Talk me off the edge...
Replies
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I wasn't trying to have sex. Just wanted to move 1 step past kissing where it was more of kissing and embracing. Yes, maybe under my shirt was a little more risky so I'll rethink that next time. Definately didn't want to get down!
I don't think you did anything wrong, and I've never met a guy in person that would get upset at a little bit of escalation. You are being open and you told him no sex until monogamy. He knows, you know. Touching your bare back does not equal sex. I think he was being smart by separating himself before things got too hot and heavy for him, and neither of you was in the wrong.
There are guys who will get offended by this, and that's fine because it just means they aren't right for you. What matters more is whether or not your dude is cool with it, and so far it seems he is
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Much ado about nothing. Absolutely nothing. Bravo.
This thread is really quite incredible. A guy acts in a slightly unexpected, although still quite normal, way. This causes a bit of confusion (was he upset?). Turns out it was nothing, NOTHING! And yet we've somehow managed to fill five friggin' pages of posts on..... what exactly?
And now I see the Censor and Sensitivity Squadron has stormed the asylum walls. Lock it down, Warden, lock it down!
--P0 -
If you were not a Christian (or whatever religion you are), I guarantee you would have had sex by now.
LOL!
Good one!
--P0 -
Yet, given what's happened the last few weeks, it feels like there is a need to stop some of the issues earlier. Already in this thread, the attacks are small and growing again. Small enough where it can either lead to getting worse or small enough where two people can agree to disagree and not feel the need to win a battle. I don't think any of us want to repeat what happened last week....
Sensitivities must not be hurt! Lawdy, lawdy, I'm getting the airs! Someone make it all stop before I faint!
The last thing we want on an internet forum is disagreement, people! It's called conventional wisdom for a reason! I, for one, love this preventive censorship. You never know where these things can lead.
Also, was there a new vote on who patrols these back alleys? I knew we had a Sheriff, I missed additional posters being Deputized.
--P0 -
Yet, given what's happened the last few weeks, it feels like there is a need to stop some of the issues earlier. Already in this thread, the attacks are small and growing again. Small enough where it can either lead to getting worse or small enough where two people can agree to disagree and not feel the need to win a battle. I don't think any of us want to repeat what happened last week....
Sensitivities must not be hurt! Lawdy, lawdy, I'm getting the airs! Someone make it all stop before I faint!
The last thing we want on an internet forum is disagreement, people! It's called conventional wisdom for a reason! I, for one, love this preventive censorship. You never know where these things can lead.
Also, was there a new vote on who patrols these back alleys? I knew we had a Sheriff, I missed additional posters being Deputized.
--P
It was announced and the point is not to stifle any opinions,as I said if everyone wants a fight club then say so.
If people want a place they can come to and FREELY express an opinion without the worry they will be shouted at for it then just as in any civilized society there needs to be guidelines.0 -
Okay,I have given everyone all the latitude needed so from this point on please get back to the OP.
Carl, silly question, but why are you stifling debate?? Since when is it against the 'rules' to go off on a tangent??
We always do this in here?? Don't we? :huh:
I understand your concern, Anna. The goal is never to stifle conversation and of course tangents happen every day ALL day on these threads. They make this a very interesting, entertaining place.
Yet, given what's happened the last few weeks, it feels like there is a need to stop some of the issues earlier. Already in this thread, the attacks are small and growing again. Small enough where it can either lead to getting worse or small enough where two people can agree to disagree and not feel the need to win a battle. I don't think any of us want to repeat what happened last week....
TBH NC, I haven't got a problem with people getting riled at each other. At some point said people will realise that this is a public forum and arguing to the bitter end gets nobody nowhere! Just as in real life usually!! Agreeing to differ will always be the stale mate we end up with - who shouts loudest in the mean, or uses the most profanity, is neither here nor there. It can be quite entertaining.
What does bother me though is that you jump in too soon and the issue has not had a chance of being resolved. We aren't children. What's the worse that can happen over the internet??
But hey, I'm very liberal in my views and dont believe in censorship. What I believe is that everyone is entitled to their say and we, as adults, have the right of recourse, or indeed, the right to move on and press the ignore button.
I would much prefer you to PM the offenders and ask them to tone it down, rather than lock threads and threaten .....whatever.......
but there I go off on a tangent again.........:laugh: I have been told off for doing this IRL!! (by someone that couldnt think about more than on thing at once!!! :huh: ) :flowerforyou:0 -
It was announced and the point is not to stifle any opinions,as I said if everyone wants a fight club then say so.
If people want a place they can come to and FREELY express an opinion without the worry they will be shouted at for it then just as in any civilized society there needs to be guidelines.
I think it is important not to stifle any debate. When you give a warning, it'd be nice to call out the offender on here. So it doesn't seem that you're scolding everyone.
