How long?
ddwin
Posts: 78
Have you been single? When did you start dating again after your last breakup? Which route did you go when beginning down the dating scene again?
I left my ex about 5.5 years ago, I had already planned on leaving (I was in a state that was not close to my 'home', where all my friends, family and support were) and found out 2 weeks before packing the truck up that I was pregnant. Needless to say, having been a single/sole parent for the past 5 years has left little to no time to go out and try to find something/someone new. I'm only now starting to get the urge to try and put myself out there... haven't got a clue how to meet people and have putted around on some dating websites here and there, nothing serious, but am not sure if that's where I want to start.
What have you been successful with?
I left my ex about 5.5 years ago, I had already planned on leaving (I was in a state that was not close to my 'home', where all my friends, family and support were) and found out 2 weeks before packing the truck up that I was pregnant. Needless to say, having been a single/sole parent for the past 5 years has left little to no time to go out and try to find something/someone new. I'm only now starting to get the urge to try and put myself out there... haven't got a clue how to meet people and have putted around on some dating websites here and there, nothing serious, but am not sure if that's where I want to start.
What have you been successful with?
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Well.. I have been divorced for almost 2 years now. Don't do what I did and have the first person you date, get into a serious relationship with. I should never have done that. I should have dated around a bit. I actually met that person here on MFP.
After that ended in a giant mess .. I am now dating people that I meet in my area. Which is to say I have dated 2 people after that relationship. One wasn't right at all and the other I am still trying to navigate through. It is very hard and very different. I was married for 13 years. But .. everyone tells me that more you do it the better off you will be. I don't know about that, but we will see.
It is hard dating with children as well. I have a son who is 13 and I am just now getting to the point where I am comfortable going out and he can stay on his own for a few hours. I hate dating. But I don't want to be alone forever either.
I know that I wasn't any help what so ever! Good luck to you!0 -
I've been divorced for 3 years now. My first "relationship" after the divorce was a FWB situation which worked out really well in the beginning. I didn't want to jump back into dating and think about relationships. I needed to focus on myself and repair a lot of the damage to my self-esteem so the FWB worked out great for a while. Once I ended that, then I tried to date again about a year after the divorce. Dating is hard. I've tried going out and meeting people in real life but that doesn't work well for me. I've tried most of the online dating sites too. I even tried a professional matchmaker. None of it has worked out for me yet but I keep putting myself out there and hope that eventually it will. For me, the key is to keep trying.
You'll be ok. Trust yourself and just remamber to have fun. Even bad dates can make good stories so embrace the process. I've had some really bad dates but I always see the humor in them and that keeps me positive. I've also made some really good friends through the process which also helps.0 -
I have been single for 3 years. I started "dating" within a couple weeks but without much interest. Around this time last year I decided I wanted to really start dating. Tried that for a few months and then took myself off the market again. I'm too busy for a relationship to develop right now. I started with creating an online profile but also spent time meeting people through my volunteer program, animal related interests and karaoke bars. I have been successful with all methods and met some wonderful people that just weren't a match in the long run.0
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48 years and 2 days. :ohwell:0
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Well.. I have been divorced for almost 2 years now. Don't do what I did and have the first person you date, get into a serious relationship with. I should never have done that. I should have dated around a bit. I actually met that person here on MFP.
After that ended in a giant mess .. I am now dating people that I meet in my area. Which is to say I have dated 2 people after that relationship. One wasn't right at all and the other I am still trying to navigate through. It is very hard and very different. I was married for 13 years. But .. everyone tells me that more you do it the better off you will be. I don't know about that, but we will see.
It is hard dating with children as well. I have a son who is 13 and I am just now getting to the point where I am comfortable going out and he can stay on his own for a few hours. I hate dating. But I don't want to be alone forever either.
I know that I wasn't any help what so ever! Good luck to you!
Lol... actually, that is helpful. I guess I'm nervous about falling too hard for the first person I come across (btdt), but wonder if there's a year limint on rebound relationships? If that makes sense? And with my kid... oy, it's just not easy. But as the 40th birthday creeps ever closer...I've got to try or nothing will happen, right? Meh... I'm no good at this.0 -
Well I've only had one guy I dated long enough to consider him a bf..that was for 6 months and it ended 2 years ago so other than a 6 month blip I've been single for 35 years haha.
The only time I've really gotten a date is when I go on pof...but I don't enjoy the people I meet so I get sick and tired and get off...but then no dates...so there is my dating life in a nut shell.0 -
10 years. Just not comfortable with myself, physically, to put myself out there right now. I had opportunity for a FWB situation but at the time I wasn't into her, period. Honestly, if I ever found myself in that situation again, I don't know how I'd respond.0
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22.5 years!0
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Forever, sadly.
