Would like to crawl in a hole until tomorrow
wattssal000
Posts: 62 Member
I am writing as an outlet for my frustrations
I have binged again. I think I am averaging like two binges a week. I had been down to one binge a week for a while and this increase in itself is scary.
I woke up, my boyfriend left for the day telling me he loved me and I am the best thing ever and he leaves and I eat. I ate more than a days worth of calories before 7am and now the term I like to use is that I would like to curl up and die right now. I wanted to call into work because I feel absolutely terrible but I cant do that. Typically on a day like this when I work I am holding back tears at some point because I am just so dissapointed and disgusted in myself. I had to bring some of my food to work today so that I did not have them at home. Sometimes I try bring stuff back into the house and realize all over again that I can't handle certain foods in my house.
I just feel so defeated. Today while I was eating I asked myself why I am eating, what am I trying to do and I couldn't come up with an answer, I just wanted to eat. Maybe I eat because I don't know who I am as a person. I guess I just feel lost in life. Obviously you can tell that I deal with depression as well. So either my depression makes me eat or I eat because of my depression. Just a continual cycle.
14 years and I still can't find out how to handle my eating issues or accept myself the way I am. Maybe this has just become so much of my identity that I wouldn't know what to do without it.......
I have binged again. I think I am averaging like two binges a week. I had been down to one binge a week for a while and this increase in itself is scary.
I woke up, my boyfriend left for the day telling me he loved me and I am the best thing ever and he leaves and I eat. I ate more than a days worth of calories before 7am and now the term I like to use is that I would like to curl up and die right now. I wanted to call into work because I feel absolutely terrible but I cant do that. Typically on a day like this when I work I am holding back tears at some point because I am just so dissapointed and disgusted in myself. I had to bring some of my food to work today so that I did not have them at home. Sometimes I try bring stuff back into the house and realize all over again that I can't handle certain foods in my house.
I just feel so defeated. Today while I was eating I asked myself why I am eating, what am I trying to do and I couldn't come up with an answer, I just wanted to eat. Maybe I eat because I don't know who I am as a person. I guess I just feel lost in life. Obviously you can tell that I deal with depression as well. So either my depression makes me eat or I eat because of my depression. Just a continual cycle.
14 years and I still can't find out how to handle my eating issues or accept myself the way I am. Maybe this has just become so much of my identity that I wouldn't know what to do without it.......
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Replies
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I can totally relate to this!!! I was averaging 2 binges a week but right now I have binged more than I haven't this month and I just feel disgusted with myself and just like I am in this deep dark hole. I wish I had answers for you!! I have been reading some books and try to do the things they suggest and just haven't been able to stop myself. I also want change automatically. I have learned that I am extremely hard on myself and I am trying to be kinder to myself but it is just very hard. Hang in there!!0
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Hugs to you both!!:flowerforyou:
Learning to forgive yourself is so critial to beating to binge and never giving up on managing them. 1 or 2 days a week is better than 5 to 7 days a week. Always pull the positives out and you will feel better inside about the situation and will tend to beat yourself up less too.
Sending positive vibes your way!!:flowerforyou: Have a wonderful weekend ladies!0
