TMI 2
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I really do think it is lack of experience with sex in general. I love the idea of getting a little drunk and just showing him what I want. I'm really not trying to be Dom/Sub, I just want more a little more than missionary.0
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Do you get the sense he has hang ups and doesn't actually like it.. or more that he is afraid and is unexperienced? That will be your difference.
Great way to put it.
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I really do think it is lack of experience with sex in general. I love the idea of getting a little drunk and just showing him what I want. I'm really not trying to be Dom/Sub, I just want more a little more than missionary.
LOL I would hope so. A little rough play is a long way from Dom/Sub... Theres plenty between straight vanilla and hardcore dom/sub stuff0 -
I really do think it is lack of experience with sex in general. I love the idea of getting a little drunk and just showing him what I want. I'm really not trying to be Dom/Sub, I just want more a little more than missionary.
OMG!!! Yeah, definitely inexperienced!! I think you need to get drunk and watch some porn together! :smokin:0 -
Send him over to me, I hate my nipples being bitten!!! OUUUUUUUUUUUCHHHHH!!!
And yeah, I just think some of us dont like to hurt or be hurt. Vanilla is what you guys call it?? :laugh:
I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:
He might not like the dom/sub scene!? He may not have been with a woman that wanted that kind of sex!? He may need encouragement!?
You may not be sexually compatible. Talk to him about it and find out if he wants to experiment or not ? :flowerforyou:
The British Medical Journal defines vanilla sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual *kitten*, and oral, vaginal and anal sex."
And my favorite quote for those vanilla lovers out there:
"In this increasingly kinkified world saturated with faux-lesbian action and pressure to have anal sex, one sometimes longs for the days when showing a little ankle made you the strumpet from hell..."0 -
Send him over to me, I hate my nipples being bitten!!! OUUUUUUUUUUUCHHHHH!!!
And yeah, I just think some of us dont like to hurt or be hurt. Vanilla is what you guys call it?? :laugh:
I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:
He might not like the dom/sub scene!? He may not have been with a woman that wanted that kind of sex!? He may need encouragement!?
You may not be sexually compatible. Talk to him about it and find out if he wants to experiment or not ? :flowerforyou:
The British Medical Journal defines vanilla sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual *kitten*, and oral, vaginal and anal sex."
And my favorite quote for those vanilla lovers out there:
"In this increasingly kinkified world saturated with faux-lesbian action and pressure to have anal sex, one sometimes longs for the days when showing a little ankle made you the strumpet from hell..."
What is with the Faux-lesbian action anyway........ I dont get it. I have no trouble admitting a girl is hot but I dont want to **** her. I actually had one lesbian tell me that she has straight girls make out with her all the time just to get male attention.....:huh:0 -
I like things a bit rough as well. I don't know if I could do the full on Dom/sub thing.. but I love to be spanked. Never thought I would..but I love it. Good heavens.. I haven't had sex in a couple months and I hope that I can keep it together on my date tomorrow! Lol.0
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I mostly agree with what the other posters have suggested.
But I'd also like to add that I think perhaps it could ease him into it if you make suggestions or talk dirty to him when you aren't in the bedroom setting. How about some playful sexting or emailing while you're both at work? Get him excited and allow him some space where he can let his imagination go before being in the moment, maybe that will help him get over any embarrassment if that's what's causing this?
We so this a lot. I don't think he is nervous, I think he just doesn't a lot of experience. I did ask him to spannk me in the heat of the moment. He looked at me like I was crazy but he did it- lightly.
How big is this guy? (not downstairs but in general). I ask because because I am a very big guy. I've had situations playing sports where I smacked at a ball or pushed against someone in a way that didn't seem over the top to me but damn near killed the person bearing the brunt of it. Because of these experiences I am very cautious that what I do in the bedroom doesn't seem over the top physical to me. Sometimes even being what I thought gentle I've had girlfriends tell me to dial it back. At other times I've had the woman tell me to quit being so wimpy. Even if he has experience, every person has different thresholds for where pleasure becomes pain. Let him know where your threshold is.0 -
You could also just put on the skin-tight Dominatrix catsuit. . Tie him up and flog him when he doesn't comply with your wishes. . That's the less subtle approach.
