Really getting tired of the comments. :( -Vent-

MamaMaryC

I am 5'4" and 131 lbs. I have some chunk to me, esp. in the tummy, hips and thighs. So I consider myself healthy but not thin.

I follow the Brazil ButtLift with some added Turbo Jam and Zumba to get my full hour workout, 4 to 5 days a week. I eat 1200 calories the days I don't workout and eat 1400 on the days that I do workout. My doctor is aware of this and monitors me.

I workout to keep the weight off my back (I once had a back problem where getting out of bed was painful). I workout for my mental health. I workout in the morning to keep from taking a nap (I am on a med that makes me sleep and would sleep over 11 hrs a day if I could). I workout because I like the small victories of pushing through workouts that I once thought were impossible for me. I also like seeing the changes in my body. I am the thinnest I have been since jr. high. In jr. high I wore size 11s. Now I am in size 8s. I eat healthy and avoid foods that cause my severe acid reflux to stir up and hurt.

I like where I am. My goal is 125 and to tone this baby belly. Even if I don't get to 125, as long as this wrinkly baby belly (compliments of 3 beautiful babies) continues to diminish, I will be thrilled.

That being said. I do not think what I am doing is wrong or worth negative looks and comments. My bestie makes comments about she is the fat friend. There are others who make snide remards about how I watch calories, eat protein bars, eat high fiber oatmeal, drink protein shakes, and avoid fried food whenever possible. I only eat 1 protein bar for breakfast and have a chocolate protein shake for lunch. It is not like I consume them at every meal. I eat high fiber oatmeal because of other irregularities I deal with. I fit in fresh fruits and veggies when our budget allows. It is not like I am starving myself. I eat what I want in moderation, including hot dogs, chips, ice cream, and oreo cookies. It may be occassional but I don't deny myself the things I want because I know I will fall off the wagon if I do. I don't drink carbonated anything because of the pain it causes in my stomach. I am not avoiding my favorite Dr. Pepper or Pibb Xtra to lose weight. I avoid it becasue it causes discomfort. I don't think that is something to lecture me on. I've seen my Dr and he agrees to cut it out of my diet. Of course, he thinks they don't have any benefits and should be avoided just because... I care about my health and appearance. I care about my energy and stamina. I am thrilled that I am controlling my depressive, mixed,and manic episodes by relieve built up anxiety and pressure by sweating to Leandro, Chalene, and Beto, and eating healthy.

I am just aggrivated. Most of the time I let it roll off... but there are times where it does get to me. I don't think it would get to me here and there if I didn't respect and value these people.

BluthLover

Maybe you shouldn't respect or value those people... They aren't being very respectful of you! They are criticizing you eating high fiber oatmeal? Or not eating crap? That's insane!! You shouldn't have to justify or defend making healthy life choices. It's your body. They won't be the ones dealing with health problems if you don't eat right. They won't be the ones who are unhappy with how they look in clothes. YOU will! So ignore them. If you were diabetic would they be critical of you avoiding sugar? What's funny is I have people in my life like that also. But the second they try to lose weight, the comments stop. Funny how that works. I'm sorry you are dealing with that.

MamaMaryC

I know what you are saying is true. Normally I can overcome the comments and take these comment as a positive that I am doing something they wish they could. I say that because a few have told me they wish they had my motivation and discipline. But sometimes.... I let these comments defeat me. And that is my doing because I can choose how I react to these comments. I slip, sometimes, and let others determine my value.

My bestie is usually respectful and compliments my efforts. However, it does make her feel self-conscious. Her husband is one of the ones who makes snide remarks and harps on my efforts. My friend knows I have social anxiety in groups over 5 people. But yesterday she just made a bad call. I know she was complimenting me, but at the same time put herself down. The other's took it wrong and acted like I had an eating disorder or exercise addiction. Needless to say I left shortly after that. The others who have comments are family.

Rogiefreida

it stinks when people disrespect positive changes that you've made in your life. I find that when this happens to me, the people who are quick to put down my healthy eating habits/exercise habits are the ones who have a hard time keeping those habits going in their own lives. It's more of a projection really, but its mega annoying when that projection falls on you.

Haters gonna hate, I say. It's frustrating but you can't change their negativity. It sounds like you're taking control of your life, and if you're happy and healthy, thats all you can do. Come here and vent, chances are one or more of us understand.

