Alone at Christmas
Bassafrass80
Posts: 69 Member
So Single Peeps, I have a question. I have recently started dating this man whom I've fallen pretty hard for and he has fallen pretty hard for me. He has just recently moved up to Michigan from SC. All his family and friends are in SC. He had originally planned on going down to visit his family for Christmas, however due to his work schedule and new job, etc...he cannot. He has told me that he plans on just sitting home on Christmas. I will be heading out to my familys for a day of fun and festivity. I can't imagine him sitting alone on Christmas. However herein lies the problem. I'm a single mom. By Christmas we will have only been together a month. I'm not really ready to have him meet my daughter yet. I'm not really sure what to do and it's breaking my heart to imagine the man I truly care about sitting home all alone on Christmas. Any advice?
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Well, in most of (Catholic?) Europe, Christmas is celebrated on the 24th of December. Why can't you have Christmas one day sooner or one day later for him? I suppose one day later will make it easier to arrange a babysitter. Leave your child with the parents, etc.
Tell him the 26th will be the 25th, and invite him over for a nice dinner, exchange presents, etc., etc. You can buy a DVD of the Grinch and drink eggnog, etc.
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So Single Peeps, I have a question. I have recently started dating this man whom I've fallen pretty hard for and he has fallen pretty hard for me. He has just recently moved up to Michigan from SC. All his family and friends are in SC. He had originally planned on going down to visit his family for Christmas, however due to his work schedule and new job, etc...he cannot. He has told me that he plans on just sitting home on Christmas. I will be heading out to my familys for a day of fun and festivity. I can't imagine him sitting alone on Christmas. However herein lies the problem. I'm a single mom. By Christmas we will have only been together a month. I'm not really ready to have him meet my daughter yet. I'm not really sure what to do and it's breaking my heart to imagine the man I truly care about sitting home all alone on Christmas. Any advice?
Xmas on your own isn't so bad. In fact, I'm enjoying the prospect of doing exactly that this year. It's just a day!! No need to tear your heart out. He's a big boy now!
OTOH, if I had a family to visit, I'd bring him. It's a time for sharing. You could just introduce him as a friend? But then, he might not want that.........perhaps ask him how he feels about it? :flowerforyou:0 -
I am sorry to say but being single and new in a town at Christmas almost always means you are going to spend it alone. Maybe you can plan something for Christmas night? I know for me that most our Christmas family stuff is usually done by 5 or 6 pm.0
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I'd say invite him over after your daughter goes to sleep. Christmas memories are something for you and your daughter to share. While I understand where your heart is, you need to think of your daughter first in this case.0
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I actually think I would take him. I would tell your family and daughter that he is friend that isn't able to be with his family on Chistmas, the truth. I would act friendly with him and enjoy- just don't get caught kissing under the misletoe!0
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Most single people know that only a month into a relationship is not the time to be meeting family members.
If you are single or in a relationship of less than about 6 months or so, and you are not geographically close to family, a common and reasonable expectation is that you'll be spending a major holiday with either friends or alone.
The Nov-Dec holidays were not designed with single people, or people in newer relationships in mind.
If where you are is a significant metropolitan area, perhaps your guy could go to a Meetup event that day. Many Meetup groups have events on big holidays and attendees are typically singles, new transplants to an area or those who can't make it to see family due to geographical/work constraints. That also can be a good opportunity to make new friends.0 -
Well, on the one hand I think .. dude, the guy moved to Michigan to be with you! Take him to meet your family! The other part of me says .. he knew what he was getting into when he moved to Michigan after only being with you for a month. But then again, I am assuming he moved to Michigan to be with you.
I would say if you aren't comfortable bringing him home to meet the family, plan something with him for later in the day. He may not feel comfortable going to meet your family either.0 -
I actually think I would take him. I would tell your family and daughter that he is friend that isn't able to be with his family on Chistmas, the truth. I would act friendly with him and enjoy- just don't get caught kissing under the misletoe!
I would be reluctant to do this. I would feel like I was lying to my kids, which I'd never do. My 11-year old daughter, especially, would start to ask questions. And then what do I say?