However, I would only do this when the low blows start flying. Which happens from time to time.0 -
It would be great if those who want to debate something that has come up in the thread start one of their own and redirect people there.
You could call it Gender Wars Round 2, 3 etc etc... :laugh:0 -
TBH NC, I haven't got a problem with people getting riled at each other. At some point said people will realise that this is a public forum and arguing to the bitter end gets nobody nowhere! Just as in real life usually!! Agreeing to differ will always be the stale mate we end up with - who shouts loudest in the mean, or uses the most profanity, is neither here nor there. It can be quite entertaining.
What does bother me though is that you jump in too soon and the issue has not had a chance of being resolved. We aren't children. What's the worse that can happen over the internet??
But hey, I'm very liberal in my views and dont believe in censorship. What I believe is that everyone is entitled to their say and we, as adults, have the right of recourse, or indeed, the right to move on and press the ignore button.
I would much prefer you to PM the offenders and ask them to tone it down, rather than lock threads and threaten .....whatever.......
but there I go off on a tangent again.........:laugh: I have been told off for doing this IRL!! (by someone that couldnt think about more than on thing at once!!! :huh: ) :flowerforyou:
We also have to remember that over time the majority of folks here have stated they enjoyed this group being a safe haven from the endless bickering and fighting on the main forums.
What you say has up until lately always been the case,we would disagree and some level of debate would have out with folks eventually coming to some mutual conclusion or mutual difference but it was almost always without name calling or carry over into another thread.
Again,I have no problem with stepping away and just letting it be a free for all and whoever is comfortable with that can have at it and the rest decide if they want to come back to it or do something else.0 -
It was announced and the point is not to stifle any opinions,as I said if everyone wants a fight club then say so.
If people want a place they can come to and FREELY express an opinion without the worry they will be shouted at for it then just as in any civilized society there needs to be guidelines.
We want to freely express our opinions. Why do you want to prevent that? And how do you "shout" on a message board? You're using all caps, not me.... ;-)
I agree with you 100% that personal insults should not be tolerated. Personal...
But again, let's all grow up and debate. Saying, "No, I disagree, that is a terrible idea," is perfectly fine. You have no right to be protected from people pointing out the stupidity of what you just said. However, someone saying, "You are a very bad person for holding that idea," is not acceptable. But there is a huge difference between those attacks.
Sadly, there is a growing trend to censor uncomfortable debate. It's as if sacred cows must not be touched.
--P0 -
It was announced and the point is not to stifle any opinions,as I said if everyone wants a fight club then say so.
If people want a place they can come to and FREELY express an opinion without the worry they will be shouted at for it then just as in any civilized society there needs to be guidelines.
I think it is important not to stifle any debate. When you give a warning, it'd be nice to call out the offender on here. So it doesn't seem that you're scolding everyone.
However, I would only do this when the low blows start flying. Which happens from time to time.
If everyone is happy with that then fine,but if the first time that happens while someone is in agitated and they refuse to stand down (which imo is likely the case with what I have seen) then it creates a loggerhead with myself or NCs back up against a wall.
If all think they can handle that then we can.0 -
It was announced and the point is not to stifle any opinions,as I said if everyone wants a fight club then say so.
If people want a place they can come to and FREELY express an opinion without the worry they will be shouted at for it then just as in any civilized society there needs to be guidelines.
We want to freely express our opinions. Why do you want to prevent that? And how do you "shout" on a message board? You're using all caps, not me.... ;-)
I agree with you 100% that personal insults should not be tolerated. Personal...
But again, let's all grow up and debate. Saying, "No, I disagree, that is a terrible idea," is perfectly fine. You have no right to be protected from people pointing out the stupidity of what you just said. However, someone saying, "You are a very bad person for holding that idea," is not acceptable. But there is a huge difference between those attacks.
Sadly, there is a growing trend to censor uncomfortable debate. It's as if sacred cows must not be touched.
--P
Nobody is censoring anything,it is trying to create an atmosphere where what you wish for can be done.
If a person comes here feeling comfortable essentially saying "You are a very bad person for holding that idea" then the atmosphere is not conducive to constructive discussion or debate.0 -
If people want a place they can come to and FREELY express an opinion without the worry they will be shouted at for it then just as in any civilized society there needs to be guidelines.
I think it is important not to stifle any debate. When you give a warning, it'd be nice to call out the offender on here. So it doesn't seem that you're scolding everyone.
I agree. If someone is being offensive, before locking the thread quote the unacceptale behavior and say "this is unacceptable, do not do this again or the thread will be locked."
