I am a tramp.
Replies
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Getting to the point, when a woman denies the man she really cares for sex, it's because she wants him to respect her, to take her serious. She doesn't wanna be punished by the double standard if she gives it up too soon (even if she really wants to). Whereas with a guy she's not serious about, she could care less what he thinks of her. So there's no double standard punishment. The double standard's irrelevant at that point.
I know it seem counter intuitive, but that's the reality. Of course exceptions do exist, but that's the general rule of thumb.
Oh, I'm sure he'd REALLY respect her if he found out she was shagging someone else!!! :noway:
And this is 'acceptable' in America is it??
Wow!!
I'd say it's blatantly dishonest!!! Who on earth is this 'moralistic' woman trying to kid??? Herself or the guy she's trying to 'impress'?? No wonder divorce rates are so high if you're entering into a relationship on that premise............Jeez!! :huh:
I feel like that's the point that's being glossed over in this entire conversation.
It doesn't have to do with a woman sleeping with someone at their whim
It isn't a woman holding out
It has to do with person A telling person B that they're holding out, and person B respecting that, but person A is having sex with person C without person B being any the wiser, because person B is busy upholding the morality that person A has imposed on the relationship.
Why is that so hard to miss?0 -
I'm not sure why lol. It was majorly obvious to me.0
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That's the point. And you're perfectly right IF things are equal between men and women.
It has to do with person A telling person B that they're holding out, and person B respecting that, but person A is having sex with person C without person B being any the wiser, because person B is busy upholding the morality that person A has imposed on the relationship.Oh, I'm sure he'd REALLY respect her if he found out she was shagging someone else!!! :noway:
Because what YOU forget is that it is still more acceptable for a man to sleep around than a woman.
I've seen many men here (excluding me!) saying that they wouldn't normally consider a girl with who they sleep on the first night a "serious relationship". Girls hear you!
So similarly they won't sleep with a man they consider for a LTR on the first night (or a certain number of nights) if they want a serious relationship (because it would send the wrong signals, guys it's your fault so don't come and complain about it).
Case scenario:
Imagine a guy who has a friend with benefit, shags her from time to time, say once a week on Friday but they are both aware of what they are.
They guy meets a girl for a date on a Thursday, like her a lot, thinks he would like to date her.
For another 3 weeks he shags his FWB, and from time to time dates the other girl (date girl) for a grand total of 4 times over the course of 3 weeks, at what point he realises that he actually likes the date girl and thinks positively about the "date girl" enough to focus on her (after 4 dates only, in 3 weeks so our man is rather "fast" if we're honest!).
So he decides to stop seeing the girl FWB for sex, and instead starts having sex with date girl after having an exclusivity talk with her (they both agreed).
What's shocking in this story, you tell me. Now replace guy by girl (and the other way around too) and you'll see the point.
(question: should he stop seeing his FWB as soon as he meets the "date girl"? Because that's what you're implying with your point of view.)0 -
That's the point. And you're perfectly right IF things are equal between men and women.
It has to do with person A telling person B that they're holding out, and person B respecting that, but person A is having sex with person C without person B being any the wiser, because person B is busy upholding the morality that person A has imposed on the relationship.Oh, I'm sure he'd REALLY respect her if he found out she was shagging someone else!!! :noway:
Because what YOU forget is that it is still more acceptable for a man to sleep around than a woman.
I've seen many men here (excluding me!) saying that they wouldn't normally consider a girl with who they sleep on the first night a "serious relationship". Girls hear you!
So similarly they won't sleep with a man they consider for a LTR on the first night (or a certain number of nights) if they want a serious relationship (because it would send the wrong signals, guys it's your fault so don't come and complain about it).
Case scenario:
Imagine a guy who has a friend with benefit, shags her from time to time, say once a week on Friday but they are both aware of what they are.
They guy meets a girl for a date on a Thursday, like her a lot, thinks he would like to date her.
