TMI 2

jkandktmom

I have been dating a guy for about 5 weeks, although we have known each other for over 2 years. We seem to have great chemistry but the sex is lackluster. I found out that he lost his virginity to his wife and that I am number four- there was no way I was going to tell him my number after hearing that.

Anyway, my friends think it is cool because I can “teach” him the way I like things, groom him the way I want him. I’m not sure how to do that. I have suggested that he doesn’t need to be so gentle with the girls and yet I still get only light kisses. Do I just have to come right out and say, “Bite ‘em baby”?

Anyone have thoughts or been there done that?

jenbit

Get drunk.... Then you can tell him without it embarrasing either of you. Or barring that Bite him . I've noticed that with some men the more physical you are the more they get the hint. YOu could alway just tell him you LIKE being bit.

shammxo

If you want him to do something to you in bed, then I definitely think that voicing it in a sexy way is how to go about it.

"Bite 'em, baby" sounds pretty good. & if you get him to do something, make sure you give him praise for it... Like, "It feels so good when you...." or "I love the way you....."

Laces_0ut

definitely a weird/uncommon situation. just start doing things to him you want done to your self. that should give him the green light.

Cameron_1969

Find a good porn that demonstrates what you like. .Label it "Homework", hand it to him and tell him to study and there WILL be a test!

Cameron_1969

You could also just put on the skin-tight Dominatrix catsuit. . Tie him up and flog him when he doesn't comply with your wishes. . That's the less subtle approach.

jkandktmom

Cam- I was sure you are answer was going to be for you to offer to come show him;)

flimflamfloz

He either is OK with it or isn't.

He might just want it but never really dared asking for it. If this is a case, just let him know that you'd like it a bit more rough.
If he just becomes completely nuts and unleashes the beast (even moderately at first) then you're onto a winner.
If not, then maybe it's just not his thing and then it's better to stop seeing each other now.

I know that it's always a tricky situation with women (some want it, some don't want it) so I often wait for signs before I attempt anything, so the first few times I kinda wait for them to ask for it (or strongly suggest it).
Remember that he might not be into it by nature though, and if this is the case then it's best to move on.

pa_jorg

I mostly agree with what the other posters have suggested.

But I'd also like to add that I think perhaps it could ease him into it if you make suggestions or talk dirty to him when you aren't in the bedroom setting. How about some playful sexting or emailing while you're both at work? Get him excited and allow him some space where he can let his imagination go before being in the moment, maybe that will help him get over any embarrassment if that's what's causing this?

christine24t

If you want him to do something to you in bed, then I definitely think that voicing it in a sexy way is how to go about it.

"Bite 'em, baby" sounds pretty good. & if you get him to do something, make sure you give him praise for it... Like, "It feels so good when you...." or "I love the way you....."

I think that. When he does what you like, say, "Oh, that feels soooo good." A little encouragement goes a long way.

jkandktmom

I mostly agree with what the other posters have suggested.

But I'd also like to add that I think perhaps it could ease him into it if you make suggestions or talk dirty to him when you aren't in the bedroom setting. How about some playful sexting or emailing while you're both at work? Get him excited and allow him some space where he can let his imagination go before being in the moment, maybe that will help him get over any embarrassment if that's what's causing this?

We so this a lot. I don't think he is nervous, I think he just doesn't a lot of experience. I did ask him to spannk me in the heat of the moment. He looked at me like I was crazy but he did it- lightly.

jenbit

I mostly agree with what the other posters have suggested.

But I'd also like to add that I think perhaps it could ease him into it if you make suggestions or talk dirty to him when you aren't in the bedroom setting. How about some playful sexting or emailing while you're both at work? Get him excited and allow him some space where he can let his imagination go before being in the moment, maybe that will help him get over any embarrassment if that's what's causing this?

We so this a lot. I don't think he is nervous, I think he just doesn't a lot of experience. I did ask him to spannk me in the heat of the moment. He looked at me like I was crazy but he did it- lightly.