I'm incredibly protective about the kids. I doubt I would allow anyone I'm dating to meet them until I'm relatively confident things are going to work out. And even then, I'd ease her into the family picture.
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By Christmas you will have only been together a month? Christmas is three weeks away, are you saying you've been together for a week? Hopefully you dated for a while before you were "together" or else this is pretty much a non-issue.
I mean it's normal for you to not want someone you care about to be alone on Christmas, but I'm sure he is a big boy and will be able to take care of himself. Christmas is about spending time with your family, not someone you've been dating for a week.0 -
I actually think I would take him. I would tell your family and daughter that he is friend that isn't able to be with his family on Chistmas, the truth. I would act friendly with him and enjoy- just don't get caught kissing under the misletoe!
I would be reluctant to do this. I would feel like I was lying to my kids, which I'd never do. My 11-year old daughter, especially, would start to ask questions. And then what do I say?
I'm incredibly protective about the kids. I doubt I would allow anyone I'm dating to meet them until I'm relatively confident things are going to work out. And even then, I'd ease her into the family picture.
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I dont see how calling someone a friend is lying! The person IS a friend!! What do you tell your kids in reality? 'this is the person I'm shaggin?'............lol I introduce a new man to my friends as a 'friend' in the early stages. Or just 'this is Tony'. It's a generic term of endearment, me thinks. I dont even think the guy would WANT to be called a 'boyfriend' after only a few dates??
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Well, on the one hand I think .. dude, the guy moved to Michigan to be with you! Take him to meet your family! The other part of me says .. he knew what he was getting into when he moved to Michigan after only being with you for a month. But then again, I am assuming he moved to Michigan to be with you.
I would say if you aren't comfortable bringing him home to meet the family, plan something with him for later in the day. He may not feel comfortable going to meet your family either.
I don't think he moved there to be with her. I think they met after he moved to MI.0 -
I actually think I would take him. I would tell your family and daughter that he is friend that isn't able to be with his family on Chistmas, the truth. I would act friendly with him and enjoy- just don't get caught kissing under the misletoe!
I would be reluctant to do this. I would feel like I was lying to my kids, which I'd never do. My 11-year old daughter, especially, would start to ask questions. And then what do I say?
I'm incredibly protective about the kids. I doubt I would allow anyone I'm dating to meet them until I'm relatively confident things are going to work out. And even then, I'd ease her into the family picture.
--P
I dont see how calling someone a friend is lying! The person IS a friend!! What do you tell your kids in reality? 'this is the person I'm shaggin?'............lol I introduce a new man to my friends as a 'friend' in the early stages. Or just 'this is Tony'. It's a generic term of endearment, me thinks. I dont even think the guy would WANT to be called a 'boyfriend' after only a few dates??
:huh:
Because she would be more than a friend. And we would look at each other differently, or I would act differently, and I'm sure my kids - at least my daughter - would pick up on that. And then ask me flat out: "Is this your new girlfriend, Daddy?" And what do I say?
Sorry, one month is too soon to bring someone to Christmas, unless it truly is only a friend that has no place to go. He's a big boy, he can wait one day. What's wrong with a Christmas dinner together on the 26th? Is one day going to kill anyone?
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I like the idea of meeting the 24th or 26th...
I am pretty inclusive, but my family might not be in that circumstance. It really depends on how you feel about each other and your own family dynamic. I also see nothing wrong with introducing him as a friend...but kids pick up on stuff...they might sense more and feel they were being lied to. I know I did when meeting my stepmom for the first time (I was 10).
With my new boyfriend (started dating beginning of Nov) we are not meeting each other's families at Christmas this year. My situation is a little complex because of my ex...and we just want a little more time with that one.0 -
Yep.By Christmas you will have only been together a month? Christmas is three weeks away, are you saying you've been together for a week? Hopefully you dated for a while before you were "together" or else this is pretty much a non-issue.
I mean it's normal for you to not want someone you care about to be alone on Christmas, but I'm sure he is a big boy and will be able to take care of himself. Christmas is about spending time with your family, not someone you've been dating for a week.
If I do the math, you've been together for a week. If you're already like that because you fell hard for each other, you're going to fall (hard indeed) in the future.
