too good looking?

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christine24t
christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
My favorite advice columnist, Dear Prudence, published a letter from a man. You can read the whole thing here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/11/dear_prudence_am_i_too_good_looking_for_my_girlfriend.html

He claims his girlfriend dumped him because he is too good-looking, and that she fears that he will find someone better looking or cheat on her.

Do you think this happens in real life? Or do you think in this situation, it is just an excuse the woman made because she didn't want to tell him the real reason?
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Replies

  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    There have been ladies here who have confessed to sabotaging relationships out of fear that she won`t measure up so they want to be the one to end it first so yes I think it is probably true even though sad.

    On edit...

    After a few moments of reflection I should say that I worded that wrong in the sense that I said it was true as a matter of fact.
    There is no way I can know that and the guy could be a prima donna for all I know.

    The question being is this possible and the answer given what I stated is yes,it is possible.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    People do stupid things. It's entirely possible this was another case of that.
  • shammxo
    shammxo Posts: 1,432 Member
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    Definitely wouldn't surprise me.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    I totally believe that. I had lunch today with a friend who was telling me about a guy she met. She must have mentioned 5 times that she was in disbelief that he could really be into her because he was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen... I'm sure that mindset could easily carry into a developing relationship too.
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
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    On one hand, I believe it's entirely possible. On the other, I think that's just an ego stroking excuse. On both, I can't help but ask "did she not realize he was good looking when she first met him?"
  • julesboots
    julesboots Posts: 311 Member
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    I heart Prudence, too!

    I definitely think this happens.

    While my example doesn't involve actual dating, or even meeting- still relevant, maybe. Before I shut down my dating profile I started talking to someone who appeared to be my definition of awesome- South American writing professor who played lots of soccer, single dad with daughter a little older than mine- description that could easily match some kind of "dream man" scenario. Ugh. I just didn't have the confidence at that point, and completely panicked. Still mad at myself. Too bad....
  • grum84
    grum84 Posts: 428 Member
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    While I am far from being too good looking, I had an ex that was so afraid after I got on MFP and lost a bit of weight, that I would look to good to be with her. Needless to say she had some self esteem issues. So she dumped me BC she said she wouldn't be able to handle other women looking at me like that. Granted women probably didn't look at me like that 30 pounds ago...but still. So I would believe it.
  • Colonel_Brandon
    Colonel_Brandon Posts: 256 Member
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    I have seen this happen.

    I've also seen instances where someone was extremely good looking but couldn't admit it to themselves, and THAT caused problems in the relationship, because they were self conscious about how good looking their partner was.

    Meh. Looks are kind of just the bait on the hook anyways. Don't get me wrong, I know we're all here to try to look better, but... if you don't have substance under the surface, all those good looks won't mean diddly.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    It could be or it couldn't be. My sense is that it was an excuse. I read the article and it said she was with a bunch of single ladies for a week in the Caribbean. I think something happened on a Caribbean island and perhaps she strayed.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
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    I tried the URL to the article but it's broken. I did some digging and found it. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/11/
    dear_prudence_am_i_too_good_looking_for_my_girlfriend.html

    And for those at work and it's blocked, below is the article:

    Dear Prudence,
    My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for four months. When we started dating she told me she usually doesn't go for guys as physically attractive as me, which I found odd. She is very cute but not the hottest girl I've dated. Her intelligence, personality, and character are why I've fallen for her. Things have been great until the last two weeks when she started becoming more distant and less affectionate toward me. Last weekend she went with her single girlfriends to the Caribbean for a brief vacation. I barely heard from her the week after she got back, but we both have demanding jobs. I ordered flowers to be delivered to her office. She then called me and said she no longer wants to be in a relationship, and that I’m way more attractive then her previous partners. I asked had I done anything wrong and she replied I've been perfect. But she said while on vacation she barely missed me. She said she fears if we continue, I'll find someone better looking, or worse cheat on her like her last boyfriend. I asked her to reconsider since a weekend of no communication is too short a time to make such a huge decision and she agreed. I feel like I am being dumped based on my looks. I don't want to lose her but I wonder if it’s worth it to get back together if she reconsiders. Do her girlfriends have something do with this? What should I do?

