"nice guys"
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Maybe the nice guy situation is analogous to the "creepy guy" scenario that is played out so often. I've heard this from many girls, that if a guy they *aren't* attracted to starts hitting on them, it's considered creepy. If a guy they *are* attracted to starts hitting on them, it's considered a good thing. Both guys could say the identical same thing, the only variable is the man himself.
I'd like to see if Mr. Perfect (good looking, successful, etc) starts pulling the "nice guy" routine.. would the girl still be so repulsed?0 -
I'm truely not into nice guys. Quite frankly I'm not the nicest person in the world.Don't get me wrong I can do nice things for people but I'm to snarky, opinionated and blunt to be truely nice. I need a guy with a bit of @$$hole in him. Most of my guy friends are like that. Plus I find that many a "nice guy" has no spine.
Ross we dont mean actual nice guys are jerks we are talking about the guys who want to play the nice guy card. The well be friends and then one day she will look up and realize I'm awesome card which BTW never works.0 -
Nobody like a doormat.
Also this: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
I liked that link....I get very frustrated with people in my life that whine incessantly but take no action to change it or fix it, rather they comfort themselves with excuses.0 -
PS some of hose nice guys grow up to be like THIS guy, minus the guns but a lot of the bitterness
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/04/bridgeville-gym-shooting-_n_251411.html
I highly doubt this guy who shot up the LA Fitness was a nice guy. I doubt Ross or any of the other nice guys on here are planning a killing spree. This fella had serious mental problems.0 -
Haha cheers for the vote of confidence Mike!!!
No i have no plans to shoot anyone just to clarify. Have read the cracked article and see more now what the type of person people were getting at is, but by definition that type of person to me isn't nice, they're self important, self centred and expect the world to do things for them.
Am not saying won't have a dig (verbal) at a friend, male or female etc where required, am quite a truthful person and will say what I think, just dont think there's anything wrong with inner core nice values. but maybe am wrong. Experience would probably say so on a relationship if not friend front. And regarding the waiting for them to realise your awesome comment earlier. With my ex it would be nice if she did but not why I'm friends with her, I would never have a friendship based solely on that, no point, no honesty and would only lead to disappointment.0 -
I think it's funny that for all the complaining by women that there aren't any nice guys out there, that another group of women are complaining that men who claim to be nice guys are actually even bigger jerks and bullies but they are in disguise. A few observations I've had:
1) I think there are so-called nice guys who are really anything but.
2) Most true nice guys will probably call themselves a nice guy because they hear it from women quite often. "You are such a nice guy."
3) From my time working in bars, I always thought it was ironic that women would come up to me to complain about all the jerks out there and how they couldn't find a nice guy. Most of these women wanted action or adventure and were attracted to the flamboyant guys. As a bouncer, I could sum most of these guys up as a potential problem as they walked to the door of the bar.
4) Some of the guys who called themselves nice were timid but any time around them made it obvious they lacked impulse control, were not patient, and couldn't manage and/or communicate frustration in a healthy manner.
5) there were several really nice guys in the bar who could stand up for themselves and were not doormats. The problem with a lot of these guys was that they were not the dominant alpha male type. They wouldn't approach women in the bar because they felt that the women didn't want to be approached. These guys were well aware (or had the impression) that bars are meat markets and that women got hit on left and right. The general assumption was that women would prefer to be left alone than to have another guy harrassing them.0 -
2) Most true nice guys will probably call themselves a nice guy because they hear it from women quite often. "You are such a nice guy."
I don't call myself a nice guy but I hear it from female friends frequently. Never when I was nearly 500 or even 400's, but now in my lower 300's.
"Oh you're so nice and looking good too! It's only a matter of time before some lucky girl picks you up!" That along with being motivational to them in terms fitness and weight loss.0 -
I think it is unfortunate that undesirable and unlikeable behavior has corrupted the word "nice" which means just the opposite.
In doing so now the opposite of the true intention of what nice should be is seen by some guys as desirable to an extent.0 -
I'd say I fall into categories 2 & 5 personally. and just to clarify i don't use the nice guy tag as a badge i'm proud of etc its the characteristics it represents like i've said that are important to me, not the tag. couldn't care less about that0
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I think they said it best in 40 year old virgin, when the one guy said: "You're putting the ***** up on a pedestal."
