These important conversations...
Replies
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If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
not so fast... me and several of my friends would have no problem keeping ourselves pretty and sexual for a good man who looks great and is a great provider. that's what guys like!
Yes, sorry, I keep forgetting that women can be just as shallow as men. My apologies :flowerforyou:
wow... bitter much?0 -
If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
not so fast... me and several of my friends would have no problem keeping ourselves pretty and sexual for a good man who looks great and is a great provider. that's what guys like!
Yes, sorry, I keep forgetting that women can be just as shallow as men. My apologies :flowerforyou:
wow... bitter much?
Nope, I'm very happy :bigsmile: You?0 -
If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
not so fast... me and several of my friends would have no problem keeping ourselves pretty and sexual for a good man who looks great and is a great provider. that's what guys like!
I knew I liked you from the start
You're 100% right. The guy should do his best to stay in good shape and be motivated to succeed in the workplace. In return, all we ask is that our partner does her best to look good (and not be totally crazy!).0 -
Keep in mind that this topic was originally about the important conversations you must have early on in relationships...If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
So at no point Will implied he only wants a good looking woman and sex.
He basically said that he has the rest of his life sorted, so these would be two of the most important adult conversations to have for him.
It doesn't mean that he isn't interested in discussing hobbies with the woman or taking her out on art exhibitions. Simpy, hobbies and interests are a bit more easy to spot on a day to day basis and do not require a honest conversation.0 -
Keep in mind that this topic was originally about the important conversations you must have early on in relationships...If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
So at no point Will implied he only wants a good looking woman and sex.
He basically said that he has the rest of his life sorted, so these would be the two of most important adult conversations to have for him.
It doesn't mean that he isn't interested in discussing hobbies with the woman or taking her out on art exhibitions. Simpy, hobbies and interests are a bit more easy to spot on a day to day basis and do not require a honest conversation.
Florian, I would still be offended if a guy considered it 'important' to tell me that I must keep my looks and physique for him to stay with me. Perhaps it's just me, but I wouldnt say such a thing to a guy that I'm falling in love with. When he loses his hair or gains a few pounds I'm going to still love him. That is all.......0 -
Keep in mind that this topic was originally about the important conversations you must have early on in relationships...If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
So at no point Will implied he only wants a good looking woman and sex.
He basically said that he has the rest of his life sorted, so these would be the two of most important adult conversations to have for him.
It doesn't mean that he isn't interested in discussing hobbies with the woman or taking her out on art exhibitions. Simpy, hobbies and interests are a bit more easy to spot on a day to day basis and do not require a honest conversation.
Florian, I would still be offended if a guy considered it 'important' to tell me that I must keep my looks and physique for him to stay with me. Perhaps it's just me, but I wouldnt say such a thing to a guy that I'm falling in love with. When he loses his hair or gains a few pounds I'm going to still love him. That is all.......
If he has to *ask* you to keep your looks up, then that's a huge problem right there. He shouldn't have to ask. It should be something a women does instinctively for her partner and herself. The man should do the same. His wife shouldn't have to tell him to trim down and go for a jog. He should have some self realization and not let himself go.
I realize we are all busy people, but I haven't met anyone who's too busy to watch what they eat or go for a quick run every so often.0 -
I think you misunderstood what people have written:
Florian, I would still be offended if a guy considered it 'important' to tell me that I must keep my looks and physique for him to stay with me. Perhaps it's just me, but I wouldnt say such a thing to a guy that I'm falling in love with. When he loses his hair or gains a few pounds I'm going to still love him. That is all.......
Keep in mind that this topic was originally about the important conversations you must have early on in relationships...If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
So at no point Will implied he only wants a good looking woman and sex.
He basically said that he has the rest of his life sorted, so these would be the two of most important adult conversations to have for him.
It doesn't mean that he isn't interested in discussing hobbies with the woman or taking her out on art exhibitions. Simpy, hobbies and interests are a bit more easy to spot on a day to day basis and do not require a honest conversation.
