Beginning of a relationship...
Replies
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oops, duplicate post0
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I just feel the beginning is his time to pursue and give more.
This type of entitled thinking gives women a bad reputation, especially since many guys already believe we're out to 'get them' when it comes to spending their money, etc. I agree with other people who said it should be a balancing act.
Hoof bump.
OMG, this made me :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Hoof bump right back atcha Kits!
Great point, equal means equal!Yep! I agree that we have progressed beyond this antiquated way of thinking. Equality means equal!! Although, some male and female posts I read in here have not caught on to this yet! flowerforyou
Edit for quoting...0 -
I have said it before here and know that I see things a lot differently than most women on here. I was brought up this way and it works for me. I also would never ask a guy out initially or pursue him (ask his number) first. Once we are "good", I'll start doing more but with pilot and I, it's been mostly him. I do, however, go to his place more because of his job and being on call but that's about it. He provides dinner, wine, etc. well except for tamales I brought over.0
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I have said it before here and know that I see things a lot differently than most women on here. I was brought up this way and it works for me. I also would never ask a guy out initially or pursue him (ask his number) first. Once we are "good", I'll start doing more but with pilot and I, it's been mostly him. I do, however, go to his place more because of his job and being on call but that's about it. He provides dinner, wine, etc. well except for tamales I brought over.
I agree exactly. Later on, I am happy to be equal. But in the beginning, I think the man needs to take the reins (I believe it's in their nature and when women pursue, the man not as happy/satisfied as they would be if they were the aggressor).0 -
I have said it before here and know that I see things a lot differently than most women on here. I was brought up this way and it works for me. I also would never ask a guy out initially or pursue him (ask his number) first. Once we are "good", I'll start doing more but with pilot and I, it's been mostly him. I do, however, go to his place more because of his job and being on call but that's about it. He provides dinner, wine, etc. well except for tamales I brought over.
I agree exactly. Later on, I am happy to be equal. But in the beginning, I think the man needs to take the reins (I believe it's in their nature and when women pursue, the man not as happy/satisfied as they would be if they were the aggressor).
So, you take no notice of what the men actually say on this forum then?? I can't think of one guy that's ever said they always want to be the aggressor!!
Christine, I've known you a year now? You're still sitting pretty and waiting for this happy/satisfied man to sweep you off your feet, but it's not happening!!! In the words of Einstein, you're doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Isnt it about time you had a rethink??
Most men are lazy!! Unless they are on the prowl for sex, you will seldom find a man around your age that wants to get married and have children. He'd rather play xbox and watch football!! It's pretty much always the woman that leads the way in that respect!! Ask your Mother!!
As for Diana, well, she has great sex appeal, and pretty much IS leading the way with the guys. They know what's on offer if they tow the line!! Without sex appeal, guys aint that interested..........that's how women have manipulated men for centuries!!
Harsh, but true!
:flowerforyou:0 -
Most men are lazy!! Unless they are on the prowl for sex, you will seldom find a man around your age that wants to get married and have children. He'd rather play xbox and watch football!! It's pretty much always the woman that leads the way in that respect!! Ask your Mother!!
As for Diana, well, she has great sex appeal, and pretty much IS leading the way with the guys. They know what's on offer if they tow the line!! Without sex appeal, guys aint that interested..........that's how women have manipulated men for centuries!!
Harsh, but true!
:flowerforyou:
Anna's slinging pearls, here, ladies. Please take notes! Especially you young ladies who seem to be the prisoner of some pseudo-scientific theories about "agressor" males as the only foundation for the perfect relationship. Total BS.
You need to manipulate men to get what you want. Fortunately, this is relatively easy, since women are usually smarter than men, and when testosterone is involved, men become even more stupid than usual. Use this to your advantage!
Remember, ladies, it's the lioness that hunts and kills the prey. The male lion gets to feast and call himself King, but the ladies really know how the jungle works and make things happen.
--P0 -
Just to add, I'm not saying you need to be the aggressor per se. I'm saying you need to manipulate the man into being the aggressor. Into thinking, like the Lion, that he actually did all the work to bring home the antelope, when if fact it was you.
Some women ooze sex appeal. They will always have interest, even if they try to hide in the coat closet. Most don't, and need to take corrective action. Action! Action = manipulation. Don't be afraid of this word.