This doesn't always work.0 -
I had this issue with my ex. I came out and told him some things that drive me crazy that he was leaving out such as sucking my neck, well sucking all over, really. I like the slow gentle stuff, don't get me wrong but sometimes I want to be bitten and sucked. Anyways, he still didn't really do it. Blah. He was rough with certain things but the foreplay before oral was very gentle and sweet, if that makes sense.0
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you can approach the subject by asking him what he likes and then telling him what you like in the same conversation.
i dont see why this topic has to be approached any differently than if you were asking him what type food he likes. i dunno, i tend to think that if people are uncomfortable talking about sex with their lovers then the issue is less about sex and more about other things0 -
I have been dating a guy for about 5 weeks, although we have known each other for over 2 years. We seem to have great chemistry but the sex is lackluster. I found out that he lost his virginity to his wife and that I am number four- there was no way I was going to tell him my number after hearing that.
Anyway, my friends think it is cool because I can “teach” him the way I like things, groom him the way I want him. I’m not sure how to do that. I have suggested that he doesn’t need to be so gentle with the girls and yet I still get only light kisses. Do I just have to come right out and say, “Bite ‘em baby”?
Anyone have thoughts or been there done that?
I think everyone is overlooking something...someone else has already done that with what she liked or accepted and that was his wife.
That relationship is what established in his mind what the "proper" way to approach sex with a lady is.
You have to undo that first and that means taking a certain amount of a lead and that probably (imo) needs to start with discussions in times things are not hot and steamy rather then instructions when they are.0 -
So no "nasal sex" then... Hmm interesting.The British Medical Journal defines vanilla sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual *kitten*, and oral, vaginal and anal sex."0 -
So no "nasal sex" then... Hmm interesting.The British Medical Journal defines vanilla sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual *kitten*, and oral, vaginal and anal sex."
I was thinking the same thing, like where else do you put it?? :laugh:
I am none the wiser SB!! :flowerforyou:0 -
So no "nasal sex" then... Hmm interesting.The British Medical Journal defines vanilla sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual *kitten*, and oral, vaginal and anal sex."
I was thinking the same thing, like where else do you put it?? :laugh:
I am none the wiser SB!! :flowerforyou:
Ears....0 -
I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:
Anna, When something (not just sex) is described as vanilla it just means it's basic or boring... I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you are anything but vanilla! :bigsmile:0 -
Vanilla is fantastic! With chocolate..and caramel..and peanut butter and pecans..maybe a few sprinkles...0
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Alcohol is your friend.
--P0 -
I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:
Anna, When something (not just sex) is described as vanilla it just means it's basic or boring... I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you are anything but vanilla! :bigsmile:
Ah! Thanks PJ :flowerforyou: I better retract my statement then :bigsmile:
Mind you, the way you guys have used it on this forum it's more like "if you dont like being choked, bitten, spanked and handcuffed, you're vanilla" :noway:
There's plenty of other stuff not involving pain and humiliation that isn't boring...........................! :smokin:0 -
I learned fairly early on that I should just be open about what I want from a sexual relationship. While some people frown on having sexual conversations before even meeting, it has helped me weed out those that I would not be compatible with, and has helped me find some fantastic experiences.
It helps me avoid situations like this particularly. I -hate- teaching people how to have sex. It's one thing if it's just fine tuning what already there but if they don't know more than missionary... well.
I believe Car (sorry I don't know what you prefer to go by) said it perfectly. Have him watch some porn of the stuff you are interested in and tell him that's what you want. The sex isn't going to get any better if you don't approach him honestly and openly about what you want - but DO be tactful! You don't want to hurt his ego or he might not want to have sex at all!0
