Advice...
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jbella99
Posts: 596 Member
So in the past 2 months I have met two guys..
Guy#1 we"ll call RW is 43 never been married no kids, ultra business man. High powered successful. Every girl's dream come true Right?? Well except that his social skills are lacking severely. He hardly talks at all, is always distracted and travels weekly for business. Despite my asking him if he's interested and that he seems uninterested he says he's just really busy, likes spending time with me, and is very quiet. We haven't actually gone on a real date. Mainly we hang out at his place and although it's nice i have no clue what to make of the whole thing. Is he interested and just shy? Is he just lookin for someone to keep his bed warm? Not too sure...
Guy#2 we'll call blue eyes is 26, never been married no kids. His dad answered a kijiji ad and proceeded to say his son would be interested in my old universal gym in the garage I told him to give him my number. Well, he came by and them started text flirting with me. We talked about the fact that I am 12 years older than him. He said he doesn't care. I told him I'm not looking for a "playmate" neither is he. He's sweet, attentive and fun. I admit the age thing worries me, and I'm finding myself a little torn about it. How can I start a relationship with someone who is that much younger?
I would like to get a guys opinion especially on RW cuz he is the one that perplexes me the most. I am very attracted to him but is it because he seems so uninterested or could it be something more?
BTW.. both guys know I am still dating other people until I get serious with someone.
Guy#1 we"ll call RW is 43 never been married no kids, ultra business man. High powered successful. Every girl's dream come true Right?? Well except that his social skills are lacking severely. He hardly talks at all, is always distracted and travels weekly for business. Despite my asking him if he's interested and that he seems uninterested he says he's just really busy, likes spending time with me, and is very quiet. We haven't actually gone on a real date. Mainly we hang out at his place and although it's nice i have no clue what to make of the whole thing. Is he interested and just shy? Is he just lookin for someone to keep his bed warm? Not too sure...
Guy#2 we'll call blue eyes is 26, never been married no kids. His dad answered a kijiji ad and proceeded to say his son would be interested in my old universal gym in the garage I told him to give him my number. Well, he came by and them started text flirting with me. We talked about the fact that I am 12 years older than him. He said he doesn't care. I told him I'm not looking for a "playmate" neither is he. He's sweet, attentive and fun. I admit the age thing worries me, and I'm finding myself a little torn about it. How can I start a relationship with someone who is that much younger?
I would like to get a guys opinion especially on RW cuz he is the one that perplexes me the most. I am very attracted to him but is it because he seems so uninterested or could it be something more?
BTW.. both guys know I am still dating other people until I get serious with someone.
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Replies
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If it was me, I'd go with door #2. Age is only a number.
But it depends on what you want really. The 26 year old might not be too keen on "settling down" only because of his age. The 43 year old sounds like a "forever bachelor". Both are unlikely to commit fully to you any time soon (I mean marriage, not a committed long term relationship). I feel both ages can commit, but I can't promise to what extent.
To me, it sounds like you like door #2 better but feel door #1 is safer only because of his age. Door #1 sounds downright annoying, boring and a PIA to me. Go for the fun one...life is too short for boring.0 -
I'd slam door #1 shut. I need communication in a relationship, as well as activity. If a man doesn't want to bring you out, there could be a reason for it. Then again, maybe he's just a homebody. Either way, I personally wouldn't care for it.
I'd proceed with caution with door #2 based solely on age, but I'd give him a fair chance. I wouldn't discount his ability to be committed based on age, because all men are different. Just have fun with him and take it day by day.
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I'd slam door #1 shut. I need communication in a relationship, as well as activity. If a man doesn't want to bring you out, there could be a reason for it. Then again, maybe he's just a homebody. Either way, I personally wouldn't care for it.
I'd proceed with caution with door #2 based solely on age, but I'd give him a fair chance. I wouldn't discount his ability to be committed based on age, because all men are different. Just have fun with him and take it day by day.
You did all the typing for me! Thanks lol. All jokes aside, I do agree with this.