Men are lazy and not very intelligent. Most don't know what they want and need to be told what's good for them. That story needs to involve you... You can never be too obvious in the early courtship phase. Start from that premise and you're already ahead of the pack.
Or, do what you're doing now, and expect the same results (Einstein, insanity).
--P0 -
But in the beginning, I think the man needs to take the reins (I believe it's in their nature and when women pursue, the man not as happy/satisfied as they would be if they were the aggressor).
Men are used to being the aggressor and initiator. Always having to be the initiator can be quite tiresome if you are single for any material length of time. A good man will be appreciate not having to be the aggressor/initiator for once. That will set a woman apart in his mind.0 -
Oh I know how to use my sex appeal, my charm, my grace but again:.. I let him pursue. I use what I have to keep him interested, to keep him captivated etc but honestly I am attracted to alpha male types. The ones that take charge and pursue me. If I find myself confused or feeling he's not pursuing me (not that into me) I move on.
Again, I think this is much more of a culture thing for me.0 -
If I wasn't so damn lazy and didn't have this Xbox game on pause I'd add to this thread...."Mom!!!!! Phone is ringing!!!!"0
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I have said it before here and know that I see things a lot differently than most women on here. I was brought up this way and it works for me. I also would never ask a guy out initially or pursue him (ask his number) first. Once we are "good", I'll start doing more but with pilot and I, it's been mostly him. I do, however, go to his place more because of his job and being on call but that's about it. He provides dinner, wine, etc. well except for tamales I brought over.
I agree exactly. Later on, I am happy to be equal. But in the beginning, I think the man needs to take the reins (I believe it's in their nature and when women pursue, the man not as happy/satisfied as they would be if they were the aggressor).
So, you take no notice of what the men actually say on this forum then?? I can't think of one guy that's ever said they always want to be the aggressor!!
Christine, I've known you a year now? You're still sitting pretty and waiting for this happy/satisfied man to sweep you off your feet, but it's not happening!!! In the words of Einstein, you're doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Isnt it about time you had a rethink??
Most men are lazy!! Unless they are on the prowl for sex, you will seldom find a man around your age that wants to get married and have children. He'd rather play xbox and watch football!! It's pretty much always the woman that leads the way in that respect!! Ask your Mother!!
As for Diana, well, she has great sex appeal, and pretty much IS leading the way with the guys. They know what's on offer if they tow the line!! Without sex appeal, guys aint that interested..........that's how women have manipulated men for centuries!!
Harsh, but true!
:flowerforyou:
Agreed... Anna I
you.
Think about it ladies The above works for Diana but not for alot of ladies. I'm not saying go all stalker on a guy but dont be afraid to appraoch him, text him first or *gasp* ask him to come out.
Here's an example. Friday night if I don't already have someone to go out with. I literally start texting all the gentleman in my phone "Hey heading to sticks tonight wanna come and hang" As I've said before I'm the queen of hang out. Now there is a high chance that atleast one guy will come out. Funny thing though not one of them accuses me of being pushy or aggressive. They all see it as "hey this chick wants to hang , lets hang"
BTW I do the same thing with friends0 -
If I wasn't so damn lazy and didn't have this Xbox game on pause I'd add to this thread...."Mom!!!!! Phone is ringing!!!!"
Yeah,caught between being amused and appalled.
What makes us all different so all is good I guess.0 -
Just to add, I'm not saying you need to be the aggressor per se. I'm saying you need to manipulate the man into being the aggressor. Into thinking, like the Lion, that he actually did all the work to bring home the antelope, when if fact it was you.
Absolutely agree. I think P summed up what I couldn't.0 -
Oh I know how to use my sex appeal, my charm, my grace but again:.. I let him pursue. I use what I have to keep him interested, to keep him captivated etc but honestly I am attracted to alpha male types. The ones that take charge and pursue me. If I find myself confused or feeling he's not pursuing me (not that into me) I move on.
Again, I think this is much more of a culture thing for me.
My mother was the same way. She never chased but she attracted all kinds of men. She told me that my father was pretty laid back and a tiny bit on the shy side, pretty much like me, when they met each other. Though she preferred he was more aggressive when they first met, she really liked him so she didn't mind.0 -
Oh manipulation is a great thing if you can harness it.