Take a deep breath, chill out, take a pill and meet the guy on the 24th - 26th. This is a very respectful compromise for him and your child.
Also the simple fact that you are balancing the well being of your daughter (who you have been with for - say - 10 years) against the well being of some new random dude (who you have been with for a week) sounds wrong.
Not saying that men or women are particularly evil, but there is no obligation at this stage towards the guy.0 -
Being alone at Christmas is usually over dramatized. It really isn't that bad. I have had to do it many times in my life. It is all part of growing up. Some of the good things about being by yourself.
1) you can sleep in
2) you can do what ever you want with no pressure to do your normal chores
3) you can eat what ever you want, you don't have to eat something just because Aunt Peggy made her famous yams even though you hate yams
4) you don't have the family drama0 -
I actually think I would take him. I would tell your family and daughter that he is friend that isn't able to be with his family on Chistmas, the truth. I would act friendly with him and enjoy- just don't get caught kissing under the misletoe!
I would be reluctant to do this. I would feel like I was lying to my kids, which I'd never do. My 11-year old daughter, especially, would start to ask questions. And then what do I say?
I'm incredibly protective about the kids. I doubt I would allow anyone I'm dating to meet them until I'm relatively confident things are going to work out. And even then, I'd ease her into the family picture.
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I disagree with thise. My kids have met plenty of male friends that were JUST friends. I am very cautious about who I introduce them to but I don't see a problem with them meeting any of my friends. If it would become more than a friend after so be it.
I personally wouldn't want to be home alone on Christmas so I think I would try to include a friend in some of my festivities if he felt comfortable.0 -
I would be reluctant to do this. I would feel like I was lying to my kids, which I'd never do. My 11-year old daughter, especially, would start to ask questions. And then what do I say?
I'm incredibly protective about the kids. I doubt I would allow anyone I'm dating to meet them until I'm relatively confident things are going to work out. And even then, I'd ease her into the family picture.
--P
I disagree with thise. My kids have met plenty of male friends that were JUST friends. I am very cautious about who I introduce them to but I don't see a problem with them meeting any of my friends. If it would become more than a friend after so be it.
I personally wouldn't want to be home alone on Christmas so I think I would try to include a friend in some of my festivities if he felt comfortable.
Well, if my date was as sexy as you, I'd probably make a rare exception... ;-)
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By Christmas you will have only been together a month? Christmas is three weeks away, are you saying you've been together for a week? Hopefully you dated for a while before you were "together" or else this is pretty much a non-issue.
I mean it's normal for you to not want someone you care about to be alone on Christmas, but I'm sure he is a big boy and will be able to take care of himself. Christmas is about spending time with your family, not someone you've been dating for a week.
^^^ Exactly! Dont be a fool...he is, I am assuming a grown *kitten* man, and he will get over being alone on a holiday. It happens, dont put the last week of "falling hard" for each other over time spent with your daughter.0 -
This is my last thought. When she said she was thinking about taking him to her family's, I envisioned a big family get together with lots of friends family and activities. Cousins for her daughter play with, other men for her "friend" to talk to, etc. Something with a lot of people and a lot of food. Not something intimate where her daughter would feel like she was being shared.
I’m backing out now….0 -
Most single people know that only a month into a relationship is not the time to be meeting family members.
In my last serious relationship, we started dating early November... and he drove with me to see my family on Thanksgiving. It was a blast.
Do what makes you comfortable - he might be alone on Christmas but just do something special with him before or after. Unless you are able to say to your daughter that this is a friend of yours who wasn't able to see his mommy and daddy during the holidays, and Christmas is about love and unity. It's perfectly okay to not want to do that - but only you can judge how you feel about the relationship.0 -
Do what makes you comfortable - he might be alone on Christmas but just do something special with him before or after. Unless you are able to say to your daughter that this is a friend of yours who wasn't able to see his mommy and daddy during the holidays, and Christmas is about love and unity. It's perfectly okay to not want to do that - but only you can judge how you feel about the relationship.
