Do Men Settle When They Choose Their Partners Online?

DMZ_1

A thought that has been bouncing around my mind lately is that men settle when they choose their partners online. I have observed a number of instances when a man gets partner from an online dating site, he is moderately to significantly better looking than she is. Why is that? And is my observation isolated, or part of a broader trend?

I truly believe that the best looking girls, who in the minds of most men are considered the top prize, do not need online dating because they have enough prospects via their day to day activities. In this forum, we have discussed Samantha Steele as a woman who possesses very good looks. Do you think Samantha Steele ever had to use Match.com or other sites like that? I think not. Guys consider Steele a top prospect, despite the notion that female sideline reporters are rumored to be infatuated with pro athletes and physically act upon that infatuation. As a woman, you do not need to be Samantha Steele to be very in demand.

SVCat

DM...good morning,

I disagree, I met some very good looking women online. I had a couple that caught my eye but didn't have a picture up. Their profiles were too awesome to ignore so I messaged them. Turns out they were very attractive and down to earth. Unfortunately, they were equally crazy as they were attractive.

4themoney

maybe. if all they are focused on is looks. but, i know guys that didn't choose their partner based only on looks. they took other aspects of her into consideration. ALL of my friends are married, and they aren't ALL top tier. trust me. but, they were considered attractive to their husbands, and possessed qualities HE wanted in a partner.

so, if you're only looking at looks, then ya i'm sure some guys are settling, but if you're looking at the entire package then no. i strongly disagree. i feel badly for the woman who is chosen just for her looks and i pity the guy who thinks that looks are all that matters when it comes to choosing a partner........ because he really doesn't get it then.

MissingMinnesota

A thought that has been bouncing around my mind lately is that men settle when they choose their partners online. I have observed a number of instances when a man gets partner from an online dating site, he is moderately to significantly better looking than she is. Why is that? And is my observation isolated, or part of a broader trend?

I truly believe that the best looking girls, who in the minds of most men are considered the top prize, do not need online dating because they have enough prospects via their day to day activities. In this forum, we have discussed Samantha Steele as a woman who possesses very good looks. Do you think Samantha Steele ever had to use Match.com or other sites like that? I think not. Guys consider Steele a top prospect, despite the notion that female sideline reporters are rumored to be infatuated with pro athletes and physically act upon that infatuation. As a woman, you do not need to be Samantha Steele to be very in demand.

If you are using the example of Samatha Steele but I doubt Christian Ponder (her now husband) had to use online dating either. I rarely see guys I would think of as good looking online (we have determined that good looking is subjective). This is probably why I have no success online since I do not want to put any effort into the guys I do find on there.

MikeM53082

A thought that has been bouncing around my mind lately is that men settle when they choose their partners online. I have observed a number of instances when a man gets partner from an online dating site, he is moderately to significantly better looking than she is. Why is that? And is my observation isolated, or part of a broader trend?

This is very true. There are settings where women have the dating advantage and settings where men have the advantage. Online is a medium where women are in high demand and receive many e-mails from possible suitors. We've all seen it, many women receive a ton e-mails from guys. Sports bars are also great places for women, as every Sunday during football season, men outnumber women by at least 8 to 1.

All is not lost for men though. The beach and through outdoor activities are solid spots to land a good girl. Also, church is excellent. I'm definitely not one for organized religion, but I have a friend (average guy 6/10) who married an extremely attractive Spanish woman (bonafide 9/10) that he met through church. Intramural sports, like kickball or tennis, are also good places for men to mingle with the opposite sex and get a date.

In short, sometimes men have the advantage and other times women have the advantage. In my experience, women clearly have the advantage when it comes to online. I'm not saying a man can't land a good woman doing online, but it's a tough medium to do so.

And no, I doubt Samantha Steele has ever had a Match account! :laugh:

christine24t

This is actually really interesting to me.

In contrary to MM, I have come across some very, very good looking men on Match.com. These are men that I would imagine girls see at the gym or at the bar and say "wow he's hot."

The majority of those men write things such as, "I work a lot and it is hard to meet people" or "I just moved to town and don't know many people yet" or something along those lines.

Just food for thought...if very attractive girls don't need online dating, why do very attractive men do? Is it that they are scared to approach women? Why are these attractive, successful men single? Why do they have to do online dating?

I am growing to think the answer is this: everyone is scared. I am. Several of you are as well. It's scary to put yourself out there and talk to a real live person that you think is attractive and want them to like you back, for both men and women, unless you have a lot of confidence, which the majority of people do not. Online dating is an easier method. If no one writes back, well, it's just online and there are excuses (haven't been online, got into a relationship, computer broke, didn't see your email, etc).

As far as the no attractive women thing...because men typically control interactions dating-wise, these women have probably been snatched up quickly...by very confident men. Even if they have a ditzy personality or are dumb or whatnot, men will still like them. Whereas men typically have to do the pursuing relationship-wise, so if they're the least bit shy, they tend to choose "marks" that are easier? Just a theory.

In short, sometimes men have the advantage and other times women have the advantage. In my experience, women clearly have the advantage when it comes to online. I'm not saying a man can't land a good woman doing online, but it's a tough medium to do so.

Good point, Mike.

flimflamfloz

In short, sometimes men have the advantage and other times women have the advantage. In my experience, women clearly have the advantage when it comes to online. I'm not saying a man can't land a good woman doing online, but it's a tough medium to do so.

I think this summarises it pretty well.

My view is this: you can still find very physically attractive women online.

