what do you do when

4themoney

someone blows you off?

do you just move on or do you contact them?

do you feel better if you do one vs. the other?

if that person contacts you again afterwards do you talk to them?

i'm curious. :-) i don't have any single friends in real life that i can ask these kinds of questions.

thanks!

Lift_This_

love reading your topics....


i am in the same boat...really don't have any single friends to ask, and family isn't a big help either.

i was blown off twice by a guy about a month ago...yet he contacted me afterwards to apologize, i finally caught on to him when he did it to me a third time, and he didn't contact me after that.

it depends on the situation. i would move on, but then would want to contact them. i think i might feel better if i knew what was going on, and why i was being blown off...but then again i don't in case he comes back with "oh, i was out with so and so."

i wear my heart on my sleeve, which i shouldn't...lol...but if they contact me after a blow off, i do talk to them...i feel like there maybe some hope...but then my heart and dreams just end up being crushed.

La_Amazona

If I was really into the guy I'd fish one more time. This would be mainly for ME. I'll explain. Since I was into him, naturally I am upset he blew me off. So I'll throw out bait to be harsh on myself and for it to be clear to ME, that this guy whom I had a great "connection" with, who was into me at first BLEW me off. He lost interest and poofed on me. So this last try is confirmation to myself that the guy is not interested nor does he even care to let me know.

Once that clicks, I swear... Something goes off in me that turns it around from "that sucks that he blew me off" to "f&ck him, his loss".

Again, this is when I was really into the guy (doesn't happen often). If I wasn't crazy about I just move on.

Lift_This_

If I was really into the guy I'd fish one more time. This would be mainly for ME. I'll explain. Since I was into him, naturally I am upset he blew me off. So I'll throw out bait to be harsh on myself and for it to be clear to ME, that this guy whom I had a great "connection" with, who was into me at first BLEW me off. He lost interest and poofed on me. So this last try is confirmation to myself that the guy is not interested nor does he even care to let me know.

Once that clicks, I swear... Something goes off in me that turns it around from "that sucks that he blew me off" to "f&ck him, his loss".

Again, this is when I was really into the guy (doesn't happen often). If I wasn't crazy about I just move on.

i always say "**** him, his loss." i am a very genuine person and if he doesn't like that, then move along...but then again its hard for me to say do that...i mean i really like that person for some reason, but yet they didn't seem to like me.

BigBrewski

Me personally i give them a chance to explain an weigh their excuse. I always give everyone a second chance to a fault

MikeM53082

someone blows you off?

do you just move on or do you contact them?

do you feel better if you do one vs. the other?

if that person contacts you again afterwards do you talk to them?

i'm curious. :-) i don't have any single friends in real life that i can ask these kinds of questions.

thanks!

You know if you contact them (either phone call or text) and they don't return your message in 24 hours. I don't care how busy you are, everyone has 10 seconds to text someone back.

If they blow you off, don't bother contacting them, you'll just pester them and make yourself look silly.

If he contacts *you* after he blows *you* off initially, it's totally up to you. No one should give you a specific yes or no answer here, it all depends on how you feel about him.

4themoney

oh i was just looking for what other people do. not what i SHOULD do.

i don't contact. you blow me off, i don't contact you. i don't call and say " where are you?" or "where were you?" of " what happened?" i just let it be. i WILL typically give someone three strikes and then you're done........ that's about it though :-)

i was just wondering what others do.

this guy, i don't really know him. i mean, i was into him, but only knew him for a week. so, it's not like we had some crazy connection. i had hoped we would though ;-)

i was also starting to wonder if maybe i was going about getting blown off wrong. like somehow doing myself a disservice by not being a jerk about it all

that's all :-)

thanks!

DMZ_1

You know if you contact them (either phone call or text) and they don't return your message in 24 hours. I don't care how busy you are, everyone has 10 seconds to text someone back.

If they blow you off, don't bother contacting them, you'll just pester them and make yourself look silly.

If he contacts *you* after he blows *you* off initially, it's totally up to you. No one should give you a specific yes or no answer here, it all depends on how you feel about him.

Yes, this is a good course of action and said well.

If someone breaks a date early on, that's a major party foul. If they have a good explanation and they offer to re-schedule and perhaps do some of the planning for the re-schedule, that will usually be acceptable. But the onus is on them to do the work to make the date happen.

