It`s just emotion
Carl01
Posts: 9,307 Member
To coin a phrase from the Bee Gees penned song of the late 70s (yes,I really am that old) but how much open emotions does one want in a partner male or female?
The stereotype is that guys are stoic and unemotional and ladies are are the opposite.
I think that between nature and conditioning this is largly true.
Ladies,what do you want and when does too much become uncomfortable?
Guys...the same question.
The stereotype is that guys are stoic and unemotional and ladies are are the opposite.
I think that between nature and conditioning this is largly true.
Ladies,what do you want and when does too much become uncomfortable?
Guys...the same question.
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There are two emotions that I'm comfortable with: Happiness and anger. I have no problem expressing my happiness (which is my predominant emotion), and while I can be quick to get angry, I am just as quick to calm down (unless it is something substantial of course). When it comes to extended anger and sadness I prefer to keep to myself. I like to digest my emotions before I choose to share them, and more often than not I simply don't. If someone is making me unhappy my tactic is "ignore it and it will go away". My next step is to then go to a friend or family member that seems most suited for helping me understand the situation. If that still doesn't work THEN I will consider addressing it directly in a calm and collected manner so as to optimize results. Usually those periods of time are marked by me being quiet and distant. When I cry I hide as best I can, I have been known to hide under blankets in bed rather than let someone see me cry. I don't want to be touched, I don't want to talk and I don't want to be seen.
I don't want a guy that is overly emotional, it would make me uncomfortable. I prefer expressing feelings through other means (Physical contact, favors, gestures, small gifts) and I would want someone that is fairly similar to that.0 -
Ladies,what do you want and when does too much become uncomfortable?
Guys...the same question.
Personality, I wouldn't mind a man who told me thoughts and feelings and we were close on a very personal level, and cried once in a while. Too much crying would be uncomfortable though...but I am the type of crier who goes and hides and cries. I'm not too good at comforting someone who is crying.
One time, this friend of mine's grandpa died and he broke down in tears. I didn't think anything less of him.0 -
One time, this friend of mine's grandpa died and he broke down in tears. I didn't think anything less of him.
Eek, I would like to add a clause before everyone thinks I'm a jerkfacemonster!
I totally understand there are legitimate reasons to cry! I wouldn't blame someone for getting upset if something horrible happened.0 -
I am not the explosive hot head but I find myself being more and more a glowering grudge holder when I get pissed off.
I don`t like being that way and fight it...maybe passive agressive is a fair description.
At the same time lifes circumstances has made me more emotional in some respects,watching moms life deteriorate day by day until the end will make one take stock in the bigger picture of things.'
Still at time and maybe as a compensation I tend to look at things with no emotion at all,trying to find the logic behind whatever.
An enigma.
To answer my own question I would not like a cry at the drop of a hat lady but also would like one that desires to lean on me when she needs.
Another enigma I guess.0 -
i'm so emotionally detached i'd rather not talk about feelings, unless it's a girlfriend and i NEED to get it out. i mean, i WILL, but i don't really want to or like to.
i can go weeks or months without talking to a friend or family member. if that bothers you ( as a friend) then we won't work. it's just who i am. HOWEVER, if i'm dating someone i do like to touch base daily, if even just for a couple minutes. it doesn't need to be all day or hours. just a quick exchange.
i think that my way often leads guys to think i'm not interested. i think guys are so used to women being emotionally up their butts......0 -
i'm so emotionally detached i'd rather not talk about feelings, unless it's a girlfriend and i NEED to get it out. i mean, i WILL, but i don't really want to or like to.
i can go weeks or months without talking to a friend or family member. if that bothers you ( as a friend) then we won't work. it's just who i am. HOWEVER, if i'm dating someone i do like to touch base daily, if even just for a couple minutes. it doesn't need to be all day or hours. just a quick exchange.
i think that my way often leads guys to think i'm not interested. i think guys are so used to women being emotionally up their butts......
A good point...is this something a PUA looks for and preys on?0 -
i think guys are so used to women being emotionally up their butts......
