When guys say all the right things....
Meghan0116
Posts: 1,268 Member
I went on a date Friday night with a guy who I had only talked to briefly. The date lasted 7 hours and was probably the best one I have ever been on. This guy said all the right things. He said that he wants to get married, have kids, wants to communicate, verbalize his feelings, on and on and on. He said that I am beautiful and that he already really liked me and that he was impressed by me. He even talked about deleting his pof account (I haven't checked lol).
I told him that as much as I liked hearing that stuff, it did freak me out a bit because I have heard it before. I said that I really, really want to believe him. His response was, you'll just have to let me show you. We have made a tentative date for Thursday if he can change shifts and he is going with me to a Halloween party that is two weeks away.
I want to believe him, I really do but I am scared. I am so afraid of being hurt again. I don't want to start over analyzing after one date or doing anything to sabotage the possibility. I am such a nutcase.
I told him that as much as I liked hearing that stuff, it did freak me out a bit because I have heard it before. I said that I really, really want to believe him. His response was, you'll just have to let me show you. We have made a tentative date for Thursday if he can change shifts and he is going with me to a Halloween party that is two weeks away.
I want to believe him, I really do but I am scared. I am so afraid of being hurt again. I don't want to start over analyzing after one date or doing anything to sabotage the possibility. I am such a nutcase.
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You are not a nutcase...it just shows that you still have hope. just proceed with caution and make sure he is just not one of those that has to be with someone. You want to be the one, not just someone.0
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I want to believe him, I really do but I am scared. I am so afraid of being hurt again. I don't want to start over analyzing after one date or doing anything to sabotage the possibility. I am such a nutcase.
One day at a time.
Enjoy the ride and stop stressing.
EDIT: To clarify, there is no way you can crawl into his head and know he
is legit about his feelings or not, thus the one day at a time.
However, his actions will always speak his intentions, his words may not.
That being said, pay attention to how he acts, versus taking in what he is saying as
his honest feelings.0 -
It is hard not to think about past experiences, but everyone deserves their own chance (of course that advice is easy to give, but following it is a whole other story!)...
Hope he lives up to what he says!0 -
I went on a date Friday night with a guy who I had only talked to briefly. The date lasted 7 hours and was probably the best one I have ever been on.
7 hours is a really long first date. I've heard about these long dates. How do you really go above 3 or 3.5 hours on a first date? I think 3.5 hours is my longest first date, but typically my first dates are 1-2.5 hours.
I'm not being critical, just wondering if anyone can shed any light on how that happens.0 -
Sounds great Megs. Give the relationship a chance. You will soon know if he's full of BS!! :bigsmile:0
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This guy said all the right things. He said that he wants to get married, have kids, wants to communicate, verbalize his feelings, on and on and on. He said that I am beautiful and that he already really liked me and that he was impressed by me. He even talked about deleting his pof account (I haven't checked lol).
This must be the male equivalent of the ladies saying "I'm not that kind of girl," lol.
I've heard that a lot too, and you'll never know until, over time, he proves himself. Just enjoy it! Be relaxed with him! Have fun, and try not to get too overly attached early on. Maybe even (if this will work with your personality) go into the date thinking "even if I'm afraid this won't last, I'm gonna enjoy this man in front of me, savor this moment."0 -
I went on a date Friday night with a guy who I had only talked to briefly. The date lasted 7 hours and was probably the best one I have ever been on.
7 hours is a really long first date. I've heard about these long dates. How do you really go above 3 or 3.5 hours on a first date? I think 3.5 hours is my longest first date, but typically my first dates are 1-2.5 hours.
I'm not being critical, just wondering if anyone can shed any light on how that happens.
We just kept talking and talking. Neither of us wanted the date to end.0 -
I went on a date Friday night with a guy who I had only talked to briefly. The date lasted 7 hours and was probably the best one I have ever been on.
7 hours is a really long first date. I've heard about these long dates. How do you really go above 3 or 3.5 hours on a first date? I think 3.5 hours is my longest first date, but typically my first dates are 1-2.5 hours.
I'm not being critical, just wondering if anyone can shed any light on how that happens.
Good conversation is about all it takes to make a first date last that long.0 -
This must be the male equivalent of the ladies saying "I'm not that kind of girl," lol.
On an off topic you are pretty much correct, SOME men will say whatever she wants
to hear to get what they want.
This doesn't dictate this situation because it is way too early to tell.
She just needs to take it one day at a time, and stop over analyzing it.
