Someone please tell me why SOME guys does this....
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I'm a fan of poofing or "pulling a hoodini" or ninja'd.... I honestly don't see any reason you have to break up with someone that you were texting with or went on a date with. If there is no relationship I guess it seems dumb to me to have to break up with the person. Wasn't it called "not getting a call back" before texting?
I think this is the standard and I'm fine with it.
It is rude. Simple as that. If you have expended a decent amount of time, energy, emotion or even money with that other person, would it really kill you, for their sake, to let them know? Is it "breaking up", or simply being courteous?
I am not saying you have to. Sure, everyone should get the hint by you not calling back. But dating is hard nowadays. If you can make it easier for both yourself and someone else by being direct and honest, why wouldn't you?
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
Poncho is right, and I've said it before. This is nothing new. People stop talking to other people when they aren't interested anymore. You can consider it rude and send irate text messages but that doesn't do anything but affect you. I poof, and I've gotten those messages about how inconsiderate I am and how I am so rude and blah blah blah. You know what I do? Absolutely nothing. I read it and then go about my daily life - sometimes it might even give me a chuckle when they are particularly adamant. I owe them nothing.
I don't think it's a real "investment" of time, resources and energy to chat with someone, maybe meet them a couple times. It doesn't leave anything up for the imagination either. "Does he like me or did he lose interest?" well, the answer is in the silence. If there was interest there would be communication.
Yuck. This is the mentality that disgusts me. I hate women like this. Despise, actually.
And yes, it is a real investment of time for me to chat someone up for a couple weeks, meet them and buy them drinks, and set up another date. You don't owe me anything, no. But a ***** is a *****. Courtesy is still courtesy, the fact you owe them nothing is irrelevant.
But this mentality of yours is probably a result of dating being easy for you and you having no problem scheduling dates for every night of the week. If I was a serial dater like this and just along for the ride and easy, free dates...I'd probably be a **** too.
What a big man you are! Look at you calling me names and making assumptions about my life because you don't agree with something that I said! You are such a catch, I am super bummed that you think I'm a b*tch. I'm usually so attracted to men that resort to petty name calling because our ideologies don't match up. Wow, I am just... so broken up about this.
Look dude, I'm not a serial dater. I haven't gone on a date in a while because I've got other *kitten* going on in my life. My POINT is that it's possible and easy to do so. Courtesy is courtesy? Listen up bro - societies and cultures have different definitions and expectations for social norms. If you think it's courteous to tell a gal you've been texting for a week that you aren't interested anymore then kudos to you. That's your prerogative. But if I choose not to tell a guy that I don't want to go on a date with him because I've gone from slightly interested to annoyed every time he sends me a text message, that doesn't make me a terrible human being. I'm not slamming a door in his face, I'm not refusing to hold the elevator doors open for him, I'm not standing by and watching an innocent person being mugged. It's nothing. It's petty. It's less than nothing. The fact that I owe them nothing is the entirety of relevancy. You're saying I should bother because some dude feels entitled toward my emotions and how I should behave? Bah.
woah, struck a nerve there I see. I gave my opinion, nothing more. I'm saying I think a girl should bother if she cares or wishes to be courteous. Clearly, you disagree. I think that is rude. You don't. ok.
You as much as admitted you don't care about the guys, that you can't be bothered, and you don't care at all about any time investment. That's fine...you're free to feel that way. Not sure why you would get upset that some people find that behavior a bit unsettling. It obviously isn't nice.I do try my best to answer messages that have sincerity to them as well. I also agree with the idea that you may not make a romantic connection, but a friendship could absolutely evolve from it.
Respect for others (even strangers) seems to be a lost quality nowadays.
Honestly, the "Houdini" thing annoys me because I don't tend to go out with people I don't feel there is at least a little potential with. And I DO invest time, effort and some emotional vulnerability in it. I don't waste that on just anyone.
If I didn't feel it was reciprocated at the time, that would be one thing. But when you have had several dates, I'm sorry.. but get some manners, balls and just tell me you aren't interested. I'm not going to cry or convince you to change your mind, but at least I'd respect you.
Exactly.0 -
I don't date. I'm too busy and I'm at a point in my life where dating isn't something I want to deal with right now.
That being said, to the people saying dating is easy: No, it's not. Unless you're meeting all your dates at bars and gyms, which are not places I'd have a desire to meet someone to date. Been there, done that.