I will initiate by flirting, being very clear I am interested...but never close the deal. That is how men still believe it has been their choice and they have pursued me.
I constantly have to check my nature..which is to nurture, bend over backwards, do way too much. I have to play games with myself actually...or I find I communicate and give too often and too much. For example..have just spent a couple days with the bf. Good...but I think I put a little more out there emotionally than usual. Maybe more than him this time which isn't the norm for us. And so now I don't plan on texting or calling him..as he needs to miss me, recognize this and reach out for me to feel that balance has been restored again.
I am trying to decide whether or not to bring up one of the disappointments from yesterday or not also. Generally I brush everything off and act undemanding. But it plays on my mind and I harbor resentment...clearly!
I haven't played these games to this extent before. But I have always complained of feeling like I put more effort in and try harder too. So I have come to realize that I actively enable my partners to be lazy...and that because I don't like hurting people and have a very hard time asking for what I want...they think lazy is ok and that I am still completely enamored with them too!0 -
Anna & P are spot on here!
Kudos to anyone who wants to use their sex appeal to get a guy, but please don't ruin men for the rest of us ladies who are willing to be equal partners. Is it possible that some guys have been burned by this 'entitled' attitude and that's why they don't stick around or why they get lazy with future pursuits? Asking a question here, so please take it as a question and not a statement...0 -
I constantly have to check my nature..which is to nurture, bend over backwards, do way too much.
In the early stages of a relationship, I rarely ever see this behavior from the types of women I see. Most women I encounter tend to be passive and let me do a lot of the legwork. I'm the one who has to plan all the dates. I'd like some of the planning to be shared earlier on.0 -
Anna & P are spot on here!
Kudos to anyone who wants to use their sex appeal to get a guy, but please don't ruin men for the rest of us ladies who are willing to be equal partners. Is it possible that some guys have been burned by this 'entitled' attitude and that's why they don't stick around or why they get lazy with future pursuits? Asking a question here, so please take it as a question and not a statement...
i dont understand these either/or dichotomies that these type topics seem to descend into. in fact i think it's a bit self-insulting to assume you can't be both sexually appealing AND "non entitled" (which assume is code for feminist) at the same time...
it's not either/or ladies.. you do yourselves (and the men around you) a disservice by limiting yourselves. as i've said before some women have been doing this for centuries. maybe it's a new idea to those groups who have only been relatively recently enlightened to feminist ideals, but jut because it's new to you and you havent figured out how to balance the two doesnt meant it's not possible to do0 -
I have said it before here and know that I see things a lot differently than most women on here. I was brought up this way and it works for me. I also would never ask a guy out initially or pursue him (ask his number) first. Once we are "good", I'll start doing more but with pilot and I, it's been mostly him. I do, however, go to his place more because of his job and being on call but that's about it. He provides dinner, wine, etc. well except for tamales I brought over.
I agree exactly. Later on, I am happy to be equal. But in the beginning, I think the man needs to take the reins (I believe it's in their nature and when women pursue, the man not as happy/satisfied as they would be if they were the aggressor).
So, you take no notice of what the men actually say on this forum then?? I can't think of one guy that's ever said they always want to be the aggressor!!
Christine, I've known you a year now? You're still sitting pretty and waiting for this happy/satisfied man to sweep you off your feet, but it's not happening!!! In the words of Einstein, you're doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Isnt it about time you had a rethink??
Most men are lazy!! Unless they are on the prowl for sex, you will seldom find a man around your age that wants to get married and have children. He'd rather play xbox and watch football!! It's pretty much always the woman that leads the way in that respect!! Ask your Mother!!
As for Diana, well, she has great sex appeal, and pretty much IS leading the way with the guys. They know what's on offer if they tow the line!! Without sex appeal, guys aint that interested..........that's how women have manipulated men for centuries!!
Harsh, but true!
:flowerforyou:
I know I don't have sex appeal but I still want a guy to want me enough to make that first move! I think I can want that, right? I won't ask a guy out. I'm not Diana, I know that, but I still think somewhere someone will ask me out at some point. Just because I'm not that pretty doesn't mean that I have to do all the chasing and convincing a guy to please date me. I'd rather be alone than resort to that.0 -
Anna & P are spot on here!