I have had guys stop seeing me for exactly this reason - I wasn't jealous/angry/etc enough so they didn't feel needed or appreciated. And every single one of them claimed to hate drama.0 -
i dated a guy that was like " i hate drama, i don't do it " and yet, i was never 'in touch' with him enough!!! he was always trying to start things.
*I* do not do drama..... so, needless to say i didn't get it. he assumed i wasn't interested because for the most part i left him alone.....i think guys are so used to women being emotionally up their butts......
I have had guys stop seeing me for exactly this reason - I wasn't jealous/angry/etc enough so they didn't feel needed or appreciated. And every single one of them claimed to hate drama.0 -
I'm an emotional train wreck - happy, sad, passionate, proud, brave, fun, angry, stressed, anxious, jealous, hopeful, needy, resilient, abusive, feisty, etc - I display them all........:laugh: So I guess my partner needs to be able to handle me and to do so with emotion! :laugh:
I've never been able to understand cold/emotionally detached people. it's just not how I roll :flowerforyou:0 -
i think guys are so used to women being emotionally up their butts......
I have had guys stop seeing me for exactly this reason - I wasn't jealous/angry/etc enough so they didn't feel needed or appreciated. And every single one of them claimed to hate drama.
I strongly disagree that emotion and drama are in the same arena. I'm very emotional, but I avoid drama like the plague!!
Drama isnt based on true emotion, it's based on ...........drama! That is, an over production/pretence of emotion over nothing at all!0 -
as dean wincester would say, "no chick flick" moments.To coin a phrase from the Bee Gees penned song of the late 70s (yes,I really am that old) but how much open emotions does one want in a partner male or female?
The stereotype is that guys are stoic and unemotional and ladies are are the opposite.
I think that between nature and conditioning this is largly true.
Ladies,what do you want and when does too much become uncomfortable?
Guys...the same question.
seriously though, as a lady who makes decisions primarily by logic and reason (instead of emotion) I've been told many times by women and gay men that I'm boyish :grumble: straight men just tend to say that i'm easy to talk to and understand.
i dont mind talking about feelings BUT i'd prefer to not be emotionally vomited on by anyone. I'm totally fine if people can get their ideas together beforehand and present them in a coherent manner :laugh:
the one thing i don't quite understand is expressing emotions just to express it. i'm more of a problem solver than a problem keeper so i tend to assume that if someone is expressing something frustrating to me that they are looking for ideas on making the situation better. that's pretty much how it works for me. i'm pretty good at solving my own issues, but if things are getting are to the point that i can't think my way out of it, when i bring it up to someone else it's because i want a fresh perspective and fresh idea and not because i'm looking for someone to go "there there it'll be all right" i usually end up being like i know it's going to be all right damn it, i'm just telling you so i can get ideas on how to make it all right"
i also think there are very legitimate reasons to cry. i draw the line at people who cry more than once a week though.
PUAs are taught that the type of women they want to go after are the ones who are used to constant positive reinforcement from men and who need that type of positive reinforcement regarding her looks and sex appeal.by them not giving her that the theory is that makes the guy more intriguing0 -
i think guys are so used to women being emotionally up their butts......
I have had guys stop seeing me for exactly this reason - I wasn't jealous/angry/etc enough so they didn't feel needed or appreciated. And every single one of them claimed to hate drama.
I strongly disagree that emotion and drama are in the same arena. I'm very emotional, but I avoid drama like the plague!!
Drama isnt based on true emotion, it's based on ...........drama! That is, an over production/pretence of emotion over nothing at all!
i agree with this.. as a person who not at all emotional but more logical, i can confirm that we also create drama as well. for us that drama is called "trolling" :laugh: drama and trolling are the same thing but they are accomplished through different means. but the general idea is to put a bee in someone's bonnet even if that mean's you have to supply the bonnet well ahead of time0 -
i think guys are so used to women being emotionally up their butts......
I have had guys stop seeing me for exactly this reason - I wasn't jealous/angry/etc enough so they didn't feel needed or appreciated. And every single one of them claimed to hate drama.
I strongly disagree that emotion and drama are in the same arena. I'm very emotional, but I avoid drama like the plague!!