There's so many games being played: who should text first, why doesn't he/she initiate convos, how long to wait before calling/texting, how slow/fast you're supposed to move, etc.0 -
Name calling and disrespect for someone I'm assuming you've never met just because you have a different opinion than them? Grow up man, the personal attacks were not called for.
I think I'm beginning to get an idea of why girls never text you back.Yuck. This is the mentality that disgusts me. I hate women like this. Despise, actually.
And yes, it is a real investment of time for me to chat someone up for a couple weeks, meet them and buy them drinks, and set up another date. You don't owe me anything, no. But a ***** is a *****. Courtesy is still courtesy, the fact you owe them nothing is irrelevant.
But this mentality of yours is probably a result of dating being easy for you and you having no problem scheduling dates for every night of the week. If I was a serial dater like this and just along for the ride and easy, free dates...I'd probably be a **** too.
Explain. I'm actually nice in real life. I just call out **** when I see it online.0 -
I'm a fan of poofing or "pulling a hoodini" or ninja'd.... I honestly don't see any reason you have to break up with someone that you were texting with or went on a date with. If there is no relationship I guess it seems dumb to me to have to break up with the person. Wasn't it called "not getting a call back" before texting?
I think this is the standard and I'm fine with it.
It is rude. Simple as that. If you have expended a decent amount of time, energy, emotion or even money with that other person, would it really kill you, for their sake, to let them know? Is it "breaking up", or simply being courteous?
I am not saying you have to. Sure, everyone should get the hint by you not calling back. But dating is hard nowadays. If you can make it easier for both yourself and someone else by being direct and honest, why wouldn't you?
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
Poncho is right, and I've said it before. This is nothing new. People stop talking to other people when they aren't interested anymore. You can consider it rude and send irate text messages but that doesn't do anything but affect you. I poof, and I've gotten those messages about how inconsiderate I am and how I am so rude and blah blah blah. You know what I do? Absolutely nothing. I read it and then go about my daily life - sometimes it might even give me a chuckle when they are particularly adamant. I owe them nothing.
I don't think it's a real "investment" of time, resources and energy to chat with someone, maybe meet them a couple times. It doesn't leave anything up for the imagination either. "Does he like me or did he lose interest?" well, the answer is in the silence. If there was interest there would be communication.
Yuck. This is the mentality that disgusts me. I hate women like this. Despise, actually.
And yes, it is a real investment of time for me to chat someone up for a couple weeks, meet them and buy them drinks, and set up another date. You don't owe me anything, no. But a ***** is a *****. Courtesy is still courtesy, the fact you owe them nothing is irrelevant.
But this mentality of yours is probably a result of dating being easy for you and you having no problem scheduling dates for every night of the week. If I was a serial dater like this and just along for the ride and easy, free dates...I'd probably be a **** too.
What a big man you are! Look at you calling me names and making assumptions about my life because you don't agree with something that I said! You are such a catch, I am super bummed that you think I'm a b*tch. I'm usually so attracted to men that resort to petty name calling because our ideologies don't match up. Wow, I am just... so broken up about this.
Look dude, I'm not a serial dater. I haven't gone on a date in a while because I've got other *kitten* going on in my life. My POINT is that it's possible and easy to do so. Courtesy is courtesy? Listen up bro - societies and cultures have different definitions and expectations for social norms. If you think it's courteous to tell a gal you've been texting for a week that you aren't interested anymore then kudos to you. That's your prerogative. But if I choose not to tell a guy that I don't want to go on a date with him because I've gone from slightly interested to annoyed every time he sends me a text message, that doesn't make me a terrible human being. I'm not slamming a door in his face, I'm not refusing to hold the elevator doors open for him, I'm not standing by and watching an innocent person being mugged. It's nothing. It's petty. It's less than nothing. The fact that I owe them nothing is the entirety of relevancy. You're saying I should bother because some dude feels entitled toward my emotions and how I should behave? Bah.
woah, struck a nerve there I see. I gave my opinion, nothing more. I'm saying I think a girl should bother if she cares or wishes to be courteous. Clearly, you disagree. I think that is rude. You don't. ok.
You as much as admitted you don't care about the guys, that you can't be bothered, and you don't care at all about any time investment. That's fine...you're free to feel that way. Not sure why you would get upset that some people find that behavior a bit unsettling. It obviously isn't nice.
