Is he immature or am I being too picky?
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Hi Krissy, good to see you again!
I can empathize with your feeling of being uncomfortable. The "Sexy Lexi", "Sausage" and "Countertop" comments would make the majority of people feel comfortable.
I feel like you have a pretty good idea of where you want things and a vision of what you want for yourself. Stay true to that!
Best wishes! :bigsmile:0 -
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I am all for not trying to change someone, that is not an option here. Clearly if this is how he is then I don't think it's going to work. I just don't want the friends and family who have already met him to think I am insane, but somehow I don't think that will be the case. I remembered something else that bothered me, last week we went to a bar to watch football with my sister and the guy she's seeing, and she was trash-talking a little because her team scored (normal banter between opposing teams, nothing obnoxious), and he says "you better stop talking s*** or you're not going to like me very much." That made me really uncomfortable too. Lighten up!0
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...and he says "you better stop talking s*** or you're not going to like me very much." That made me really uncomfortable too.
Seriously, what are you waiting for? The CSI unit to show up?
--P0 -
...and he says "you better stop talking s*** or you're not going to like me very much." That made me really uncomfortable too.
Seriously, what are you waiting for? The CSI unit to show up?
--P
While my reaction is not quite as alarmist, I agree. You've already made up your mind and not a single person here disagrees with you for whatever reason.0 -
LOL - well he said it in his normal sarcastic tone, not in a really mean tone, but something tells me he wasn't truly joking. I know I know. I just HATE being in this position, I just wish I could find someone with a normal level of humor/seriousness. I find it really difficult, don't know if it's my location or what. It's getting frustrating! It's hard because yes, I am thinking his behavior is definitely a deal breaker, I guess it's the fact that the behavior only just surfaced in the last couple of weeks, after I'd already gotten my hopes up about the relationship. Guess it does go to show that I am not willing to settle just because I do want someone who wants to settle down and have a family like he does. I don't want to do it with someone like this.0
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To be honest I am surprised your dad did not chase him away with a shot gun. Those comments are completely unacceptable. There is no excuse for his behavior. Get rid of him - he is a LOSER !!
And yes he is being immature, and NO you are not being picky.0 -
I am from a very conservative family, my dad would have asked him to leave. I would drop him as quick as you can...no question.0
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Wow, no way would I put up with that.
I wouldn't try and change him I would have dumped him if not after the "hot wife and sausage comments" then certainly after calling a 7 yo girl sexy lexi..NOT at all appropriate. Wow. Why put up with that at all??0 -
This guy sounds like a friend of mine that ended up beating on his wife, and he always treated other girls he dated like crap in front of other people, but then some of the girls he was dating, that were also friends of mine would tell me how sweet he was and how different he treated them when they were alone.
I can't speak for this guy you are seeing, but he's pretty much already shown you who he is...do YOU want to deal with that crap the rest of your life? If not, you answered your own question.
Ditch the zero & find a hero!0 -
LOL - well he said it in his normal sarcastic tone, not in a really mean tone, but something tells me he wasn't truly joking. I know I know. I just HATE being in this position, I just wish I could find someone with a normal level of humor/seriousness.
That's probably because most people seem to think that their own sense of humor is normal, and everyone else is out of whack. It's not a matter of being normal or abnormal, just different strokes for different folks is all.I find it really difficult, don't know if it's my location or what. It's getting frustrating! It's hard because yes, I am thinking his behavior is definitely a deal breaker, I guess it's the fact that the behavior only just surfaced in the last couple of weeks, after I'd already gotten my hopes up about the relationship. Guess it does go to show that I am not willing to settle just because I do want someone who wants to settle down and have a family like he does. I don't want to do it with someone like this.
I get it. It's hard, and you wanted validation. Here it is! I hope that things go smoothly and that you recover quickly.0 -
He is disrespectful to you. Even after you asked him to tone it down yet, he continues. Drop him. You don't deserve this.0
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LOL - well he said it in his normal sarcastic tone, not in a really mean tone, but something tells me he wasn't truly joking. I know I know. I just HATE being in this position, I just wish I could find someone with a normal level of humor/seriousness.
That's probably because most people seem to think that their own sense of humor is normal, and everyone else is out of whack. It's not a matter of being normal or abnormal, just different strokes for different folks is all.
