I'm Fatter Than My Husband

JanieJack

Article below is from the same site as the "getting over someone" thread: http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/weight-gain-after-marriage?click=rel

One one hand, I'm glad the author wrote such an honest article. Just tonight, out to dinner with my coworkers I was asking the perpetual bachelor what it was about his fiance that caused him to finally marry. All he could talk about was how hot she is. OTOH, it hurts me to think that size 12 is "fat" and not a turn on. At my best weight I was a 10/12 (I'm short- 5'4") and I thought I looked really good.

What do you think?

edit: I removed the actual article because it was making me mad. But apparently I can't delete the whole thread.

JanieJack

Yikes!!! I just read the comments! They're more entertaining than the article!!

Carl01

OTOH, it hurts me to think that size 12 is "fat" and not a turn on. At my best weight I was a 10/12 (I'm short- 5'4") and I thought I looked really good.

What do you think?

How many times do I have to say that when I met you I thought you were tiny before you will believe me? </exasperation>

As far as the article,the lady has issues...it is sad and one hopes she does what is needed to fix them.

christine24t

I think it's hard because in society there are some shows with a fat guy and a skinny wife...According to Jim. King of Queens. But it is never the other way around...I think it is because generally speaking, a woman can love a man less physically attractive because she is more likely to see his personality. I used to work as a server and there were plenty of overweight men with thin wives. But not the other way around. I think men are more likely to leave a girl for gaining weight and for a girl to leave a man because he has gained weight.

Carl01

I think it's hard because in society there are some shows with a fat guy and a skinny wife...According to Jim. King of Queens. But it is never the other way around...I think it is because generally speaking, a woman can love a man less physically attractive because she is more likely to see his personality. I used to work as a server and there were plenty of overweight men with thin wives. But not the other way around. I think men are more likely to leave a girl for gaining weight and for a girl to leave a man because he has gained weight.

See,I look at that another way and maybe a gender bias.

To me it is saying that guys are ignorant oafs that could not find their way twice around a flag pole if not for the intelligent and strong woman that has taken pity on them.
The fat guy thing just reinforces what a dimwitted loser he is in life.

christine24t

I think it's hard because in society there are some shows with a fat guy and a skinny wife...According to Jim. King of Queens. But it is never the other way around...I think it is because generally speaking, a woman can love a man less physically attractive because she is more likely to see his personality. I used to work as a server and there were plenty of overweight men with thin wives. But not the other way around. I think men are more likely to leave a girl for gaining weight and for a girl to leave a man because he has gained weight.

See,I look at that another way and maybe a gender bias.

To me it is saying that guys are ignorant oafs that could not find their way twice around a flag pole if not for the intelligent and strong woman that has taken pity on them.
The fat guy thing just reinforces what a dimwitted loser he is in life.

Also a very valid point! Rings some truth.

JanieJack

OTOH, it hurts me to think that size 12 is "fat" and not a turn on. At my best weight I was a 10/12 (I'm short- 5'4") and I thought I looked really good.

What do you think?

How many times do I have to say that when I met you I thought you were tiny before you will believe me? </exasperation>

Carl, thank you but I am currently wearing clothes from Lane Bryant. By definition, if you are in 16s and shopping in the "big mama stores" you are not tiny. I am cute, sure. But not tiny.

Carl01

OTOH, it hurts me to think that size 12 is "fat" and not a turn on. At my best weight I was a 10/12 (I'm short- 5'4") and I thought I looked really good.

What do you think?

How many times do I have to say that when I met you I thought you were tiny before you will believe me? </exasperation>

Carl, thank you but I am currently wearing clothes from Lane Bryant. By definition, if you are in 16s and shopping in the "big mama stores" you are not tiny. I am cute, sure. But not tiny.

I don`t give a crap about numbers and I suspect almost no guys do.
I saw what I saw,don`t give a **** what some clothing store thinks.

TheKitsune6

OTOH, it hurts me to think that size 12 is "fat" and not a turn on. At my best weight I was a 10/12 (I'm short- 5'4") and I thought I looked really good.

What do you think?

