These important conversations...
flimflamfloz
Posts: 1,980 Member
So we mentioned it, children (to have them or not, and when to have them) is one of these important conversations it is important to have because they can make or break a relationship later down the line.
Another one is marriage (desire to get married or not)...
Can you think of any other "important conversations" that the partners of a relationship should generally have early on if they want to avoid hitting a big wall in the (distant) future?
(And is it really appropriate to discuss some of these things early on in reality?)
Another one is marriage (desire to get married or not)...
Can you think of any other "important conversations" that the partners of a relationship should generally have early on if they want to avoid hitting a big wall in the (distant) future?
(And is it really appropriate to discuss some of these things early on in reality?)
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Emigrating or not.0
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Something that might involve relocation... Like a career change.0
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If they see themselves living in the same place or do they want to move and where?
If they had said children how they will raise them (religion, values, etc). Parenting styles vary greatly and can cause issues in a relationship.
Agreeing on money management0 -
Children
Marriage
Life goals.. career..focus.. etc.
Money
Change.. how comfortable are people with it..0 -
Traveling/Vacation styles (?) - Not sure how to word this, but I like to take a big vacation every other year. I also like to take road trips throughout the year (with and without the kids). Some men enjoy this, some do not. If they don't, we aren't a good fit.
Financial planning - Save everything for retirement, spend it all today or something in the middle?0 -
Discipline of children.
Also, and I am sure this might be unique to me, animals. How many, what kind, and I will be in charge of training.0 -
well, in the main I say 'never say never'!
I think that relationships are always work in progress and you can't really know how you will feel about something in 2, 5 or 10 years time. If you're with the right person, then most things will work themselves out. Or you wont be together any more!
Besides, these topics come up in daily conversations, so you usually know how someone feels about something important - religion, politics, marriage, children, sex - pretty soon in a relationship.
Honesty and communication is the key :flowerforyou:0 -
You're right Anna, but it is good to get out in the open where you stand now.
Another good thing to discuss is what you would want to do if you are unable to have children. Will you be good, do you want to pursue fertility treatment, would you want to adopt?0 -
STDs0
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STDs
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Roles within the house ... don't assume you know the answer to this one
Expectations after/if the kids are born ... does he expect you to stay home, do you want to stay home?0 -
Children
Marriage
Life goals.. career..focus.. etc.
Money
Change.. how comfortable are people with it..
as others said toss in traveling and vacation and that is the things you need to cover. When I broke up with my last GF it was after I realized that we disagreed on Vacations, Travel, City to live in (this lumped into change), and life goals. We did talk about money, marriage, children, and a few life goals in the start just to see if we were on the same page. But when the other items came up it was clear we had different goals and paths in life.0 -
LOL!!!
that would be TOP on my list ;-)0 -
Can you bait your own hook?
ha ha ha....sorry I'm in a playful mood right now.
Um Seriously though...
Relocating is a big one for me. I did it once for my ex husband. And if I have to do it again there better be a damn good reason for it. Love isn't a reason either.
Money, should be on the same page, if not, better be able to agree on a plan and more importantly stick to that plan.
Otherwise, gonna agree with Anna, "never say never"0 -
I agree with many of the topics brought up:
Money, travel, relocation, career choice, how to raise kids etc
so now Ill be the shallow one and say, health and fitness and sex. If my initial attraction to you has to do with your looks (and it does) and I work hard to keep my body in shape, if you dont you will hear about it from me and it is a deal breaker. Also sex, Im not a fan of the we are comfortable with each other and the sex fades or turns vanilla. I like to let my freak flag fly and if you drop off, again we will discuss and either be a deal breaker or we will get the magic back.
Keep in mind Im nearly 40 and a lot of the more important conversations money, relocation, etc etc are already well in progress and kids are already here for me so the health and fitness/sex question is one I find is usually the deal breaker vice all the others as they are established already.0 -
I agree with many of the topics brought up:
Money, travel, relocation, career choice, how to raise kids etc
so now Ill be the shallow one and say, health and fitness and sex. If my initial attraction to you has to do with your looks (and it does) and I work hard to keep my body in shape, if you dont you will hear about it from me and it is a deal breaker. Also sex, Im not a fan of the we are comfortable with each other and the sex fades or turns vanilla. I like to let my freak flag fly and if you drop off, again we will discuss and either be a deal breaker or we will get the magic back.
