Friends with benefits - success stories?!
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I am not saying all the "other women" are bad, but if you do have knowledge that he is married or in a committed relationship, then you are to blame too. It takes TWO!
Unless the other woman is your friend, she is not the cheater, she did not betray you. The man who slept around is the one that hurt you.
I never understood how people would get so angry at the "other" person, but then take back their SO. It's so backwards to me.
My friend? If she was a friend then she wasn't a good one. I would blame ALL parties, which I did - dumped him and moved on. Now there is situations where the woman or man didn't find out they were married until later, then that might be a different situation according to how they handled it.
Right, that's why I said UNLESS the woman is your friend it's not her problem. If she's your friend she has also betrayed your trust.
I guess I'm still lost on the idea that it's not the other person's problem... If they don't know the other person is in a relationship, then that's one thing, but if they know, why is it not also their problem that they could be party to jeopardizing a relationship (especially when it's a marriage)?
I'm interested in getting a consensus because this area is so black and white to me... It's one of the few topics in life that I cannot ever imagine changing my opinion on, which I don't say lightly.0 -
I am not saying all the "other women" are bad, but if you do have knowledge that he is married or in a committed relationship, then you are to blame too. It takes TWO!
Unless the other woman is your friend, she is not the cheater, she did not betray you. The man who slept around is the one that hurt you.
I never understood how people would get so angry at the "other" person, but then take back their SO. It's so backwards to me.
If she knows the man is dating or married to another woman, she is just as guilty.0 -
I am not saying all the "other women" are bad, but if you do have knowledge that he is married or in a committed relationship, then you are to blame too. It takes TWO!
Unless the other woman is your friend, she is not the cheater, she did not betray you. The man who slept around is the one that hurt you.
I never understood how people would get so angry at the "other" person, but then take back their SO. It's so backwards to me.
My friend? If she was a friend then she wasn't a good one. I would blame ALL parties, which I did - dumped him and moved on. Now there is situations where the woman or man didn't find out they were married until later, then that might be a different situation according to how they handled it.
Right, that's why I said UNLESS the woman is your friend it's not her problem. If she's your friend she has also betrayed your trust.
I guess I'm still lost on the idea that it's not the other person's problem... If they don't know the other person is in a relationship, then that's one thing, but if they know, why is it not also their problem that they could be party to jeopardizing a relationship (especially when it's a marriage)?
I'm interested in getting a consensus because this area is so black and white to me... It's one of the few topics in life that I cannot ever imagine changing my opinion on, which I don't say lightly.
The third party is not in the contract. The third party didn't say "I'm faithful to you and only you". Sure maybe they aren't necessarily morally a good person, but the one being cheated on should be angry at the betrayal of trust, not at some arbitrary stranger.0 -
I am not saying all the "other women" are bad, but if you do have knowledge that he is married or in a committed relationship, then you are to blame too. It takes TWO!
Unless the other woman is your friend, she is not the cheater, she did not betray you. The man who slept around is the one that hurt you.
I never understood how people would get so angry at the "other" person, but then take back their SO. It's so backwards to me.
My friend? If she was a friend then she wasn't a good one. I would blame ALL parties, which I did - dumped him and moved on. Now there is situations where the woman or man didn't find out they were married until later, then that might be a different situation according to how they handled it.
Right, that's why I said UNLESS the woman is your friend it's not her problem. If she's your friend she has also betrayed your trust.
I guess I'm still lost on the idea that it's not the other person's problem... If they don't know the other person is in a relationship, then that's one thing, but if they know, why is it not also their problem that they could be party to jeopardizing a relationship (especially when it's a marriage)?
I'm interested in getting a consensus because this area is so black and white to me... It's one of the few topics in life that I cannot ever imagine changing my opinion on, which I don't say lightly.
So, for me personally, this is a black and white issue, too. Never could I imagine any kind of adulterous scene in my life, ever. My marriage was faithful, and it’s really a sacred thing to me. In terms of guilt/innocence- if I were pressed I'd say that it's equally shared by "other" and adulterer.