Nowhere in my posts did I attack Zach, though he said so. I simply took issue with what I interpreted in his posts was a mindset that he could tell from what Diana wrote in her posts she wanted sex and by those behaviors she has consented. Nowhere in his writing did he imply that I mis-interpreted his opinion. I insisted that many women could exhibit the same behaviors she did and only want to take things up a level, not go all the way (which she, herself came on and verified), and that the ladies would do well to read carefully what he wrote as many men might feel the same way and suggested that a good option for handling this is to control ourselves physically until all parties are on the same page.
I feel justified in what I wrote that I'm not attacking anyone, and Zach feels justified in his mind that he's not attacked anyone. So with the moderators just making general blanket statements, neither of us thinks we're at fault. That's why I agree with Mike that in the future, if the moderator's gentle warnings don't work, we need to call out the offender publicly before shutting down the thread. I honestly had no idea people weren't taking my posts seriously until I saw the popcorn gif. And that's why I stopped.0 -
Sadly, there is a growing trend to censor uncomfortable debate. It's as if sacred cows must not be touched.
--P
You're definitely going to different bars than I am. I am not touching any cows. That's just sick.:noway:
umm. I hope that wasn't a pesonal attack. Sorry if you took it that way. :drinker:0 -
If people want a place they can come to and FREELY express an opinion without the worry they will be shouted at for it then just as in any civilized society there needs to be guidelines.
I think it is important not to stifle any debate. When you give a warning, it'd be nice to call out the offender on here. So it doesn't seem that you're scolding everyone.
I agree. If someone is being offensive, before locking the thread quote the unacceptale behavior and say "this is unacceptable, do not do this again or the thread will be locked."
Nowhere in my posts did I attack Zach, though he said so. I simply took issue with what I interpreted in his posts was a mindset that he could tell from what Diana wrote in her posts she wanted sex and by those behaviors she has consented. Nowhere in his writing did he imply that I mis-interpreted his opinion. I insisted that many women could exhibit the same behaviors she did and only want to take things up a level, not go all the way (which she, herself came on and verified), and that the ladies would do well to read carefully what he wrote as many men might feel the same way and suggested that a good option for handling this is to control ourselves physically until all parties are on the same page.
I feel justified in what I wrote that I'm not attacking anyone, and Zach feels justified in his mind that he's not attacked anyone. So with the moderators just making general blanket statements, neither of us thinks we're at fault. That's why I agree with Mike that in the future, if the moderator's gentle warnings don't work, we need to call out the offender publicly before shutting down the thread. I honestly had no idea people weren't taking my posts seriously until I saw the popcorn gif. And that's why I stopped.
As someone who is most likely guilty of the same sentiments, I concur.0 -
Might I note how easily we can discuss things when we set our minds to doing that.
We are right no and no one is getting mad.:drinker:0 -
I honestly had no idea people weren't taking my posts seriously until I saw the popcorn gif. And that's why I stopped.
The popcorn gif wasn't about not taking it seriously but as a good debate to watch, so sit back and have some popcorn.0 -
I honestly had no idea people weren't taking my posts seriously until I saw the popcorn gif. And that's why I stopped.
The popcorn gif wasn't about not taking it seriously but as a good debate to watch, so sit back and have some popcorn.
Her comments were clearly a personal attack on you. You should be way more aggressive and retaliatory in your response.0 -
Nobody is censoring anything,it is trying to create an atmosphere where what you wish for can be done.
If a person comes here feeling comfortable essentially saying "You are a very bad person for holding that idea" then the atmosphere is not conducive to constructive discussion or debate.
If people feel uncomfortable because their ideas are attacked, well, that's life. Again, time to grow up.
On the other hand, if they are uncomfortable because they are subjected to *personal* attacks, that is something else.
If a debate gets personal, just delete the offending post, and PM the person with a note as to why. Problem solved. You don't have to lock down the entire thread, unless it's just gotten completely out of control.
But again, let's not criminalize provocative thought, or put an abrupt end to a vigorous debate. That's how we learn.
--P0 -
Nobody is censoring anything,it is trying to create an atmosphere where what you wish for can be done.
If a person comes here feeling comfortable essentially saying "You are a very bad person for holding that idea" then the atmosphere is not conducive to constructive discussion or debate.
If people feel uncomfortable because their ideas are attacked, well, that's life. Again, time to grow up.
On the other hand, if they are uncomfortable because they are subjected to *personal* attacks, that is something else.
If a debate gets personal, just delete the offending post, and PM the person with a note as to why. Problem solved. You don't have to lock down the entire thread, unless it's just gotten completely out of control.
But again, let's not criminalize provocative thought, or put an abrupt end to a vigorous debate. That's how we learn.
--P
Hopefully there is no need for any of that in the future and everybody can take a step back when they are feeling anger over something and realize arguing (which is different then debating) over things here is really pointless in the big picture of life.0 -
Yay, reading this thread just took up a good chunk of my afternoon! 45 minutes left of work, then I can hit the gym!
