Menopausal Mad Hatters - We WILL be just FINE (Dec 17th)
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Wow, such great insightful, reflective posts on this thread. Melissa, I particularly identified with the perfect analogy of "sometimes I feel like being disciplined is like holding my breath and I can only do it for so long".
I woke up today with a different take on things. I was thinking that my energy focus on trying to be so disciplined is taking away from what I believe the true spirit of Christmas is : Love, Joy Hope and Peace. So I have decided to try to keep my mind and soul focused more on the true spirit and enjoy this wonderful holiday. Christmas has always been my favorite. And nowhere in this true spirit in which I believe does it mean to engage in unhealthy behavior, so while changing my focus it doesn't mean I have to revert to unhealthy old habits. But if loosening up a bit means a few pounds (and only a few pounds), then so be it. That is not the end of the world and can be remedied. Wish me luck , and I wish you all
LOVE, JOY, HOPE and PEACE0 -
And a smile to start your day :-)
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Where to start… This may have been one of my best years to date. I have many new ,supportive friends, that I believe with all my heart ,even though I have never laid eyes on them or heard their voice, that they would be there for me in any way they could…I mean you ..The ones who log into Hatters .
This has been my only time since gaining all this weight ,that I have felt like I’m in control. I may not have lost a lot by many people’s standards, but looking back at my track record from years past…I am doing AWESOME!! ……
Don’t get me wrong, I still eat badly, I still over-eat occasionally.. and I was a big overeater from the Clean your plate club! I was a “don’t through away those Home fries”…….no matter how full I was!! I now find myself choosing the less fatty item, most times, asking myself “ Are you hungry or just bored?” sometimes, instead of mindlessly eating…So I know that I’m DOING IT!! It just may be slower than some can do it..Yes, I could try harder and I want to try harder next year, So I will!!
With your help and friendship.
Here’s to a GREAT NEW YEAR!!
Having said all that…….
Today is the day to weigh –in for the Pound for Pound challenge...I am not feeling that I did my best, may have even gained!! We all weigh-in as a group at one time on the shipping scales… but I really hope we can show a bit of loss! We are going to bring canned goods to donate ourselves after the New Year, to help make up for the fact that we may not have lost… Not trying to make excuses for us all, but it really is hard to lose weight in only two weeks, especially if you’re not in the losing weight frame of mind already.
THANKS FOR BEING A FRIEND!!
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Morning Hatters!
I have been trying to get in some shopping in the mornings before heading into work all week and haven't managed it yet, so today I am bound and determined to get out there and get at least ONE stop made because I am too chicken to want to go anywhere near a store on the weekend!! But I was too tired to post when I got home last night, and I wanted to make sure I got something in today before I get ready. Today was my weigh in day; I'm up a pound but I'm not in crisis LOL.. but I want to get rid of it before the end of the year; I'm not going to try to lose weight as such over the holidays, but I know mentally I want to be at least to the lowest number I've recorded on my journey (which was last week) before the New Year starts... I NEED to see that clock strike midnight and have my first thought be I DON'T HAVE TO GO ON A DIET THIS YEAR!.. I've never ever been able to say that so that is my goal for Dec 31st LOL.. and today is my last day of work; I'm on vacation til January 5th or so after 11pm tonite - and honestly, I'm kinda glad i'll be away from the food there - i seriously under estimated how hard it is for me to be around it all - much easier to control at home!
Ok time is flying I;m going to work backwards from the posts and up so pardon what may be rather mixed up replies!
Gail!! HUGE HUGE IPOU my friend!! You SHOULD be amazingly proud of yourself!!!! You have made huge strides in changing some old habits, huge ones!!!! And our motto IS small changes lead to big ones, right?? And I dont know about you, but making little ones along the way has indeed been the greatest help to me too.. I am so happy for ... and so proud of you... and ditto on the finding all of the Hatters.. !
Seehee howled at the cartoon!!! Only Hatters would have "foodie" pets LOL.. LOVED your post btw.. so true..my sister and i had a similar discussion and this year we are not going to stress over gifts or food or what not, just appreciate that we have each other and are blessed to have so much!
Tammy - I read your blog last nite; so glad you posted it here and that you shared some of your journey - love your decision on the exercise goals and structuring it! I was sorry to read you're under the weather; you have had a tuff go in that area; re the anemia.. i know you don't eat a lot of red meat which is the best and most easily absorbed source of iron for us humans and helps the immune system... (supplements work but they are harder to absorb).. did the doc put you on any supplements to bring up your iron? I bet you were doing the happy dance on the scale at the doc's.. how often does THAT happen for us lol congrats!!