"I work hard to keep my body in shape, if you dont you will hear about it from me and it is a deal breaker."
"Also sex, Im not a fan of the we are comfortable with each other and the sex fades or turns vanilla."
"I don't think this is shallow at all. If I break up with my current boyfriend (who I currently adore), I already know it will be because he isn't as interested in fitness as I am in the process of being, and he is possibly a little too vanilla."
"I can bend a whole lot more on vacations, where we live and having children than on health and sex."
"I am feel the same way about fitness. It's a very big part of my life now. I can't imagine going back to my non exercising ways now. I've actually had interest from 1 girl I know through a friend but she is just not on the same page with me when it comes to fitness and health. I'm not looking to date a diet nazi or athlete. I sure as hell ain't perfect, but I want someone who would join me at the gym some times."
The thing is that "physique" encompasses several areas:
- Interests : do you like physical activities or are you more a couch potato, do you like tennis on the Wii or for real, how likely are you to be able to go for a run with the person on Sunday morning or do a parachute jump, how likely are you to be able to come on a trek with the partner, ...
- Health & fitness : how likely you are to die from a blocked artery, how likely are you to be able to follow the partner in their various physical interests, ...
- Looks & sex : how will you weight affect your libido, their libido, how will your weight affect your relationship, ...
I don't think anyone in the people quote above has said that "you must keep your current physique, never age and never gain a gram". People are aware that these things happen.
However, I think it is perfectly normal for people to be curious about your current and future level of "physical activity", as we gave seen it can benefit the relationship in many areas (and probably more than those).
As for sex, people were talking about sexual compatibility. I don't know, for example discuss the kind of practices you are ready to have with the person, and those you are not ready to have?
So these conversations are a lot less shallow than you are initially let to believe...0 -
So when do you have these conversations? This I where I get confused. Sometimes I feel best when I ask these questions on 1st date or first phone calls in a playful manner but who knows.
I've been dating pilot for 3 weeks now. We've only gone on 3 dates though due to us getting sick and his flying schedule but we've talked almost everyday.
We barely talked about kiddos the other night.
I feel like I'm being nosey/ interview type like when I do this. I need to figure out when's the right time.0 -
I think you misunderstood what people have written:
Florian, I would still be offended if a guy considered it 'important' to tell me that I must keep my looks and physique for him to stay with me. Perhaps it's just me, but I wouldnt say such a thing to a guy that I'm falling in love with. When he loses his hair or gains a few pounds I'm going to still love him. That is all.......
Keep in mind that this topic was originally about the important conversations you must have early on in relationships...If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
So at no point Will implied he only wants a good looking woman and sex.
He basically said that he has the rest of his life sorted, so these would be the two of most important adult conversations to have for him.
It doesn't mean that he isn't interested in discussing hobbies with the woman or taking her out on art exhibitions. Simpy, hobbies and interests are a bit more easy to spot on a day to day basis and do not require a honest conversation.
"I work hard to keep my body in shape, if you dont you will hear about it from me and it is a deal breaker."
"Also sex, Im not a fan of the we are comfortable with each other and the sex fades or turns vanilla."
"I don't think this is shallow at all. If I break up with my current boyfriend (who I currently adore), I already know it will be because he isn't as interested in fitness as I am in the process of being, and he is possibly a little too vanilla."
"I can bend a whole lot more on vacations, where we live and having children than on health and sex."
"I am feel the same way about fitness. It's a very big part of my life now. I can't imagine going back to my non exercising ways now. I've actually had interest from 1 girl I know through a friend but she is just not on the same page with me when it comes to fitness and health. I'm not looking to date a diet nazi or athlete. I sure as hell ain't perfect, but I want someone who would join me at the gym some times."
The thing is that "physique" encompasses several areas:
- Interests : do you like physical activities or are you more a couch potato, do you like tennis on the Wii or for real, how likely are you to be able to go for a run with the person on Sunday morning or do a parachute jump, how likely are you to be able to come on a trek with the partner, ...