Allow me to spell it out for you.
The part where you accused me of being a serial dater for the free meals, the part where you repeatedly inferred that I am a b*tch, the part where you said you despise women with mentalities like mine (therefore despising me).
But backtrack faster, it's funny seeing you try to act like you are soooo nice and just stating an innocent opinion.0 -
I don't date. I'm too busy and I'm at a point in my life where dating isn't something I want to deal with right now.
That being said, to the people saying dating is easy: No, it's not. Unless you're meeting all your dates at bars and gyms, which are not places I'd have a desire to meet someone to date. Been there, done that.
There's so many games being played: who should text first, why doesn't he/she initiate convos, how long to wait before calling/texting, how slow/fast you're supposed to move, etc.
Avoid the games and dating becomes easier.
Also, I did specify that making dates and going on dates was easy - finding a match is a different animal entirely.0 -
That behavior in women is something I consider *****y. yes. And I despise that sort of behavior in women I meet. It wasn't a personal attack...though clearly I worded it a bit strongly. And your post made it seem like you were a serial dater....my apologies if you aren't...I thought you were talking about yourself when you said dating and scheduling dates every night was easy.0
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I don't date. I'm too busy and I'm at a point in my life where dating isn't something I want to deal with right now.
That being said, to the people saying dating is easy: No, it's not. Unless you're meeting all your dates at bars and gyms, which are not places I'd have a desire to meet someone to date. Been there, done that.
There's so many games being played: who should text first, why doesn't he/she initiate convos, how long to wait before calling/texting, how slow/fast you're supposed to move, etc.
Avoid the games and dating becomes easier.
Also, I did specify that making dates and going on dates was easy - finding a match is a different animal entirely.
LOL. Avoid the games? You can't control how another person is going to act. Unless you mean end it if they start playing games, then yes I can agree with that. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard nowadays to find someone who doesn't play games.
How is making dates easy and going on dates easy? Are you not picky at all? Isn't the point of going on a date to find a match?0 -
Also, I did specify that making dates and going on dates was easy - finding a match is a different animal entirely.
Kits - I think it's the distinction between going on 'a date' and forming a relationship that's being confused here. But damn woman, you must be TOP TIER to be such a wanted lady...
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I don't date. I'm too busy and I'm at a point in my life where dating isn't something I want to deal with right now.
That being said, to the people saying dating is easy: No, it's not. Unless you're meeting all your dates at bars and gyms, which are not places I'd have a desire to meet someone to date. Been there, done that.
There's so many games being played: who should text first, why doesn't he/she initiate convos, how long to wait before calling/texting, how slow/fast you're supposed to move, etc.
Avoid the games and dating becomes easier.
Also, I did specify that making dates and going on dates was easy - finding a match is a different animal entirely.
LOL. Avoid the games? You can't control how another person is going to act. Unless you mean end it if they start playing games, then yes I can agree with that. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard nowadays to find someone who doesn't play games.
How is making dates easy and going on dates easy? Are you not picky at all? Isn't the point of going on a date to find a match?
Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I can't control them playing games, but I can control not spending my time playing games, and not surrounding myself with people that do.
I'm not doing it, but that's one way to. There was another person on this board (who up until now I wouldn't have bothered to not name but seeing all the judgement I'd rather not have her get called out) who admitted that she was using online dating to set up dates with guys after minimal conversation. It's totally fine, it was fun and most were a bust but I think she did end up getting one relationship out of it. I was responding directly to the person that said "dating is hard". The point of going on a date can be whatever you want it to be. It could be for a one night stand, it could be to find a partner, it could be that you're broke and want a free meal.
Once again, I am not doing this, I am only saying it is possible.
PJ - Ahahaha, I see what you did there!0 -
Finding dates can be tough sometimes, but going on dates is easy, and generally fun. It's just an hour or two of your time and some light conversation with some you hopefully have a couple things in common with are at least a little attracted to each other. Relationships are hard, divorce is hard, dating is easy.LOL. Avoid the games? You can't control how another person is going to act. Unless you mean end it if they start playing games, then yes I can agree with that. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard nowadays to find someone who doesn't play games.