Enjoy the ride.0 -
7 hours is a really long first date. I've heard about these long dates. How do you really go above 3 or 3.5 hours on a first date? I think 3.5 hours is my longest first date, but typically my first dates are 1-2.5 hours.
I'm not being critical, just wondering if anyone can shed any light on how that happens.
Guess it depends on the chemistry...?
My first date with BB lasted 7 hours: We started off meeting at a church singles event (I'm lame, I admit it: I selected this venue because a) I had already told friends I was going and b) if we didn't click there would be other singles). Then we were having so much fun together, he offered to take me to his favorite steakhouse. Then we were STILL not done talking and goofing off so we walked around the Boardwalk for about 2 hours. And then we were hungry, so we went to BWW and closed the place down at 2am.
He kept coming up with more stuff to do so we could spend more time together until we finally got to the point where the only things left open in this gambling town were venues I didn't want to visit.
Fun fun fun!
Edited to add: Almost all of our dates have been long like that... though now that we're seeing each other during the week after work it's shorter by necessity though it's still tough to break away and go to bed.0 -
I went on a date Friday night with a guy who I had only talked to briefly. The date lasted 7 hours and was probably the best one I have ever been on.
7 hours is a really long first date. I've heard about these long dates. How do you really go above 3 or 3.5 hours on a first date? I think 3.5 hours is my longest first date, but typically my first dates are 1-2.5 hours.
I'm not being critical, just wondering if anyone can shed any light on how that happens.
The first date I had with the 'love of my life' lasted 2 days!!! :laugh: We stayed up allllllllllll night talking!! In fact it only really ended then as we both had to go to work! Perhaps you haven't experienced that all encompassing feeling yet DM. And not everyone does! :flowerforyou:
Oh, and I guess all the rules you guys have about not going back to your place would restrict the time together too?0 -
I have also enjoyed a number of long, chemistry-laden and fantastic dates. Sometimes they have turned out great, other times it has fizzled shortly after and one I swear was a sociopath (in the most handsome and charming way mind you). The only thing I would suggest you do other than have fun is to internally pace your feelings. You can trust..and believe what he says, but I would caution jumping in with both feet emotionally right now. Let him prove himself a little. Does he call when he says he will? Does he appear equally interested?
Having said that, you could stop analyzing and just go for it if you feel you can emotionally sustain a worst case scenario.0 -
You don't have to believe anything he says, it's perfectly healthy to be a little but guarded.
But just because he says he wants to get married and have kids doesn't mean that he's going to get married and have kids with you. Get to know him a little better and then start worrying about everything else. You've been on 1 date.0 -
Oh, and I guess all the rules you guys have about not going back to your place would restrict the time together too?
This made me stare at my screen blankly for about 30 seconds. Who has these rules? After 7 hours of feeding BS lines to a girl, how else are we supposed to get laid?
Aw, just kidding. Congrats, OP, sounds like a great first date.
OK, here comes the cynicism: To be 100% honest with you, something sounds a bit off to me. It sounds so intense for a first date, and not exactly in a good way. The way you describe your feelings of fear and unease around the situation just scream "red flag" to me. Please don't take my advice (nothing good can come from that), but I would advise possibly keeping those fears to yourself from here on out. Or maybe just downplay them a bit? If I was given that speech after my first date, a very tiny seed of doubt would be planted. My "this chick has issues" spidey-sense would be buzzing like crazy.0 -
It has been one date (yes a very long date) but give him a chance. Not all guys are lying some actually go on dates to have a relationship not a one night stand.0
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Oh, and I guess all the rules you guys have about not going back to your place would restrict the time together too?
This made me stare at my screen blankly for about 30 seconds. Who has these rules? After 7 hours of feeding BS lines to a girl, how else are we supposed to get laid?
Aw, just kidding. Congrats, OP, sounds like a great first date.
OK, here comes the cynicism: To be 100% honest with you, something sounds a bit off to me. It sounds so intense for a first date, and not exactly in a good way. The way you describe your feelings of fear and unease around the situation just scream "red flag" to me. Please don't take my advice (nothing good can come from that), but I would advise possibly keeping those fears to yourself from here on out. Or maybe just downplay them a bit? If I was given that speech after my first date, a very tiny seed of doubt would be planted. My "this chick has issues" spidey-sense would be buzzing like crazy.