He definitely does think his behavior is normal, seeing as when we were discussing it last night, he told me that he doesn't feel as though he's done anything wrong. I didn't expect him to. He's been behaving this way all his life and clearly it's never been a problem for anyone else, or at least not for him. I know what I have to do, it's just doing it. Despite his crass behavior, I still do not want to hurt him, it's just my nature. I know he likes me and I've made him happy, but I haven't been truly happy and I can't settle for behavior that I don't agree with.0 -
I have coworkers who would laugh at the sarcastic jokes, would love it if their daughter's boyfriend said something about setting the sexy mom on the counter, and wouldn't even bat an eye at the "sexy Lexi" comment.
But all that would bother me. And it bothers you. So whether or not you feel pressure to "lower your standards" or "stop looking for perfection in an imperfect world" the fact is you're not a long term match.
You know this. But if you let him go, you'll be alone. I know how you feel.
No matter how many guys on here write about "why's a beautiful good catch dating a jerk" you and I both know it's only the jerks that seem to ask us out. I'm saying that even though I actually did find a nice guy because it was after a long stream of jerks and my boyfriend would never (honestly) have caught my eye the traditional way (we met on Match). Whether it's a confidence issue, an intimidation issue, or an attraction issue, it seems like the only ones interested in asking a girl out these days ARE the moochers, the abusers the jerks.
He does not take your feelings as seriously as you need to. He embarrasses you. As someone else said, his private nice behavior and public disrespect is a classic red-flag sign of an abuser.
Do not keep this going just because you "don't want to hurt him." He clearly has not made "not hurting YOU" his priority. If you keep this going, you may emotionally devolve into the kind of girl who thinks she doesn't deserve better (search this forum for the abusive relationship threads me and several other ladies posted from first hand accounts).
Cut him loose, let him find someone who appreciates his humor and go back to living a life where you feel appreciated and respected. There are worse things than being single... like being in a miserable relationship.0 -
sounds like he was trying to show the two of you to your family as a solid unit, making plans together, able to joke around and such. good effort on his part.
on the other hand... did you say you introduced a guy to your family after 6 weeks? and that sometimes he occasionally makes slightly perverted jokes?
.... hi have you met boys? lol let them be boys for goodness sake. If they dont have that lil perverted streak, they'll never get your bra off 0 -
sounds like he was trying to show the two of you to your family as a solid unit, making plans together, able to joke around and such. good effort on his part.
on the other hand... did you say you introduced a guy to your family after 6 weeks? and that sometimes he occasionally makes slightly perverted jokes?
.... hi have you met boys? lol let them be boys for goodness sake. If they dont have that lil perverted streak, they'll never get your bra off
I'm sorry if I don't consider calling a 7 year old CHILD "sexy Lexi" or telling my Dad 12 hours after meeting him that he gave me a sausage as a "boy being a boy." And if that's what "boys will be boys" means, then maybe I'm not into boys. LOL. I hardly consider this guy's behavior to be a "lil perverted streak," either...and it sounds like I am not alone in that.0 -
.... hi have you met boys? lol let them be boys for goodness sake. If they dont have that lil perverted streak, they'll never get your bra off
I disagree... may be true for most women... but some of us have all defenses up against the perverted type.... it's the nice guys who we can trust that wear down our defenses...the guys who stand up for us in public, the ones who treat us like the jewel we are. In my book, that gets the bra off a LOT faster than dogging us out in front of the people we most value.
To OP: I was married to a man who treated me special when we were alone and dogged me out, or allowed others to, when we were in public. This guy may not actually BE a jerk, but his behavior is NOT compatible with your personality. I hope you will soon find someone better. Someone who is more discreet with his innuendo so that you can both have fun AND be respectful of each other.0 -
Just break it off and call me.
:flowerforyou: 0 -
Hi Krissy, good to see you again!
I can empathize with your feeling of being uncomfortable. The "Sexy Lexi", "Sausage" and "Countertop" comments would make the majority of people feel uncomfortable.
I feel like you have a pretty good idea of where you want things and a vision of what you want for yourself. Stay true to that!
Best wishes! :bigsmile:
^Ditto what Dave said. The Sexy Lexi comment made me literally go "ew!"
Sense of humor is important to me and this guy's would not mesh with mine at all. I would be extremely embarrassed to be around him in public and with friends. Definitely not a keeper.
Not being picky doesn't mean you can't have any standards! It's important to have some things that you consider deal-breakers and I consider having a partner who doesn't humiliate me in front of family and friends to be one of those standards.0 -
This is why I like to date men instead of boys, personally.sounds like he was trying to show the two of you to your family as a solid unit, making plans together, able to joke around and such. good effort on his part.
on the other hand... did you say you introduced a guy to your family after 6 weeks? and that sometimes he occasionally makes slightly perverted jokes?