How many times do I have to say that when I met you I thought you were tiny before you will believe me? </exasperation>

Carl, thank you but I am currently wearing clothes from Lane Bryant. By definition, if you are in 16s and shopping in the "big mama stores" you are not tiny. I am cute, sure. But not tiny.

I don`t give a crap about numbers and I suspect almost no guys do.
I saw what I saw,don`t give a **** what some clothing store thinks.

I agree with Carl Janie. I think you are waaaay too hung up on numbers and what a few dolts have said to you. You don't look big in any of your pictures, and you are so gorgeous.

But yes, there is SitCom go-to of fat, stupid, funny husband with thin, hot, (most of the times) b*tchy wife... I think the lesson there is that if you are a rotten b*tch you're gonna end up with a fat, stupid husband, and if you are fat and stupid you'll have a hot b*tchy wife. However in reality people tend to end up more with people that are in the same "league", or that they perceive to be on the same level. But the level is determined by a myriad of things - intellect, appearance, personality, income, power, etc.

meshashesha2012

i have never ever met a guy i was flirting with or dating who gave a crap about what size i wore or even my actual weight and i seriously doubt any straight guy would (unless he's some type of diva dude). most straight guys just seem to be thankful i have bootie, tig ole bitties and not trying to fleece him for all his hard earned $$ :laugh:

pa_jorg

OTOH, it hurts me to think that size 12 is "fat" and not a turn on. At my best weight I was a 10/12 (I'm short- 5'4") and I thought I looked really good.

What do you think?

How many times do I have to say that when I met you I thought you were tiny before you will believe me? </exasperation>

Carl, thank you but I am currently wearing clothes from Lane Bryant. By definition, if you are in 16s and shopping in the "big mama stores" you are not tiny. I am cute, sure. But not tiny.

I don`t give a crap about numbers and I suspect almost no guys do.
I saw what I saw,don`t give a **** what some clothing store thinks.

I agree with Carl Janie. I think you are waaaay too hung up on numbers and what a few dolts have said to you. You don't look big in any of your pictures, and you are so gorgeous.

I have to agree with Carl & Kit here. Be as big or as small as you are comfortable and healthy being...but even that won't help if you can't get over what a few jerks from online dating once said or the label on your clothes.

MikeM53082

I think the lesson there is that if you are a rotten b*tch you're gonna end up with a fat, stupid husband, and if you are fat and stupid you'll have a hot b*tchy wife.

I'm OK with that.

Nerdy_Rose

Sizes are meaningless, and it seems to me this thread and the article are more about female perception and self perception than male perception. At my heaviest, when I was full of self-hatred, I know for a fact of men who thought I was stunning. *Shrug*

JanieJack

OTOH, it hurts me to think that size 12 is "fat" and not a turn on. At my best weight I was a 10/12 (I'm short- 5'4") and I thought I looked really good.

What do you think?

How many times do I have to say that when I met you I thought you were tiny before you will believe me? </exasperation>

Carl, thank you but I am currently wearing clothes from Lane Bryant. By definition, if you are in 16s and shopping in the "big mama stores" you are not tiny. I am cute, sure. But not tiny.

I don`t give a crap about numbers and I suspect almost no guys do.
I saw what I saw,don`t give a **** what some clothing store thinks.

I agree with Carl Janie. I think you are waaaay too hung up on numbers and what a few dolts have said to you. You don't look big in any of your pictures, and you are so gorgeous.

I have to agree with Carl & Kit here. Be as big or as small as you are comfortable and healthy being...but even that won't help if you can't get over what a few jerks from online dating once said or the label on your clothes.

You guys are so sweet. I guess I'm just really frustrated with my weight. I've been in the 180s since I came back from that Italy/Germany trip back in Aug. It especially hurts when I look at pics of me an BB (he's an XXL) and I'm just as broad shouldered as he is. I'm doing the Tough Mudder this weekend, and I'm already steeling myself not to cry if I don't fit in the women's finisher gear (I usually don't- I can't fit in my marathon shirts- size XL!!).

Carl01

OTOH, it hurts me to think that size 12 is "fat" and not a turn on. At my best weight I was a 10/12 (I'm short- 5'4") and I thought I looked really good.

