That time of the year...
christine24t
Posts: 6,063 Member
Got asked twice tonight "so do you have a boyfriend?" One guy even asked "why not?" So awkward.
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Replies
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If they were hot say "No, are you offering to rectify that?"0
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Haha, my family doesn't ask me any more. I think they've given up hope...either way my baby brother has a new gf so all the focus will be on them which makes me happy!0
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One guy even asked "why not?"
That addendum always floors me, both because it's so rude, and so awkward, and because I find it almost impossible to answer with both truth and dignity. "Because I haven't met the right guy at the right time" is about the only option, and somehow I always feel like that's a cop out.0 -
I don't understand why your girls find that so rude... Does that not mean that you look more than date-able to him?
That addendum always floors me, both because it's so rude, and so awkward, and because I find it almost impossible to answer with both truth and dignity. "Because I haven't met the right guy at the right time" is about the only option, and somehow I always feel like that's a cop out.One guy even asked "why not?"0 -
I don't understand why your girls find that so rude... Does that not mean that you look more than date-able to him?
That addendum always floors me, both because it's so rude, and so awkward, and because I find it almost impossible to answer with both truth and dignity. "Because I haven't met the right guy at the right time" is about the only option, and somehow I always feel like that's a cop out.One guy even asked "why not?"
Depends on the tone of voice...
I'd find any stranger or mere acquaintance asking me in conversation why I was single very rude - it's not a polite question to ask. The sort of question only close family/friends, or elderly relatives can safely ask.
For all the questioner knows, the respondent could be gay (if they specify 'boy' or 'girl'friend)/asexual/a recent rape survivor not ready to embark on a physical relationship/have lost a much-beloved partner to illness or an accident/recently-dumped and still upset about it/or might have run out on my own wedding two days ago. The question also implies there is a concrete 'reason' one is sans-partner, which potentially forces or at least prompts, the questionee into offering more personal information than is comfortable or appropriate to a casual acquaintance.0 -
Got asked twice tonight "so do you have a boyfriend?" One guy even asked "why not?" So awkward.
Tell your family you have a *kitten*-buddy. They won't ask for more details and they might even give you a free pass next Thanksgiving/Christmas season.0 -
Who is asking you this? your family? If the family .. then I get that too. Only mine is followed up with .. you know, its really is time you move on from that horrible ex-husband of yours. Have you talked to someone about this?
Barf.0 -
I'm still at the stage where people tell me NOT to get involved (parents and siblings) so no worries. All my friends know I'm having fun so they never get on my back either.0
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I'm still at the stage where people tell me NOT to get involved (parents and siblings) so no worries. All my friends know I'm having fun so they never get on my back either.0
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Got asked twice tonight "so do you have a boyfriend?" One guy even asked "why not?" So awkward.
ALot of guys who ask you if you have a bf are fishing lol... As for the why not simply say something along the lines of "I haven't found one that can keep up with me " and smile ....
I get asked alot about BF the usually just wants to hear he isn't gonna get pummeled for talking to you lol0 -
If they were hot say "No, are you offering to rectify that?"
Exactly this! Or if the person who asked is not date-able (i.e: your family, already married, etc.), then say, "No, but I'm always looking. Do you know anyone?"
I totally get that it sucks being asked, but that's why you have the Peeps to vent to... But in reality, keep it light and remind that person that you are looking because you never know if they are asking to get info or perhaps know someone to set you up with. Just keep you options open is all I'm suggesting. Plus you'd make DM very proud if you went the friend of a friend route. 0 -
One guy even asked "why not?"
That addendum always floors me, both because it's so rude, and so awkward, and because I find it almost impossible to answer with both truth and dignity. "Because I haven't met the right guy at the right time" is about the only option, and somehow I always feel like that's a cop out.
Agreed!