Social Anxiety gets worse every day as well.0 -
About 5.5 years for me. I've dated here and there, but nothing longer than a month or so. Not really even worried about it much anymore. I'm more focused on getting a career started and taking care of myself. Not saying I wouldn't mind finding someone though
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6 years since I met someone special. There have been flings and FWBs since, but no-one I'd settle with.
I've tried dating sites but after a stint last year I decided that I can't deal with the freaks out there and took this year off. Then, out of sheer boredom, I tipped my toe in the water again a few weeks ago, and lasted a week.....after reading some profiles and realising I was compromising on every single one......I just can't be bothered tbh.
I still hold out hope that Mr Special will appear tho. In what life, I dont know!! :laugh:0 -
Forever, sadly.
Social Anxiety gets worse every day as well.
I'm sorry. I hope you are in a good therapy program. It will help immensely! 0 -
So far I think the record is going to be mine!
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A little over 2 years. I just started looking a few months ago. I have been dating someone for a few weeks. It is so hard to get used to. I know how to be married, and I know how to be alone, dating, I am not so sure footed.0
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April will be 4 years officially divorced for me, but I started dating/screwing a co-worker shortly after the separation. I fell hard and we stayed together almost 5 months. Then he went back to his wife. Lesson learned.
As much as it hurt, he helped me realize that I could't turn to drinking to solve my problems. He's the one that walked me into the Nike store to find the right shoes and got me running again (I hadn't run in 8 years at that point). We went on quite a few runs together and for that I'm grateful.
Since then I've been engaged once to a great man I met online. He got cold feet, ran, and then came back. We worked it out, then he got cold feet again. When he tried to come back again, I told him it was too late. I didn't want to be with someone that would disappear when they had worries instead of sticking it out. I've had one other somewhat serious relationship...we dated for a couple months. He and I split last January because we just ended up having too many differences in how we lived our lives (he wanted to sit at home all the time....I'd like to live mine).
I've got a profile online, but just monitor it now. If I see a profile that really piques my interest, I'll add him as a favorite. Most times it results in an email from him. I don't go on all the time, only if there is an email waiting. But, I will at least respond to almost all emails (unless he really offends me).0 -
Ive been divorced, 6 years almost and had one relationship that lasted 6 months during the last 6 years. I have also been deployed a good portion of that time but now that I have been in the same locale and no deployments these last two years....not sure, Ive gone on a lot of dates, had some random encounters etc but nothing has stuck. Not really sweating it though, I like being single...I miss companionship for sure but apparently not enough to get serious yet.0
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6 years and still counting....
I had a couple of dates, but nothing serious ever came out of it.
Not really looking, since my last attempt kind of taught me that I still need to work on some of my issues...
If something happens to fall into place, I'm not going to run from it.
I refuse to have FWB as I'm an emotional old fashion guy and I know I would get too attached.0 -
Have you been single? When did you start dating again after your last breakup? Which route did you go when beginning down the dating scene again?
What have you been successful with?
1) 2.5 years
2) I gave myself 1 year to get healthy - mentally & physically - before dating again. It was hard, but i knew I needed that "alone" time after a 3+ year relationship
3) POF & Match.com (was on them for 15 months & just recently quit due to the fact I felt like i was losing my "better judgment" when it came to men and certain situations I was placed in... I don't know if/when I'll sign up again)
4) Haven't been successful ...otherwise I wouldn't still be single! lol
Right now, I have the urge to date sometimes, but then i just think about all the bull**** i went through w/those dating sites & it discourages me... and I don't know of another resource
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Personally, I don't really like dating as in "organised dating" (dating website or speed dating) however when I go out (which can be quite frequently when I'm actually in the right mindset), I really like to meet new people, and try to have a "meaningful" chat with every person I meet. That's when, sometimes, a girl picks my interest.Which route did you go when beginning down the dating scene again?
What have you been successful with?
I started with internet dating and had some decent success (I guess) with it, however I think the people you meet can be too different from you and there is a serious imbalance between (the many) men and (few) women, so I felt like a needle in the haystack. I find that, in person, I am much more likely to grab a girl's attention (body language, humour, etc.) as I interact well with people.
I live in a big city, so there are enough people for lots of sub-communities to exist, and you can pretty much find a group of people who have similar interests to yours - this helps a lot.0 -
I've been single for a little over a year. I actually haven't minded it, but that's mostly because I'm focused on getting my career off the ground for real.