Peep_chic

People who arent on mfp or just counting calories themselves usually do not understand the efforts it takes to become and stay healthy. Many would love to be healthy and look good but most people I know would take a "short cut" if they could. Long time ago I stopped talking about counting calories, specially on family gatherings. For myself, when there's a party I'll save some calories and eat what they eat but in controled portions mainly to avoid those conversations that I know how they'll go. " You're skinny already" "Youre still counting?" It has worked for me. I no longer feel annoyed or like the pinpointed one. Some of them even think that's just how Im built and thats why I lost the weight after having babies. I keep that area of my life to myself. If they ask, and/or are interested on getting healthy I'll gladly help.

You can find support here. Sadly there's alot of missinformation out there. I think even if they dont say it they might be happy for your accomplishments and admire you for sticking to what u believe. It just stings a bit when you see someone getting healthy and you're not doing that for yourself. I dont know, I wouldnt hold it against them. Keep doing what you're doing. They'll tire and leave you alone or they might try to join you.

spangey13

Hello :-)
You and I are about the same - I am 5'5 and 134 (depending on whether the scale is being nice or stink to me). I have a little bit on my tummy and around my thighs that I want to lose too. I am by far one of the slimmest people at my work and of my friends and family - but I am doing this for me - because I want to look good. That might be shallow, but I am doing it the healthy way.

If I have a salad for lunch I get comments from co-workers like "you're not going to get fat eating stuff like that". Or if I have a piece of cake on someone's birthday "better watch it or you wont fit your wedding dress".

People will forever feel they need to bestow their opinion on you. If its not about your choice of food, then its how you train your dog, how you raise your kids, your choice of car, shoes, cellphone, pretty much anything.

Come on MFP and vent if that is what makes you feel better. You're not alone!!!

MamaMaryC

Thanx ladies. I don’t plan on stopping what I am doing. I am happy with it. I just get down from time to time. There is only so much a person can take before they have to vent a little. I am glad to see that I am not the only one who gets erked by these comments. I know I have many more to come. If it gets too out of hand I may have to have a little chit-chat with these individuals. Right now I think it is me being self-conscious too.

And spangey13… it’s not shallow to want to look good.

o2bADyer

I feel for you...completely! I've heard how my face is sinking in, I need to eat, I should stop working out, and I am losing too much weight. BLAH, BLAH, frickin' BLAH! Do what you and your doctor have agreed is best for you and that is that. It does get frustrating and I hate that feeling of defending myself and having to divert the topic to something else. There are those that are supportive, and some that are jealous. You just need to award your time with the appropriate groups that make you feel positive and good about yourself.

Hang in there...be strong...be healthy! :bigsmile:

jamk1446

When I hear stories (and have experienced them myself) I think two things. One, that a great many people absolutely do not recognize the connection between diet and one's health. So when they see someone avoiding or choosing foods for health reasons and not strictly for pleasure, they can perceive that person as being a hypochondriac, a drama queen, or obsessive. Two, because food is such a source of pleasure and in human society is a means of connecting with friends and family, if you are rejecting certain of those foods or dining situations you used to share, you can be seen as rejecting your loved ones or trying to be superior to them.

Not saying you are doing any such thing, but this is how some people feel. While your friend may be proud of you and admire your dedication, she may also feel a sense of loss for something you used to share with her without a second thought. You just have to find new ways to maintain connections with your friend or reassure her in other ways that you still care.

MamaMaryC

That is just it. I eat whatever we have in moderation. I don't deny myself foods that aren't going to hurt my stomach. If we go out to eat I save calories or find healthy foods on the menu. For my bestie, I have been the same way since we became friends. The only thing that I wasn't doing was working out 4 to 5 days a week. I worked out 1 to 2 times a week. Even when I was preggo last year I ate healthy. Family is used to me being overweight. I've lost 76 lbs over the last 4 years. I understand that is shocking. However, they saw me in pain with my back and urged me to lose the weight.