But! When it’s not me, I think a lot of it comes down to an individual thinking: can I wake up and feel fabulous lying next to someone who has pledged the rest of his to another person/family? If so, then live your life. If someone has put real thought into their actions, and aren’t justifying by default then I"m not sure what to think, but I want to try to back away from condemnation- and feel nothing about it. Relationships are personal and complicated. Even though I might have judgment pouring out of my ears- I don’t want to judge. Also, an additional reason is because we have a long standing moral code that says adultery is wrong, but I have a hard time with some of our society's morality when it’s been used to justify things waaaay more harmful than adultery.0 -
Edit: delete0
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If she knows the man is dating or married to another woman, she is just as guilty.
Can we get off our soap boxes?? The people in this thread acknowledged their situations and they are OK with being the "other" person. I think we can agree that it's probably not "morally correct" , however regardless if they carried out the affair or passed on it doesn't change the doomed marriage.0 -
If she knows the man is dating or married to another woman, she is just as guilty.
Can we get off our soap boxes?? The people in this thread acknowledged their situations and they are OK with being the "other" person. I think we can agree that it's probably not "morally correct" , however regardless if they carried out the affair or passed on it doesn't change the doomed marriage.
The person is not directly responsible for anything, that's the person who cheated, but if a man or woman knows the person they're hooking up with is involved, they're guilty too.
I wouldn't say I'm standing on a soapbox I'm just stating a fact.
There's something to be said about people who are repeatedly involved with people who are marred or in a relationship.0 -
Guilty, good person, bad person, not morally correct, black and white....
There is a lot of judgment in this thread, whether or not you call it stating a fact or your opinion or not.0 -
Guilty, good person, bad person, not morally correct, black and white....
There is a lot of judgment in this thread, whether or not you call it stating a fact or your opinion or not.
Agreed.
While I havent cheated or sleping with someone in a relationship its not my buisness what other people do as long as it doesnt affect my guys and I0 -
There are some exceptions, but typically there is no black and white. Every situation is unique. This is especially true in love (or lust). I don't think general statements about things always being wrong are helpful. I especially don't like people paying the morality police here (they call them the religious police in Saudi).
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Well to get this thread kind back on track
Does anyone else find that they are way more sexually comfortable and maybe a little more risque with thier FWB in the begining vs the person your dating ?0 -
Yeah. I had typed something earlier, but decided not to post it in the end...Guilty, good person, bad person, not morally correct, black and white....
There is a lot of judgment in this thread, whether or not you call it stating a fact or your opinion or not.
The main idea of my post was this: many people on here seem to value relationships (and marriage) a lot, and become rigid when it's about relationships.
But relationships are not untouchable, they are not perfect, far from it. There are just interactions between two people, and they can go wrong in a lot of ways.
And the people involved aren't perfect either. Life often gets in the way, whether it is money, work, health, desire for change, boredom, time, age, etc...
Sure, it's hard to keep all of this in mind for people when they are writing 3 lines of text in a forum...0 -
Guilty, good person, bad person, not morally correct, black and white....
There is a lot of judgment in this thread, whether or not you call it stating a fact or your opinion or not.
^^^ this, thank you!!!0 -
I believe you can screw up a relationship by setting the wrong "sexual tone" from the start... So it's probably better to be as upfront as humanly possible with this. It's not easy though.Well to get this thread kind back on track
Does anyone else find that they are way more sexually comfortable and maybe a little more risque with thier FWB in the begining vs the person your dating ?
Well, you can always talk later, but the more you wait, the weirder it seems and the more difficult it becomes to change the direction of the relationship.
Clearly with FWB the problem doesn't exist, so it's just liberating. Relationships should be the same, but aren't...0 -
Well to get this thread kind back on track
Does anyone else find that they are way more sexually comfortable and maybe a little more risque with thier FWB in the begining vs the person your dating ?
Not for me. I mentioned before I talk about the things I'm into beforehand so I know if we're going to be compatible or not before we get between the sheets. There's always the usual amount of nervousness about getting nekkie with a stranger, but considering my social anxiety it's positively mild. Sex outweighs ahahah!