EDIT-
I'd like to add that door #1 is probably more intriguing to you because he is financially stable and his age may give you a feeling of security, perhaps?0 -
guy #1 isn't interested. walk away unless you're OK with just being a bed warmer.
guy #2 : give him a chance. age is a number and different people mature at different rates0 -
Neither.0
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I agree with those above.
I see no reason why #1 hasn't taken you out on a real date with everything that he has on paper.
#2 go forward but if you want to marry in the next couple years would try and keep it light and not too serious.0 -
I would probably cast them both aside and go fishing for new prospects.
It sounds like you are discovering why RW is never married, no kids! Even if he is just really socially awkward and doesn't know how to date, the fact that you've been seeing him for two months and he's never taken you out is just bizarre. With him, I would decline the invitation to his house next time, and say that you'd prefer to go out for the evening and see what he does. Also, I get being really busy with work, but if he is with you he shouldn't be that distracted. Do you think he is seeing anyone else? Has he put the moves on you?
Regarding blue eyes, I'm the same age as you and would personally have a problem going 12 years younger. I know "age is just a number" and all that business, but to me that is a huge gap in terms of where you are in life.0 -
I agree with DM. You have reservations about both. Why bother. They aren't the last two single men within 100 miles of you are they?0
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Did you sleep with #1? If you did this is just more F-buddies to me.0
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I agree with DM. You have reservations about both. Why bother. They aren't the last two single men within 100 miles of you are they?
Going to third this.
The gut feeling I got reading it was that #1 intrigues you for the reason you said,he appears to be passively rejecting you and you are trying to win him whether deep down you want him or not.
The main feeling I got on #2 is that the whole situation excites you and that is the interest,the rush of it all not the person.0 -
In my opinion..
#1 You want him because he is high powered, successful and elusive. You want him because he doesn't want you. If you could just get him to do so, this would be the ultimate ego boost/conquest! It would feel like - look at what high calibre and type of man is interested in you! Sweet! But you have already said he's distracted, busy, boring and doesn't have the social skills you'd want. Say a firm NO to your ego and cut him loose.
#2 Cute, young guy - total ego boost! You want him because he wants you.. and because it is cute, flattering and exciting to have a handsome young man lusting after you. But 12 years? It's a lot. You are probably at VERY different places in life. You may also start to wonder if/when he'll start looking for a younger woman..and when the sweet and attentive side he has gets focused on someone else, or dies off.
Neither seem really dateable long term, and if that's what you are looking for..I would say goodbye to both.0 -
I agree with DM. You have reservations about both. Why bother. They aren't the last two single men within 100 miles of you are they?
Going to third this.
The gut feeling I got reading it was that #1 intrigues you for the reason you said,he appears to be passively rejecting you and you are trying to win him whether deep down you want him or not.
The main feeling I got on #2 is that the whole situation excites you and that is the interest,the rush of it all not the person.
It's interesting all the guys say neither. :huh:
I agree you do not sound interested in #1 so move on. He also doesn't have the time to devote to a relationship that you want.
#2 seems fine to me (and I would think DM would appreciate that they met through a real life situation and he's in the 'perfect age range' before he has past-his-prime cooties
). I don't get the impression that the OP doesn't like the guy, simply that she has concerns - which is most likely why she's here venting to Peeps. Having a concern is not the same as not being into someone. I say go slowly with #2 and see where things go. Age really is just a number! 0 -
I agree with DM. You have reservations about both. Why bother. They aren't the last two single men within 100 miles of you are they?
Going to third this.
The gut feeling I got reading it was that #1 intrigues you for the reason you said,he appears to be passively rejecting you and you are trying to win him whether deep down you want him or not.
The main feeling I got on #2 is that the whole situation excites you and that is the interest,the rush of it all not the person.
4th!
Guy #1 doesn't seem terribly interested. It sounds like it's just not there.