Keep in mind Im nearly 40 and a lot of the more important conversations money, relocation, etc etc are already well in progress and kids are already here for me so the health and fitness/sex question is one I find is usually the deal breaker vice all the others as they are established already.
I will step up and be the shallow one too...just in my most recent relationship we did talk about health / fitness / sex actually was one of the topics on the first DATE. Becuase dating for me made it "hard" to control calorie counts I expalined to her my health and fitness goals right up front and she actually brought up sex so we had that covered on DATE one. (NO, we didn't have sex on date one, I am not that kinda guy, ok ok maybe i am if tequila shots and bare boobies are supplied)0 -
I agree with many of the topics brought up:
Money, travel, relocation, career choice, how to raise kids etc
so now Ill be the shallow one and say, health and fitness and sex. If my initial attraction to you has to do with your looks (and it does) and I work hard to keep my body in shape, if you dont you will hear about it from me and it is a deal breaker. Also sex, Im not a fan of the we are comfortable with each other and the sex fades or turns vanilla. I like to let my freak flag fly and if you drop off, again we will discuss and either be a deal breaker or we will get the magic back.
Keep in mind Im nearly 40 and a lot of the more important conversations money, relocation, etc etc are already well in progress and kids are already here for me so the health and fitness/sex question is one I find is usually the deal breaker vice all the others as they are established already.
I don't think this is shallow at all. If I break up with my current boyfriend (who I currently adore), I already know it will be because he isn't as interested in fitness as I am in the process of being, and he is possibly a little too vanilla.
I can bend a whole lot more on vacations, where we live and having children than on health and sex.0 -
so now Ill be the shallow one and say, health and fitness and sex. If my initial attraction to you has to do with your looks (and it does) and I work hard to keep my body in shape, if you dont you will hear about it from me and it is a deal breaker. Also sex, Im not a fan of the we are comfortable with each other and the sex fades or turns vanilla. I like to let my freak flag fly and if you drop off, again we will discuss and either be a deal breaker or we will get the magic back.
I don't think it's shallow. I was thinking the same things, just trying to figure out the best way to word it. Entering a relationship does not give you a free pass to slide on your workout or healthy eating. And, two people should never get so complacent that sex becomes boring.
Also more to add...
If you both own homes. Would one of you be willing to sell yours. It could be the same city, so not a relocation, just the sentimental or school district factors.
How do you handle conflicts
Cleanliness standards0 -
I agree with many of the topics brought up:
Money, travel, relocation, career choice, how to raise kids etc
so now Ill be the shallow one and say, health and fitness and sex. If my initial attraction to you has to do with your looks (and it does) and I work hard to keep my body in shape, if you dont you will hear about it from me and it is a deal breaker. Also sex, Im not a fan of the we are comfortable with each other and the sex fades or turns vanilla. I like to let my freak flag fly and if you drop off, again we will discuss and either be a deal breaker or we will get the magic back.
Keep in mind Im nearly 40 and a lot of the more important conversations money, relocation, etc etc are already well in progress and kids are already here for me so the health and fitness/sex question is one I find is usually the deal breaker vice all the others as they are established already.
sexual compatibility is important. I think you find these things out pretty early on though.
If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
A guy once said to me that he had to have sex 5 x per day and thinks about it constantly. I didnt even bother meeting him! I found it a complete turn off that I'd be pummelled 5x per day!!! Talk about feeling like a pin cushion!!....:laugh:0 -
I agree with many of the topics brought up:
Money, travel, relocation, career choice, how to raise kids etc
so now Ill be the shallow one and say, health and fitness and sex. If my initial attraction to you has to do with your looks (and it does) and I work hard to keep my body in shape, if you dont you will hear about it from me and it is a deal breaker. Also sex, Im not a fan of the we are comfortable with each other and the sex fades or turns vanilla. I like to let my freak flag fly and if you drop off, again we will discuss and either be a deal breaker or we will get the magic back.