    —Attractive Boyfriend


    Dear Attractive,
    Even though you are gorgeous and attentive and "perfect" it might simply be that this woman is just not that into you. If that's the case, neither her quiet contemplation nor your elaborate bouquets will change her mind. It may be that telling you that you’re too handsome for her is nicer than saying you’re too dull. You’re suspicious that her jealous gal pals, while guzzling pina coladas and other witches brews, helped convince her to break up with you. If your girlfriend dumps you, you’ll have your answer to that if over the next few weeks you find yourself “accidentally” running into her eager friends. Your new love acknowledged that she thinks your appeal to women is going to lead to your cheating on her. If that’s a real fear, then she is one of those people who carry around for easy reference binders labeled “Bad Things That Happened to Me Last Time.” That’s an unattractive trait. It’s true that few men would be uncomfortable finding themselves with the best-looking woman in the room on their arm. But I do think some women would be disconcerted by feeling like a drab peahen compared to a more colorful peacock. Let's say your looks are at the heart of her concern, but she’s willing to try again. You can’t reassure her by permanently wearing a Halloween mask—she has to take the time to learn to trust. But if the girl of your dreams is so distressed by having a great-looking guy be crazy about her, then you may need to be with someone who’s more comfortable with what she sees when she looks in the mirror.

    —Prudie

    *edit
    WTF MFP cut it off? lol. I don't think it was a mistake by the OP. I am FORCED to use an outdated ver. of IE. It messes up tons of websites.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
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    As for the whole thing, it happens. You lack the confidence, the self-doubt grows to the point that it breaks up a relationship.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    I tried the URL to the article but it's broken. I did some digging and found it. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/11/
    dear_prudence_am_i_too_good_looking_for_my_girlfriend.html

    And for those at work and it's blocked, below is the article:

    Dear Prudence,
    My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for four months. When we started dating she told me she usually doesn't go for guys as physically attractive as me, which I found odd. She is very cute but not the hottest girl I've dated. Her intelligence, personality, and character are why I've fallen for her. Things have been great until the last two weeks when she started becoming more distant and less affectionate toward me. Last weekend she went with her single girlfriends to the Caribbean for a brief vacation. I barely heard from her the week after she got back, but we both have demanding jobs. I ordered flowers to be delivered to her office. She then called me and said she no longer wants to be in a relationship, and that I’m way more attractive then her previous partners. I asked had I done anything wrong and she replied I've been perfect. But she said while on vacation she barely missed me. She said she fears if we continue, I'll find someone better looking, or worse cheat on her like her last boyfriend. I asked her to reconsider since a weekend of no communication is too short a time to make such a huge decision and she agreed. I feel like I am being dumped based on my looks. I don't want to lose her but I wonder if it’s worth it to get back together if she reconsiders. Do her girlfriends have something do with this? What should I do?

    —Attractive Boyfriend


    Dear Attractive,
    Even though you are gorgeous and attentive and "perfect" it might simply be that this woman is just not that into you. If that's the case, neither her quiet contemplation nor your elaborate bouquets will change her mind. It may be that telling you that you’re too handsome for her is nicer than saying you’re too dull. You’re suspicious that her jealous gal pals, while guzzling pina coladas and other witches brews, helped convince her to break up with you. If your girlfriend dumps you, you’ll have your answer to that if over the next few weeks you find yourself “accidentally” running into her eager friends. Your new love acknowledged that she thinks your appeal to women is going to lead to your cheating on her. If that’s a real fear, then she is one of those people who carry around for easy reference binders labeled “Bad Things That Happened to Me Last Time.” That’s an unattractive trait. It’s true that few men would be uncomfortable finding themselves with the best-looking woman in the room on their arm. But I do think some women would be disconcerted by feeling like a drab peahen compared to a more colorful peacock. Let's say your looks are at the heart of her concern, but she’s willing to try again. You can’t reassure her by permanently wearing a Halloween mask—she has to take the time to learn to trust. But if the girl of your dreams is so distressed by having a great-looking guy be crazy about her, then you may need to be with someone who’s more comfortable with what she sees when she looks in the mirror.