For another 3 weeks he shags his FWB, and from time to time dates the other girl (date girl) for a grand total of 4 times over the course of 3 weeks, at what point he realises that he actually likes the date girl and thinks positively about the "date girl" enough to focus on her (after 4 dates only, in 3 weeks so our man is rather "fast" if we're honest!).
So he decides to stop seeing the girl FWB for sex, and instead starts having sex with date girl after having an exclusivity talk with her (they both agreed).
What's shocking in this story, you tell me. Now replace guy by girl (and the other way around too) and you'll see the point.
(question: should he stop seeing his FWB as soon as he meets the "date girl"? Because that's what you're implying with your point of view.)
Ill be honest here, I would say he should for sure. Maybe cause I'm older now, I think differently. *kitten* if you actually like someone keep your respective bits in your pants and go a long for the ride. If its just a fwb situation, who really cares if they get their nose out of joint. Then you can concentrate on the important person.0 -
That's cool! I totally agree with you on this bit:Ill be honest here, I would say he should for sure. Maybe cause I'm older now, I think differently. *kitten* if you actually like someone keep your respective bits in your pants and go a long for the ride. If its just a fwb situation, who really cares if they get their nose out of joint. Then you can concentrate on the important person.
"Then you can concentrate on the important person."
Where we disagree is probably the definition of "important person".
To me, someone you haven't dated more than a few times (I'm talking less than 4 times in my story!!!) shouldn't change your life and shouldn't *want or expect* to change your life/schedule. That would be really arrogant on their part.
It would be too early for me to give up on my FWB for potentially nothing (less than 4 dates, remember?).
For someone who dates a lot, that would be the end of their FWB relationship for a succession of potential failed dates that you cannot necessarily bring to the "bed" stage (and since we all have needs... FWB is valuable).
How I do it personally? Personally, I don't have a FWB and I have sex as early as possible with the girls I meet so normally I don't really have the issue. If I had a FWB I would have had the issue...0 -
Yes this is Dr. Robinson (not an MD though, a JD).
Nice to talk to you.
Let me translate "girl-ism code" for you (in case you may or may not know). Here's why it's considered "acceptable" for a woman to sleep with a man she cares very little for quickly, & initially deny sex to the man she does care for. Two words... DOUBLE STANDARD.
Woman are labelled as being loose, *kitten*, easy, etc., if they sleep with a man "too soon." While some women do care about men they think could be LTRs & want to sleep with them right away (1st / 2nd date), if they do, most men won't take them seriously. It's the old adage "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife." Women's virtue is held to harsher standard than men's. Sad but true.
Getting to the point, when a woman denies the man she really cares for sex, it's because she wants him to respect her, to take her serious. She doesn't wanna be punished by the double standard if she gives it up too soon (even if she really wants to). Whereas with a guy she's not serious about, she could care less what he thinks of her. So there's no double standard punishment. The double standard's irrelevant at that point.
I know it seem counter intuitive, but that's the reality. Of course exceptions do exist, but that's the general rule of thumb.
Exactly. And alcohol.0 -
That's cool! I totally agree with you on this bit:Ill be honest here, I would say he should for sure. Maybe cause I'm older now, I think differently. *kitten* if you actually like someone keep your respective bits in your pants and go a long for the ride. If its just a fwb situation, who really cares if they get their nose out of joint. Then you can concentrate on the important person.
"Then you can concentrate on the important person."
Where we disagree is probably the definition of "important person".
To me, someone you haven't dated more than a few times (I'm talking less than 4 times in my story!!!) shouldn't change your life and shouldn't *want or expect* to change your life/schedule. That would be really arrogant on their part.
It would be too early for me to give up on my FWB for potentially nothing (less than 4 dates, remember?).
For someone who dates a lot, that would be the end of their FWB relationship for a succession of potential failed dates that you cannot necessarily bring to the "bed" stage (and since we all have needs... FWB is valuable).