- Health & fitness : how likely you are to die from a blocked artery, how likely are you to be able to follow the partner in their various physical interests, ...
- Looks & sex : how will you weight affect your libido, their libido, how will your weight affect your relationship, ...
I don't think anyone in the people quote above has said that "you must keep your current physique, never age and never gain a gram". People are aware that these things happen.
However, I think it is perfectly normal for people to be curious about your current and future level of "physical activity", as we gave seen it can benefit the relationship in many areas (and probably more than those).
As for sex, people were talking about sexual compatibility. I don't know, for example discuss the kind of practices you are ready to have with the person, and those you are not ready to have?
So these conversations are a lot less shallow than you are initially let to believe...
Perhaps its my age. No matter how you explain it. People change as they get older. Both physically and mentally. And no amount of discussion or holding to (false) promises can alter than. You really dont know what you're going to be like in 5, 10 or 20 years time!! Therefore I think it's a pointless discussion. That's why my answer to your question was 'never say never'! I can only give you the benefit of my experience and tell you that 20 years ago I would not dream of doing some of the stuff that I do now!! :laugh:
I understand that you dont want a slob in your life if fitness and health are your focus now, but that's my point, you wouldnt be dating a slob anyhow!! I'm all for living in the here and now!! And if that 'fit' person turns into a slob in 10 years??? And if YOU become a lazy *kitten* slob?? Who knows......people change. And that's why relationships break down. No amount of talking can change that.
EG what if the guy suffers from a physical blockage to his penis that makes him impotent?? Or if the woman had to have her womb/ovaries removed due to cancer and has no interest in sex any more?? How can your predetermine these things through an 'important' discussion? I even know a guy that was adamantly NOT going to have children and now he's divorces his older wife (his is 50) so he can find someone younger to produce a child for him!
I dunno, all i'm saying is anything can happen...... living for here and now is about all I care about tbh. Meeting someone that I click with and who makes me laugh and we have great sex today = Awesome! Tomorrow I could be dead or disabled or even fatter........ :bigsmile: 0 -
If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
not so fast... me and several of my friends would have no problem keeping ourselves pretty and sexual for a good man who looks great and is a great provider. that's what guys like!
Anna, I wasnt implying the only reason i am in a relationship is for her looks and sex!!! I was trying to be more along the lines of what Falling in Love stated. Keep the sex fun and adventurous and keep yourself healthy. That is basically because yes I fell in love with all of you but initially I was attracted to your beauty, so please dont think that just because we are in a relationship I dont still want you to be beautiful. And yes I agree that I too have a responsibility to be all those things I was when we first met. Essentially I dont want "life" to get in the way of any future partner and I to always put our best foot forward for each other.0 -
Wow, I didnt read all the posts and am catching up.
Florian, thank you for your insight, you said it much better then I did but that is what I was alluding to in my original post.
Anna, Yes the future is uncertain I could "what if" it all day long but that gains me nothing but a headache so instead I hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
My post that you seem to have taken offense too is simple: If and when I meet this wonderful woman, initial attraction will play a part and then her personality, lifestyle, sense of adventure and many other non quantifiable things will make me fall in love and stay with her. However, health, fitness, and sex are big issues to me, so when I find this person and she too is into these things and then somewhere along the line stops or decides hey I am gonna let myself go that doesnt work for me, it doesnt mean Im completely pulling out of things but I will damn sure mention it. I am also nearly 40 and well aware that we change as we age, Im not talking about crows feet and laugh lines, Im talking about going from caring about your appearance to not caring. Going from crazy monkey sex to lights off missionary style every other month. If that makes me shallow I am okay with that.0 -
I hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Great saying!! :flowerforyou:
My post that you seem to have taken offense too is simple: If and when I meet this wonderful woman, initial attraction will play a part and then her personality, lifestyle, sense of adventure and many other non quantifiable things will make me fall in love and stay with her. However, health, fitness, and sex are big issues to me, so when I find this person and she too is into these things and then somewhere along the line stops or decides hey I am gonna let myself go that doesnt work for me, it doesnt mean Im completely pulling out of things but I will damn sure mention it. I am also nearly 40 and well aware that we change as we age, Im not talking about crows feet and laugh lines, Im talking about going from caring about your appearance to not caring. Going from crazy monkey sex to lights off missionary style every other month. If that makes me shallow I am okay with that.
