That time of the year...
Options
Replies
-
I have heard this a couple of times. I was always honest with them.
"Why not?"
My response was something of the nature, "Would you like to be with someone like me?" or "Fit women and fat guys are only true in TV shows"
Why be self-depreciating? Just an honest question! Because if someone told me that I would have no idea what to respond with. Better to say something like "I'm busy," am I right?0 -
I have heard this a couple of times. I was always honest with them.
"Why not?"
My response was something of the nature, "Would you like to be with someone like me?" or "Fit women and fat guys are only true in TV shows"
Why be self-depreciating? Just an honest question! Because if someone told me that I would have no idea what to respond with. Better to say something like "I'm busy," am I right?
I am very self-depreciating and am my own worst critic. So it is just my way. And shuts them up as far as follow up goes as well.0 -
I have heard this a couple of times. I was always honest with them.
"Why not?"
My response was something of the nature, "Would you like to be with someone like me?" or "Fit women and fat guys are only true in TV shows"
Why be self-depreciating? Just an honest question! Because if someone told me that I would have no idea what to respond with. Better to say something like "I'm busy," am I right?
I am very self-depreciating and am my own worst critic. So it is just my way. And shuts them up as far as follow up goes as well.
Yeah... but it also turns off potential matches
0 -
If "why not?" really bothers you, turn the screws on them. Ask them if they are single. If they say no, ask "why not?"0
-
I don't understand why your girls find that so rude... Does that not mean that you look more than date-able to him?
That addendum always floors me, both because it's so rude, and so awkward, and because I find it almost impossible to answer with both truth and dignity. "Because I haven't met the right guy at the right time" is about the only option, and somehow I always feel like that's a cop out.One guy even asked "why not?"
Was thinking the same thing. For some reason I think a lot of the gals in here think all guys should master how to hit on a girl or ask them out. Honestly, if a girl said any of this too me and I was attracted I'd be all over this!! Just remember us guys feel like a nervous wreck when we try to ask a girl out, and shouldn't be held to the dotted i and crossed t of what comes out of our mouths!0 -
I don't understand why your girls find that so rude... Does that not mean that you look more than date-able to him?
That addendum always floors me, both because it's so rude, and so awkward, and because I find it almost impossible to answer with both truth and dignity. "Because I haven't met the right guy at the right time" is about the only option, and somehow I always feel like that's a cop out.One guy even asked "why not?"
Was thinking the same thing. For some reason I think a lot of the gals in here think all guys should master how to hit on a girl or ask them out. Honestly, if a girl said any of this too me and I was attracted I'd be all over this!! Just remember us guys feel like a nervous wreck when we try to ask a girl out, and shouldn't be held to the dotted i and crossed t of what comes out of our mouths!
I do think it depends on who. From a married 50 yr old man to a 22 yr old girl, it's judgmental. But it might be totally different if it was a 22 yr old guy I think is hot...I would take that more as flirty. But that married 50 yr old man just made it seem like he was judging me for being single...trying to gauge out what is wrong with me.
It's still rude, but it could've come off better from someone who was old enough to be my dad.0 -
I don't understand why your girls find that so rude... Does that not mean that you look more than date-able to him?
That addendum always floors me, both because it's so rude, and so awkward, and because I find it almost impossible to answer with both truth and dignity. "Because I haven't met the right guy at the right time" is about the only option, and somehow I always feel like that's a cop out.One guy even asked "why not?"
Was thinking the same thing. For some reason I think a lot of the gals in here think all guys should master how to hit on a girl or ask them out. Honestly, if a girl said any of this too me and I was attracted I'd be all over this!! Just remember us guys feel like a nervous wreck when we try to ask a girl out, and shouldn't be held to the dotted i and crossed t of what comes out of our mouths!
I do think it depends on who. From a married 50 yr old man to a 22 yr old girl, it's judgmental. But it might be totally different if it was a 22 yr old guy I think is hot...I would take that more as flirty. But that married 50 yr old man just made it seem like he was judging me for being single...trying to gauge out what is wrong with me.
It's still rude, but it could've come off better from someone who was old enough to be my dad.
Yup, that's a bit creepy!!! Maybe the next guy will be younger for you!0 -
I guess it's one of these where you can see the glass as half full or half empty. You seem to lack self-confidence in this area (dating), so it doesn't seem surprising you see this as an attack.I do think it depends on who. From a married 50 yr old man to a 22 yr old girl, it's judgmental. But it might be totally different if it was a 22 yr old guy I think is hot...I would take that more as flirty. But that married 50 yr old man just made it seem like he was judging me for being single...trying to gauge out what is wrong with me.
It's still rude, but it could've come off better from someone who was old enough to be my dad.
Next time someone say that to you, think of it as replying to this question "Why are you alone? I know so many men who would love to have a nice girl like you!".0 -
I guess it's one of these where you can see the glass as half full or half empty. You seem to lack self-confidence in this area (dating), so it doesn't seem surprising you see this as an attack.I do think it depends on who. From a married 50 yr old man to a 22 yr old girl, it's judgmental. But it might be totally different if it was a 22 yr old guy I think is hot...I would take that more as flirty. But that married 50 yr old man just made it seem like he was judging me for being single...trying to gauge out what is wrong with me.