Drama isnt based on true emotion, it's based on ...........drama! That is, an over production/pretence of emotion over nothing at all!
i agree with this.. as a person who not at all emotional but more logical, i can confirm that we also create drama as well. for us that drama is called "trolling" :laugh: drama and trolling are the same thing but they are accomplished through different means. but the general idea is to put a bee in someone's bonnet even if that mean's you have to supply the bonnet well ahead of time
I respectfully disagree. I think trolling is a prank, drama at it's root is emotion based.0 -
not all the time is trolling a prank. sometimes it's subconscious. i've subconsciously trolled and created drama. not because i had any emotional stake in the results either way. sometimes it's just to see what would happen, other timers because lack of thought of consequences, sometimes just because i was bored.i think guys are so used to women being emotionally up their butts......
I have had guys stop seeing me for exactly this reason - I wasn't jealous/angry/etc enough so they didn't feel needed or appreciated. And every single one of them claimed to hate drama.
I strongly disagree that emotion and drama are in the same arena. I'm very emotional, but I avoid drama like the plague!!
Drama isnt based on true emotion, it's based on ...........drama! That is, an over production/pretence of emotion over nothing at all!
i agree with this.. as a person who not at all emotional but more logical, i can confirm that we also create drama as well. for us that drama is called "trolling" :laugh: drama and trolling are the same thing but they are accomplished through different means. but the general idea is to put a bee in someone's bonnet even if that mean's you have to supply the bonnet well ahead of time
I respectfully disagree. I think trolling is a prank, drama at it's root is emotion based.
i've known a few "drama" people and my observation is that these people tend to not have any idea the havoc they create. most of their drama is based on subconscious choices as well,. for instance someone not being able to understand that their poor choice in mates might be the reason why they find themselves with their care being keyed or crazy ex hanging out in their bushes.
besides that, arent most things people do based on some type of emotion?'even if that emotion is disguised as a value judgement of what's relevant and what's not?0 -
i guess i've always seen drama stem from some emotion.... like from being hurt, or feeling rejected, or ignored, or angry, etc. i've never seen it stem from a NON emotional place. like a guy i know, drama out the ying yang, which is why i could NOT date him. his all stems from his hurt pride..... he's angry and wants to react, instead of just walking away. and drama feeds drama. and then it has little baby dramas. it's a lot like rabbits reproducing. until you STOP it, it just keeps on going.
i just know that there are a lot of guys that seem less interested in me once they see that i don't feed into that. i don't dish it out and i certainly don't put up with it. i always figured it's because of how i deal with/ handle my emotions. i appear cold and closed off because i DON"T let others see me, especially if i'm hurting.0 -
I think I'm peculiar as far as emotion goes... I just don't seem to have much emotion myself. As an earlier poster said, happiness and anger are really the only ones I experience in day-to day life, and it's usually happiness. Anger for me is usually mild and short lived, and usually aimed ay myself, for being a ****head about something. (OK, sometimes I get angry at other people for being ****heads, too - but much less so in recent years - since divorce was finalized :-) ).
As far as how much emotion do I want in a romantic partner... like some others have said, I don't like "drama", especially over trivial stuff. (I suppose that's kinda the definition of "drama", eh?) Happiness, anger, or sadness etc is fine with me, when it's in some kind of scale for the situation.
But about CRYING...
I have a REALLY LOW TOLERANCE for being around CRYING, unless it's over something REALLY IMPORTANT - like death of a loved one, or other significant life events, etc. When I see someone crying over stuff like a fender bender, a financial event, a bad haircut or a minor romantic loss - it is a HUGE REPELLENT to me. It's like a total loss of balance and reason. I can't help but see it as a "silver bullet" for attention seeking. Yecch.
Personally, I prefer to bias myself towards happiness in any situation, if at all possible. I appreciate being with a partner where we mutually help each other maintain that bias. In other words, I like being with someone who both helps me see the bright side of things when I can't, and who can "sign on" to my suggestions of why things might be positive.
I rather enjoy my rose colored glasses.
(Now that I think of it, this is kinda strange, since I spend lots of time and mental energy analyzing potential negative outcomes of my situation and actions.)0 -
i guess i've always seen drama stem from some emotion.... like from being hurt, or feeling rejected, or ignored, or angry, etc. i've never seen it stem from a NON emotional place. like a guy i know, drama out the ying yang, which is why i could NOT date him. his all stems from his hurt pride..... he's angry and wants to react, instead of just walking away. and drama feeds drama. and then it has little baby dramas. it's a lot like rabbits reproducing. until you STOP it, it just keeps on going.
i just know that there are a lot of guys that seem less interested in me once they see that i don't feed into that. i don't dish it out and i certainly don't put up with it. i always figured it's because of how i deal with/ handle my emotions. i appear cold and closed off because i DON"T let others see me, especially if i'm hurting.
ok i see what you mean. i think the "non emotionless"drama i was talking about is more from people's deep seated emotional wounds that they might not even realize they have anymore.
but in general i dont think it's necessarily emotion that causes trouble in relationships but it's people's lack of knowledge how to deal with that emotion.
for instance for the guy in your example, i dont think the problem is necessarily him having hurt pride or being angry. we're human and we're allowed to have emotions - even negative ones. the problem is that he never learned or figured out how to deal with those emotions. unfortunately our society doesnt do much in terms of teaching people emotionally maturity. most of us end up learning as we go along 'but others still struggle well into their adult lives.
also i dont know you that well, but i get the impression that you're doing yourself a disservice vby saying you are emotionally detached. it just seems if you don;t let your emotions control your actions and decisions. for me i see emotionally detached people as those who really dont experience emotions .
dunno if that makes sense out loud but it does my head :laugh:0 -
no it makes sense reading it too.
for myself, 99% of the time you wouldn't be able to tell HOW i was feeling by talking to me or looking at me. 1% of the time i will let CERTAIN people see how or hear what i am feeling. and i have to trust them with my entire being in order to do so........ i guess that's what i mean by detached.
and i agree about the guy. he has never learned, and regardless of how many times i've tried to help him nothing changes. he'd ask me HOW and i'd tell him how *I* would do it, but, he either couldn't or wouldn't, so then a month later we'd be discussing the exact same thing. the exact same conversation, just a different day.
his whole attitude is, " well, if she is going to dish it out, i'm going to dish it out right back." he's the guy that sends a text like " i guess you're done with me." in MY opinion, that's creating drama!!! LOL!0 -
I hate emotions. My marine always says .. its just a feeling, it'll pass. Sigh .. I kinda miss my big muscley marine. I wonder if my whole he is boring thing was just another way of me pushing someone else away .. or if maybe he really is boring and I am just feeling lonely today. I scheduled a therapy appointment .. lol. Someone needs to figure out wtf is going on in my brain.
anyway .. I want more than what my exhusband gave me .. but less than what my exboyfriend gave me. If I had to choose, which it seems I do .. I would choose the emotional exboyfriend. Having someone who is so closed off and you never know what he is thinking, if he even is thinking about anything other than porn .. is an awful awful way to live.
I think the problem, or at least my problem, with emotional men is that I am so freaking all over the place with my emotions, due to girl hormones that I just cannot deal with his emotional *kitten* too. I think that is probably why men are wired to be emotion-less so that they can deal with women. I can't deal with all the emotion given off by two emotional people.
I gotta be honest tho .. most of the men I know don't think the way you guys do on here. If they did they would be very date-able men.0 -
I think it's funny to read people equating being logical and reason-based as being nondramatic and then attributing the lack of drama as being what causes potential partners to feel unwanted/unneeded. Imagine trying to date Mr. Spock from Star Trek or Leonard Hofstatter's mom (Christine Baranski's character) from Big Bang Theory. Sorry, it isn't the lack of drama that is the problem. It is the ungiving, unemotional nature that is the problem.0
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if you're directing this towards me, i never said that my lack of "drama" is the reason. i said that i'm sure my way of dealing with emotions is the reason.
i am VERY, VERY giving, but i'm not emotional. it's just the way i am. and i fully accept that it can be a turn off to guys. i'd rather have sex than talk about our feelings. i'd rather have sex than talk about where a relationship is going. if i get into a fight, i don't NEED to talk it out. i mean, i can and i will, but i'd rather not and just have make up sex.
i have girlfriends for my venting and melt downs. it doesn't mean i don't mind giving my time to a guy for HIM to vent and melt down. i do and i will. however, i'd rather us have a really hot make out session. if i'm into you, you'll know. if i want you, you'll know. but, emotionally i'm not gonna open up and bare all....... at least not until i know i can trust you with my whole being. just is who i am.
but, i certainly don't blame any of that on the lack of drama i bring to the table. i know it's ME.I think it's funny to read people equating being logical and reason-based as being nondramatic and then attributing the lack of drama as being what causes potential partners to feel unwanted/unneeded. Imagine trying to date Mr. Spock from Star Trek or Leonard Hofstatter's mom (Christine Baranski's character) from Big Bang Theory. Sorry, it isn't the lack of drama that is the problem. It is the ungiving, unemotional nature that is the problem.0 -
I think it's funny to read people equating being logical and reason-based as being nondramatic and then attributing the lack of drama as being what causes potential partners to feel unwanted/unneeded. Imagine trying to date Mr. Spock from Star Trek or Leonard Hofstatter's mom (Christine Baranski's character) from Big Bang Theory. Sorry, it isn't the lack of drama that is the problem. It is the ungiving, unemotional nature that is the problem.
I am certainly not monotonous, uncaring or ungiving. I spend most of my day laughing about something, even when I'm angry or upset I usually find a way to make it fun(ny). Just because I don't like crying and I like to try and understand WHY I might feel a certain way before I try and have a calm rational discussion doesn't mean I don't care, or that I don't show that I care. Like I said, I express myself through actions more than words.
Also, like I said, I have been told specifically that it wasn't going to work because I didn't get jealous/upset over stupid things. For example, when a guy cancels a date because he has to work late - that's fine. He's working, that's awesome. Work is important, I get it. So when he says "Are you mad?" and I say "No, I'm a bit disappointed but I understand." with a smile and he thinks that it means I don't care? Pshaw.0 -
I'm not an overemotional female. In general, I try to be happy, take things in stride and find humor whenever possible. But if something really bothers me, I do tend to bottle it. I've mastered the art of non-confrontation which quite honestly, sucks. While I continually try to "fix" this about myself (had quite an impressive moment of confrontation today at work that felt fantastic!!), it can be a real problem in a relationship.
I realize that most men don't feel the need to express every emotion or every little thing that bothers them. I'm okay with that. But what I would like to have is a partner who knows that if he WANTS to share that he can do so knowing that I'm open to it and willing to listen. If its an issue between us, yes, I'd like to get it out in the open. Silence solves nothing. I would hope that to be reciprocated as well. Knowing that sometimes its hard for me to communicate certain feelings, it would help to know that he cares enough to really listen and not think I'm just being an emotional woman.
As far as the crying, I would appreciate feeling comfortable enough with each other to do that should it happen. But if you're a guy who cries and whines as part of your daily activities or over any little problem life throws your way, I won't have any respect for that. Put your big girl panties on dude!!0 -
i know i've pissed guys off because i don't get jealous. i also don't wait around for him to get his ducks in a row. if we end up NOT having definite plans and i TRY to confirm, i will make other plans. this seems to piss off some guys that feed off of drama.
i know i've said something like " that's cool, i've got other things i can do," and been replied to with " what the h3ll does that mean?!?!" as if i'm NOT supposed to have any sort of life without him, LOL!!!!!
I am certainly not monotonous, uncaring or ungiving. I spend most of my day laughing about something, even when I'm angry or upset I usually find a way to make it fun(ny). Just because I don't like crying and I like to try and understand WHY I might feel a certain way before I try and have a calm rational discussion doesn't mean I don't care, or that I don't show that I care. Like I said, I express myself through actions more than words.
Also, like I said, I have been told specifically that it wasn't going to work because I didn't get jealous/upset over stupid things. For example, when a guy cancels a date because he has to work late - that's fine. He's working, that's awesome. Work is important, I get it. So when he says "Are you mad?" and I say "No, I'm a bit disappointed but I understand." with a smile and he thinks that it means I don't care? Pshaw.0 -
i know i've pissed guys off because i don't get jealous. i also don't wait around for him to get his ducks in a row. if we end up NOT having definite plans and i TRY to confirm, i will make other plans. this seems to piss off some guys that feed off of drama.
i know i've said something like " that's cool, i've got other things i can do," and been replied to with " what the h3ll does that mean?!?!" as if i'm NOT supposed to have any sort of life without him, LOL!!!!!