Kudos to anyone who wants to use their sex appeal to get a guy, but please don't ruin men for the rest of us ladies who are willing to be equal partners. Is it possible that some guys have been burned by this 'entitled' attitude and that's why they don't stick around or why they get lazy with future pursuits? Asking a question here, so please take it as a question and not a statement...
I have had times with a lady I am not proud of and have also been used so guess everything equals out maybe.
Have to say though I am surprised how easily and nonchalantly the word manipulate has been tossed around here...I mean really,is that what people want to do?
As far as the question you ask goes my answer here will probably be seen as harsh so hope it can be taken in the light of the circumstance it is framed in and not directed at you PJ or anyone else,just the subject matter as it may apply so here goes.
Lets not pretend that "sex appeal" is anything but that...inciting sexual arousal and desire in another person.
If that is working to create a satisfying situation with another person and you are contributing to existing and advancing a real relationship then awesome.
However,let me also as an unintelligent man say,do not be surprised or resentful if I/we are not all that stupid and have seen it before and recognize it for what it is if just a make me as a lady feel good situation.
While you may think it is wrapping a guy around your finger be aware that we may have also made a measured decision to tolerate a princess mindset as far as the benefit to us outweighs the headache you are.
Once that equation tips against your advantage you will likely find the guy gone and without remorse so be cautious what you are attempting to buy.0 -
I have said it before here and know that I see things a lot differently than most women on here. I was brought up this way and it works for me. I also would never ask a guy out initially or pursue him (ask his number) first. Once we are "good", I'll start doing more but with pilot and I, it's been mostly him. I do, however, go to his place more because of his job and being on call but that's about it. He provides dinner, wine, etc. well except for tamales I brought over.
I agree exactly. Later on, I am happy to be equal. But in the beginning, I think the man needs to take the reins (I believe it's in their nature and when women pursue, the man not as happy/satisfied as they would be if they were the aggressor).
So, you take no notice of what the men actually say on this forum then?? I can't think of one guy that's ever said they always want to be the aggressor!!
Christine, I've known you a year now? You're still sitting pretty and waiting for this happy/satisfied man to sweep you off your feet, but it's not happening!!! In the words of Einstein, you're doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Isnt it about time you had a rethink??
Most men are lazy!! Unless they are on the prowl for sex, you will seldom find a man around your age that wants to get married and have children. He'd rather play xbox and watch football!! It's pretty much always the woman that leads the way in that respect!! Ask your Mother!!
As for Diana, well, she has great sex appeal, and pretty much IS leading the way with the guys. They know what's on offer if they tow the line!! Without sex appeal, guys aint that interested..........that's how women have manipulated men for centuries!!
Harsh, but true!
:flowerforyou:
I know I don't have sex appeal but I still want a guy to want me enough to make that first move! I think I can want that, right? I won't ask a guy out. I'm not Diana, I know that, but I still think somewhere someone will ask me out at some point. Just because I'm not that pretty doesn't mean that I have to do all the chasing and convincing a guy to please date me. I'd rather be alone than resort to that.
Christine,please get some personal,real life counseling...you will live your life (unhappily by the sounds) insuring that this is exactly the result you predict.
It makes me sad because it is so much a wrong headed waste as I see it. :flowerforyou:0 -
Christine, I've known you a year now? You're still sitting pretty and waiting for this happy/satisfied man to sweep you off your feet, but it's not happening!!! In the words of Einstein, you're doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Isnt it about time you had a rethink??
Most men are lazy!! Unless they are on the prowl for sex, you will seldom find a man around your age that wants to get married and have children. He'd rather play xbox and watch football!! It's pretty much always the woman that leads the way in that respect!! Ask your Mother!!
As for Diana, well, she has great sex appeal, and pretty much IS leading the way with the guys. They know what's on offer if they tow the line!! Without sex appeal, guys aint that interested..........that's how women have manipulated men for centuries!!
Harsh, but true!