I went with my dad to a Christmas party. One lady that asked me was in her forties and after I said "no, I'm single," she said, "your dad must be tough on your boyfriends." It was so awkward I couldn't think of what to say so I said, "well, I've never had a boyfriend but I imagine he will be when I do." The other man that asked was married and 57. I said "no," and he said "why not?" I was so shocked he had asked...like what do you say back to that?? So I made up something about how I work too much.0 -
You guys make me feel like such a weirdo. Honestly, I've been asked this question quite a lot in my lifetime (especially when I tried living in Utah! They considered me a wacko for not being married and having kids at 18!) and I just laughed it off. It's really not a big deal, why let something like that get under your skin? I understand how it could be construed as rude, but the only person who can let that get to you is yourself. Maybe you feel sensitive about the fact that your single and so this speaks to that sensitivity? Next time someone asks why you're single just say you haven't found the right one yet. Problem solved, move on to the next topic in the conversation.0
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You guys make me feel like such a weirdo. Honestly, I've been asked this question quite a lot in my lifetime (especially when I tried living in Utah! They considered me a wacko for not being married and having kids at 18!) and I just laughed it off. It's really not a big deal, why let something like that get under your skin? I understand how it could be construed as rude, but the only person who can let that get to you is yourself. Maybe you feel sensitive about the fact that your single and so this speaks to that sensitivity? Next time someone asks why you're single just say you haven't found the right one yet. Problem solved, move on to the next topic in the conversation.
I don't mind being asked whether I'm single or involved, but I do mind the "why not?" - that's rude, and not the business of a stranger/bare acquaintance.0 -
You guys make me feel like such a weirdo. Honestly, I've been asked this question quite a lot in my lifetime (especially when I tried living in Utah! They considered me a wacko for not being married and having kids at 18!) and I just laughed it off. It's really not a big deal, why let something like that get under your skin? I understand how it could be construed as rude, but the only person who can let that get to you is yourself. Maybe you feel sensitive about the fact that your single and so this speaks to that sensitivity? Next time someone asks why you're single just say you haven't found the right one yet. Problem solved, move on to the next topic in the conversation.
I don't mind being asked whether I'm single or involved, but I do mind the "why not?" - that's rude, and not the business of a stranger/bare acquaintance.
I agree. It's just rude. It's too personal for just meeting someone. To me, it's kind of like a half-baked question like "why not" that the person wants to finish with something like "are you a
Weirdo? Do you have intimacy problems? Are you gay? Because of your weight?" For just meeting someone it's going awfully personal.0 -
I have to agree with Kitsune.. I turn literally everything into a joke or something sarcastic..or if I'm feeling pissy an opportunity to nicely tell someone to F off.
It is NOT A CRIME TO BE SINGLE!
So let's stop being so embarrassed and down on ourselves for it!!!
My off the top of my answers to "why not"? (Because you do NOT have to be honest in these type of situations at all)
" I haven't met anyone worthy of me yet!"
"Because way over 50% of marriages end in divorce, so I thought, really why bother?" (Enjoyable if they are married. Even more enjoyable if unhappily married)
"Have you seen the dating pool out there? (insert awesomely awkward dating story that makes you look great)"
"Because I just thought taking up knitting and owning 7 cats would be more cuddly and cheaper"
And the one time I actually wanted to be a little serious in my answer..
"Because I deserve someone really special, and that can be tough to find."0 -
You guys make me feel like such a weirdo. Honestly, I've been asked this question quite a lot in my lifetime (especially when I tried living in Utah! They considered me a wacko for not being married and having kids at 18!) and I just laughed it off. It's really not a big deal, why let something like that get under your skin? I understand how it could be construed as rude, but the only person who can let that get to you is yourself. Maybe you feel sensitive about the fact that your single and so this speaks to that sensitivity? Next time someone asks why you're single just say you haven't found the right one yet. Problem solved, move on to the next topic in the conversation.
I don't mind being asked whether I'm single or involved, but I do mind the "why not?" - that's rude, and not the business of a stranger/bare acquaintance.
