Talk me off the edge...
Replies
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Wow. Just wow. This reminds me of all the guys who have cursed me out calling me a tease, even though I've been very upfront with them there will be no getting naked w/o commitment. You make it sound like the woman is purposely out to leave you in pain, and I suspect that's not truly the case.
I don't care. It's completely disrespectful. If you aren't willing to go very far then don't act like you are. I also remember you saying that you used to be afraid the guy wouldn't come back if he didn't think there was going to be sex soon so you used to suggest it was just a matter of time.
I have never acted like I am willing to go very far when I'm not.
There is a HUGE difference between saying "not now" to a man who is trying to get physical on the 2nd or 3rd date when you still haven't talked about relationship or commitment or even being a couple, and purposely arousing a man when you know you're not going to put out.
I don't purposely get BB all excited, he can't help it. Lol. And I can't help getting all excited around him either. That's what I want! I want someone who I can barely keep my hands off of, and who feels the same about me. It's tough to hold back because it's been so long since I felt like anyone cared about me on an emotional level. But there has to be some level of self control or this relationship won't stand the test of time. It won't stand through deployments and issues at home with someone hot on the job coming on to you and whatever else it is that lesser mortals use as excuses to fall into affairs because they don't have enough self control and say things like "I couldn't help it."0 -
I didn't say she wasn't responsible. I said you know damn well know what the situation is and how it's going to turn out. If you don't want more or are not sure about what you want, It may get ugly down the road. You knew it was a possibility when you made the decision to go for the booty. You have plenty of reason to feel guilty later on in this situation. You misled the person through your omission of information. If you paused for a minute to say, "I'm not ready for the long term yet are you okay with this?" then you have no reason to feel guilty.
You are accusing only the "male" of misleading in this scenario.
The woman was misleading when SHE SAID "I am not that type of girl" and acted different.
Since she is guilty of misleading as well your argument for him to have said guilt becomes invalid.0 -
And I confirmed our bike ride date. We will be going on Thursday. :smokin:0
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And I confirmed our bike ride date. We will be going on Thursday. :smokin:
Yay!0 -
I didn't say she wasn't responsible. I said you know damn well know what the situation is and how it's going to turn out. If you don't want more or are not sure about what you want, It may get ugly down the road. You knew it was a possibility when you made the decision to go for the booty. You have plenty of reason to feel guilty later on in this situation. You misled the person through your omission of information. If you paused for a minute to say, "I'm not ready for the long term yet are you okay with this?" then you have no reason to feel guilty.
You are accusing only the "male" of misleading in this scenario.
The woman was misleading when SHE SAID "I am not that type of girl" and acted different.
Since she is guilty of misleading as well your argument for him to have said guilt becomes invalid.
You rationalize it however you want to. If you don't feel guilty as a result good for you.0 -
I didn't say she wasn't responsible. I said you know damn well know what the situation is and how it's going to turn out. If you don't want more or are not sure about what you want, It may get ugly down the road. You knew it was a possibility when you made the decision to go for the booty. You have plenty of reason to feel guilty later on in this situation. You misled the person through your omission of information. If you paused for a minute to say, "I'm not ready for the long term yet are you okay with this?" then you have no reason to feel guilty.
You are accusing only the "male" of misleading in this scenario.
The woman was misleading when SHE SAID "I am not that type of girl" and acted different.
Since she is guilty of misleading as well your argument for him to have said guilt becomes invalid.
Since when does making out/kissing = sex? I don't know if you know this, but there's a whole lot of steps between mashing mouths together before it goes straight to bumpin' uglies. Calling a girl misleading because kissing, or a little skin on skin contact just tells me you need to adjust your perspective of sexuality and tone that back a little before you get all butthurt. Amazona didn't do a damn thing wrong, and neither did the guy.0 -
Wow. Just wow. This reminds me of all the guys who have cursed me out calling me a tease, even though I've been very upfront with them there will be no getting naked w/o commitment. You make it sound like the woman is purposely out to leave you in pain, and I suspect that's not truly the case.
I don't care. It's completely disrespectful. If you aren't willing to go very far then don't act like you are. I also remember you saying that you used to be afraid the guy wouldn't come back if he didn't think there was going to be sex soon so you used to suggest it was just a matter of time.
I have never acted like I am willing to go very far when I'm not.
There is a HUGE difference between saying "not now" to a man who is trying to get physical on the 2nd or 3rd date when you still haven't talked about relationship or commitment or even being a couple, and purposely arousing a man when you know you're not going to put out.