Guy #2 is too young. A 26 yr old will only view a much older woman as an FWB. The 26 yr old is probably a horny kid who's looking to shack up with an older woman. He know he has age on his side and he'll use that to his advantage to getting what he wants (I've been there and done that!). If you want a brief FWB then go for Guy #2.
Neither one of these guys screams relationship material to me.0 -
I agree with DM. You have reservations about both. Why bother. They aren't the last two single men within 100 miles of you are they?
Going to third this.
The gut feeling I got reading it was that #1 intrigues you for the reason you said,he appears to be passively rejecting you and you are trying to win him whether deep down you want him or not.
The main feeling I got on #2 is that the whole situation excites you and that is the interest,the rush of it all not the person.
4th!
Guy #1 doesn't seem terribly interested. It sounds like it's just not there.
Guy #2 is too young. A 26 yr old will only view a much older woman as an FWB. The 26 yr old is probably a horny kid who's looking to shack up with an older woman. He know he has age on his side and he'll use that to his advantage to getting what he wants (I've been there and done that!). If you want a brief FWB then go for Guy #2.
Neither one of these guys screams relationship material to me.
X5 here
Guy number 1 snooze fest. Plus 2 months and you've never been on a date buh-bye
Now Guy number 2 could be fun but you said you dont want a FWB so I would pass him by the wayside. Now if you want something mostly physical #2 would be your boy (and with a 12 yr age difference I do mean boy)0 -
If you are looking for a LTR. . neither is your guy. .0
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I agree with DM. You have reservations about both. Why bother. They aren't the last two single men within 100 miles of you are they?
Going to third this.
The gut feeling I got reading it was that #1 intrigues you for the reason you said,he appears to be passively rejecting you and you are trying to win him whether deep down you want him or not.
The main feeling I got on #2 is that the whole situation excites you and that is the interest,the rush of it all not the person.
It's interesting all the guys say neither. :huh:
I agree you do not sound interested in #1 so move on. He also doesn't have the time to devote to a relationship that you want.
#2 seems fine to me (and I would think DM would appreciate that they met through a real life situation and he's in the 'perfect age range' before he has past-his-prime cooties). I don't get the impression that the OP doesn't like the guy, simply that she has concerns - which is most likely why she's here venting to Peeps. Having a concern is not the same as not being into someone. I say go slowly with #2 and see where things go. Age really is just a number!
Only going by what was written and the feel I got.
He came by for a business transaction and as described followed it up by sexting to a degree.
For whatever reasons this was welcomed rather then offensive and that is fine,not making a judgment just an observation and why my gut feeling is that a younger man she must have found desirable on the surface was exciting to her to have him do this.
I am always leery when someone makes a statement instantly that a situation which could very well have a long term impact,in this case an age difference (I don`t care which is the older) is no problem.
They are speaking for the moment of course but actually should reflect on the reality of it.0 -
Guy #1 is not your type. Dunno why you're even asking about him.
Guy #2 sounds like fun. Roll with it. If it doesn't work out not big deal. If it does, well you will go in the book of improbability.
Have fun!0 -
I also say pass on both. First guy isn't showing enough interest and seems to be taking your attention for granted since you are already just hanging out at his place. He's not trying to court you, so he doesn't seem to be looking for a relationship - at least not with you.
To me, 26 is way too young for 38. Different life stages and far too many differences in life experience and knowing who you are. Yes, I know that everyone is different and some people mature earlier, but as already said - there two men, who both seem unsuitable in some way, aren't the only two fish in the sea. It's a nice ego boost to have the attention of a younger man, but that's all I would take from it myself.0 -
As a 24-year-old that is interested in a 37-year-old for a LTR, I suggest giving the dude a chance to prove himself. Take it as slow or not as you want to, but don't just dismiss because of his age.0
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So.....let me get this straight. In a man's perspective:
If a 38 yr old man pursues a 26 yr old woman, there would be a possibility for a LTR.
But, if a 26 yr old man pursues a 38 yr old woman, he's just looking for a piece of *kitten*.
Good to know. Thanks guys.0