Patrice: good for you; and I know exatly what you mean about the old habits resurfacing.. i think i was gettinga little too c ock y about "yeah I got this down" and when the old habits started coming back i got worried.. but thanks to hearing others have struggled and overcome, it has helped me realize too that while they might, i can still choose to keep working at hcanging them!
Janet: i dont know if i said it in the message but I didn't put the ginger in that recipe either... lol told you i kinda fiddled with it tho, right? love the frozen godiva treat idea!! I am a dark chocolate lover and usually allowed myself one square a day... but frozen would last longer!! Thank you for sharing your struggle during the disagreement with DH too.. specially this time of year tempers tend to flare cause we're all stressed out.. you handled it so well. huge IPOU!
Tonya -- speaking of IPOU's... you ROCK!! i KNOW this season holds some fear for you from past experience about big weight gains, so you must be SO proud of yourself for having conquered that habit!!!!! Big hugs.. and bigh congrats!!
Kobie: i WAS allowing myself one treat a day.. figured would keep the monkey off my back for cravings... did great til the lunches lol..but from now til xmas will go back to the one treat a day too.. well done btw!
Carol - I'm with ya on the certified chocolate lover.. I think I have a membership card somewhere!
OK.. gotta get my butt in gear.. last night was crazy busy (hmm.. but I still managed to eat my way through the shift but didnt have time to do my laps? yeah... note to self... nice try excuse wise Snooz!! Tonight will vow to get at least 20 laps in!
Have a great day Hatters!0 -
Seehee, thanks for reminding us of the true meaning of Christmas.0
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Seehee, thanks for reminding us of the true meaning of Christmas.
Absolutly Seehee. I know I have not been doing well as of late as far as exercise & what I eat, but the bigger picture has me down 24 lb from 1 year ago, and for that I am happy.
I need some non fitness advise from my friends here. I have this problem at work with one particular co-worker. I say hello, and she does not respond, sometimes will not even look at me. This has been going on for quite some time and I have addressed it with my supervisor, but have been told as long as it does not affect work proformance there is nothing she can do. If I try to make light conversation it seems it is alway strained and in conflict to what I might be saying. Yesterday I brought small gifts in to each of my co-workers. I left hers on her desk before she arrived. All the others opened there gifts and thanked me, but I got absolutley no response from this one person. I checked back to be sure she recieved it and she did, but still did not acknowledge it. How do I respond? I need to have contact with this person several times a day with work issues and it is getting harder and harder to bite my tongue and be courteous. I know this issue with this person is not just unique to me & she has had this reputation for a long time. Any suggestions ladies?0 -
Hi, Bis, So sorry you’re going through this, To me there’s nothing more stressful than having to work in those situations…I know I just got through one a few months back… This is what I did to ease the strain. I found a time when she and I were alone, ( and while I knew I had not done anything to her) I asked her if I had done anything that may have offended her, and if I had please tell me and I would try and rectify it. Because being adults, and knowing we both had to work together; it would make things less stressful if we were on better terms. We now, at least speak, and make some small talk.. I don’t know if this helps, but I hope it
will get worked out, for your sake
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Peace , Love, and Merry Chrristmas!
Gail0 -
Morning Hatters!!
I am bound and determined come hell or high water to be out the door early this morning for my shop but wanted to wish everyone a good Thursday!
Bis - wow.. slippery slope when it comes to dealing with co workers.. especially if its a small company and you have to see them all the time .. and obviously not knowing all the dymamics makes it hard to suggest something, so i'll give ya what i got and if any of it sounds plausible or helpful, yay.. if not, sowwy
(
First suggestion - you mentioned she has a reputation for being a *itch to everyone.. (oh sorry was that my out loud voice??) Quite frankly, IMO, if she's like that as a human being, you ain't gonna change her. And every minute you spend worrying or thinking about why SHE is being that way is a minute of your life you won't get back, and it ain't taking any of her time or effort to worry about it.. so my first suggestion is just start treating her with monumental indifference... her power comes from having people trying to be friendly and nice and her getting to snub them... start assuming an air of monumental indifference when dealing with her - not being nasty or rude, but let go of any pretence of trying to be friendly and only deal with her WHEN you have to, and with an attitude of indifference and strictly professional.. answer the question or ask it of her with indifference (when you look at her just equate her with a level of importance around that of the lint in your belly button..)
you know what i mean.. when she asks something.. answer her as almost an after thought... let her know she's of little importance in your world.. because the harder you try, the more she will enjoy making you feel like it's YOU who has a problem. Chat and socialize with the lovely people you do work with and enjoy their company... don't give up any more of your time giving HER another thought because honestly, she isn't worth it.