MikeM53082

oh i was just looking for what other people do. not what i SHOULD do.

i don't contact. you blow me off, i don't contact you. i don't call and say " where are you?" or "where were you?" of " what happened?" i just let it be. i WILL typically give someone three strikes and then you're done........ that's about it though :-)

i was just wondering what others do.

this guy, i don't really know him. i mean, i was into him, but only knew him for a week. so, it's not like we had some crazy connection. i had hoped we would though ;-)

i was also starting to wonder if maybe i was going about getting blown off wrong. like somehow doing myself a disservice by not being a jerk about it all

that's all :-)

thanks!

I'd generally follow the advice that I gave,

I've taken people back after they blown me off before. I remember I went on 2 dates with a girl and all of a sudden she "pulled a Houdini" on me. She contacted me weeks (I think it was over a month) later and we ended up going out a couple more times. We got to know each other better and realized we were never meant to be.

So yes, I've taken people back after they blown me off.

4themoney

have you ever asked someone why they pulled a houdini?

i always wonder what i did or said or didn't do or didn't say, but i've never asked. i often wonder what would happen if i did........

MikeM53082

have you ever asked someone why they pulled a houdini?

i always wonder what i did or said or didn't do or didn't say, but i've never asked. i often wonder what would happen if i did........

The girl who did it to me said that she reconnected with someone else.

I initially felt bad because I felt like the second choice. But, I sucked it up anyway and pretended that your post- poof date was kind of like a first date.

I think when people poof they usually met someone else.

4themoney

so, you did ask???

JanieJack

I asked one guy when I ran into him a month later. He said he'd wished we could have gone out again. I asked him why he poofed on me (twice) if he really felt that way...did I give him the wrong signals? He said I gave all the right signals but he felt inadequate for me (I was higher rank, more accomplished). I told him I didn't care about all that, but by then I was dating BB so it doesn't matter anyway.

I asked another guy, who poofed on me and then came back into my life as a friend months later. He told me the reason he poofed the first time is because I wasn't sexy enough.

SmileeBarbFLA

I agree it depends on the situation and the person but also, it takes a few seconds to send a text & say "hey XYZ xame up, I'll be busy next weekend with so & so" or whatever. At least I know that is what I'd do if I was interested in someone so they'd know I am interested & not just blowing them off. Life happens, people have demanding jobs, family, kids. Hopefully people understand that. But I live by the "treat people the way I want to be treated" mentality, not everyone else does.

Years ago there was a very popular book that came out, "He's Just Not That Into You". I highly recommend it as it really helped me understand & changed my views on what men do & answered a ton of previous questions I had always pondered. When a guy is interested, he's interested. There are usually no if's and's or but's. But when he isn't interested, he puts minimal effort in, doesn't give a darn one way or the other. Will make plans last minute, if nothing better is going on. A guy that is interested will make plans way ahead of time, he wants to look forward to seeing you and he also wants to know you've secured time with him, not someone else. If there are always so many questions, does he like me? Does he this? Does he that, it just isn't right. When it's the right person & feelings are mutual things just flow more naturally and all those what ifs just aren't there.

Also, I've realized, the hard way, that when a guy kinda just poof! disappears there's a reason. When it comes to dating sites, I always figure hey, he met someone else and is investing time in them. Once again, unless, he has the courtesy to say hey, I've got ___ going on. It kinda pissed me off at first and I was insulted, then I was like oh well, their loss! And I move on.

4themoney

i read that book too, and that's kinda how i've always gauged things.

this guy, that blew me off tonight. was putting tons of time in. hours on the phone, and he wanted to meet monday night and i suggested sunday, his response was " how about sunday AND monday?" this was friday. he came over friday night and when he left things seemed normal/ ok.

he worked all day saturday, and texted me when he got home.
this morning, he told me he'd text me when he dropped his boys off, before he came over and that was it. never heard from him. he never showed up. i signed into match.com and he was online.

so, he appeared interested! apparently he wasn't though. or, he found someone else to talk to.

JanieJack

A guy that is interested will make plans way ahead of time, he wants to look forward to seeing you and he also wants to know you've secured time with him, not someone else.

This is soooooo true! For 4 months (until I moved) BB never finished a date without already setting up the next one.

JanieJack

he appeared interested! apparently he wasn't though. or, he found someone else to talk to.

Actually, since he did showed up out of the blue Friday instead of setting a firm date it seems to me that he was not all THAT invested. You're right that guys talking on the phone is usually a good sign, but I've had them poof even after hours on the phone. Could be they were bored at work, or driving on a long drive and just needed someone to talk to, or they were genuinely liking me but then something turned them off (like me not wanting to have kids). IDK what it is in your situation, but I say cut your losses and be grateful that you haven't invested much time in him.