How I do it personally? Personally, I don't have a FWB and I have sex as early as possible with the girls I meet so normally I don't really have the issue. If I had a FWB I would have had the issue...
Hahaha. I was single for 4 years at one stage, no anything, in my 20's. I'm sure I could survive without the fwb. Always ends up messy, but that's been some to death in here.
I hear what your saying, but I guess it's subjective to how you think things will go and how much value that person potentially holds for you. If I was really feeling the girl, I would give up everything else and take the risk. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart so I like to have faith in it and I'm a pretty much all or nothing type of guy as well. You'll know either way how I'm feeling and I just cant spread myself across multiple partners of any kind.
That's just me though. If people want to mess around whilst imposing different standards on someone they are dating, feel free. Just not best idea in my mind. I wouldn't want it done to me, so wouldn't do it either.0 -
I think that we this discussion should be taken elsewhere so I don't have to look at me calling myself a tramp every day! lol
I don't think that Diana was imposing a double standard on her guy. I think she just changed her mind. Which .. one is allowed to do. Its not like after she decided to throw caution to the wind that she was still holding her front runner to the exclusive rule while letting someone else go further.0 -
I think that we this discussion should be taken elsewhere so I don't have to look at me calling myself a tramp every day! lol
Ask Carl to edit the title? Or delete it? I think the mods can magic it away somehow :flowerforyou:0 -
I think that we this discussion should be taken elsewhere so I don't have to look at me calling myself a tramp every day! lol
I don't think that Diana was imposing a double standard on her guy. I think she just changed her mind. Which .. one is allowed to do. Its not like after she decided to throw caution to the wind that she was still holding her front runner to the exclusive rule while letting someone else go further.
But you are a tramp!!!! Just kidding - you are NOT even close to being a tramp. Love you girlie!!!0 -
I think that we this discussion should be taken elsewhere so I don't have to look at me calling myself a tramp every day! lol
I don't think that Diana was imposing a double standard on her guy. I think she just changed her mind. Which .. one is allowed to do. Its not like after she decided to throw caution to the wind that she was still holding her front runner to the exclusive rule while letting someone else go further.
But you are a tramp!!!! Just kidding - you are NOT even close to being a tramp. Love you girlie!!!
Well I know I am .. but I don't want to be reminded every day!!!! hahahahahahaah! Love you!!!! :bigsmile:0 -
Getting to the point, when a woman denies the man she really cares for sex, it's because she wants him to respect her, to take her serious. She doesn't wanna be punished by the double standard if she gives it up too soon (even if she really wants to). Whereas with a guy she's not serious about, she could care less what he thinks of her. So there's no double standard punishment. The double standard's irrelevant at that point.
I know it seem counter intuitive, but that's the reality. Of course exceptions do exist, but that's the general rule of thumb.
Oh, I'm sure he'd REALLY respect her if he found out she was shagging someone else!!! :noway:
And this is 'acceptable' in America is it??
Wow!!
I'd say it's blatantly dishonest!!! Who on earth is this 'moralistic' woman trying to kid??? Herself or the guy she's trying to 'impress'?? No wonder divorce rates are so high if you're entering into a relationship on that premise............Jeez!! :huh:
^ ^ This.0 -
That's the point. And you're perfectly right IF things are equal between men and women.
It has to do with person A telling person B that they're holding out, and person B respecting that, but person A is having sex with person C without person B being any the wiser, because person B is busy upholding the morality that person A has imposed on the relationship.Oh, I'm sure he'd REALLY respect her if he found out she was shagging someone else!!! :noway:
Because what YOU forget is that it is still more acceptable for a man to sleep around than a woman.
I've seen many men here (excluding me!) saying that they wouldn't normally consider a girl with who they sleep on the first night a "serious relationship". Girls hear you!