:drinker:
And yay, Diana! Glad the dude came through!
ETA: I'm one of those girls who says "I want to wait a little bit" before sex, but then I get all hot and bothered and say *kitten* it.. sorry JJ. :frown: I really mean it when I say it, but then I get all sexypants and think to myself "Condoms? Birth control? CHECK! LET'S GET BUSY."0 -
It's always a little confusing for guys in this phase too. I'm always thinking if I try to be too aggressive then she'll think I'm a player but if I don't try hard enough then she'll think I don't like her. But usually when someone grabs my hand and does something with it I take the hint that I'm going too slowly. There's no telling what he was thinking, he probably just really had to go home.I wasn't trying to have sex. Just wanted to move 1 step past kissing where it was more of kissing and embracing. Yes, maybe under my shirt was a little more risky so I'll rethink that next time. Definately didn't want to get down!0 -
La Amazona: glad it's working out! (=
Carl01 and NCTravellingirl: I am grateful I don't have to deal with the stress of being a forum moderator. Thank you 2.
As for the off tangent topic about mixed signals. It can be very confusing and stressful for both parties. /:0 -
I'm glad it ended up working out! Just be careful with the mixed signals.
I think that there are certain things you shouldn't say/ask on a first date. "I'm not that kind of girl," and "What are you looking for?" are two of those things. "What are you looking for?" scares the **** out of me, so I can't imagine how that makes a guy feel... And "I'm not that kind of girl" can come back and bite you in the *kitten*. Like buffcupcake said... If your hormones are talking to you
, then all of that goes out the window and you risk looking like a contradiction or whatever. I agree with the people who have said that your words and your actions contradicted one another... But I know that most- NOT all- of us have probably done similar things. Said that things were going to be *this way* but then wanted them *that way*.
So maybe just stay away from disclaimers, or nevers. And try not to over think everything. You're pretty, smart, and nice... So don't worry!
I don't know why dating has to be so damn complicated!
Good luck, girly!0 -
I don't know why dating has to be so damn complicated!
It's only as complicated as we allow it to be
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I don't know why dating has to be so damn complicated!
It's only as complicated as we allow it to be
Trueeeee that. It's amazing how simply and smoothly things go when you're not even thinking about it.0 -
I don't know why dating has to be so damn complicated!
It's only as complicated as we allow it to be
Trueeeee that. It's amazing how simply and smoothly things go when you're not even thinking about it.
Hell yeah! I got me, my cats, my reruns of TNG and my beer.
Life is gooooood.0 -
I don't know why dating has to be so damn complicated!
It's only as complicated as we allow it to be
Trueeeee that. It's amazing how simply and smoothly things go when you're not even thinking about it.
So, whats the update on the geezer Shammox?? Did he apologise or did you dump him? :flowerforyou:0 -
It's always a little confusing for guys in this phase too. I'm always thinking if I try to be too aggressive then she'll think I'm a player but if I don't try hard enough then she'll think I don't like her. But usually when someone grabs my hand and does something with it I take the hint that I'm going too slowly. There's no telling what he was thinking, he probably just really had to go home.I wasn't trying to have sex. Just wanted to move 1 step past kissing where it was more of kissing and embracing. Yes, maybe under my shirt was a little more risky so I'll rethink that next time. Definately didn't want to get down!
You are the voice of reason Roadie. I sure as hell would not like to be a man in these situations!!! You're right, when a guy tries too hard he offends you - how dare he think I'm that easy!! And when he goes too slow and he offends you - OMG he's not attracted to me!! *face/palm*
:laugh:0 -
It's always a little confusing for guys in this phase too. I'm always thinking if I try to be too aggressive then she'll think I'm a player but if I don't try hard enough then she'll think I don't like her. But usually when someone grabs my hand and does something with it I take the hint that I'm going too slowly. There's no telling what he was thinking, he probably just really had to go home.I wasn't trying to have sex. Just wanted to move 1 step past kissing where it was more of kissing and embracing. Yes, maybe under my shirt was a little more risky so I'll rethink that next time. Definately didn't want to get down!
You are the voice of reason Roadie. I sure as hell would not like to be a man in these situations!!! You're right, when a guy tries too hard he offends you - how dare he think I'm that easy!! And when he goes too slow and he offends you - OMG he's not attracted to me!! *face/palm*
:laugh:
I have a very easy solution to that problem that the gents seem to like.
I want him to be the aggressor, so I just tell him straight up if it's gonna happen or not. "I have to go home, let's continue this next time?" versus "Let's *kitten*!" and I get what I ask for. Sometimes I just use body language. If you catch my drift. :laugh: 0
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