Now.. after having horrified everyone with that answer lol... you could go the warm and fuzzy route.. ask her to join you for a coffee and a chat and ask her flat out if there's a personal problem she might be having because you've noticed she's been withdrawn somewhat (pretend like you're concerned she might have a problem and that's why she's being ..preoccupied).. or keep trying to be nice to her... honey over vinegar and all that.. but honestly sweetie.. at this point in my life.. I don't have time anymore for the ones I call the "lifesuckers"... I can deal with them at work by using the indifference attitude (but we have 40-50 people every shift so it's not like there are only a few and you have to all get along - hence why i said the dynamics might be harder for you).
Not much help I know.. but it's all I got... just remember right now it's you who is spending time worrying about the situation.. I bet ya my next paycheck she's not giving you or the situation one second of thought..or losing any sleep over it.. some people.. are just... not nice human beings and you can't change em.0 -
Yes! I agree with Snooze!! While I took the warm and fuzzy route...I salute Snoozie's...It's much more fun!!0
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Bis...you may remember me talking about the "Bimbo" in previous posts. This is exactly the problem I was having with this person although on a greater level. For your own peace of mind, I recommend you only speak when necessary and realize that she can't engage with other people as much as we might like. I have spent the last 4 years being angry, sad and just downright
pissed off. I finally just gave up and since then have been much happier. I don't expect, therefore I am not disappointed. I have been to my manager and his manager about this problem and because of certain contractual things we can not get rid of her even though we are a "right to work" state. I feel for you and understand your frustration.
I tried Gail's approach and it didn't work. That is when I went to the managers. I always have tried to work things out with co-workers and in the instance it has been impossible. We are a small office of 25 and only 7 of us are women.....this makes things really hard during holidays and such as it is left to me to make arrangements for all celebratory gatherings. I can't even talk to her about planning or helping out.
I really hope this gets better for you, cause I know it is a PITA.0 -
Saw this on SparkPeople this morning. Kinda lengthy, but worth the read in my opinion. Have a wonderful day!
Practicing the Art of Self-Compassion
Next month I will celebrate my 7th SparkVersary. It's hard to believe I have been a part of this community for so long--3 years as a member and 4 years as an employee. And in this time I have had the opportunity to read and respond to literally thousands of message board posts covering topics ranging from weight loss to running and everything in between.
One of the best parts of my job is inspiring others to take the steps necessary to lead them down the path to healthy living. Not necessarily following in my exact path, but forging their own path so that they can embrace their own success. As my former running coach once told me years ago when my own motivation was waning, "Nancy, motivation is a gift we give ourselves. Inspiration is a gift we give others."
I hope I can inspire you to look beyond the outside and see the true beauty that lies within ALL of us.
In my time here at SparkPeople I have read so many posts from members bringing themselves down with such comments--
"I am so fat."
"I hate my body."
"I'll never lose the weight to fit back in my jeans."
"I'm destined to be fat."
"I have been on my diet for three weeks and I still haven't lost weight, so I might as well throw in the towel."
"My family/friends/co-workers think I have no self-control."
"If only I weighed 10, 20, 50, 100 pounds less, my life would be perfect."
"I feel fat."
"I just can't do this!"
Sadly, the list could go on forever. For me as a mentor these are the toughest issues to approach. While I have tricks to help one run more efficiently or help with an exercise issue, when it comes to helping one change the way they view themselves requires a much more delicate approach.
Why is it that we can say these things to ourselves when we would NEVER say them to a family member or friend?
The Art of Self-Compassion is when we learn to treat ourselves with the same love and compassion we would have for others regardless of their faults and short-comings. So many of us have been taught to give to others even if that means sacrificing our own goals and dreams. If we don't, then the world views us as selfish. But the reality is, when we take time to care for our own needs then we have so much more to offer others in our life.
We must learn to forgive ourselves. Just like we forgive others who have wronged us.
We must learn to talk nicely about ourselves, just like we do to our children, family and our friends.