How is making dates easy and going on dates easy? Are you not picky at all? Isn't the point of going on a date to find a match?0 -
That behavior in women is something I consider *****y. yes. And I despise that sort of behavior in women I meet. It wasn't a personal attack...though clearly I worded it a bit strongly. And your post made it seem like you were a serial dater....my apologies if you aren't...I thought you were talking about yourself when you said dating and scheduling dates every night was easy.
I was only speaking theoretically. I hate meeting strangers, hahaha!
On that note, I am very practical minded. I don't base my actions and decisions off emotions. This tends to rub people the wrong way and while I acknowledge that, I don't believe that means I, or anyone else, has to cater to every individuals personal morals and whims.0 -
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
It's because you're 24, dahling. Get married, have kids, get divorced and then let's revisit this topic.
I bet you won't say "Dating Is Easy" then......
Well Im 32, divorced and have 2 kids.... Before Mr. NG I was constantly out with one guy or another. FWB, power plant guy the Dj, the marine, the army boy, Mr. Smooth ect. ect. ect. Oh and before someone jumps down my throat about being a serial dater I nomarlly paid for myself and considored each of these guy friends and well as potentially something more lol
So I say dating is easy. I bet Diana would agree too lol0 -
I'm a fan of poofing or "pulling a hoodini" or ninja'd.... I honestly don't see any reason you have to break up with someone that you were texting with or went on a date with. If there is no relationship I guess it seems dumb to me to have to break up with the person. Wasn't it called "not getting a call back" before texting?
I think this is the standard and I'm fine with it.
word. if there's no relationship, if we're just hanging out or whatever then yeah i see absolutely no reason why i should HAVE to formally announce my intention to not talk to you again :laugh: . i've been ninja'd and never took it personally because it's always really early in courtship stages, and oftentimes even before you even realized you're being courted (and yes i'm intentionally using an old fashioned term )
damn son, this kind of borders on entitlement.That behavior in women is something I consider *****y. yes. And I despise that sort of behavior in women I meet
as a disclaimer, i have NO problem being called a ***** by guys because 10 times out of 10 it's because i'm not doing something they don't like or doing something that somehow doesn't fit in their world vision of how women are supposed to just fall head over heels with them by virtue of being shown attention. so i just wanted to point that out before you start to think that i'm responding because you struck a nerve or whatever... but as a rhetorical question, why do you think that someone you essentially have no relationship with owes you anything?
i'm not just picking on you either, i have many girl friends who do the same thing and make assumptions about the speed or intensity of their quasi-relationships and then blame the guy when they get ninja'd (i'm stealing that term !) for being a player, an a*hole, or whatever.
the truth of the matter is some people form attachments easier than others. the fact that i - or other women like me don't - doesn't make me a b**** (trust me, i can give you about 100 valid reasons why i am one, but this isn't one :laugh: ). my personal opinion on the matter is that it's up to the person with the most sensitivity to look after their OWN feelings rather than leaving up to the other person to do it for them.
if you know that you invest quickly in a relationship then it's up to you to determine if you're talking to someone who doesn't.0 -
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
It's because you're 24, dahling. Get married, have kids, get divorced and then let's revisit this topic.
I bet you won't say "Dating Is Easy" then......
Word.
--P
Can you do a Word x2? lol.
Can I do a Thank You x2?
As for the rest of this thread......
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In my experience, most people are a big fan of "pulling a Houdini" until it someone they really care about does it to them.
I hate being in this group.0 -
i'm not a fan of it. at all. HOWEVER, i'm so emotionally disconnected that when a guy starts to show less interest i just assume he's gonna disappear. i guess i go into all things now assuming at some point he'll disappear.
but, i won't do that to someone else. i have more manners than that. i was raised to respect people and to be polite. i will be honest as i can't lie to save my life.
i think it's sad that people think it's acceptable though. i'm not talking about after one date or even two, but if you've gone out several times over a 2-3 week or more span, the least you can do is TELL the person you won't be contacting them anymore. or won't be responding. if you're chicken then text it. if you're not call them. you don't need to explain. or you could make something up. but telling them isn't going to end your world or theirs......0 -
i think it's sad that people think it's acceptable though. i'm not talking about after one date or even two, but if you've gone out several times over a 2-3 week or more span, the least you can do is TELL the person you won't be contacting them anymore.