You deserve better. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

SmileeBarbFLA

i read that book too, and that's kinda how i've always gauged things.

this guy, that blew me off tonight. was putting tons of time in. hours on the phone, and he wanted to meet monday night and i suggested sunday, his response was " how about sunday AND monday?" this was friday. he came over friday night and when he left things seemed normal/ ok.

he worked all day saturday, and texted me when he got home.
this morning, he told me he'd text me when he dropped his boys off, before he came over and that was it. never heard from him. he never showed up. i signed into match.com and he was online.

so, he appeared interested! apparently he wasn't though. or, he found someone else to talk to.

This is the kind of stuff that used to infuriate me until I developed my "whatever" attitude. When they DO invest a lot of time, talking, texting etc, then they just don't show up or call or whatever, ugh that makes me soooooooo mad. Like WHY? Why spend the time chatting, making plans, etc to just not follow through. I totally used to stew over it like you are again, until I developed my current attitude. I am so over that childish behavior. Either you are interested or not. We are adults, don't play stupid mind games. I am an understanding person but to what extreme is there always something else going on? And then not to call or show, TOTALLY rude & disrespectful to you, someone he supposedly likes and is trying to get to know. Unacceptable. Would he like that done to him, doubt it. I'd rather be alone than deal with that crap. Because when the right person does come along, to date, get serious with, whatever it is you are both looking for, all this back and forth junk will not be there. I also try to step out of the situation and look at it as an outsider. Listen to your situation as if it were happening to a friend and look at it from that perspective, what advice you'd give a friend, take it yourself.

4themoney

thank you.
friday night was actually one of those nights that thankfully worked out. we BOTH had our kids this weekend. and his daughter had to work. so, it was a matter of all of the cards falling in the right places. but, they did. so, he came over. and it really did seem like it went ok...... when he left i didn't think anything was up.

all i can guess is that something went down or i said something or did something or didn't say, or do, something. ya know? but, yeah, since not much time was invested its not like i can really CARE that much, LOL!!!!

i guess i have to be even picker now ;-)

Actually, since he did showed up out of the blue Friday instead of setting a firm date it seems to me that he was not all THAT invested. You're right that guys talking on the phone is usually a good sign, but I've had them poof even after hours on the phone. Could be they were bored at work, or driving on a long drive and just needed someone to talk to, or they were genuinely liking me but then something turned them off (like me not wanting to have kids). IDK what it is in your situation, but I say cut your losses and be grateful that you haven't invested much time in him.

You deserve better. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

marvelprime

someone blows you off?

It depends on the circumstance. Some of my friends are "text ignorers". It annoys the living hell out of me, but some people find this socially acceptable. As far as dating goes, it's just a complete attraction killer. It displays lack of interest.

do you just move on or do you contact them?

I will give someone a benefit of the doubt a couple of times. In regards to relationships, after someone keeps repeating same pattern of flaking out or not responding, I move on. With some of my female friends, I try not to take it personal...after all I'm not the boyfriend or fwb.

do you feel better if you do one vs. the other?

I feel better when I communicate to people what is going on, I feel it's an issue of respect to actually respond.

if that person contacts you again afterwards do you talk to them?

I'd respond since I don't break my own standards just because someone else has different ones.

i'm curious. :-) i don't have any single friends in real life that i can ask these kinds of questions.

thanks!

Don't know if it helps, but that's my opin LOL

meshashesha2012

assuming we are talking about dating?

someone blows you off?

i move on. even if i am really into them or interested in what happened.

if that person contacts you again afterwards do you talk to them?

this has happened to me a few times. the worse was a a guy i had been dating for several months. one day he just disappeared and never called me back. it hurt like heck at first but i got over it. a year later he reached out to me and was like "hi how's it going". "breaking up with you was a mistake. can we meet up again?"

needless to say the lack of trust on my part plus the fact that i had moved on emotionally was enough to make me not interested to go back and revisit the past.

being blown off is a BIG issue for me because i've faced similar issues in my family life. so if someone blows me off once they dont get a second chance

La_Amazona

Just speaking from experience....

I have noticed when I do the hanging out at each others places early on, I turn into hang out girl or vice versa instead of take out on dates girl. I will wait until 3rd date to go to a guys house and only if it's because he specifically invited me over for dinner, not to just hang out.
I know kids might make it harder but this has been my personal experience.