I wasn't really offended :bigsmile: I just take it as red that I'm the best I can be all the time and I dont need a discussion about it. In the mean time, life happens and people only really let themselves go when their partners stop supporting them! The ideal is to work as a team and remember why you first fell in love
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Keep in mind that this topic was originally about the important conversations you must have early on in relationships...If you say to a woman that looks and sex are the most important things to you in a relationship, and the only reason you're with her, then I'd imagine she'd be dumping you pretty soon into it!! Hardly the most romantic of suggestions Will, but I admire your honesty. :flowerforyou:
So at no point Will implied he only wants a good looking woman and sex.
He basically said that he has the rest of his life sorted, so these would be the two of most important adult conversations to have for him.
It doesn't mean that he isn't interested in discussing hobbies with the woman or taking her out on art exhibitions. Simpy, hobbies and interests are a bit more easy to spot on a day to day basis and do not require a honest conversation.
Florian, I would still be offended if a guy considered it 'important' to tell me that I must keep my looks and physique for him to stay with me. Perhaps it's just me, but I wouldnt say such a thing to a guy that I'm falling in love with. When he loses his hair or gains a few pounds I'm going to still love him. That is all.......
If he has to *ask* you to keep your looks up, then that's a huge problem right there. He shouldn't have to ask. It should be something a women does instinctively for her partner and herself. The man should do the same. His wife shouldn't have to tell him to trim down and go for a jog. He should have some self realization and not let himself go.
I realize we are all busy people, but I haven't met anyone who's too busy to watch what they eat or go for a quick run every so often.
i agree with this.
there's no reason why partners should make an attempt to look their best for each other at least some of the time. my model for a great long term relationship is my great grandparents. they were together for decades and you can believe that they had their days when she she would want to look nice for him and he would want to look nice for her even up until she passed with cancer.
when i finally meet my husband i definitely plan on making an effort to look nice most of the time and i definitely expect him to do the same0 -
Anna I love your posts!
I will disagree on one point though. I dont think we (any of us) are the best we can be all the time. I fervently hope I never reach my best and that I everyday keep working to try and become my best. And I want to find someone who also believes that. Maybe I should have put it that way right from the start!0 -
Oh my gravy. Just reading all these.....
I remember one time when we didn't have to worry about all this stuff, moving houses, kids, sexual compatibility....one time all we had to worry about was if we "Loooooooved" the person.
Ok, so I'm in denial. :flowerforyou:0 -
Anna I love your posts!
I will disagree on one point though. I dont think we (any of us) are the best we can be all the time. I fervently hope I never reach my best and that I everyday keep working to try and become my best. And I want to find someone who also believes that. Maybe I should have put it that way right from the start!
Love your posts too Will :bigsmile: You're probably right, and I'm probably past my best.....lol.....but I've never let myself go and I'm always up for great sex. So, I'm pretty sure if i was 10 years younger and lived in America, I would eat you up!!! :bigsmile: :blushing:
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EG what if the guy suffers from a physical blockage to his penis that makes him impotent?? Or if the woman had to have her womb/ovaries removed due to cancer and has no interest in sex any more?? How can your predetermine these things through an 'important' discussion? I even know a guy that was adamantly NOT going to have children and now he's divorces his older wife (his is 50) so he can find someone younger to produce a child for him!
I dunno, all i'm saying is anything can happen...... living for here and now is about all I care about tbh. Meeting someone that I click with and who makes me laugh and we have great sex today = Awesome! Tomorrow I could be dead or disabled or even fatter........ :bigsmile:
I love this! So true!0
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