So similarly they won't sleep with a man they consider for a LTR on the first night (or a certain number of nights) if they want a serious relationship (because it would send the wrong signals, guys it's your fault so don't come and complain about it).
Case scenario:
Imagine a guy who has a friend with benefit, shags her from time to time, say once a week on Friday but they are both aware of what they are.
They guy meets a girl for a date on a Thursday, like her a lot, thinks he would like to date her.
For another 3 weeks he shags his FWB, and from time to time dates the other girl (date girl) for a grand total of 4 times over the course of 3 weeks, at what point he realises that he actually likes the date girl and thinks positively about the "date girl" enough to focus on her (after 4 dates only, in 3 weeks so our man is rather "fast" if we're honest!).
So he decides to stop seeing the girl FWB for sex, and instead starts having sex with date girl after having an exclusivity talk with her (they both agreed).
What's shocking in this story, you tell me. Now replace guy by girl (and the other way around too) and you'll see the point.
(question: should he stop seeing his FWB as soon as he meets the "date girl"? Because that's what you're implying with your point of view.)
^^^^^ This was me for some months. I had a couple of FWB that I would go out with and hang out. Once I started dating Mr NG in August when he came back from Vegas I stopped sleeping with them. While he and I are just dating both of us have stated we are not sleeping with anyone else and if we did it would point out were this relationship was going. Also he knew about my FWB when he first approached me and knew that I continued with them before we started dating seriously. Being the smart man he is he simply said that he was going to do all in his power to make me forget about my FWB lol0 -
Jenbit... Well said!0
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I always assumed "casual dating" involved some beers & convo followed by the bumping of uglies :smokin: So why are you out looking for random loving if you have a casual date??
Another thing ladies... with a vagina comes a great responsibility.0 -
Another thing ladies... with a vagina comes a great responsibility.
I almost choked on my sammich when I read this :laugh:0 -
Another thing ladies... with a vagina comes a great responsibility.
I almost choked on my sammich when I read this :laugh:
I choked on my diet coke!0 -
I always assumed "casual dating" involved some beers & convo followed by the bumping of uglies :smokin: So why are you out looking for random loving if you have a casual date??
Another thing ladies... with a vagina comes a great responsibility.
:laugh: Very true Jim, very true! :bigsmile: But you know, penis's just dont make it easy for us!!!
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I always assumed "casual dating" involved some beers & convo followed by the bumping of uglies :smokin: So why are you out looking for random loving if you have a casual date??
Another thing ladies... with a vagina comes a great responsibility.
Word.
Sigh.... Vagina's.0 -
I always assumed "casual dating" involved some beers & convo followed by the bumping of uglies :smokin: So why are you out looking for random loving if you have a casual date??
Another thing ladies... with a vagina comes a great responsibility.
Word.
Sigh.... Vagina's.
Bow before the mighty vagoo!0 -
[/quote](question: should he stop seeing his FWB as soon as he meets the "date girl"? Because that's what you're implying with your point of view.)
Ill be honest here, I would say he should for sure. Maybe cause I'm older now, I think differently. *kitten* if you actually like someone keep your respective bits in your pants and go a long for the ride. If its just a fwb situation, who really cares if they get their nose out of joint. Then you can concentrate on the important person.
:drinker: As far as I'm concerned, FWB physical relations should stop, or at least pause, as soon as you are aware that the person you are dating has the potential to be significant in your life. For some people, that's date 1, for others, it takes a bit more time. Immediate gratification is all well and good, but exercising a little self-control isn't actually going to kill you (we're all adults here, right?), and demonstrates what I would think of as the bare minimum of respect and consideration for the feelings of someone who may matter a great deal in the slightly-longer-than-right-now term. A few weeks, or even a couple of months, if that's how long it takes to decide whether someone's a longer-term prospect, isn't really going to derail a real FWB situation anyway. Besides - batteries, hands, imagination... all useful for relieving biological needs without the potential for hurt feelings/emotional complications.0