:flowerforyou:
Christine-Anna makes great sense. You are in your prime right now. Act like it! Carry yourself with confidence, dress well and be in shape. Guys will flock to you. For instance, those are the types of women that Mike and I most go for.0 -
I knew it would be a controversial topic as soon as I mentioned the words 'manipulate' and 'sex appeal'. :noway:
Christine - you've taken it the wrong way! But I really dont expect you to understand. Nobody is talking about how pretty you are. Just that men actually need some encouragement. Man + Woman = Sex. It's not any more complex than that!
Carl - so have you! Nothing to do with using anyone! It's the balancing act that you're always trying to understand, between a man wanting the physical, and the woman wanting the emotional. When the relationship is working is when that balance is right for both concerned.
PJ - using sex appeal isn't being entitled, I dont think. Or grabbing what you want/need in life isn't entitled either. Not in the way I'm using the terms.
Meesha, Jen, Patrick - all understand where I'm coming from :flowerforyou:[...][Especially you young ladies who seem to be the prisoner of some pseudo-scientific theories about "agressor" males as the only foundation for the perfect relationship. Total BS.
LOL!! LOVE your turn of phrase here.....
. And yes, that's the point. Women seem to think that men love being the aggressor, when actually, most don't!! Although they like to 'think' they do/are!! It's how society has taught us to play the role game, but in actuality, seeing as roles are less defined these days, men are starting to admit that it's quite nice when someone else takes the lead. Not always. Not forever. Just sometimes!! But obviously, if you're a subservient type woman, then this won't suit..........
As Patrick said, dont take the word 'manipulate' to be a bad thing. It just really means to have/take control of the situation. Christine, you have zero control over your love life, you're waiting for someone else to control you/it. That's all I mean.......:flowerforyou:0 -
Man + Woman = Sex. About time you got used to that one!
That's what it is all about!0 -
I knew it would be a controversial topic as soon as I mentioned the words 'manipulate' and 'sex appeal'. :noway:
Christine - you've taken it the wrong way! But I really dont expect you to understand. Nobody is talking about how pretty you are. Just that men actually need some encouragement. Man + Woman = Sex. It's not any more complex than that!
Carl - so have you! Nothing to do with using anyone! It's the balancing act that you're always trying to understand, between a man wanting the physical, and the woman wanting the emotional. When the relationship is working is when that balance is right for both concerned.
PJ - using sex appeal isn't being entitled, I dont think. Or grabbing what you want/need in life isn't entitled either. Not in the way I'm using the terms.
Meesha, Jen, Patrick - all understand where I'm coming from :flowerforyou:
As Patrick said, dont take the word 'manipulate' to be a bad thing. It just really means to have/take control of the situation. Christine, you have zero control over your love life, you're waiting for someone else to control you/it. That's all I mean.......:flowerforyou:
Maybe I misunderstood, but I got the impression that you thought that I have to go after men because I have no sex appeal, but someone like Diana (just using you as an example, Diana, I always like your posts!) doesn't have be aggressive with men because she has sex appeal and men will naturally want her. Maybe I was confused? That is why I was a little upset.0 -
Too many gifts can get annoying and will make him feel like he has to buy you something becuase you buy him stuff. At least that is how I feel. Too much of something changes it. Jersey bought me cards and gifts all the time. In the beginning it was sweet and wonderful .. 5 months in and I was like .. all right .. enough already. I didn't even really read the cards anymore.
Just a thought.0 -
I knew it would be a controversial topic as soon as I mentioned the words 'manipulate' and 'sex appeal'.
Christine - you've taken it the wrong way! But I really dont expect you to understand. Nobody is talking about how pretty you are. Just that men actually need some encouragement. Man + Woman = Sex. It's not any more complex than that!
Carl - so have you! Nothing to do with using anyone! It's the balancing act that you're always trying to understand, between a man wanting the physical, and the woman wanting the emotional. When the relationship is working is when that balance is right for both concerned.
PJ - using sex appeal isn't being entitled, I dont think. Or grabbing what you want/need in life isn't entitled either. Not in the way I'm using the terms.