I agree. It's just rude. It's too personal for just meeting someone. To me, it's kind of like a half-baked question like "why not" that the person wants to finish with something like "are you a
Weirdo? Do you have intimacy problems? Are you gay? Because of your weight?" For just meeting someone it's going awfully personal.
Sure, I can see why someone might think that's rude - just remember that's probably not their intent. Understand that these kinds of thoughtless comments are going to happen. Forever. So arm yourself for them."Because way over 50% of marriages end in divorce, so I thought, really why bother?" (Enjoyable if they are married. Even more enjoyable if unhappily married)
That is so deliciously wicked!!
"Because I just thought taking up knitting and owning 7 cats would be more cuddly and cheaper"
This is my new go-to0 -
Got asked twice tonight "so do you have a boyfriend?" One guy even asked "why not?" So awkward.
Not when you respond "No, I'm Independently Owned and Operated, buuuuuut, I am hiring, would you like an interview?"
I got lots of responses to these, I just don't get asked. hmmm....:huh:
Edit: WAIT! I do get asked by my very competitive in EVERYTHING friend, she follows every conversation with "so do you have a boyfriend" but she's not just asking, she's rubbing in her ridiculous marriage to Mr Goat Herder, she's just lucky she says it over the phone, my fist can't connect with her face.0 -
I have heard this a couple of times. I was always honest with them.
"Why not?"
My response was something of the nature, "Would you like to be with someone like me?" or "Fit women and fat guys are only true in TV shows"0 -
I'm with Kits and Smaller on this one....they get one of two answers....
1. The obligatory laugh and "Oh, I'm just waiting for the lucky guy"
2. The joking laugh and "Nope, I'm dating three right now"
Either way, laugh and know that the person asking really doesn't mean harm by it. And if they ask why not, it's because you mean a lot to them and they can't imagine someone not wanting to be with you. When I'm asked that question, my answer is always "I'm picky".0 -
I have heard this a couple of times. I was always honest with them.
"Why not?"
My response was something of the nature, "Would you like to be with someone like me?" or "Fit women and fat guys are only true in TV shows"
Why be self-depreciating? Just an honest question! Because if someone told me that I would have no idea what to respond with. Better to say something like "I'm busy," am I right?0 -
I have heard this a couple of times. I was always honest with them.
"Why not?"
My response was something of the nature, "Would you like to be with someone like me?" or "Fit women and fat guys are only true in TV shows"
Why be self-depreciating? Just an honest question! Because if someone told me that I would have no idea what to respond with. Better to say something like "I'm busy," am I right?
I am very self-depreciating and am my own worst critic. So it is just my way. And shuts them up as far as follow up goes as well.0 -
I have heard this a couple of times. I was always honest with them.
"Why not?"
My response was something of the nature, "Would you like to be with someone like me?" or "Fit women and fat guys are only true in TV shows"
Why be self-depreciating? Just an honest question! Because if someone told me that I would have no idea what to respond with. Better to say something like "I'm busy," am I right?
I am very self-depreciating and am my own worst critic. So it is just my way. And shuts them up as far as follow up goes as well.
Yeah... but it also turns off potential matches
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If "why not?" really bothers you, turn the screws on them. Ask them if they are single. If they say no, ask "why not?"0
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I don't understand why your girls find that so rude... Does that not mean that you look more than date-able to him?
That addendum always floors me, both because it's so rude, and so awkward, and because I find it almost impossible to answer with both truth and dignity. "Because I haven't met the right guy at the right time" is about the only option, and somehow I always feel like that's a cop out.One guy even asked "why not?"
Was thinking the same thing. For some reason I think a lot of the gals in here think all guys should master how to hit on a girl or ask them out. Honestly, if a girl said any of this too me and I was attracted I'd be all over this!! Just remember us guys feel like a nervous wreck when we try to ask a girl out, and shouldn't be held to the dotted i and crossed t of what comes out of our mouths!0 -
I don't understand why your girls find that so rude... Does that not mean that you look more than date-able to him?