I am aware I am in the minority with this.I believe you can screw up a relationship by setting the wrong "sexual tone" from the start...
How does one set a wrong sexual tone?0 -
I believe you can screw up a relationship by setting the wrong "sexual tone" from the start... So it's probably better to be as upfront as humanly possible with this. It's not easy though.Well to get this thread kind back on track
Does anyone else find that they are way more sexually comfortable and maybe a little more risque with thier FWB in the begining vs the person your dating ?
Well, you can always talk later, but the more you wait, the weirder it seems and the more difficult it becomes to change the direction of the relationship.
Clearly with FWB the problem doesn't exist, so it's just liberating. Relationships should be the same, but aren't...
I have so done this. I am open, flirty, sexual etc. with the FWB...it is liberating to just be able to be upfront regarding my desire for sex and various preferences. When it comes to relationships though...I can get shy, want to be thought of differently, or "respected"..and I'm worried about his feelings/ego and then the moment feelings come into it...it just feels different. No longer do I seem to want to contemplate threesomes and all the crazy stuff I would potentially like to imagine happening in an FWB relationship! So far with my new boyfriend I have tried to be quite open about all of this. The type of man I FWB with and date tend to different though...and so I have the additional concern of being too sexual and/or tiring out my relationship type of men. Sigh.0 -
I'm sorry to have taken this thread on a detour... I do find it fascinating that this topic seems to be "off limits" here though. I believe I made it clear that I was trying to ask a question to get a consensus, not to judge. I actually wanted to hear what people had to say...I mean, hey, I'm still in this dating game and it would be nice to know what I might encounter in real life too by getting ideas here (I thought that's why many of us were peeps to begin with). Instead, back to our regularly scheduled programing where the only person who's allowed to have a differing opinion on anything is Mike.
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Not for me. I mentioned before I talk about the things I'm into beforehand so I know if we're going to be compatible or not before we get between the sheets. There's always the usual amount of nervousness about getting nekkie with a stranger, but considering my social anxiety it's positively mild. Sex outweighs ahahah!
Foxy, I love that your desire for sex and passion outweighs your anxiety issues. That must be liberating and I find it brave!! :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm sorry to have taken this thread on a detour... I do find it fascinating that this topic seems to be "off limits" here though. I believe I made it clear that I was trying to ask a question to get a consensus, not to judge. I actually wanted to hear what people had to say...I mean, hey, I'm still in this dating game and it would be nice to know what I might encounter in real life too by getting ideas here (I thought that's why many of us were peeps to begin with). Instead, back to our regularly scheduled programing where the only person who's allowed to have a differing opinion on anything is Mike.
Thats not what I meant.... I simply meant that people were getting heated and that wasnt what this tread was originally about. Now if you wanted to started a cheating or assisted cheating thread believe me we would all be all over it lol0 -
Not for me. I mentioned before I talk about the things I'm into beforehand so I know if we're going to be compatible or not before we get between the sheets. There's always the usual amount of nervousness about getting nekkie with a stranger, but considering my social anxiety it's positively mild. Sex outweighs ahahah!
Foxy, I love that your desire for sex and passion outweighs your anxiety issues. That must be liberating and I find it brave!! :flowerforyou:
Awww!
It is a small blessing, and alcohol usually helps that along haha!
Jen! "Assisted cheating" made me laugh!!0 -
I'm interested in getting a consensus because this area is so black and white to me... It's one of the few topics in life that I cannot ever imagine changing my opinion on, which I don't say lightly.
This, and the blanket "guilty" verdict, made it sound as if some weren't interested in a rational debate. Agree it's an interesting topic. Might work better in a separate thread.
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I'm interested in getting a consensus because this area is so black and white to me... It's one of the few topics in life that I cannot ever imagine changing my opinion on, which I don't say lightly.
This, and the blanket "guilty" verdict, made it sound as if some weren't interested in a rational debate. Agree it's an interesting topic. Might work better in a separate thread.