There is a distinct difference between a nice person and an *kitten* kisser or worshiper. I don't think any girl would be turned off by a nice dude that lives an adventurous life or has other great attributes to add with being nice.0 -
i'd find it sad if "nice" guys weren't a type of bully themselves. these are the guys who are usually secretly misogynists, so eff em :grumble:
That is a good point as well.
I think a lot of the posts that were made didn't have enough info to actually make that assertion. Sometimes she just took a picture and added the part where they claim to be a nice guy. So what? Big deal. If you have a problem with an individual then call them on it, interact with them... this is just mean.0 -
I think it's funny that for all the complaining by women that there aren't any nice guys out there, that another group of women are complaining that men who claim to be nice guys are actually even bigger jerks and bullies but they are in disguise. A few observations I've had:
5) there were several really nice guys in the bar who could stand up for themselves and were not doormats. The problem with a lot of these guys was that they were not the dominant alpha male type. They wouldn't approach women in the bar because they felt that the women didn't want to be approached. These guys were well aware (or had the impression) that bars are meat markets and that women got hit on left and right. The general assumption was that women would prefer to be left alone than to have another guy harrassing them.
I would just like to add as female here. I LIKE getting hit on at bars. Trust me if I didn't want to get hit on at the bar I would wear some "hobo" clothes. If I am dressed nicely with my make up and hair done and smiley those are go signs come and say hi lol0 -
The nice guys blog gave me deja-vu of going through my OKC matches. So many nice guys! I think her posting of their pictures and excerpts from their profiles is a little bit mean, but she does have a couple good points: 1. being nice is expected as part of human decency and it's not a quality we are looking for on a profile of why we'd want to date someone and 2. many of those guys really aren't all that nice.
My own experience is that most of the men stating how nice they were and how they know how to treat a lady had things in the profile that showed they are actually bitter, very negative and feel entitled. These things are such a turn off. I'm sure they believe they don't get any responses on OKC because women don't want a nice guy. One guy messaged me who had a profile that was dripping with venom for women who didn't appreciate how nice he was. It was more like a rant than a profile. I actually responded to him that I wasn't interested and let him know how negative I thought his profile was (his message to me was ironically telling me how refreshing my profile was compared to all the women's profiles he reads that are the counterpart to his own) - I'm sure he probably dismissed what I said by discounting the messenger, per the Cracked article.
I found it interesting that many of these self-proclaimed nice guys are saying no woman would ever give them a chance, yet they have high expectations of women (must always keep their legs shaved). It reminded me of a doctor that I saw on OKC (he messaged me also) who had in his questions that it isn't okay to fart in front of your partner. I was shocked that someone who is a medical doctor wouldn't accept bodily functions as normal and holds people to some standard of perfection that most humans can't live up to, certainly not if you spend a significant amount of time together (like an entire weekend that maybe includes Mexican food) or as you get older and the body ages. The funny thing is some of those "nice guys" expecting women to always have their legs shaved don't look like the type to always be perfectly groomed or to be working out to keep their bodies fit - they seem to be holding women to a higher standard.
Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of great guys in the world! Many already taken, some still single! Genuinely nice people don't brag. I just believe that if someone is blowing his own horn about how nice he is, he's probably not that nice (same for women too).
I just loved this! Thanks for posting it!Nobody like a doormat.
Also this: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/0 -
I think it's funny that for all the complaining by women that there aren't any nice guys out there, that another group of women are complaining that men who claim to be nice guys are actually even bigger jerks and bullies but they are in disguise. A few observations I've had:
5) there were several really nice guys in the bar who could stand up for themselves and were not doormats. The problem with a lot of these guys was that they were not the dominant alpha male type. They wouldn't approach women in the bar because they felt that the women didn't want to be approached. These guys were well aware (or had the impression) that bars are meat markets and that women got hit on left and right. The general assumption was that women would prefer to be left alone than to have another guy harrassing them.