4themoney

yeah, i don't want to be the "hang out girl." LOL!!
we both really wanted to see one another since it had been almost a week. we did have two dates before that where we went out. it would have been a whole nother week if he hadn't come over. during the week, when i'm kid free he has his kids. so, every other weekend would have been it. and while i would be ok with that, it appears most guys don't want to wait 2 weeks between dates :-)



he ended up texting me just now. that he fell asleep earlier and just woke up. basically saying he slept for the past 7 hrs........ not to mention i saw he was ONLINE on match.com, LOL!!!! apparently i must look like an idiot :-/

christine24t

I wouldn't contact them. I would just figure they didn't want to talk to me and move on.

ETA - I might be very curious as to why, but I wouldn't ask them why or beg for them back.

julesboots

yeah, i don't want to be the "hang out girl." LOL!!
we both really wanted to see one another since it had been almost a week. we did have two dates before that where we went out. it would have been a whole nother week if he hadn't come over. during the week, when i'm kid free he has his kids. so, every other weekend would have been it. and while i would be ok with that, it appears most guys don't want to wait 2 weeks between dates :-)



he ended up texting me just now. that he fell asleep earlier and just woke up. basically saying he slept for the past 7 hrs........ not to mention i saw he was ONLINE on match.com, LOL!!!! apparently i must look like an idiot :-/

He completely sucks .It's one thing to blow somebody off because you don't have the balls to tell express that your feelings have changed, but it's another to try to effing lie and string somebody along as an option. Gross- hate him for you.

Also, sleep is one of my biggest pet peeves are far as excuses. Even if you didn't know he was online, it would still be a very lame excuse.

Awkward30

I think of the beginning part of talking to someone knew as a time when I'm seeing if they'll be able to be what I'm looking for. Part of what I'm looking for is a reasonable reply time and signs that he wants to talk to me more. If that doesn't happen, I walk away. I don't really know what you mean by blow off, but I will easily walk away from something if I don't think it's what I want.

AnnaPixie

I always give the benefit of the doubt. People aren't robots, they *kitten* up pretty regularly!! Life would be sooooo boring if everyone was perfect and did exactly what you wanted them to do !! :flowerforyou:

lniffa

someone blows you off?

do you just move on or do you contact them?

do you feel better if you do one vs. the other?

if that person contacts you again afterwards do you talk to them?

i'm curious. :-) i don't have any single friends in real life that i can ask these kinds of questions.

thanks!

You know if you contact them (either phone call or text) and they don't return your message in 24 hours. I don't care how busy you are, everyone has 10 seconds to text someone back.

If they blow you off, don't bother contacting them, you'll just pester them and make yourself look silly.

If he contacts *you* after he blows *you* off initially, it's totally up to you. No one should give you a specific yes or no answer here, it all depends on how you feel about him.

I agree with this and no second chances are given.

afv417

I enjoy your threads! Thanks!


You're not that invested which definitely helps with making a clear decision to try again or keep moving. I am seeing someone now too and he's on the online dating site everyday! However, he calls me every night and we see eachother every weekend! Don't get it... :-/ It's been 2 months. Avoid that if you can... I'm still trying to figure things out.

RunIntheMud

someone blows you off?
I used to let it get to me if someone blew me off, but now I consider it his loss.

do you just move on or do you contact them?
If it was a man I felt a good connection with, I would contact him one more time. But, other than that, I move on.

do you feel better if you do one vs. the other?
No, I used to let it get me down, but I've realized there are bigger things to worry about and that relationships shouldn't be forced.

if that person contacts you again afterwards do you talk to them?
This has happened quite a few times....where a guy has dropped off the planet for a couple weeks and then sends a text. If he's someone that I'd be interested in keeping as a friend, I'll send him a friendly text in reply, but nothing flirty. If he attempts to start flirtiing again, I'll play it by ear.

farmers_daughter

have you ever asked someone why they pulled a houdini?

i always wonder what i did or said or didn't do or didn't say, but i've never asked. i often wonder what would happen if i did........

Yep - if I feel like I might get an answer, then I'll ask, I usually ask them what they didn't like, not that I'm going to necessarily change that for them, but just out of pure curiosity.

I love the ones that try to turn it around on me and say...."You stopped talking". When it feels like they have stopped talking to me I send one last message that says something like "hey, I sense some distance between us, is this something you'd like to discuss?"
If they don't respond then I get the hint - they aren't worth my time. ha ha ha