I just saw the part where you wrote that the girl who is "waiting for sex" when you're turned on is disrespectful.
Being attractive is not disrespectful to you. Being a fun, engaging woman that turns you on is not disrespectful to you. I'm struggling to see what part of someone wanting to wait for sex is disrespectful to you. Granted, you wouldn't date someone with my particular mindset, but you would already have eliminated that kind of girl after the 2nd or 3rd date (or first, if you brought it up in honest conversation). If a woman does want to hold out for an emotional connection, or at the least an exclusive relationship, I just don't see how that is disrepectfrul to you.
"Distasteful" I could understand, since that's not what you're looking for. But disrespectful? To the point where you feel you must teach her a lesson, lie to her as if you really care for her long enough to build up her trust, then do the deed and then dump her???? All you're teaching her in that case is to wait longer next time. How sad.0 -
Wow. Just wow. This reminds me of all the guys who have cursed me out calling me a tease, even though I've been very upfront with them there will be no getting naked w/o commitment. You make it sound like the woman is purposely out to leave you in pain, and I suspect that's not truly the case.
I don't care. It's completely disrespectful. If you aren't willing to go very far then don't act like you are. I also remember you saying that you used to be afraid the guy wouldn't come back if he didn't think there was going to be sex soon so you used to suggest it was just a matter of time. Women like this deserve a poorer reputation than slum lords and used car slaesmen who know they are selling lemons. I have less respect for that type of behavior than the girl who says "i'm not like that" but then puts out on the 2nd or 3rd date.
So in your world, if a woman doesn't want to have sex until marriage she can't do any of the other fun things that come before that because she's a dirty tease and likened to a SLUM LORD. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those that holds out very long (I'm either interested or I'm not) but making out with a guy isn't leading him on. In Amazona's case he didn't even go for the boob grab, he was touching the bare skin at her waist. Since when did kissing automatically mean "we're going to have sex now HAHAHA JK!" Do you really believe that people that want to hold out aren't allowed to make out? What about holding hands? How about tossing her hair - that indicates interest WHAT A B*TCH.
Please tell me I'm misreading something.0 -
Yah, I'm not going to stop kissing/ getting into it because that's what chemistry/ physical attraction is. But I do hear the peeps about mixed signals... Theres a thin line there.0
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I didn't say she wasn't responsible. I said you know damn well know what the situation is and how it's going to turn out. If you don't want more or are not sure about what you want, It may get ugly down the road. You knew it was a possibility when you made the decision to go for the booty. You have plenty of reason to feel guilty later on in this situation. You misled the person through your omission of information. If you paused for a minute to say, "I'm not ready for the long term yet are you okay with this?" then you have no reason to feel guilty.
You are accusing only the "male" of misleading in this scenario.
The woman was misleading when SHE SAID "I am not that type of girl" and acted different.
Since she is guilty of misleading as well your argument for him to have said guilt becomes invalid.
Since when does making out/kissing = sex? I don't know if you know this, but there's a whole lot of steps between mashing mouths together before it goes straight to bumpin' uglies. Calling a girl misleading because kissing, or a little skin on skin contact just tells me you need to adjust your perspective of sexuality and tone that back a little before you get all butthurt. Amazona didn't do a damn thing wrong, and neither did the guy.
The point is, when a female makes an effort to take it to the next level, at whatever
"level" that may be, that is generally a sign for consent.
If you actually read Amazona's posts, she even implies she was feeling a lot of sexual tension.
She was also upset he left, so in her case YES the waist grab was an invite.
EDIT: Furthermore, if she DIDN'T want him to leave, you are basically suggesting she
wanted a multiple hour long make out session? What are we in junior high again?
Cmon people.0 -
She was also upset he left, so in her case YES the waist grab was an invite.
I am so glad that BB interprets a waist grab as just that... an invitation to grab my waist. And hang out for a few minutes enjoying that waist (which I've worked hard to whittle down, by the way).
That in no way equals consent to have sex.0 -
She was also upset he left, so in her case YES the waist grab was an invite.
I am so glad that BB interprets a waist grab as just that... an invitation to grab my waist.
That in no way equals consent to have sex.
You have clearly stated that your intentions are different than OPs.
For you maybe, but to say that a waistgrab is ALWAYS just a waistgrab is wrong.
It can mean an invite, and in OPs case, it probably was.0 -
Furthermore, if she DIDN'T want him to leave, you are basically suggesting she wanted a multiple hour long make out session? What are we in junior high again?
Um... what's the problem? What's wrong with making out for a bit? Am I missing something? Or is my judgement clouded because my boyfriend is starting to talk long term plans and I'm just too distracted??