I would just like to add as female here. I LIKE getting hit on at bars. Trust me if I didn't want to get hit on at the bar I would wear some "hobo" clothes. If I am dressed nicely with my make up and hair done and smiley those are go signs come and say hi lol
Couldn't have said it better Jen! And if I'm wearing heels...especially so!0 -
Sales people have a saying, "don't over sell a sale." I think most ladies are content in the early stages knowing you're a "good guy" and all the excess niceness is just oversell, genuine or not.0
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Sales people have a saying, "don't over sell a sale." I think most ladies are content in the early stages knowing you're a "good guy" and all the excess niceness is just oversell, genuine or not.
Good way to word it!0 -
Sales people have a saying, "don't over sell a sale." I think most ladies are content in the early stages knowing you're a "good guy" and all the excess niceness is just oversell, genuine or not.
True, and I also think sometimes it comes across as a "woe is me" attitude when overplayed.
I went out with one guy a few times and he kept reminding me that he was a gentleman and a nice guy so he would pay for the dates. While I appreciated (and thanked him for) the dates, I didn't like the way he needed to keep reminding me of that. It felt very much like a martyr attitude and a total oversell.0 -
PS some of hose nice guys grow up to be like THIS guy, minus the guns but a lot of the bitterness
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/04/bridgeville-gym-shooting-_n_251411.html
I highly doubt this guy who shot up the LA Fitness was a nice guy. I doubt Ross or any of the other nice guys on here are planning a killing spree. This fella had serious mental problems.
my point was that he CONSIDERED himself a nice guy. i think we all know that there can always be a huge disconnect between how people see themselves and how they really are. the disconnect comes because some people can't view themselves objectively. everyone tends to want to see themselves in a all good light but that isn't the reality since we can all be a*holes and jerks as well compassionate and loving, depending on the situation.
for instance, a guy calling himself a nice guy on one hand but on the other hand gloats when girls who rebuff him end up in abusive relationships, feels that his "niceness" gets him a ticket to the vaginal access express, doesn't understand that acting like a human being to another human being should be a reward in itself, etc IS NOT A NICE GUY! nice people don't put conditions on their niceness. they dont wish you harm if you dont do what they want. they dont whine about not being rewarded for being good human beings.
@will sorry if i offended you by saying i eat up nice guys and spit them out, but hey it's the truth. i think many genuinely nice guys (i hate that phrase anyway because what the eff does nice mean anyway?!?) might have a problem communicating what they want, expect and need from a relationship and just leave it up to the girl to play ms cleo to figure it out or even worse just assume that he and she are on the same page.
nice guys also tend to not know appropriate boundaries. sorry but IMO no one should be anyone else emotional dumping ground. in times of crisis it's fine, but trust me there are people who will take advantage of that and every week, sometimes several times a week, they will more than happy to use (yes USE) anyone who'll tolerate them and their antics.
also for the record, i have the same views on "nice" girls, but since i'm not dating any qirls i can't really speak on that from any type of relationship standpoint beyond friendship.0 -
5) there were several really nice guys in the bar who could stand up for themselves and were not doormats. The problem with a lot of these guys was that they were not the dominant alpha male type. They wouldn't approach women in the bar because they felt that the women didn't want to be approached. These guys were well aware (or had the impression) that bars are meat markets and that women got hit on left and right. The general assumption was that women would prefer to be left alone than to have another guy harrassing them.
too bad for those guys who think this because this isnt really the case. when women go out to clubs are bars, we assume that were going to get on, even if that's not the immediate reason why we go. plus saying "hello, how are you?" is not harassing.
i think most of the women who complain do so because they dont appreciate how the guy approached. for instance one of the worst approaches is when a guy sees a girl who's in a group. he swoops in and immediately tries to isolate the girl so he can mack on her. women do NOT appreciate this :laugh: her friends wont like it and odds are neither will she. the smaller the group, the less it will be appreciated. that's why it's essential to either have a wing man or be prepared to spend time talking to the entire group in order to flirt with the one you actually do want to speak to0 -
www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
^^^^^^ Loved this!0