It's still rude, but it could've come off better from someone who was old enough to be my dad.
Next time someone say that to you, think of it as replying to this question "Why are you alone? I know so many men who would love to have a nice girl like you!".
That's a nice thought to think, but I don't think most people mean it like that. I think they mean it like, "What's wrong with you that you're single?" If they wanted to say a compliment, they would add, "because you're so cute/funny/nice/friendly."0 -
Got asked twice tonight "so do you have a boyfriend?" One guy even asked "why not?" So awkward.
Ask them out on a date if they are single. Ask them for a referral to a single and looking person if they are not since they are taking an interest in your dating life.Plus you'd make DM very proud if you went the friend of a friend route.
Yes, you would.
0 -
Just ask then... To check if you are right or wrong about about it all... what does it cost you to ask anyway?That's a nice thought to think, but I don't think most people mean it like that. I think they mean it like, "What's wrong with you that you're single?" If they wanted to say a compliment, they would add, "because you're so cute/funny/nice/friendly."
So just ask, next time: "What do you mean?" or "Why are you saying that?".
Or dismiss the question by making a joke, as others have suggested.0 -
Ask them out on a date if they are single. Ask them for a referral to a single and looking person if they are not since they are taking an interest in your dating life.
Generally speaking, this is a good idea but the man who asked lives an hour away and so anyone he knew wouldn't have been in my vicinity. The woman ran away quite quickly (she was just up grabbing some dessert from where I was sitting).0 -
Just ask then... To check if you are right or wrong about about it all... what does it cost you to ask anyway?That's a nice thought to think, but I don't think most people mean it like that. I think they mean it like, "What's wrong with you that you're single?" If they wanted to say a compliment, they would add, "because you're so cute/funny/nice/friendly."
So just ask, next time: "What do you mean?" or "Why are you saying that?".
I just can't be rude back, it's not my nature. The question is clear, and to me, answering that way back is kind of being a smarta$$. But you're a man and that comes off completely different than if a woman was to say it. Men can get away with that kinda stuff.0 -
What the hell... Now even "What do you mean?" is rude!!! Seriously?
I just can't be rude back, it's not my nature. The question is clear, and to me, answering that way back is kind of being a smarta$$. But you're a man and that comes off completely different than if a woman was to say it. Men can get away with that kinda stuff.
Just ask then... To check if you are right or wrong about about it all... what does it cost you to ask anyway?That's a nice thought to think, but I don't think most people mean it like that. I think they mean it like, "What's wrong with you that you're single?" If they wanted to say a compliment, they would add, "because you're so cute/funny/nice/friendly."
So just ask, next time: "What do you mean?" or "Why are you saying that?".
It didn't even cross my mind that it could be. Imagine saying that with a smile and with an interrogative tone of voice if it helps you then... Like, when you don't understand something someone has said, for example?
YES, it is possible for people to be nice to each other and not everyone is trying to be rude at other people all the time!0 -
What the hell... Now even "What do you mean?" is rude!!! Seriously?
I just can't be rude back, it's not my nature. The question is clear, and to me, answering that way back is kind of being a smarta$$. But you're a man and that comes off completely different than if a woman was to say it. Men can get away with that kinda stuff.
Just ask then... To check if you are right or wrong about about it all... what does it cost you to ask anyway?That's a nice thought to think, but I don't think most people mean it like that. I think they mean it like, "What's wrong with you that you're single?" If they wanted to say a compliment, they would add, "because you're so cute/funny/nice/friendly."
So just ask, next time: "What do you mean?" or "Why are you saying that?".
It didn't even cross my mind that it could be. Imagine saying that with a smile and with an interrogative tone of voice if it helps you then... Like, when you don't understand something someone has said, for example?
YES, it is possible for people to be nice to each other and not everyone is trying to be rude at other people all the time!
I guess it depends on tone. To me, saying, "What do you mean?" when you've clearly heard the question and it's a simple question, is rude. It's doubting what the person said. I don't want to be rude back to the person.
If you don't understand the question, "What do you mean?" is fine. But when the question is simply, "why are you single?" it's not like the speaker has another intention so you know what it means. So to ask "what do you mean?" is rude to me.
And don't even get me started with "why are you saying that?"
ETA - Most people are very nice in this world. But it is all about your intent behind your words. "What do you mean?" is rude, depending on what you are asking and what your intent is.0 -
if a guy is asking me, it's usually because he's trying to see if I am available. if he asks why not, it is usually because he thinks i'm hot or could be a good catch and he's surprised i'm actually single.
i like to answer do you have a boyfriend with no but i'm taking applications. questions like why not with something like because you haven't asked me out yet or set me up with a friend if he's obviously attached.
sometimes old people ask it to be mean, but just ignore them and dont let it get you down. they're old. its like theyre from a different time zone and decades ago something was seriously wrong for someone our age being single. they just didnt get the memo that times have changed. or they think they're actually helping or something.0 -
sometimes old people ask it to be mean, but just ignore them and dont let it get you down. they're old. its like theyre from a different time zone and decades ago something was seriously wrong for someone our age being single. they just didnt get the memo that times have changed. or they think they're actually helping or something.
That is a good point...I think our generation is sooo much different than the previous ones...none of my close friends have BFs.0