I think it's actually more high school to expect that hand on the waist, or hand on thigh, or any such "little thing" is a green light for bumping uglies.0 -
It is amazing to sit back and watch a train wreck develop,
The initial assertion that was debated was that IF making out had led to mutually consensual sex then the guy should feel guilty for it after since she had previously said she would not do that.
Where it is at now is everyone reading their own meanings based on whatever biases they have into things where often they simply are not applicable.
No one has said making out equals sex or is an automatic invite to it.
It was a hypothetical situation where both continued on with it and it concluded with sex.
Sheesh.0 -
Furthermore, if she DIDN'T want him to leave, you are basically suggesting she wanted a multiple hour long make out session? What are we in junior high again?
Um... what's the problem? What's wrong with making out for a bit? Am I missing something? Or is my judgement clouded because my boyfriend is starting to talk long term plans and I'm just too distracted??
I think it's actually more high school to expect that hand on the waist, or hand on thigh, or any such "little thing" is a green light for bumping uglies.
This thread isn't about you, you have said previously your intentions are different than OPs.
I am assuming your preferences are for religious purposes which is a bit different imo.
OP clearly, does not have that same principle, so please stay on topic.
I am not arguing against a religious preference.0 -
She was also upset he left, so in her case YES the waist grab was an invite.
I am so glad that BB interprets a waist grab as just that... an invitation to grab my waist.
That in no way equals consent to have sex.
You have clearly stated that your intentions are different than OPs.
For you maybe, but to say that a waistgrab is ALWAYS just a waistgrab is wrong.
It can mean an invite, and in OPs case, it probably was.
You say that it probably was. I say that it probably wasn't. I think it was probably just an invitation to turn things up one more notch- like going from 10 to 11 on a 30 point scale. Not to go from 10 to 30. You sound like the stereotypical college guys in movies who date rape and then say she wanted it.
The only one who really knows is OP.
The fact that guys think the ways expressed in this thread makes me even *more* firmly entrenched in my view that physical favors should be reserved for commitment.0 -
You say that it probably was. I say that it probably wasn't. I think it was probably just an invitation to turn things up one more notch- like going from 10 to 11 on a 30 point scale. Not to go from 10 to 30. You sound like the stereotypical college guys in movies who date rape and then say she wanted it.
The only one who really knows is OP.
The fact that guys think the ways expressed in this thread makes me even *more* firmly entrenched in my view that physical favors should be reserved for commitment.
Believe what you want, believe men are pigs for wanting sex and reading signals from women.
Keep in mind, the same women that complain about men who "use them for their body"
also complain about men, who "aren't aggressive enough".
Decide what you want, and please dear lord stop making this thread about you.0 -
This thread isn't about you, you have said previously your intentions are different than OPs.
I am assuming your preferences are for religious purposes which is a bit different imo.
OP clearly, does not have that same principle, so please stay on topic.
I am not arguing against a religious preference.
This thread isn't about me, but by trying to wait she is acting more like me so take religion out of it and just talk behavior. Don't dismiss my view just because I'm religious.
Girl says she wants to take things slow and wait for complete intimacy. What was this? the 3rd date? I'll have to go back and look. They're kissing. She puts his hand on her back.
That does not mean bang her.
It means I like you, I'm enjoying you, and I want to progress to a deeper relationship with you. It means I feel more comfortable with you and want to do a little more and if we keep getting along well you might eventually get all the way. This does not mean throw me on the floor and pump away. Hand on crotch might be a different story, but even then, it could mean hand job over clothes... not full on sex. You might think that's too high school, but I bet lot of guys on this board would gladly accept that early in a relationship, especially from someone as beautiful as La_Amazona.0 -
wow when did single peeps become attack peeps? LOL she's going on a bike ride with the dude and all she did was have the guy grab her back... calm down. hahaha
happy monday! :drinker:0 -
This thread isn't about me, but by trying to wait she is acting more like me so take religion out of it and just talk behavior. Don't dismiss my view just because I'm religious.
Your view has a lot to do with you being religious.
I grew up in a Christian home, and was basically brow beat that sex before marriage would destroy the world.
It took me a few years to get over that concept.
For you to say that your religion, WHATEVER it may be, doesn't affect your moral stance on pre marital sex
is simply a fib.
If you were not a Christian (or whatever religion you are), I guarantee you would have had sex by now.
I am not condemning you for your choice in life, do what you want to do.
Don't however make some moral standard that everyone else needs to hold up to.
Again read her posts, it is clear she was in the mood.0