The whole deleting his pof profile after one date freaked me out a little so I felt the need to be honest. The way he was talking was very we are going to do this or that. It was intense, which is why I had to voice my feelings.0 -
I went on a date Friday night with a guy who I had only talked to briefly. The date lasted 7 hours and was probably the best one I have ever been on.
7 hours is a really long first date. I've heard about these long dates. How do you really go above 3 or 3.5 hours on a first date? I think 3.5 hours is my longest first date, but typically my first dates are 1-2.5 hours.
I'm not being critical, just wondering if anyone can shed any light on how that happens.
Lots to talk about, and an easy-flowing conversation. The first time Mr He'd-be-Perfect-if-I hadn't-missed-my-chance-and-he-wasn't-(now)-engaged and I went out together one-on-one (would probably have qualified as a date if he'd been single - drinks that turned into dinner, then coffee (just coffee!) at his place), we started talking at 5pm and only stopped at midnight because I had to get the last tube home. The conversation then continued by email for another three days!0 -
The first date I had with the 'love of my life' lasted 2 days!!! :laugh: We stayed up allllllllllll night talking!! In fact it only really ended then as we both had to go to work! Perhaps you haven't experienced that all encompassing feeling yet DM. And not everyone does! :flowerforyou:
Oh, and I guess all the rules you guys have about not going back to your place would restrict the time together too?
2 days of just talking? Wow.
Yes, if you aren't back at someone's place, that does impact the amount of time spent together.
A typical meet for a drink at a lounge with good ambiance and chat sort of first date if it goes well is not more than 1.5-2.5 hours. That is a good amount of time, and you'll see some chemistry in that time, at least in my experience. The one that went 3.5 hours, that was a good one. A walk around a scenic area or ice skating or any other sports followed by a casual drink is about 2 hours for me.
As for the guy saying all the right things, take your time. Time will show who this person really is.0 -
This made me stare at my screen blankly for about 30 seconds. Who has these rules? After 7 hours of feeding BS lines to a girl, how else are we supposed to get laid?
Aw, just kidding. Congrats, OP, sounds like a great first date.
Chris, there was a post on here a few months back when a woman got flamed for inviting a guy back to her place and NOT wanting sex. Apparently that is an unwritten rule in America - if you invite a guy back, you want it?? lol
I tried to explain that it wasn't necessarily like that here. Of course, it could very well lead to sex, but as we have archaic pub opening hours it's pretty normal to head back to someone's home if you want to extend the evening. Either with friends or a date, same principal.
And I know you were kiddin, but I like it when you stare at the screen blankly and hope you are doing it again.....!! :bigsmile:0 -
2 days of just talking? Wow.
Yes, if you aren't back at someone's place, that does impact the amount of time spent together.
A typical meet for a drink at a lounge with good ambiance and chat sort of first date if it goes well is not more than 1.5-2.5 hours. That is a good amount of time, and you'll see some chemistry in that time, at least in my experience. The one that went 3.5 hours, that was a good one. A walk around a scenic area or ice skating or any other sports followed by a casual drink is about 2 hours for me.
As for the guy saying all the right things, take your time. Time will show who this person really is.
This.
If a first date last 2 hours, it's most likely a good one. If you do something after drinks, like take a walk, then it's a very good sign. All my conversation on a first date is kept very light. I like to keep it on topics like family, TV, sports (if you know she's into it), interesting current events (like the guy jumping from space yesterday), etc.
If I'm not interested or just not feeling it, there's no way I would want to sit across from someone for longer than 30 min - 45 min. I usually just tell them one drink is enough and I have to wake up early the next morning.
In this case, if he's saying all the right things and talks about the distant future (kids, marriage, etc), he's likely trying to take you home for the night. Again, this is all speculation and no one knows what the guys real intentions are except him. Seems like a "crystal ball" type of question.0 -
The whole deleting his pof profile after one date freaked me out a little so I felt the need to be honest. The way he was talking was very we are going to do this or that. It was intense, which is why I had to voice my feelings.
Yep, that part sounds a little creepy as well. He should have posted on an Internet message board first so another jerk like me could have told him to keep his trap shut about that stuff.
We do hear a lot of these love-at-first site stories told by someone 30 years into that relationship, though, so I've got my fingers crossed that it is one of these. Good luck!0 -
Chris, there was a post on here a few months back when a woman got flamed for inviting a guy back to her place and NOT wanting sex. Apparently that is an unwritten rule in America - if you invite a guy back, you want it?? lol
I tried to explain that it wasn't necessarily like that here. Of course, it could very well lead to sex, but as we have archaic pub opening hours it's pretty normal to head back to someone's home if you want to extend the evening. Either with friends or a date, same principal.