    —Prudie

    *edit
    WTF MFP cut it off? lol. I don't think it was a mistake by the OP. I am FORCED to use an outdated ver. of IE. It messes up tons of websites.

    Haha I did post the whole link not sure why it cut off! Thanks for getting the whole thing in there!
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    I dont think she's into him. He's good looking and boring! It happens!! You can't have everything!! :smokin:
  • lniffa
    lniffa Posts: 718 Member
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    Yes it happens. Happened to me actually, one of my ex-bfs always had the fear that I would leave him for someone else better looking and taller than him and even though I tried to tell him that won't happen he still ended it with me because of his insecurities. Some people just can't think why someone would be with them, when they can find someone better. I think it was sad.
  • Jennifer2387
    Jennifer2387 Posts: 957 Member
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    I dont think she's into him. He's good looking and boring! It happens!! You can't have everything!! :smokin:

    I freaking love you Anna! hahahahaha

    I have had those thoughts before .. but I wouldn't break up with someone because of it. I often wondered what the marine would see in me given that he is a hottie and completely buff. But .. after going out on some dates with him and hanging out .. he is boring. I wondered how a man that hot and that amazing of a body could be single still .. well, now I know. Perhaps that is what happened with her.
  • MikeM53082
    MikeM53082 Posts: 1,199 Member
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    The most unattractive thing a women can posses are childish insecurities. Even though we aren't given a lot of information, "Attractive Boyfriend" makes it sounds like she is loaded with them.

    The guy seems absolutely fine, he certainly isn't lacking any confidence. He should find someone who's his equal and not low hanging fruit. Based on my experience with my friends, anytime they go after someones in a lower league (yes, I believe in "leagues"), it never lasts. She might win him over temporarily with her personality or other talents. But, if the attraction isn't there, they have a hard time building that special bond that keeps them together. When I look into my crystal ball, I really don't think this relationship would have lasted much longer anyway.

    What I don't understand is how is this guy boring? From what he wrote, I didn't get that impression at all..
  • Jennifer2387
    Jennifer2387 Posts: 957 Member
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    What I don't understand is how is this guy boring? From what he wrote, I didn't get that impression at all..

    Not sure if you were directing this for me .. I wasn't saying the guy in the article was boring, I was saying the guy I was/am dating is boring.

    He sent me a text on my birthday that said ... happy bday J ! Not that I expected anything elaborate from him or even a gift or anything .. but he could have at least verbalized it to me instead of in a text. Or even spelled out all the words .. lol
  • MikeM53082
    MikeM53082 Posts: 1,199 Member
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    What I don't understand is how is this guy boring? From what he wrote, I didn't get that impression at all..

    Not sure if you were directing this for me .. I wasn't saying the guy in the article was boring, I was saying the guy I was/am dating is boring.

    He sent me a text on my birthday that said ... happy bday J ! Not that I expected anything elaborate from him or even a gift or anything .. but he could have at least verbalized it to me instead of in a text. Or even spelled out all the words .. lol

    Nope, I was referring to Anna. Which was in reference to "Attractive Boyfriend" in the magazine article.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    What I don't understand is how is this guy boring? From what he wrote, I didn't get that impression at all..

    This was the giveaway line:
    But she said while on vacation she barely missed me

    When you dont miss someone it's not because of their looks!!! His looks are just an excuse to get out the relationship that isn't doing it for her!!

    We may not see eye to eye on this Mike, cos we never do!! :laugh: But just from a male perspective, if you're dating someone for 4 months, still in the swoony, lustful, honeymoon period of a relationship, don't you think you would miss them if you were apart for a week?? I certainly would............
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    Or even spelled out all the words .. lol

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: This made me chuckle!!

    :heart: