Selfish?
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christine24t
Posts: 6,064 Member
Reading Glamour magazine...there's an article about being married. One married writes "I'm beginning to realize that single people are more selfish." A man wrote that by the way.
Thoughts?
I think that the writer means that single people have more time to themselves, and for some reason he equates that as being selfish. I do a lot of things for myself, but that doesn't mean that would continue if I was in a relationship.
Thoughts?
I think that the writer means that single people have more time to themselves, and for some reason he equates that as being selfish. I do a lot of things for myself, but that doesn't mean that would continue if I was in a relationship.
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Replies
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I know I'm selfish, but I also know that really isn't a bad thing if it makes you happy and doesn't impact others. Which is pretty much why I don't want kids. Because I don't think it would be fair...0
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My life is about me, me, me! It's my time, I'm single, no children and my priority is ME! I do help others, and love friends and family but I love my life right now. I'm sure one day (or think so anyway), I'll have a husband, maybe children that I'll make a priority but not now!
I don't believe it makes me selfish. It's just my life's circumstances at the time.0 -
I don't understand that AT all...even single, I spend more time worry about/doing for other people than I do for myself...0
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My life is about me, me, me! It's my time, I'm single, no children and my priority is ME! I do help others, and love friends and family but I love my life right now. I'm sure one day (or think so anyway), I'll have a husband, maybe children that I'll make a priority but not now!
I don't believe it makes me selfish. It's just my life's circumstances at the time.
You took the words out of the mouth.
I think it's all about who/what you have in your life.0 -
I'd say my married life was MUCH more selfish than my single life. I had another person completely centered on my needs. Even though it was reciprocal- it felt pretty selfish.
Single life is all about my kid, dog, and very needy kids at work, so it's possibly just my circumstances.0 -
Single parents, no. Single people with no kids, yeah, in some ways.0
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I think that goes without saying. Who else does a single person with no kids really have to think about besides themselves? Sure you think about your parents and your siblings and give them a call every now and then (some more than others). But otherwise, I think it just goes without saying.
Self: I need groceries.
Self: Alright, go get some!
Self: I don't want to.
Self: What are you going to eat then?
Self: We could go to McDonald's.
Self: Nah, not enough calories left today.
Sell: You do realize that's going to be true for pretty much any restaurant, right?
Self: Yeah, okay fine, let's go get some groceries!
I guess the implication is that somehow being selfish on this level is bad, which it really isn't. It's just the way it is.0 -
The "you're selfish" comments seem to typically be thrown around by (1) married people and/or (2) people with kids at (1) single people and/or (2) people without kids. It's like the former groups simply cannot stand to see that the latter groups have made different life decisions to that point and want to guilt them into either getting married or having kids. (Oddly enough, the people who have directed these comments at me in the past have generally been people who were not happily married. I'm going "If it makes me selfish to avoid what you are stuck in, then I'm happy to be selfish.")
It's bizarre, because I don't see how simply the act of getting married makes you any less selfish than a single person. I know plenty of married people who are selfish. But then again, I also don't understand how the act of popping out a kid makes you any better than anyone else either, yet a lot of people like to rally around the "but I'm a mother/grandmother" flag as though they've attained some goal that no one else could ever attain.
Certainly societal pressure plays a part -- to get married, have children, etc., and if you never do that or delay it beyond what is "normal," many people will look at you differently. But I don't think for most people being selfish has anything to do with it.0 -
Everyone is selfish, some people just find happiness in ways different than others. When I give to the Humane Society I'm doing it because it makes ME feel good to know I'm helping a cause I believe in. When I have an SO, I do him favors because if makes ME happy to do that and it gives him incentive to stay in my life which makes me benefit. On that note, if his selfishness doesn't vibe with mine (he never does anything for me in return) then the reasons for wanting him in my life fade and I'd break up with him. If he wanted me in his life, he'd be selfish and try to keep me around.
We're all selfish. And that's a good thing. When you do stuff that makes you happy a lot of times it makes other people happy too. It's the people that don't do selfish correctly that end up alone. On the other hand, people that do nothing but give to the detriment of themselves end up miserable, emotionally drained and unhappy. Altruism is a lie. Be selfish.0 -
Single people are selfish, without a doubt...and I'm one of them. However, they are only selfish in certain areas of their lives. So are married people with other areas of theirs. It doesn't mean that single people are more/less selfish than others. That's just a bunch of horse hockey to make that guy feel better, which was selfish...HAHAHAHAHA0
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What exactly makes a single person more selfish than a married one? Yes, I have more time for myself, but that's circumstantial. And how does anyone know if it's a choice or just the way life worked out for me unless I tell them explicitly? So, calling someone selfish due to their (non) marital status is BS.0
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Why does selfish have to equal bad?0
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Why does selfish have to equal bad?
Exactly..... the word selfish has a horrible rep attached to it.
My therapist has tried very very very very very hard to get through my thick skull that being selfish is Ok.... if you take time to do something for yourself, or if you tell someone "no" because it's what's best for you at that moment..... It's ok.
Just the opposite to be completely UNselfish is just the same as selfish, just as horrific, and damaging....I am the poster child for that.
I cannot say that I can connect to anyone who is single and without kids. I've never done it. I do wish I would have been able to have time like that, but oh well.
It's not that single people are "selfish" I believe they have a few more opportunities (to do different things, have things be differetn....) than someone who isn't what has been mentioned in other posts...single with kids, married etc...0 -
Why does selfish have to equal bad?
Exactly..... the word selfish has a horrible rep attached to it.
My therapist has tried very very very very very hard to get through my thick skull that being selfish is Ok.... if you take time to do something for yourself, or if you tell someone "no" because it's what's best for you at that moment..... It's ok.
The word selfish is what it is and most people assume it is negative. But I also agree with you that doing things for oneself is really beneficial. I just wish we had another word in the English language to express the difference.0 -
Why does selfish have to equal bad?
Exactly..... the word selfish has a horrible rep attached to it.
My therapist has tried very very very very very hard to get through my thick skull that being selfish is Ok.... if you take time to do something for yourself, or if you tell someone "no" because it's what's best for you at that moment..... It's ok.
The word selfish is what it is and most people assume it is negative. But I also agree with you that doing things for oneself is really beneficial. I just wish we had another word in the English language to express the difference.
There's not really a difference though. Whether you are doing it to help people or hurt people you are doing it for yourself - therefore selfish.
As far as intent there's a difference. If you help people you are good, kind, nice. If you hurt people you're a tool jerk meanface doodyhead.
Then again, a lot of the definition depends on perspective. If you don't let someone borrow money because you know they're just going to go buy drugs - they'd think you are a meanface doodyhead, even though you are being responsible and good.
Many folks see rich people as selfish because they don't give "enough" to charities - as though they can dictate how other spend their money because there is a clear line of who is good and who is bad and how much it costs to get there.
It's all subjective, unfortunately, which is what caused the word to get such a bad rap anyway.0 -
Of course I'm selfish..heck I'm single who else is going to look after my own needs and wants and desires at this age? My parents?
If I was part of a couple I would enjoy being less selfish but for now no one else is going to take care of myself but me so sue me!
That doesn't mean I'm a bad person, that doesn't mean I don't do for others and I'm not generous with my friends and family. It just means that for now I look out for my own needs and happiness..and really that will most likely continue in a relationship because I don't think a partner is supposed to make me happy..happier?..yup hopefully!.0 -
All selfish people are losers and should just do society a favor and kill themselves. I read it in Philosophy Today. Or was it Glamour magazine?
Good riddance, I say.
Divorced people otoh, salt of the earth.
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Single parents, no. Single people with no kids, yeah, in some ways.
I can't speak for single people with no kids; haven't been one of those since I was 20, and even, then, I wasn't selfish. I can, however, speak as one single parent, and my kids were just saying last night, "Mama, you never do anything for yourself..." My life is centered around helping others, but that's also part of my personality. I'm a giver, a helper. That's part of why I'm such a great teacher. That's inherently who I am. My first husband described me as the most selfless person he knew. Granted, that's not always a good thing. He happened to be VERY selfish, so the two of us together was excellent for him and detrimental to me because no one put my needs first. Also, people with my type of personality have a tendency to be codependent which is not very healthy either. Sometimes, I wish I was more selfish, but I'm learning to be.0 -
The word selfish is what it is and most people assume it is negative. But I also agree with you that doing things for oneself is really beneficial. I just wish we had another word in the English language to express the difference.
The word is fine, it has a negative connotation, and rightfully so. It's her therapist that needs to get a dictionary.
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Although I will admit that America is very much a hustling society, and there are fewer and fewer checks on the rich and powerful. Certainly not government. Certainly not the law. Religion used to be one, but even the churches jumped on the social Darwinism bandwagon. Now they preach greed is good! Rich people deserve all they have, poor people are lazy losers! Being selfish is very American, perhaps even more Godly now, too.
And so I suppose it should come as no surprise that we want to redefine selfish to be a good thing. No doubt Oprah is preparing a show on it right now.
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