I am certainly not monotonous, uncaring or ungiving. I spend most of my day laughing about something, even when I'm angry or upset I usually find a way to make it fun(ny). Just because I don't like crying and I like to try and understand WHY I might feel a certain way before I try and have a calm rational discussion doesn't mean I don't care, or that I don't show that I care. Like I said, I express myself through actions more than words.
Also, like I said, I have been told specifically that it wasn't going to work because I didn't get jealous/upset over stupid things. For example, when a guy cancels a date because he has to work late - that's fine. He's working, that's awesome. Work is important, I get it. So when he says "Are you mad?" and I say "No, I'm a bit disappointed but I understand." with a smile and he thinks that it means I don't care? Pshaw.
My least favorite question is "Aren't you mad?" because I know exactly how things are going to go after that
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it's probably more about the lack of balance: specifically the lack of having the right response in the right situation.there's a time and place for everything. certain times being ungiving and unemotional in a relationship is a positive, sometimes it's a negative.I think it's funny to read people equating being logical and reason-based as being nondramatic and then attributing the lack of drama as being what causes potential partners to feel unwanted/unneeded. Imagine trying to date Mr. Spock from Star Trek or Leonard Hofstatter's mom (Christine Baranski's character) from Big Bang Theory. Sorry, it isn't the lack of drama that is the problem. It is the ungiving, unemotional nature that is the problem.
the problem with a someone like spock wasn't that he's spock all the time, just that he's spock when you dont want him to be :laugh:0 -
this is a drama guy
we are texting, and i ask him how he feels about vampires and zombies. that was literally all i asked " how do you feel about zombies and vampires?"
he totally and completely freaked out. like over the top freaked out. he was like " where the h3ll did that come from? that's just weird!! i don't think we are compatible. i am not the guy you're looking for." all i could come up with was, "ok. i understand." but really, i didn't. not at all, LOL!!!
i just wanted to know how he felt about them. the walking dead and true blood are like two top rated shows, LOL. i mean carl here ran the zombie run. it didn't seem like such an off the wall question. to me, his whole reaction reeked of drama, LOL!!!!!!
i would guess he's the same guy that would ask me if i was mad at him because i was quiet. or if i was "done with him?" because it had been a day and he had texted last, LOL!!!!0 -
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i know i've pissed guys off because i don't get jealous. i also don't wait around for him to get his ducks in a row. if we end up NOT having definite plans and i TRY to confirm, i will make other plans. this seems to piss off some guys that feed off of drama.
i know i've said something like " that's cool, i've got other things i can do," and been replied to with " what the h3ll does that mean?!?!" as if i'm NOT supposed to have any sort of life without him, LOL!!!!!
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I've been there. But if a guy is more emotional than me, I'm out. I need a man who can help bring balance to the relationship. That doesn't mean I'm off the wall crazy, but I'm a woman. Lol.0 -
I'm still confused as to why most of you think that emotion translates to drama!! ?? :huh:
As I said, I'm emotional. But I'm not a drama queen by any stretch of the imagination. I dont get mad at guys for stupid things, dont care if he's late or chatting to another woman etc. I'm totally level headed and understanding and independent.
Like I said, a drama queen is someone that makes something out of nothing.......love this urban dictionary definition :laugh:
drama queen 652 up, 187 down
An annoying b1tch who always feels like every insignificant problem in her day is a disaster of Hurricane Katrina proportions. Anyone who so much as gives her the time of day is in for an endless session of hearing why her boyfriend is such an *kitten* or how she's fat because she can't wear size 0 jeans along with an all day crying marathon.
If you value your sanity avoid these psychic vampires like the clap or you'll never have a minute's peace.
My ex girlfriend is such a drama queen.0 -
I don`t get the guys being pissed off because a lady does not get jealous thing.
I would be annoyed if one was jealous endlessly over everything.
More and more I think I am an aberration as a guy.0