This. It is early days, but only you know what's right for you, your daughter and your relationship. Even if you decide not to have him join you on 'the day', it would be kind and thoughtful to arrange to get together for a celebration of the holiday the day before or after Christmas. As someone who could very easily have spent a lot of Christmases etc alone, were it not for the kindness of friends and distant family, I know how much someone reaching out is appreciated, especially at this time of year.0 -
Maybe he moved away from his family for a reason.0
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Well, on the one hand I think .. dude, the guy moved to Michigan to be with you! Take him to meet your family! The other part of me says .. he knew what he was getting into when he moved to Michigan after only being with you for a month. But then again, I am assuming he moved to Michigan to be with you.
I would say if you aren't comfortable bringing him home to meet the family, plan something with him for later in the day. He may not feel comfortable going to meet your family either.
I don't think he moved there to be with her. I think they met after he moved to MI.
Actually, I think this is the answer... IF he moved to be with you, then you should invite him. If you just met him after he moved, then I would find another day or time to make it your Christmas together.0 -
I think a month in is way too soon to bring him to a family Christmas event.
I concur with the others above who think that he'll be just fine on his own on Christmas day.0 -
So Single Peeps, I have a question. I have recently started dating this man whom I've fallen pretty hard for and he has fallen pretty hard for me. He has just recently moved up to Michigan from SC. All his family and friends are in SC. He had originally planned on going down to visit his family for Christmas, however due to his work schedule and new job, etc...he cannot. He has told me that he plans on just sitting home on Christmas. I will be heading out to my familys for a day of fun and festivity. I can't imagine him sitting alone on Christmas. However herein lies the problem. I'm a single mom. By Christmas we will have only been together a month. I'm not really ready to have him meet my daughter yet. I'm not really sure what to do and it's breaking my heart to imagine the man I truly care about sitting home all alone on Christmas. Any advice?
If you are wanting to do something with him on Christmas simply because you want to, then that is on you. Timelines are more or less arbitrary.
If however you simply "feel pity" for him, and you are doing it "as a favor", then don't.
More than likely he won't be torn up about it, he is a big boy.
Or as others suggested, plan something before or after Christmas, as you and his "Christmas".0 -
i didn't read the entire thread, but here is my OWN situation.
i will more than likely be totally alone this year for Christmas.
my kids will be with their dad. my mom will be in jersey. my dad is in FL.
i have friends here, as i've lived here almost 7 years, but unless someone offers an invite i'll be alone.
and i a totally ok with that!!!
in the past three years i've gotten over the commercial version of Christmas. 2 years ago my kids and i celebrated Three Kings Day instead of Christmas. i'll go find something to do or i'll stay home and watch movies.
whatever i decide i am ok with it.
have you asked him how he felt about being alone for the holiday? if he's bothering him and he wants to celebrate with someone, then do it before hand, or the day after.0 -
I'm sure he'll be ok by himself on the actual day as long as you make plans with him either quite soon before or after.
It could be worse, though. My brother is going to be stuck on a submarine for Christmas. Talk about limiting one's options :sad:
Idk, it's all up to you. I've spent Christmas alone before. It was kind of relaxing, actually.0 -
i didn't read the entire thread, but here is my OWN situation.
i will more than likely be totally alone this year for Christmas.
my kids will be with their dad. my mom will be in jersey. my dad is in FL.
i have friends here, as i've lived here almost 7 years, but unless someone offers an invite i'll be alone.
and i a totally ok with that!!!
in the past three years i've gotten over the commercial version of Christmas. 2 years ago my kids and i celebrated Three Kings Day instead of Christmas. i'll go find something to do or i'll stay home and watch movies.
whatever i decide i am ok with it.
I am in the same boat. I am a guy who will be alone on Christmas. My family isn't very close and we have never done much together for holidays. I have just gotten used to it, and on occasion had a friend invite me over...though would never invite myself.
This year will be no different, so decided I am going on a week long roadtrip over my time off. So won't be around anyone I know for Christmas and New Years. No big loss as it would have been that way sitting at home too.0 -
Are you driving a long distance to be with family? Could you two possibly catch a late movie after you are finished with your family time?0
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I have to agree, that's pretty short term to immerse him that deeply into your family functions. It is a really nice gesture, and maybe you can find a way to divide your time to take care of family as well as make him feel special on a lonely holiday, I just wouldn't risk the relationship and mix the two.0