Keep in mind Im nearly 40 and a lot of the more important conversations money, relocation, etc etc are already well in progress and kids are already here for me so the health and fitness/sex question is one I find is usually the deal breaker vice all the others as they are established already.
sexual compatibility is important. I think you find these things out pretty early on though.
If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
A guy once said to me that he had to have sex 5 x per day and thinks about it constantly. I didnt even bother meeting him! I found it a complete turn off that I'd be pummelled 5x per day!!! Talk about feeling like a pin cushion!!....:laugh:
What's his number?0 -
I think that for me right now..children and marriage are important to bring up semi early..because of my age I don't want to waste my time if I feel myself really liking someone.
I think its important to discuss sexuality...just doesn't have to happen asap like most men seem to be eager about.
Spirituality, seems to be a topic that might be important.0 -
Mostly what has been mentioned and politics and religion as well.
Really it would seem both need to be on the same page or honestly willing to accept the other as they are and NEVER complain about it.
Love does not conquer all has been my observation.0 -
If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
not so fast... me and several of my friends would have no problem keeping ourselves pretty and sexual for a good man who looks great and is a great provider. that's what guys like!0 -
Are you a closeted homosexual?0
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If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
not so fast... me and several of my friends would have no problem keeping ourselves pretty and sexual for a good man who looks great and is a great provider. that's what guys like!
Yes, sorry, I keep forgetting that women can be just as shallow as men. My apologies :flowerforyou:0 -
Are you a closeted homosexual?
..... whaaaaaaaaat?0 -
for me, impt conversations are:
kids - i absolutely do NOT want to have kids. he can come with his own kids, but i will not be birthing any children
sexual history - not a complete history, i just want to know about any STDs and any weird sexual hang ups. depending on the STD it might be a knock, and definitely sexual hang ups is a 95% chance of knock out.
those are pretty much my main ones. the other things like emotional stability, kindness/ compassion, outlook on life doesnt really need a specific conversation since that's stuff you can just tell after a few generic conversations0 -
I agree with many of the topics brought up:
Money, travel, relocation, career choice, how to raise kids etc
so now Ill be the shallow one and say, health and fitness and sex. If my initial attraction to you has to do with your looks (and it does) and I work hard to keep my body in shape, if you dont you will hear about it from me and it is a deal breaker. Also sex, Im not a fan of the we are comfortable with each other and the sex fades or turns vanilla. I like to let my freak flag fly and if you drop off, again we will discuss and either be a deal breaker or we will get the magic back.
Keep in mind Im nearly 40 and a lot of the more important conversations money, relocation, etc etc are already well in progress and kids are already here for me so the health and fitness/sex question is one I find is usually the deal breaker vice all the others as they are established already.
I don't think this is shallow at all. If I break up with my current boyfriend (who I currently adore), I already know it will be because he isn't as interested in fitness as I am in the process of being, and he is possibly a little too vanilla.
I can bend a whole lot more on vacations, where we live and having children than on health and sex.
I am feel the same way about fitness. It's a very big part of my life now. I can't imagine going back to my non exercising ways now. I've actually had interest from 1 girl I know through a friend but she is just not on the same page with me when it comes to fitness and health. I'm not looking to date a diet nazi or athlete. I sure as hell ain't perfect, but I want someone who would join me at the gym some times.0 -
Are you a closeted homosexual?
..... whaaaaaaaaat?
It is very wise to have a conversation with someone about their true sexual orientation before you marry them.
Imagine marrying a man and finding out 5 years in that he is bisexual. Imagine marrying a woman and finding out 15 years in that she's gay.0 -
Are you a closeted homosexual?
..... whaaaaaaaaat?
It is very wise to have a conversation with someone about their true sexual orientation before you marry them.
Imagine marrying a man and finding out 5 years in that he is bisexual. Imagine marrying a woman and finding out 15 years in that she's gay.
If I married a women and found out 5 years later she was a bisexual.. that'd be a very pleasant surprise!0