We must learn to embrace the challenges life throws our way and not consider any short-comings a failure on our part.
We must learn to take time out for ourselves, whether that is going for a nice walk, taking a nap or having a good cry. This allows us to recharge our batteries.
We must learn to be kind to ourselves regardless of what the scale reads. If someone judges me on my looks that speaks more of them, than it does of me.
We must learn to accept our own imperfections. None of us are infallible. We will make mistakes, but we must treat ourselves with kindness.
So my challenge to you is to begin the process of embracing the person you are TODAY--not the person you were. Not the person you long to be, BUT the person you are at this very moment. When we love who we are, in all our faults and imperfections than we are able to move forward and give ourselves the best gift of all--SELF-COMPASSION!0 -
I am on that Snoozie boat. Of course I am not always smooth enough to cover with concern but I am learning the older I get. I do wish I was more of the warm and fuzzy but then who would be the witch? LOLOL After some of the things I have been called in my life I enjoy being just a witch at this stage !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:bigsmile:
4 hours and bring on the Holiday !!!! All the students are " I can't wait to break"
I am honey could can't be more excited than we are !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then house cleaning and cooking !!! Everyone enjoy this FRIDAY !!!0 -
Thank you for the advice ladies. I think Snooozie is right, it is just not worth my stressing over it.
Her is a more spacific example of what I deal with. Do you remember my doing that cancer walk back in September? I was not asking for donations in any way, but was relaying to a couple of people my "pennies from Heaven" story of the 9yo cancer victom who recenlty passed and the group of woman I was to walk with who support cancer victims & there famlies. This person spoke up & stated she would never give $$ to cancer research as they have a cure & the medical world just wants to keep people sick. (note this person is a nurse). I was knocked speachless by the comment. She has lost several family members to cancer, but is still floored me. I did it out of compassion for that 9 yo & was proud to walk the 13 miles and support a mother who had lost her daughter just 1 week before. I could give several other examples.
Well enough of that, not worth my brain space!!! Everyone enjoy your day. We are all rock'n it!!0 -
for Patrice: I love the art of "I am".....
if we say we are fat, ugly, not beautiful, then what do we become????
I love the I am affirmation....
I am beautiful, strong, talented, rich, etc.......
Got this from Joel Olsteen and Oprah... (but I prefer Joel....just sayin....nicer on the eyes... "winks and smiles".....
Remember, we are made in His image, and he is.......beautiful, strong, talented, rich, etc.....
Love you all and Merry Christmas or whatever it is you celebrate this time of year.....
Christmas Carol.....0 -
<<< old picture.....not going back to that # again...
such a Disney girl.....0 -
People like that are just nasty and they are going to be that way no matter what, so I agree with the advice to recognize who is the one with the problem ,her, and then have as minimum interaction as possible and keep it as indifferent as possible. And then to neutralize that other nasty person's nasty energy, I try to visualize something humorous to associate with them for every time I see them , like I might envision us being little penguins and as I stand at work and she walks by........
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@ seehee - love it, will need to remember for when the PITAs are in my area too......:grumble: :grumble:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
LOVE the penguins, we have all felt like that.
Patrice, it is hard dealing with people who just refuse to recognize normal civilities. When I am faced with these people in my life, I repeat the serenity prayer and TRY to recognize I can't change them, only how I react to them. Sometimes it is really hard, but I hope you recognize it is all about her and not about you. Her cancer comments show that this is a very bitter woman.
I am dealing with a case of the holiday blues, my mom's best friend died on the 29th anniversary of my mom's death and while I usually notice the empty space that she left around her anniversary and through Christmas, going to that funeral just seemed to make it more difficult to acknowledge the never closing hole in my heart and move on. I am struggling not to use my normal coping mechanism (uncontrollable eating). I think that missing our loved ones who have gone before us is a normal part of the holiday season for most of us.
Comfort and Joy, Janet0 -
Good morning Hatters..
It's a few days before Christmas, and from some of the recent posts we know many of us are struggling with the "holiday blues"; so I thought maybe it would help if we talked about the subject a little? Sometimes we just don't know what to say to someone hurting, or we're afraid to say the wrong thing... so It may not be for everyone, so please.. don't feel you have to share anything at all...