Oh :huh: Thats not good. He might not like rough play. He could be vanilla. You might just have to have a serious talk with him about your preferences.

poncho33

Get him drunk and then dominate the **** out of him, show him you like it rough. He has built up an impression of you over the last 2 years and probably doesn't see you like that... so show him.

Don't pull that whole teaching thing... give subtle hints but nothing kills a boner like a lecture!

pa_jorg

He has built up an impression of you over the last 2 years and probably doesn't see you like that... so show him.

This is a great point since you've known him for a while. It can be awkward going from friends to more sometimes in the beginning.

Cameron_1969

I mostly agree with what the other posters have suggested.

But I'd also like to add that I think perhaps it could ease him into it if you make suggestions or talk dirty to him when you aren't in the bedroom setting. How about some playful sexting or emailing while you're both at work? Get him excited and allow him some space where he can let his imagination go before being in the moment, maybe that will help him get over any embarrassment if that's what's causing this?

We so this a lot. I don't think he is nervous, I think he just doesn't a lot of experience. I did ask him to spannk me in the heat of the moment. He looked at me like I was crazy but he did it- lightly.

Oh :huh: Thats not good. He might not like rough play. He could be vanilla. You might just have to have a serious talk with him about your preferences.

Our dads and moms and the 90's told us that women prefer men who are sensitive and tender and sweet and gentle. etc. . So. . It's not necessarily obvious to a man that's been semi-isolated (like this guy) that, while those qualities have their place, a LOT of women also like it a little rough. If he knew how common this was, he would probably be more comfortable with it. So, as I see it, there are two possibilities. Either he's committed to vanilla or he's teachable, but simply having a hard time wrapping his mind around this new revelation. I gotta say, though . it sounds like he's got a long way to go before he approaches Dom territory. . So if that's what you want. . well. . good luck. .Lol. .

Cameron_1969

You best option is to find another guy to be your Dom, and keep this guy around as your Sub. .

farmers_daughter

You could also just put on the skin-tight Dominatrix catsuit. . Tie him up and flog him when he doesn't comply with your wishes. . That's the less subtle approach.

frog ties are quite difficult..... I'd try another knot.

Danielle_2013

Do you get the sense he has hang ups and doesn't actually like it.. or more that he is afraid and is unexperienced? That will be your difference.

Encouragement is good..but you may need to just get really descriptive and flat out ask for what you want. If he's into it, he should listen and go with it..if not, you'll know. Most people can be taught.. you'll just have to ask yourself if you don't mind teaching!

yoovie

make it a game. Get a little tipsy for bravery and play the back and forth - tell me something to do to you tell you something to do to me game.

lots of fun - especially when you start forgetting about turns and just go bonkaz

farmers_daughter

Sorry I didn't read further but...

If you are the dom, the next opportunity you have attack him,

Shut the door behind you, push him up against the wall, kiss him like he's never been kissed before, put your hands under his shirt, and around his face, and ask him if he wants to find out what happens next. Or if that's too much.

Then see if that opens him up.

AnnaPixie

Send him over to me, I hate my nipples being bitten!!! OUUUUUUUUUUUCHHHHH!!!

And yeah, I just think some of us dont like to hurt or be hurt. Vanilla is what you guys call it?? :laugh:

I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:

He might not like the dom/sub scene!? He may not have been with a woman that wanted that kind of sex!? He may need encouragement!?

You may not be sexually compatible. Talk to him about it and find out if he wants to experiment or not ? :flowerforyou:

jkandktmom

I really do think it is lack of experience with sex in general. I love the idea of getting a little drunk and just showing him what I want. I'm really not trying to be Dom/Sub, I just want more a little more than missionary.

christine24t

Do you get the sense he has hang ups and doesn't actually like it.. or more that he is afraid and is unexperienced? That will be your difference.

Great way to put it.

jenbit

I really do think it is lack of experience with sex in general. I love the idea of getting a little drunk and just showing him what I want. I'm really not trying to be Dom/Sub, I just want more a little more than missionary.