And I know you were kiddin, but I like it when you stare at the screen blankly and hope you are doing it again.....!! :bigsmile:
Ohhhh. I get it.
I would not translate an invitation back to the house as a guarantee for sex. If the term "spending the night" is used, then I definitely would. I had a girl invite me in for tea and crackers once, and got the turned cheek when I went in for a kiss goodnight. That pretty much schooled me on these expectations.
I do a lot of blank staring in life in general. 0 -
Not just in America... Here in London too!Chris, there was a post on here a few months back when a woman got flamed for inviting a guy back to her place and NOT wanting sex. Apparently that is an unwritten rule in America - if you invite a guy back, you want it?? lol
Statistically, you cannot really be straightforward about it (especially on early dates) - so if you want one night stands, that's pretty much the only way.
So as a man, when bringing back a girl to your place, you can hope for sex (well, you're one step closer at least), what is not OK is obviously to a) be upset if it doesn't happen, b) force the girl into anything.
On a side note if you do a + b then normally you should have your sex.
This is actually very important. It means you're on the same wavelength, but honestly, there are still about 100 ways for the relationship to fail.But just because he says he wants to get married and have kids doesn't mean that he's going to get married and have kids with you. Get to know him a little better and then start worrying about everything else. You've been on 1 date.
So let's not get ahead of yourself, keep a straight head, and enjoy it for what it is.
What this tells me is that the guy probably doesn't have lots of opportunities on POF (like most guys though).The whole deleting his pof profile after one date freaked me out a little so I felt the need to be honest. The way he was talking was very we are going to do this or that. It was intense, which is why I had to voice my feelings.
Let's be realistic here for a moment, if he had 1 message a day, he would probably still be digging a little longer on POF before the thing with you becomes serious.
It basically costs him nothing to say this (zero, nada). I can say that to a girl too, it's virtually meaningless.0 -
When a guy says those things to me, I realize that he only wants the box my virginity came in and nothing else. If a guy that hasnt gotten to know me yet tells me words like boyfriend, forever and beautiful and "let's" - I think- oh here's that too good to be true business! - move along.0
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When a guy says those things to me, I realize that he only wants the box my virginity came in and nothing else. If a guy that hasnt gotten to know me yet tells me words like boyfriend, forever and beautiful and "let's" - I think- oh here's that too good to be true business! - move along.
You don't think that the guy can be enamored and actually mean these things? Sure, it's premature and he sounds like he is 15, but initial chemistry can develop into true feelings I'd hope.0 -
There's a distinct difference between enamored and relationship potential.
Take what he said with a grain of salt, girl. The major thing you've got going for you here is time, and not to mention your gut reaction. Trust your instincts; if it sounded too good to be true it most likely is.0 -
This guy said all the right things. He said that he wants to get married, have kids, wants to communicate, verbalize his feelings, on and on and on.
I told him that as much as I liked hearing that stuff, it did freak me out a bit because I have heard it before. I said that I really, really want to believe him. His response was, you'll just have to let me show you.
I have never once talked about wanting to have kids on a first date. I don't know a whole lot of guys who say that stuff. Perhaps my social circle is not a true cross section of men.
At least he's setting an expectation on actions over words.
Take your time, as I have said before and others have said.0 -
There's a distinct difference between enamored and relationship potential.
Agree 100% and would never spout this kind of stuff myself. I'm just saying that there is that tiny chance that he might not be a serial killer who is wearing panties underneath his outfit. Hope is fun sometimes.0 -
Not just in America... Here in London too!
Only French men in London think that way!!! :laugh: :laugh: 0 -
When a guy says those things to me, I realize that he only wants the box my virginity came in and nothing else. If a guy that hasnt gotten to know me yet tells me words like boyfriend, forever and beautiful and "let's" - I think- oh here's that too good to be true business! - move along.
You don't think that the guy can be enamored and actually mean these things? Sure, it's premature and he sounds like he is 15, but initial chemistry can develop into true feelings I'd hope.
Sometimes guys genuinely feel these things when they meet a great girl! The problem is, it's chemicals/lust whatever. My friend's dad who runs a dating website calls it "chemical enthrallment." Takes anywhere from a couple dates to a couple months for this effect in the brain to wear off. He might actually mean it when he met you because you're so awesome... but just keep your feelings in check until he's had time to come back down to earth and process his own insecurities/issues.0