Meesha, Jen, Patrick - all understand where I'm coming from :flowerforyou:
As Patrick said, dont take the word 'manipulate' to be a bad thing. It just really means to have/take control of the situation. Christine, you have zero control over your love life, you're waiting for someone else to control you/it. That's all I mean.......:flowerforyou:
I apologize if I did,to me manipulate has a negative connotation as it is commonly used here.:flowerforyou:
In the US it does not mean a benign "moving around or sorting out " thing as one would a chess piece when referred to in human interactions but more of a deceitful end justifies the means situation.0 -
Maybe I misunderstood, but I got the impression that you thought that I have to go after men because I have no sex appeal, but someone like Diana (just using you as an example, Diana, I always like your posts!) doesn't have be aggressive with men because she has sex appeal and men will naturally want her. Maybe I was confused? That is why I was a little upset.
That's how it read to me... and perhaps I am off base here, but I see that as true in my life. The women who ooze sex appeal (and a few at church who don't but are very beautiful) have no problem attracting men. The rest of us have to work a little harder with what we've got (make sure our appearance is the best it can be, smile at all guys, respond pleasantly when a man talks to us, look for ways to initiate chit-chat with random strangers).
This doesn't make me upset. It's just life.
It's like the racism I have to deal with on a constant basis here in the south. Getting upset, crossing your arms and stamping your foot about "it's not fair" does not make your life better. Figuring out ways to work around it may not change ignorant people, but it WILL make your life better.0 -
I knew it would be a controversial topic as soon as I mentioned the words 'manipulate' and 'sex appeal'. :noway:
Christine - you've taken it the wrong way! But I really dont expect you to understand. Nobody is talking about how pretty you are. Just that men actually need some encouragement. Man + Woman = Sex. It's not any more complex than that!
Carl - so have you! Nothing to do with using anyone! It's the balancing act that you're always trying to understand, between a man wanting the physical, and the woman wanting the emotional. When the relationship is working is when that balance is right for both concerned.
PJ - using sex appeal isn't being entitled, I dont think. Or grabbing what you want/need in life isn't entitled either. Not in the way I'm using the terms.
Meesha, Jen, Patrick - all understand where I'm coming from :flowerforyou:
As Patrick said, dont take the word 'manipulate' to be a bad thing. It just really means to have/take control of the situation. Christine, you have zero control over your love life, you're waiting for someone else to control you/it. That's all I mean.......:flowerforyou:
Maybe I misunderstood, but I got the impression that you thought that I have to go after men because I have no sex appeal, but someone like Diana (just using you as an example, Diana, I always like your posts!) doesn't have be aggressive with men because she has sex appeal and men will naturally want her. Maybe I was confused? That is why I was a little upset.
Hun, I'd like to sit you down in a pub and have a drink with you and explain my every word very clearly. But, as that is impossible, please take it as red that I never intentionally upset anyone. Perhaps my written word is not always clear!!! Especially as Americans and Brits sometimes speak a different language!!! :laugh:0 -
I knew it would be a controversial topic as soon as I mentioned the words 'manipulate' and 'sex appeal'. :noway:
Christine - you've taken it the wrong way! But I really dont expect you to understand. Nobody is talking about how pretty you are. Just that men actually need some encouragement. Man + Woman = Sex. It's not any more complex than that!
Carl - so have you! Nothing to do with using anyone! It's the balancing act that you're always trying to understand, between a man wanting the physical, and the woman wanting the emotional. When the relationship is working is when that balance is right for both concerned.
PJ - using sex appeal isn't being entitled, I dont think. Or grabbing what you want/need in life isn't entitled either. Not in the way I'm using the terms.
Meesha, Jen, Patrick - all understand where I'm coming from :flowerforyou:
As Patrick said, dont take the word 'manipulate' to be a bad thing. It just really means to have/take control of the situation. Christine, you have zero control over your love life, you're waiting for someone else to control you/it. That's all I mean.......:flowerforyou:
Maybe I misunderstood, but I got the impression that you thought that I have to go after men because I have no sex appeal, but someone like Diana (just using you as an example, Diana, I always like your posts!) doesn't have be aggressive with men because she has sex appeal and men will naturally want her. Maybe I was confused? That is why I was a little upset.
Hun, I'd like to sit you down in a pub and have a drink with you and explain my every word very clearly. But, as that is impossible, please take it as red that I never intentionally upset anyone. Perhaps my written word is not always clear!!! Especially as Americans and Brits sometimes speak a different language!!! :laugh:
I knew you wouldn't ever say anything to make anyone upset intentionally of course!
I perhaps read the tone in not the way you intended it to be read. 0
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