. This is much easier to do when talking to just one person. It's much harder to do with a group. But you can use the same method. Start talking to people near you or direct your attention at different people in turn.0 -
Thanks for the ideas, Anji! I actually do think it would work. It's my fear of rejection which is harder to fight in large groups too. I'm usually all about trying to improve in any area of my life, but this is one I haven't figured out HOW to handle, and at this point, if it's even worth it :frown:0
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I thought back to the night that MissingMinnesota and I met also and realized the same thing... I felt horrible for tying myself to her and tried so hard not to, but I was SO uncomfortable with a group where I knew no one else...
Not sure how to deal, but the timing just seemed funny so I thought I'd share...
Well you didn't come across as uncomfortable. I wasn't expecting you to be there and not have me introducing you to people. You seemed very engaging with the people you did talk to.0 -
I thought back to the night that MissingMinnesota and I met also and realized the same thing... I felt horrible for tying myself to her and tried so hard not to, but I was SO uncomfortable with a group where I knew no one else...
Not sure how to deal, but the timing just seemed funny so I thought I'd share...
Well you didn't come across as uncomfortable. I wasn't expecting you to be there and not have me introducing you to people. You seemed very engaging with the people you did talk to.
Thank you for sharing that. Ironically, I think I did exactly as Anji suggested that night. I was overwhelmed with so many people and stuck to focusing on whatever person was near me and willing to talk, ignoring the crowd around me. It's partially why I'd hesitate to join such a group... I'd probably be showing up to only the events you were at, haha....0