What do you think?

How many times do I have to say that when I met you I thought you were tiny before you will believe me? </exasperation>

Carl, thank you but I am currently wearing clothes from Lane Bryant. By definition, if you are in 16s and shopping in the "big mama stores" you are not tiny. I am cute, sure. But not tiny.

I don`t give a crap about numbers and I suspect almost no guys do.
I saw what I saw,don`t give a **** what some clothing store thinks.

I agree with Carl Janie. I think you are waaaay too hung up on numbers and what a few dolts have said to you. You don't look big in any of your pictures, and you are so gorgeous.

I have to agree with Carl & Kit here. Be as big or as small as you are comfortable and healthy being...but even that won't help if you can't get over what a few jerks from online dating once said or the label on your clothes.

You guys are so sweet. I guess I'm just really frustrated with my weight. I've been in the 180s since I came back from that Italy/Germany trip back in Aug. It especially hurts when I look at pics of me an BB (he's an XXL) and I'm just as broad shouldered as he is. I'm doing the Tough Mudder this weekend, and I'm already steeling myself not to cry if I don't fit in the women's finisher gear (I usually don't- I can't fit in my marathon shirts- size XL!!).

Does he care?

lacroyx

OTOH, it hurts me to think that size 12 is "fat" and not a turn on. At my best weight I was a 10/12 (I'm short- 5'4") and I thought I looked really good.

What do you think?

How many times do I have to say that when I met you I thought you were tiny before you will believe me? </exasperation>

Carl, thank you but I am currently wearing clothes from Lane Bryant. By definition, if you are in 16s and shopping in the "big mama stores" you are not tiny. I am cute, sure. But not tiny.

I don`t give a crap about numbers and I suspect almost no guys do.
I saw what I saw,don`t give a **** what some clothing store thinks.

I agree with Carl Janie. I think you are waaaay too hung up on numbers and what a few dolts have said to you. You don't look big in any of your pictures, and you are so gorgeous.

I have to agree with Carl & Kit here. Be as big or as small as you are comfortable and healthy being...but even that won't help if you can't get over what a few jerks from online dating once said or the label on your clothes.

You guys are so sweet. I guess I'm just really frustrated with my weight. I've been in the 180s since I came back from that Italy/Germany trip back in Aug. It especially hurts when I look at pics of me an BB (he's an XXL) and I'm just as broad shouldered as he is. I'm doing the Tough Mudder this weekend, and I'm already steeling myself not to cry if I don't fit in the women's finisher gear (I usually don't- I can't fit in my marathon shirts- size XL!!).

Does he care?

I get where Janie is coming from. Because I'm so tall, I have to shop for Big & Tall sizes and they aren't always the most flattering of wear. I can fit into some non Big & Tall 2XL but it'll look too small on me. I'd have to get a 1-2 XLT , or go up a size with a 3XL. However when I do that, 99% of the time, it's too big and frumpy looking. I know I will have this problem even when I reach my goal weight. Does it bug me? Sometimes. There will always be certain brands and/or styles I will never be able to pull off because they won't make them for my size, or in this case height, and I don't care. The sizing label on clothes does not define me and it shouldn't for you either. :flowerforyou:

christine24t

Janie, I absolutely get where you are coming from. Traditionally men are supposed to be the bigger one in the relationship, and I understand it would be disappointing to see a photo of you and BB and your shoulders are the same size as his. I don't think men understand that feeling. A lot of men are comfortable dating women taller than them, but women usually balk at dating men shorter than them.

You are hot though and I think you look feminine to me! But I get that sometimes what you have isn't enough. I'll never be the petite girl wearing a cute wedding dress standing next to a man that in comparison to me looks like a giant. Am I sad about that? Kinda. But I am trying to accept that and adjust my reality.

Carl01

Janie, I absolutely get where you are coming from. Traditionally men are supposed to be the bigger one in the relationship, and I understand it would be disappointing to see a photo of you and BB and your shoulders are the same size as his. I don't think men understand that feeling. A lot of men are comfortable dating women taller than them, but women usually balk at dating men shorter than them.