LOL I would hope so. A little rough play is a long way from Dom/Sub... Theres plenty between straight vanilla and hardcore dom/sub stuff

AnnaPixie

I really do think it is lack of experience with sex in general. I love the idea of getting a little drunk and just showing him what I want. I'm really not trying to be Dom/Sub, I just want more a little more than missionary.

OMG!!! Yeah, definitely inexperienced!! I think you need to get drunk and watch some porn together! :smokin:

Danielle_2013

Send him over to me, I hate my nipples being bitten!!! OUUUUUUUUUUUCHHHHH!!!

And yeah, I just think some of us dont like to hurt or be hurt. Vanilla is what you guys call it?? :laugh:

I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:

He might not like the dom/sub scene!? He may not have been with a woman that wanted that kind of sex!? He may need encouragement!?

You may not be sexually compatible. Talk to him about it and find out if he wants to experiment or not ? :flowerforyou:

The British Medical Journal defines vanilla sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual *kitten*, and oral, vaginal and anal sex."

And my favorite quote for those vanilla lovers out there:

"In this increasingly kinkified world saturated with faux-lesbian action and pressure to have anal sex, one sometimes longs for the days when showing a little ankle made you the strumpet from hell..."

jenbit

Send him over to me, I hate my nipples being bitten!!! OUUUUUUUUUUUCHHHHH!!!

And yeah, I just think some of us dont like to hurt or be hurt. Vanilla is what you guys call it?? :laugh:

I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:

He might not like the dom/sub scene!? He may not have been with a woman that wanted that kind of sex!? He may need encouragement!?

You may not be sexually compatible. Talk to him about it and find out if he wants to experiment or not ? :flowerforyou:

The British Medical Journal defines vanilla sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual *kitten*, and oral, vaginal and anal sex."

And my favorite quote for those vanilla lovers out there:

"In this increasingly kinkified world saturated with faux-lesbian action and pressure to have anal sex, one sometimes longs for the days when showing a little ankle made you the strumpet from hell..."

What is with the Faux-lesbian action anyway........ I dont get it. I have no trouble admitting a girl is hot but I dont want to **** her. I actually had one lesbian tell me that she has straight girls make out with her all the time just to get male attention.....:huh:

Jennifer2387

I like things a bit rough as well. I don't know if I could do the full on Dom/sub thing.. but I love to be spanked. Never thought I would..but I love it. Good heavens.. I haven't had sex in a couple months and I hope that I can keep it together on my date tomorrow! Lol.

dbrightwell1270

I mostly agree with what the other posters have suggested.

But I'd also like to add that I think perhaps it could ease him into it if you make suggestions or talk dirty to him when you aren't in the bedroom setting. How about some playful sexting or emailing while you're both at work? Get him excited and allow him some space where he can let his imagination go before being in the moment, maybe that will help him get over any embarrassment if that's what's causing this?

We so this a lot. I don't think he is nervous, I think he just doesn't a lot of experience. I did ask him to spannk me in the heat of the moment. He looked at me like I was crazy but he did it- lightly.

How big is this guy? (not downstairs but in general). I ask because because I am a very big guy. I've had situations playing sports where I smacked at a ball or pushed against someone in a way that didn't seem over the top to me but damn near killed the person bearing the brunt of it. Because of these experiences I am very cautious that what I do in the bedroom doesn't seem over the top physical to me. Sometimes even being what I thought gentle I've had girlfriends tell me to dial it back. At other times I've had the woman tell me to quit being so wimpy. Even if he has experience, every person has different thresholds for where pleasure becomes pain. Let him know where your threshold is.

La_Amazona

You could also just put on the skin-tight Dominatrix catsuit. . Tie him up and flog him when he doesn't comply with your wishes. . That's the less subtle approach.

This doesn't always work.

La_Amazona

I had this issue with my ex. I came out and told him some things that drive me crazy that he was leaving out such as sucking my neck, well sucking all over, really. I like the slow gentle stuff, don't get me wrong but sometimes I want to be bitten and sucked. Anyways, he still didn't really do it. Blah. He was rough with certain things but the foreplay before oral was very gentle and sweet, if that makes sense.