When I am looking into dating, I've found that it's much better to meet people IRL -- I guess like flimflamfloz said. I don't live in a huge city, but there are enough people with similar interests that when I go out and do things I enjoy doing, I generally find someone new to at least talk to. Online dating was kind of a major waste of time for me.0 -
I have only been single since Sept 11th of this year. I had been with my husband since I was 15 and now I am 29. I read a text message on his phone, and that was it. I wasn't going to kid myself any longer that he wanted to work on our marriage. The only reason I read his text was because the night before he snooped on my phone and got mad at me for me talking to a friend about not believing something he told me. So I went ahead and read his texts the next morning to get proof of what I believed to be true.0
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Divorced for a little over 5 yrs, with a year long relationship that ended this spring.I waited waaay to long to start dating- over three years. Met the boyfriend through our daughters.
OP- we live in the same city, so if I knew the kinds of things you're into I could make some suggestions?
Here is what I do right now: (although this does not necessarily equal many dates) Leave my house. Go to coffee. Pick strategic coffee shops ( now boycotting st. mark's).Make eye contact. Put phone away and read something they used to call "a book" because this can be a conversation starter, sometimes. "The book" is kinda for show, so read something that will connect to whoever you're looking for (I've read the first 4 pages of the prague cemetary 800 times). Look up from the book like it's so interesting that you need to look around and think about it. Make eye contact. Draw a picture. Read the book more. Make more eye contact. Repeat. Also, I really like meeting other women so any kind of conversation that happens out in the wild is a plus. Good luck- and let me know if I can help with ideas about places to go.0 -
Forever, sadly.
Social Anxiety gets worse every day as well. I'm sorry. I hope you are in a good therapy program. It will help immensely!
I might, if I even knew how to even go about it. Or the thought of talking to a professional didn't give me great anxiety. Part of that though may be figuring out how to pay for it since I don't have much extra cash.
It just kind stinks all around. I know I'm a good person and want to find someone to share a life with, but I just don't know if I'll ever be able to. Part of me even feels like the issues I do have, it wouldn't be fair to bring them into a relationship. Issues being the anxiety all around, the not being comfortable in my skin, etc.0 -
Had a few short term relationships, like < 6 months. But overall been single my whole life.
Hopefully my body image issues will be resolved from losing the weight which will result in more confidence and more relationships. Though that is a lot of 'ifs'0 -
Got out of a LTR almost 3 yrs ago. Just got an officail bf(been dating a couple of months) 3 weeks ago..... and he might not be around to much long :grumble:0
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Got out of a LTR almost 3 yrs ago. Just got an officail bf(been dating a couple of months) 3 weeks ago..... and he might not be around to much long :grumble:
WHY? Is it the kissing?0 -
Got out of a LTR almost 3 yrs ago. Just got an officail bf(been dating a couple of months) 3 weeks ago..... and he might not be around to much long :grumble:
WHY? Is it the kissing?
No I can get around that.. We havent been spending much time together lately and I'm starting to feel like he may like the Bf/GF label more then actually having one but I'm gonna talk with him about it and give it some time. If things continue this way I'll break it off.0 -
I spent most of my 20s in long term relationships, and then in my early 30s had a couple of really bad experiences that completely jaded me and turned me off dating. I've been basically single (outside sporadic periods of dating, nothing really going beyond a few dates) for around six years, and spent the time focusing on myself and my career. To that end, I've been successful. However, over the past year I realized that I did want to dip my toe back into the dating pool again. I met someone toward the end of the summer, and we've been exclusive for about six weeks. So far it's been going extremely well, but I do remain skeptical about it all until more time has passed. (It's bizarre to me that only a few months ago I didn't even know him and now he feels like such a huge part of my life.) I'm kind of in the "if it seems to good to be true, it probably is" phase right now, while still remaining cautiously optimistic.0
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Got out of a LTR almost 3 yrs ago. Just got an officail bf(been dating a couple of months) 3 weeks ago..... and he might not be around to much long :grumble:
WHY? Is it the kissing?
No I can get around that.. We havent been spending much time together lately and I'm starting to feel like he may like the Bf/GF label more then actually having one but I'm gonna talk with him about it and give it some time. If things continue this way I'll break it off.
Awwww, sorry to hear this Jen. I think a talk works wonders, so yeah, let him know how you're feeling :flowerforyou:0 -
Got out of a LTR almost 3 yrs ago. Just got an officail bf(been dating a couple of months) 3 weeks ago..... and he might not be around to much long :grumble:
WHY? Is it the kissing?
No I can get around that.. We havent been spending much time together lately and I'm starting to feel like he may like the Bf/GF label more then actually having one but I'm gonna talk with him about it and give it some time. If things continue this way I'll break it off.
Awwww, sorry to hear this Jen. I think a talk works wonders, so yeah, let him know how you're feeling :flowerforyou:
Well I know its been a long time since he has had a GF so maybe he forgot how it goes or something lol0