You are hot though and I think you look feminine to me! But I get that sometimes what you have isn't enough. I'll never be the petite girl wearing a cute wedding dress standing next to a man that in comparison to me looks like a giant. Am I sad about that? Kinda. But I am trying to accept that and adjust my reality.

Janie is neither tall nor is she big,I am at least 4 inches taller then her and am average height.
She is not some amazon woman.

Edited to add...



I am by no measure a big guy....does this look like a large woman with me?

AnnaPixie

TBH I dont even think this couple should be married!!!!

Since getting married, I've exercised less and drank more — mostly to soothe the demands of my job, but also to hush the bouts of thunderous monotony that come with marriage.Kill a bottle of wine with dinner a few times a week and the calories add up.

Really?? I was cohabiting for 12 years and never felt monotony! If I did get bored I got my *kitten* out, or we both DID something!

And I certainly never felt I needed to hit the bottle!! :noway:

In bed, my husband, rock-star lean at 155 pounds,

Do men actually weigh this little??? Gerard Butler weighs 190lbs :bigsmile:

"Babe, you still turn me on. But I need something more to get me going." His blunt comment really hurt — because he was right.

WTF??? She's only put on 25lbs??? That's like a piss in an ocean!!! Just because he's got no meat on HIS freaking skinny body he thinks everyone should be like a stick?? How can a man talk to his wife like this?? What's gonna happen when she's carrying a baby??

This kind of man, that bases his whole existence on looks, makes me sick! :sick: :grumble: ADVICE?? DON'T marry one of those!

"Damn, you were hot," he gushed. "If you looked like this, we'd have 10 kids by now."

I have no more words....................:explode:

No wonder this woman has 'issues'!!!

shammxo

This woman's husband sounds like a real ****.

"If you looked like this, we'd have 10 kids by now" "Babe, you still turn me on. But I need something more to get me going."

Seriously? Never, under any circumstances is that how you should approach that topic. And then she gets into the mindset that he is right! I think that's the most upsetting thing of all. Sure, he apologized and admitted that it wasn't just her who "let herself go". But that doesn't make that statement any less damaging. It's stuff like that that you can never take back or repair, and even if she loses weight she could still have that thought in the back of her mind. "Am I good enough?". To me it seems more likely than not that there is going to be a lot of resent building up for him on her part. There are some things that you just don't say to a woman...

I understand the feeling big and bulky thing. EVERYONE can feel that way. And I'm 5'4 & 130 pounds & 20% BF which I know isn't big but it isn't tiny, either. I'm still seeing this guy and he is 5'8, ~123 pounds & I don't think he has an ounce of fat on his body. I'll see pictures of us together and feel like a giant, and I don't even want to THINK about how I look naked compared to him. But the thing is that I don't think this thought ever crosses his mind.

& Janie, I don't think it crosses BB's mind either. You are GORGEOUS! As women, I think that we find things about ourselves that we don't like or obsess over that most men don't and won't notice. (with the exception of the man in the article and some of our loving men in this group)
Aaaaand MOST men don't give a **** about what size your pants are. What do they even know about how big our pants are? I doubt that they even know what those numbers mean.

Anyway, this article has me all fired up. This woman needs to grow a pair and realize that it's not okay to be spoken to like that.

jenbit

This whole topic made my brain hurt :grumble:

Danielle_2013

Yes...I agree the topic is frustrating.

For Janie..and all the other tall or short, large framed, wide shouldered women....
I am only 5'8 and my goal weight is about 175-180. A size 12 is probably a possibility for me. I am nowhere near that yet!
In order for me to lose what I have and to continue to my goal, the first thing I had to do was come to terms with my body.. I will never be a size 6. I will never be short and tiny. But there is such beauty in being strong, capable, broad and well proportioned. Our bigger bodies can do things! We have incredible stength, stamina, and I am willing to bet you tend to be ridiculously healthy as well. We can lift stuff. We can build muscle. We will probably not ever have brittle bones!