But I am gonna keep on keepin' on. And I thank y'all for the input and helping me see other sides of the situation.

aimeealee

Been there. I do blow it off as well. I really want to say to those people that " I don't care nor comment on what you eat so why do you care what I eat? ". I do believe that those people are jelous and feel guilty because they know that they should be eating like you and don't have the strength to. Botton line.....If you feel good and are not harming your health - Do what YOU want. I know I feel better when I eat good. You are a strong person!! Stay the course!!

lisalocum

Hey- hope you are staying strong with the comments. I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm naturally small, I'll never be huge, but a change of job where I couldn't control the food I ate as I travel lots, and a back injury preventing exercise has meant the pounds have piled on. I knew I needed to take action when I returned to work after the injury and couldn't fit into my work clothes! I've also started dating after a nasty ending to a long term relationship and am feeling very self conscious about my saggy cellulitey bum! Although I find the weight gain very upsetting, lots of my bigger friends and family dismiss my concerns and tell me I don't need to lose any weight, that I will be unhealthy and underweight if I do, and that I don't have a "real" problem to diet like they do. It's really frustrating when people say that as, firstly, people understand its rude to comment when someone is overweight, yet they are happy to comment when they think someone is skinny. Also, it is much harder for a smaller person to lose weight, as every pound lost is a larger percentage of our total body weight. One larger friend of mine lost 20 pound in a couple of weeks just by eating fruit instead of snacks, whereas we would have to work our butts off to get that! Now I just don't bother discussing these things with them, and distract them from what I'm eating by asking them lots about what they have been doing! To get true support and understanding rely on similar minded folk-like us in this group!

I've been eating more healthily as I don't eat very many calories even when pigging out, but struggle to make it over 1000 Cal without feeling I'm eating more than normal. I've been doing Brazilian butt lift and Zumba like you- it hurts like hell but in hoping it works. How did you find it, and how long was it before you saw results?

Stay strong and whenever they get you down, just visualise the results you will get by being healthy and that will make you smile. My profile photo is of a model, so that it keeps me motivated when others try to blow out my light to make theirs shine brighter

Lisa

PINKinquisition1908

DON'T LISTEN TO THE NAYSAYERS!!!!!!! Even our friends, family and the ones who love us can discourage our healthy weight loss goals. What they deem as healthy, or happy weight, may not be your definition. Many times they are giving little thought to BMI, your energy level and how your current weight affects your emotionally and socially. You have to listen to your body. In the meantime, remind them you are making healthy choices--not dangerous ones. Remind them that real love and support is needed, not negativity.

skrakalaka

I'm lucky that my friends and family are supportive. What's funny is the person who gave me a hard time was my doctor! She told me I needed to stop losing weight, even gave me a little speech about the dangers of being underweight. I was really surprised, with a BMI of 22 I thought she would tell me to stick with it. It really threw me for a loop, to the point where I changed my settings and started eating more. Then guess what? I gained weight and had to go back to what I was originally doing. I'm learning that I know my body best, I know what kind of food and how much exercise makes me feel good. Take what others say with a grain of salt, and realize it has more to do with the way they feel about themselves than it does with you. Good luck reaching your goal and keep up the good work:drinker:

TKRV

I've had a few friends who are the same way. Somehow, wanting to be healthy and fit translates into some kind of eatng disorder to them. They figure this can be cured with ice cream and cookies. It's hard to shove it off sometimes, but I've found new friends who understand. I just avoid the subject of health with others.

undeludedwish

You can respect and value those people but still respectfully disagree. I think true love/friendship lies in being able to continuously disagree and still coexist and get along. That being said, there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. I use the example of my becoming a vegetarian at age 14 with my parents. It took them years before they stopped hiding beef in my soups and mocking my decision and buying me rabbit fur scarves. But then one day it just all changed. It's like all the healthy changes they see in me built to a point where they could no longer ignore how good it was. Then slowly, they started to change for the better too. So next time you feel like your friends are beating you down for your healthy ways, try to think of it like you are staying strong for them, because you are demonstrating for them, in your own little way, what a healthier future might look like for them. Not all of them will see, but the one or two that do see, well, you're sort of changing their lives, and probably saving them, too, aren't you?

I hope this helps xox

TavistockToad

i only have one RL friend who i talk to about diet/weight loss stuff... cos to everyone else i am already thin and thats that - in fact most of my RL friends think i am naturally this size... I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

talk to your pals on here about protein shakes etc, and just dont mention it to RL friends... thats what works for me!