.... hi have you met boys? lol let them be boys for goodness sake. If they dont have that lil perverted streak, they'll never get your bra off
I'm sorry if I don't consider calling a 7 year old CHILD "sexy Lexi" or telling my Dad 12 hours after meeting him that he gave me a sausage as a "boy being a boy." And if that's what "boys will be boys" means, then maybe I'm not into boys. LOL. I hardly consider this guy's behavior to be a "lil perverted streak," either...and it sounds like I am not alone in that.
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This is why I like to date men instead of boys, personally.sounds like he was trying to show the two of you to your family as a solid unit, making plans together, able to joke around and such. good effort on his part.
on the other hand... did you say you introduced a guy to your family after 6 weeks? and that sometimes he occasionally makes slightly perverted jokes?
.... hi have you met boys? lol let them be boys for goodness sake. If they dont have that lil perverted streak, they'll never get your bra off
I'm sorry if I don't consider calling a 7 year old CHILD "sexy Lexi" or telling my Dad 12 hours after meeting him that he gave me a sausage as a "boy being a boy." And if that's what "boys will be boys" means, then maybe I'm not into boys. LOL. I hardly consider this guy's behavior to be a "lil perverted streak," either...and it sounds like I am not alone in that.
Hehe right on! Thank ya'll for the supportive comments, it definitely eases my mind a little about feeling like I'm an uptight b**ch. I know how to have fun and I'll come out with the occasional "that's what she said," but there's a time and a place. This guy has gotten way too comfortable way too soon and it's definitely a red flag. I know what I have to do, I just have to do it!0 -
:flowerforyou:0
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I know what I have to do, I just have to do it!
Great, go for it!
The comments I made earlier, my fingers on the keyboard were going faster than my mind. The comments the guy made would make many people feel uncomfortable, so what you were feeling was completely normal.
This community has overwhelmingly seen this issue one way.0 -
Ha ha!!! I've gone back and changed it to uncomfortable in my quote of you. I knew what you meant and didn't notice the spelling as comfortable. Now my post makes more sense too.I know what I have to do, I just have to do it!
Great, go for it!
The comments I made earlier, my fingers on the keyboard were going faster than my mind. The comments the guy made would make many people feel uncomfortable, so what you were feeling was completely normal.
This community has overwhelmingly seen this issue one way. 0 -
I know what I have to do, I just have to do it!
This community has overwhelmingly seen this issue one way.
OP… it’s a pretty strong sign if most of us feel the same way about this issue. I hope you have the strength to do what you know you gotta do.0 -
Ha ha!!! I've gone back and changed it to uncomfortable in my quote of you. I knew what you meant and didn't notice the spelling as comfortable. Now my post makes more sense too.The comments I made earlier, my fingers on the keyboard were going faster than my mind. The comments the guy made would make many people feel uncomfortable, so what you were feeling was completely normal.
This community has overwhelmingly seen this issue one way.
Thanks Mellie!0 -
I know what I have to do, I just have to do it!
This community has overwhelmingly seen this issue one way.
OP… it’s a pretty strong sign if most of us feel the same way about this issue. I hope you have the strength to do what you know you gotta do.
Janie-You are right that it is rare that most of us feel the same way.0 -
I know what I have to do, I just have to do it!
This community has overwhelmingly seen this issue one way.
OP… it’s a pretty strong sign if most of us feel the same way about this issue. I hope you have the strength to do what you know you gotta do.
Janie-You are right that it is rare that most of us feel the same way.
I definitely expected the reactions to be a little more across the board because everyone is so different, but really, I don't think it's a matter of right or wrong, I would be surprised to see someone who DOESN'T think his behavior has been inappropriate, but I guess I was just curious to see if anyone felt I am over-reacting.0 -
It's one thing to joke around with some perverted lewd topics...in the right company. His compass is WAY the heck off in determining his comedic timing. Keep your chin up, there are still some great guys left out there...although I think we are all in Texas 0
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It's one thing to joke around with some perverted lewd topics...in the right company. His compass is WAY the heck off in determining his comedic timing. Keep your chin up, there are still some great guys left out there...although I think we are all in Texas
Hehe yah I know, if I wasn't so close to my family, I would have already moved down to Texas. I so don't belong in NY! 0