It's just that at our age here in the Hatters, most of us have already experienced the pain of losing someone we loved, and the holidays can trigger painful memories from past holiday seasons, or happy ones that we then try to compare with the current one. And its not only the death of a loved one that can bring on these feelings, we each have our own "definitions" for ourselves and our own circumstances; but it seems that the underlying factor for all of us is that we feel this way because we think about eah of our many losses in the past year, whether its a loved one who has died, a divorce, being laid off from work, money woes, whatever it is that is our own. Add in that we have high expectations that our family gatherings have to go smoothly and everyone has to get along, and that we feel compelled to be "merry and cheerful" all the time... which in turn sometimes makes us feel guilty because we "think" everyone else looks so happy all the time.
All these emotions building up inside us, and as women, we tend to keep them inside..we dont want to burden anyone else with how we're feeling, or we worry it will bring someone else down if we talk about it... so we just "suck it up" then usually.. have a meltdown (whether in private or while passing the mashed potatoes at Christmas dinner...??) Or when someone looks at us and says, "why are you looking so grumpy, it's Christmas!" and frankly.. you just feel it all well up and consider bursting into tears, or picture dumping those mashed potatoes on that persons head..
And then we have the experts telling us all the things we can do to combat the blues.. which are excellent tips of course.. but when I personally am in my "moment"? I don't really give a hoot about anyone else.. and I don't want to do something nice for someone else, or list all the blessings in my life.. not right then I don't. I just want it to be okay for me to MISS the person I'm missing, or feel sad that something isn't going well in my life, or whatever it is that is bringing me down. I also occasionally resent others who have what I am feeling down about, whether its parents who are still living, or a loving partner, or whatever it is that I am feeling in my moment.. Is that normal? or right? I have no idea.. but it's how I often feel when the blues hit, and sometimes they hit so hard around this time of year, that I get sared about letting myself fall too far into that hole.. because the longer I stay there, the harder it is to drag myself out. So in recent years my method of dealing is when I start feeling that way, I set aside some time and perform a little ritual - I lay out everything to start wrapping, and I put a certain Christmas CD on which has a song called "I miss you most at Christmastime", pour a glass of wine, and being to wrap... which lasts about 5 minutes before I start to cry with all the memories building up... and then I just let it go.. (oh.. and I prep an open box of kleenex at hand btw!) and I have a really good wail.. the deep sobbing tears, and I even sometimes talk out loud to the people I've lost (ok, you might be thinking I need a little professional help at this point.. but really .. it just works for me lol).. sometimes it lasts a little while, sometimes a good hour or two.. but I let myself totally feel everything I've been trying to supress, and when the last hiccup or the kleenex box is empty, I feel BETTER. I really do. And THEN i can start thinking about the good things in my life... and the joy of having people who love me in my life right now.
Some experts think that if you are having a rough time during the holidays and you’re forced to be cheerful, it creates loneliness. But if you can say who you are missing or what you’re going through, then you aren’t so alone and you might be able to enjoy yourself a bit.
There is no wrong or right way to deal with the blues (in my opinion).. you just gotta do what works for you. But maybe by sharing how we deal with our own "moments".. it might be we can help ourselves and each other in some way. But it's not for everyone - 5 years ago I would never have dreamed of sharing something like this with anyone! (And I may regret it now if some of you are thinking this chick is off her rocker LOL)
But to all the Hatters who are dealing with this particular issue of the "holiday blues"... just remember, you aren't alone in your feelings. The true sentiment of the holidays is really about connecting with people.... whether it be with those who are "not lost, just gone before" - or with those who love and support us right now, so I just wanted you all to know that for me, that includes all of you!0 -
Snoozie you are so articulate! Thank you for your heartfelt sentiments. I know the holidays can be a very difficult time for many folks. Missing loved ones, a breakup, no money to buy gifts (if that's your thing), feeling deprived of not being able to eat all the crap available at this time of year (why is all that type of food around at this time of year anyway?), being uncomfortable in groups, uncomfortable family situations, traveling long distances (8 hr drive) for a very short period of time (3 days)... i could go on and on. All that being said, I personally love this time of year. Family gatherings can be stressful, but then i think i only get to see everyone once or twice a year, so enjoy it! you never know what is in store for the future. I miss my dad who passed away in Jan of 2010, but now I think of him with a smile on my face. He loved Christmas and I love it too. I love him so much and I miss him dearly, but there will be a day when we will meet again and I look forward to that! So take each day as it comes and make the best of it. If i screw up on the holiday I'll get back to it again as soon as I get home. Back in my element. Back to my routine. Back to being the best I can be one day at a time!
Merry Christmas to all! Have a wonderful holiday!0