That addendum always floors me, both because it's so rude, and so awkward, and because I find it almost impossible to answer with both truth and dignity. "Because I haven't met the right guy at the right time" is about the only option, and somehow I always feel like that's a cop out.One guy even asked "why not?"
Was thinking the same thing. For some reason I think a lot of the gals in here think all guys should master how to hit on a girl or ask them out. Honestly, if a girl said any of this too me and I was attracted I'd be all over this!! Just remember us guys feel like a nervous wreck when we try to ask a girl out, and shouldn't be held to the dotted i and crossed t of what comes out of our mouths!
I do think it depends on who. From a married 50 yr old man to a 22 yr old girl, it's judgmental. But it might be totally different if it was a 22 yr old guy I think is hot...I would take that more as flirty. But that married 50 yr old man just made it seem like he was judging me for being single...trying to gauge out what is wrong with me.
It's still rude, but it could've come off better from someone who was old enough to be my dad.0 -
I don't understand why your girls find that so rude... Does that not mean that you look more than date-able to him?
That addendum always floors me, both because it's so rude, and so awkward, and because I find it almost impossible to answer with both truth and dignity. "Because I haven't met the right guy at the right time" is about the only option, and somehow I always feel like that's a cop out.One guy even asked "why not?"
Was thinking the same thing. For some reason I think a lot of the gals in here think all guys should master how to hit on a girl or ask them out. Honestly, if a girl said any of this too me and I was attracted I'd be all over this!! Just remember us guys feel like a nervous wreck when we try to ask a girl out, and shouldn't be held to the dotted i and crossed t of what comes out of our mouths!
I do think it depends on who. From a married 50 yr old man to a 22 yr old girl, it's judgmental. But it might be totally different if it was a 22 yr old guy I think is hot...I would take that more as flirty. But that married 50 yr old man just made it seem like he was judging me for being single...trying to gauge out what is wrong with me.
It's still rude, but it could've come off better from someone who was old enough to be my dad.
Yup, that's a bit creepy!!! Maybe the next guy will be younger for you!0 -
I guess it's one of these where you can see the glass as half full or half empty. You seem to lack self-confidence in this area (dating), so it doesn't seem surprising you see this as an attack.I do think it depends on who. From a married 50 yr old man to a 22 yr old girl, it's judgmental. But it might be totally different if it was a 22 yr old guy I think is hot...I would take that more as flirty. But that married 50 yr old man just made it seem like he was judging me for being single...trying to gauge out what is wrong with me.
It's still rude, but it could've come off better from someone who was old enough to be my dad.
Next time someone say that to you, think of it as replying to this question "Why are you alone? I know so many men who would love to have a nice girl like you!".0 -
I guess it's one of these where you can see the glass as half full or half empty. You seem to lack self-confidence in this area (dating), so it doesn't seem surprising you see this as an attack.I do think it depends on who. From a married 50 yr old man to a 22 yr old girl, it's judgmental. But it might be totally different if it was a 22 yr old guy I think is hot...I would take that more as flirty. But that married 50 yr old man just made it seem like he was judging me for being single...trying to gauge out what is wrong with me.
It's still rude, but it could've come off better from someone who was old enough to be my dad.
Next time someone say that to you, think of it as replying to this question "Why are you alone? I know so many men who would love to have a nice girl like you!".
That's a nice thought to think, but I don't think most people mean it like that. I think they mean it like, "What's wrong with you that you're single?" If they wanted to say a compliment, they would add, "because you're so cute/funny/nice/friendly."0 -
Got asked twice tonight "so do you have a boyfriend?" One guy even asked "why not?" So awkward.
Ask them out on a date if they are single. Ask them for a referral to a single and looking person if they are not since they are taking an interest in your dating life.Plus you'd make DM very proud if you went the friend of a friend route.
Yes, you would.
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