--P
I quite agree. And the use of the word "consensus", which infers an opinion or position reached by a group as a whole... made it seem like you were hoping to collect not various opinions, but a group of people with the same views as you... possibly to come after little cheating 'ol me with pitchforks (I joke, I joke)...0 -
I'm interested in getting a consensus because this area is so black and white to me... It's one of the few topics in life that I cannot ever imagine changing my opinion on, which I don't say lightly.
This, and the blanket "guilty" verdict, made it sound as if some weren't interested in a rational debate. Agree it's an interesting topic. Might work better in a separate thread.
--P
I quite agree. And the use of the word "consensus", which infers an opinion or position reached by a group as a whole... made it seem like you were hoping to collect not various opinions, but a group of people with the same views as you... possibly to come after little cheating 'ol me with pitchforks (I joke, I joke)...
Just poor wording choices on my part, sorry about that. I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say I don't have an opinion when I clearly do, but that doesn't mean I'm not interested in hearing what others have to say. And honestly, my opinion isn't meant as judgement toward anyone, just something I personally feel deeply about is all.
But back to FWB... really. Who has one and what's the dealio!? It is a much more fun topic anyway! :drinker:0 -
But back to FWB... really. Who has one and what's the dealio!? It is a much more fun topic anyway! :drinker:
Well....I think I have one now. I don't know what to call this new guy. He said that he just wants to hang out and may be open to more later, but does not want to actively pursue it right now. So, we're basically going to keep each other company. Going into it, I figured worst case I'd have someone to keep me busy through Christmas, so I guess I'm not too surprised. But, I'm not sure if my emotions will stay in check enough for us to stay that way.0 -
Well....I think I have one now. I don't know what to call this new guy. He said that he just wants to hang out and may be open to more later, but does not want to actively pursue it right now. So, we're basically going to keep each other company. Going into it, I figured worst case I'd have someone to keep me busy through Christmas, so I guess I'm not too surprised. But, I'm not sure if my emotions will stay in check enough for us to stay that way.
Is this someone you could realistically see yourself with? Similar age and likes, etc.? That might make it harder I would think.0 -
He said that he just wants to hang out and may be open to more later, but does not want to actively pursue it right now.
Yup, that's DEFINITELY a FWB situation. Lucky guy!
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But back to FWB... really. Who has one and what's the dealio!? It is a much more fun topic anyway! :drinker:
I think I am back on my way to having a FWB again. I think it will probably be FFWB again...However there are several canidates at this point. Plus I am slowly letting the other guys I used to play with know I'm single0 -
Is this someone you could realistically see yourself with? Similar age and likes, etc.? That might make it harder I would think.
Yeah, that's what's making it hard for me. He's the one that I didn't like at first (boring)....then he opened up and I've really enjoyed getting to know him. As scary as it sounds, I could see myself with him. He's a year younger and we are very similar in many ways. Oh well....one of my girlfriends said that he'll come around, but I'm just going to go with the flow and enjoy the time. If I get too emotional over it, I'll back out.
Yup, that's DEFINITELY a FWB situation. Lucky guy!
LOL...thanks Mike.0 -
Yeah, that's what's making it hard for me. He's the one that I didn't like at first (boring)....then he opened up and I've really enjoyed getting to know him. As scary as it sounds, I could see myself with him. He's a year younger and we are very similar in many ways. Oh well....one of my girlfriends said that he'll come around, but I'm just going to go with the flow and enjoy the time. If I get too emotional over it, I'll back out.Is this someone you could realistically see yourself with? Similar age and likes, etc.? That might make it harder I would think.
Yeah that seems really tough to me if you already know you could be into him... but it sounds like you're handling it rationally and are willing to end things if you 'catch feelings'. So, for now, just have some serious fun:bigsmile:and go with the flow!!0 -
I must admitted part of the reason I'm semi-hesitant to hook up with FFWB again is he still recovering from being dumped... I'm kinda afraid he might rebound onto me and catch feelings. On the other hand I need some lol:bigsmile:0