The right men don't care if your pants are a 16. They don't notice that bit you haven't lost yet. They don't wonder how much you weigh. The keepers care that you are happy, fulfilled and confident. That you take care of yourself and celebrate your own unique strengths. Plus size, larger or not...this isn't about "fat acceptance"...it is just about coming to terms with people coming in different sized packages..and finding that all of them really are beautiful.

Carl01

Okay a few rambling thoughts...

I don`t remember if the entire article was posted here or snippets of it but have now read it in entirety.

My original take of the woman having issues was due to skimming what was in the op too much because

A) Had a few beers.

A gender bias I acknowledge

C) An irritation that a lady I have met and found to be exquisitely lovely as well as very sweet and real was ragging on herself once again.
It bothers me a lot when you do that Janie because it is so very not true. :flowerforyou:

Anyways,the guy is clearly and indisputably a douche,no one that cares about a person would say those things if he was decent.

The woman still though is not without question,as pointed out rationalizing drinking a bottle of wine as a way of dealing with boredom in marriage is not a sign of maturity.

My guess is that it is two people that did the 20 ish thing of thinking marriage was a nothing,just another phase of dating and the reality of what it truly means caught up with them.
Neither is happy so now those frustrations have devolved into sniping and nit picking with the intent to deflect blame from a bad choice mutually made.

Danielle_2013

And for the record...Janie..you are stunning.


Oh, and I am not generally attracted to men under 200lbs.

Carl01

And for the record...Janie..you are stunning.


Oh, and I am not generally attracted to men under 200lbs.

:grumble:

lacroyx

And for the record...Janie..you are stunning.


Oh, and I am not generally attracted to men under 200lbs.

:grumble:

:smooched:

Carl01

And for the record...Janie..you are stunning.


Oh, and I am not generally attracted to men under 200lbs.

:grumble:

:smooched:

:blushing:

AnnaPixie

You guys!....:laugh:

meshashesha2012

after seeing that picture, janie you're tripping :laugh:

JanieJack

But there is such beauty in being strong, capable, broad and well proportioned. Our bigger bodies can do things! We have incredible stength, stamina, and I am willing to bet you tend to be ridiculously healthy as well. We can lift stuff. We can build muscle. We will probably not ever have brittle bones!

This is sooooo true. I went through that Tough Mudder today, and aside from some challenges that I couldn't reach because of my height (so my team had to help me through) I totally killed it. Yeah BABY!

Your comment reminds me of several of the vegan girls in my milk co-op. These ladies are incredibly petite, and often implied (though never said directly) that if I would stop eating meat I, too, would be slim like them. I never liked the "spacey" aura they had about them, but they were so darn cute!! One day no men were there to help us with the milk I had just picked up from the farm. The ladies couldn't budge the large cooler filled with 12 gallons of milk and packed with ice. They were shocked that I was able to lift the cooler out of my truck and onto the porch.

II walked away from that thankful that even though I wasn't as thin as them, I also wasn't as weak as them.

The right men don't care if your pants are a 16.

You're right about that. I was mortified today to be 30lbs heavier than the other two girls in our team (I know this because we shared weights when trying to figure out who to carry). I was especially embarrassed when the two tough guys in our group really struggled to lift me over the berlin walls. Yet both of the guys continually hugged me and flirted with me. Several other guys there flirted with me too, which totally threw me off guard.

It made me wonder how come it's so easy to believe the negative things people tell us rather than the positive things people tell us. What I mean is, just as many people tell me I'm hot as tell me I'm fat. When a man tells me I'm too big (or what I often got from Match: I thought you'd be a lot smaller), I accept it as gospel truth. Yet when someone tells me I'm beautiful/great shape, I instantly think "Oh, they're just being nice" or, "Oh, he doesn't realize I'm doing the slimming 'model pose' for that picture," or "Oh, he's just trying to get in my pants." Why not just believe that I'm one of those non-barbie types that is also beautiful? Isn't it just as easy to believe one frame as it is to believe the other?

laurenz2501

I think the lesson there is that if you are a rotten b*tch you're gonna end up with a fat, stupid husband, and if you are fat and stupid you'll have a hot b*tchy wife.

I'm OK with that.

Exactly. Proves my point. Guys just want a trophy. Period.