I don't think anyone is disputing that. Like I said, this is when we're still at the early stages. Regularly dating for a month is different from some stranger you've shared a meal and coffee with.0 -
the way it was explained to me is this.
guys think " well, i wouldn't call a company after one or two interviews, or maybe even three or four, to tell them i am NOT interested in a job offer."
so, why would they call the girl to tell her they aren't interested. women want the call, but men think that's it's silly because if he doesn't want the "job" he isn't going to call her and tell her he isn't interested.....0 -
I joined this group just to comment then I will be leaving as I am not single. I am recently remarried but was on the dating scene for a few years..
What I noticed is that most (not all) people are talking to / dating more than 1 person at a time. I would say 3 is the average.
There is a ranking to those people:
1) is the main squeeze probably the person you are sleeping with and can see afuture but aren't all in yet.
2) is someone that you are newly interested in. Number 2 is almost always on the way up.
3) is someone that use to be up there or someone you randomly check in to see what's going on.
There could be a whole bunch more for some people, "the player"
In the beginning if there's the constant texting it's because they want you to move up.. If it stalls out, someone else is their new number 1. You've been religated to the bench unless something happens. This is poofing, they still want you on the bench in case something happens and you can get called back up. Don't go for it, is my recommendation.
If a guy or gal starts texting you again out the blue, they've been dumped or moved down.
*** If you're dating but it doesn't always add up, ask the person if you're their #1 or who is your #1, see what their face tells you.
Hope this is clear as mud!!0 -
I love you.
And thank you for putting it out there that most people are dating multiples.0 -
I hate poofing by women.
I don't understand the concept of just plain ignoring after something was established.
And, flabbyjay pretty much has it too.
It still honestly doesn't provide an excuse for bad or rude behavior. I don't ignore my friends text, there's no priority except a first come first serve policy, and well...
I'm an old fashion guy who likes to keep things monogamous from the day I start dating. I don't "juggle" multiple dates. I'm upfront with this to a gal I may potentially date (when it comes to that question) and I don't have an expectation of my date to feel the same since I know everyone is feels differently about that.
There's only going to be a #1 for me, the rest are strictly friends.0 -
My ex did a poofing act after a year of dating. To this day I don't know why he left. No fight, nothing wrong at the time, he was talking about marriage, etc. After a year the person you are seeing deserves a reason. Closure is important.
It hurt me quite a bit at the time, but I am glad I am no longer with him.
However, I don't know if I will ever meet another guy where I will love the parents as much as I loved his. They were awesome and I really miss them.0 -
Welcome to dating in the 2012. It sucks. the depersonalization fo soicety through text messaging allows for so much miscommunication. I just went through the same thing. We were supposed to share thanksgiving with my mom who is coming from 17 hours away to see me. Sucks...0
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So what is it called when you both poof at same time?!?
Had 2nd date with a fella. I wasn't crazy about him but I enjoyed his company. He kept telling me we had amazing chemistry, blah, blah, blah.. We made each other crack up, which was nice. We had some yummy burgers yesterday, his idea, kissed goodbye but we texted very little after. Nobody has sent the usual good morning text today.
Double poof!?!? I officially lost interest yesterday during date. Not sure why...0 -
I've been poofing for a while, but I didn't know it was a thing. I saw it as a drama-free escape from my side once the rose tinted glasses came off and things looked much too bleak.
When a partner(1 month to 6 month relationship) poofs, is it easier to move on or faster to move on? I always liked to justify my actions by believing it was easier and faster for the ex.0 -
I had been texting back and forth with a girl for awhile not too long ago. . So finally I asked her if she wanted to have dinner sometime. . silence. . I sent one or two more messages, just to be sure she got the first one. . silence. . haven't' heard a thing from her since. lol!
It's the non-answer answer!0 -
So what is it called when you both poof at same time?!?
Had 2nd date with a fella. I wasn't crazy about him but I enjoyed his company. He kept telling me we had amazing chemistry, blah, blah, blah.. We made each other crack up, which was nice. We had some yummy burgers yesterday, his idea, kissed goodbye but we texted very little after. Nobody has sent the usual good morning text today.
Double poof!?!? I officially lost interest yesterday during date. Not sure why...
In all cases pertaining to the double poof, the advantage goes to the male.... so sorry you lose
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Damn poof poof!
Today is the 1st complete day I haven't talked to the fella in the 1.5 week love affair we had going. Ah well.
Poof poof! My fav new set of words.0
