Will I ever eat normally again ?

Graelwyn75

Getting so tired and desperate. Having spent many years as an on/off anorexic, and almost dying from it on several occasions(kidney failure, heart failure, BMI of 9.8, yes, 9.8) I now these last months have found myself binge eating and purging, or simply binge eating on anything up to 7000 calories in a sitting.

Even as a child, I was prone to a sweet tooth and to comfort eating somewhat(sexual abuse caused that I guess), and I do suffer depression and issues with impulse control anyway. The only thing I find stops the cycle or helps, is the gym, or heavy activity, but I find this harder in winter, and also, I am sure that overworking the body can actually be detrimental to health and age it.

I have read so many different eating methods, diets, on here, such as primal, low carb, no sugar, no wheat, eat clean only, and it all rotates in my head everyday as I try and work out a way to tackle this issue.
I can manage to limit it, if I eat a very boring diet of only steamed veggies, eggs, cottage cheese, fish, fruit, greek yoghurt, nuts and seeds and beans, but what sort of a life is that, to never get enjoyment from food again?
I had hoped one day I might just somehow find myself back to being able to eat more intuitively, and to be able to eat the occasional chocolate or ice cream, or have the occasional excessive day without spiralling, but it isn't happening.

I am tempted to just cut food out altogether now as it takes away the complication.

BeautyFromPain

bump

anorangie

Getting so tired and desperate. Having spent many years as an on/off anorexic, and almost dying from it on several occasions(kidney failure, heart failure, BMI of 9.8, yes, 9.8) I now these last months have found myself binge eating and purging, or simply binge eating on anything up to 7000 calories in a sitting.

Even as a child, I was prone to a sweet tooth and to comfort eating somewhat(sexual abuse caused that I guess), and I do suffer depression and issues with impulse control anyway. The only thing I find stops the cycle or helps, is the gym, or heavy activity, but I find this harder in winter, and also, I am sure that overworking the body can actually be detrimental to health and age it.

I have read so many different eating methods, diets, on here, such as primal, low carb, no sugar, no wheat, eat clean only, and it all rotates in my head everyday as I try and work out a way to tackle this issue.
I can manage to limit it, if I eat a very boring diet of only steamed veggies, eggs, cottage cheese, fish, fruit, greek yoghurt, nuts and seeds and beans, but what sort of a life is that, to never get enjoyment from food again?
I had hoped one day I might just somehow find myself back to being able to eat more intuitively, and to be able to eat the occasional chocolate or ice cream, or have the occasional excessive day without spiralling, but it isn't happening.

I am tempted to just cut food out altogether now as it takes away the complication.

Hi Graelwyn75,

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with depression and ED.

I couldn't tell if you were serious or not (dang interwebs!), but as you know, cutting out food altogether is not a viable solution to binging.

Have you considered talking to a mental health specialist who specializes in depression and Binge Eating Disorder (BED)? One of my MFP friends highly recommends Dialectal Behavioral Therapy (DBT) for BED; she says it is a very effective treatment. As I understand it, DBT pulls from a few different therapies, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness strategies.

Also, one of the MFP members recently posted about keeping a binge journal: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/719044-this-has-stopped-my-binges-will-you-do-it-with-me. This seems like great idea to help one do the emotional work that is part of managing BED. I've set up my own notebook following this poster's guidelines (setting up the notebook is actually kinda fun), and I'm going to try to write in it as she suggests when I feel the next binge coming on. Would you like to give it a try, too? It might be nice to compare how effective it is for us.

Hang in there. :flowerforyou:

Graelwyn75

Thanks for the bump beauty.
Beatrixia, tried dbt once for a different issue and found the group work very hard, felt out of place, uncomfortable in groups as I am not a very social person. I didn't realise it was used for EDs as well.

I wish I could stop eating, as I am tired of having no control, then having entire days ruined because I end up feeling too bloated, depressed and despondant to do anything other than binge again or sleep all day.

I seem to be incapable of any middle ground, just all, or nothing. Binge on all the worst foods, or eat a diet that is only clean foods and leaves me feeling bored and depressed also.

I keep thinking, is my only solution to work on cutting out all the foods I binge on forever, ie, grains and sugar, and cutting down the dairy? I did go some months with no grains, no potatoes, no pasta, no rice, and lots of exercise and that is essentially when the binge eating started...that and losing the 16-17 Ibs or so I had lost. Seems no way I can win. I want to be 126 Ibs or less, but when I get there, even if I am eating plenty of calories, and just doing it through exercise, I end up spiralling into binge eating, and suffering obsession with the scale and with weight.

I am not even hungry when I am bingeing most of the time now. I was before, but presumably I have gained enough weight now that it is not being too light causing the issue. I want to be able to have a bowl of cereal or eggs on toast without having to fear a binge, instead I am reduced to keeping most foods out of my home. My mum can get by on a bowl of soup or cereal, a few biscuits, and a microwave meal or something and her is me with no self control.

I got back on track for 5 days recently, after a month of daily binge eating(bought about by being dropped by someone I considered a friend and whom was my support)then had to go to my mums for her bday, which meant meals out, and the choice of dessert, and a larder full of boxed of cereal. I always go with the intent to stick to my fruit and eggs that I take with me, beyond the meals out which I cannot avoid, but it never works.

I dread xmas. I really do. I want to get back to 126 before then and am running out of time. I need ideas of what to eat, how to tackle this food wise. Given I tend to go all out at my mothers, whether I am eating those foods here or not, I guess I am best off restricting everything but the most clean and healthy foods when in my home city.

I am meant to be calling a health team here, having asked my dr for help last month, so I shall be doing that but I know it will take time to help, and meanwhile, I am gaining weight constantly.

wllwsmmr

Getting so tired and desperate. Having spent many years as an on/off anorexic, and almost dying from it on several occasions(kidney failure, heart failure, BMI of 9.8, yes, 9.8) I now these last months have found myself binge eating and purging, or simply binge eating on anything up to 7000 calories in a sitting.

Even as a child, I was prone to a sweet tooth and to comfort eating somewhat(sexual abuse caused that I guess), and I do suffer depression and issues with impulse control anyway. The only thing I find stops the cycle or helps, is the gym, or heavy activity, but I find this harder in winter, and also, I am sure that overworking the body can actually be detrimental to health and age it.

I have read so many different eating methods, diets, on here, such as primal, low carb, no sugar, no wheat, eat clean only, and it all rotates in my head everyday as I try and work out a way to tackle this issue.
I can manage to limit it, if I eat a very boring diet of only steamed veggies, eggs, cottage cheese, fish, fruit, greek yoghurt, nuts and seeds and beans, but what sort of a life is that, to never get enjoyment from food again?
I had hoped one day I might just somehow find myself back to being able to eat more intuitively, and to be able to eat the occasional chocolate or ice cream, or have the occasional excessive day without spiralling, but it isn't happening.

I am tempted to just cut food out altogether now as it takes away the complication.

a little late but, bump