But since the competition is way harsher for men online (and since these very attractive women are inundated with messages), the chance that you will get noticed by the lady and chosen for a date is low, unless you are yourself very attractive. So yes, online, most men will end up aiming lower than the woman they would like to get physically.

I also think your "day to day activities" will lead you to a certain type of male/female prospect, especially if you have a routine (which most people have).
Now if you don't like those prospects you have, you could change your activities or try to look for a different kind of woman/man on a different medium (so going "online" can be considered such a move).
Someone like Samantha Steele could use match.com in the hope of finding a "different man" on there.

Jennifer2387

Hmm..while Samantha Steele (haha .. I typed Steeler at first) is beautiful, I am sure it takes a lot of professional people to make her look AS good as she does. There is that. Plus .. she works with men all day .. so no, she would never have to use Match.

I live in a very small town, so if I did go on Match or whatever, I would look outside of my area .. there is that. Perhaps they don't want to date locally.

It is not just for the ugly chicks that don't get dates.

Prahasaurus

A thought that has been bouncing around my mind lately is that men settle when they choose their partners online. I have observed a number of instances when a man gets partner from an online dating site, he is moderately to significantly better looking than she is. Why is that? And is my observation isolated, or part of a broader trend?

Are you sure he's better looking than she is? Did you ask the girls you've been dating if they agree?

--P

RunIntheMud

I think that there are many factors to look at when dating. Looks, intelligence, personality, humor, common interests....they all make up a person. A solid 10 could be dumb as a box of rocks. And, a 6 could be absolutely charming and intelligent. I'd choose the 6 in a heartbeat.

As for Samantha Steele using online dating sites? I'd doubt it, but it's not unheard of. There are so many specialty sites out there and according to these statistics, 74% of singles in the US have tried online dating.

http://www.statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics/

christine24t

It is not just for the ugly chicks that don't get dates.

Exactly....because there are so many good looking people on there, clearly it is more.

I also don't think Samantha Steele is that hot for what men claim her to be...boy these gender differences as far as this kinda thing are interesting.

Prahasaurus

Also, church is excellent. I'm definitely not one for organized religion, but I have a friend (average guy 6/10) who married an extremely attractive Spanish woman (bonafide 9/10) that he met through church.

I love it. You're now going to church to pick up women. Can this get any more cynical? Perhaps you could find some p'tang among volunteers at the local soup kitchen, so pretend to care about the homeless for a couple of hours. Or rent a dog for an afternoon and go to an animal rights meet up (combine this with dog sitting for a few hours to increase your win). Perhaps join a rape awareness demonstration with a sign like "No means No!" and strike up conversation with the hotter babes. There are a lot of angles here that can be explored to dupe unsuspecting females.

I'm starting to better understand why gay men join the priesthood...

--P

RunIntheMud

I will add that I've dated men through Match.com that you wouldn't expect to see online. Their reason being that it is very hard to meet women in their day-to-day lives and that they needed to be picky about who they met. I went on a first date with the Governor's speech writer, three dates with a senator and had a long term relationship with a chief of police. All good looking, charismatic men that could have met women in the real world. They just chose to use the internet as a "tool", just as many others have.

DMZ_1

This is very true. There are settings where women have the dating advantage and settings where men have the advantage. Online is a medium where women are in high demand and receive many e-mails from possible suitors. We've all seen it, many women receive a ton e-mails from guys. Sports bars are also great places for women, as every Sunday during football season, men outnumber women by at least 8 to 1.

Almost all bars do not favor men.

Carl01

Also, church is excellent. I'm definitely not one for organized religion, but I have a friend (average guy 6/10) who married an extremely attractive Spanish woman (bonafide 9/10) that he met through church.

I love it. You're now going to church to pick up women. Can this get any more cynical? Perhaps you could find some p'tang among volunteers at the local soup kitchen, so pretend to care about the homeless for a couple of hours. Or rent a dog for an afternoon and go to an animal rights meet up (combine this with dog sitting for a few hours to increase your win). Perhaps join a rape awareness demonstration with a sign like "No means No!" and strike up conversation with the hotter babes. There are a lot of angles here that can be explored to dupe unsuspecting females.

I'm starting to better understand why gay men join the priesthood...

--P

Perhaps it would be better if you went back and re read what he wrote instead of making hysteric and offensive statements.
No where was the suggestion that people start going to church to find a mate but that if one was involved it can be a good medium.

Danielle_2013

You know I have very, very rarely seen a couple where the male is significantly more attractive than the female. I find the opposite scenario to be MUCH more common. Funny enough though, with my friends who have met their partners online, they tend to be quite equal in the looks department.

kimi131

There are attractive men that use online dating??? Hmph. Why didn't I ever meet any of them? :grumble:

Prahasaurus

Perhaps it would be better if you went back and re read what he wrote instead of making hysteric and offensive statements.
No where was the suggestion that people start going to church to find a mate but that if one was involved it can be a good medium.

I have little doubt that Mike would lead the church choir if it guaranteed him action with a 9/10 Spanish woman. Wasn't it Henry IV that said Paris is worth a mass?

--P

Carl01

Perhaps it would be better if you went back and re read what he wrote instead of making hysteric and offensive statements.
No where was the suggestion that people start going to church to find a mate but that if one was involved it can be a good medium.

I have little doubt that Mike would lead the church choir if it guaranteed him action with a 9/10 Spanish woman. Wasn't it Henry IV that said Paris is worth a mass?

--P

Whatever you think does not change that you took it completely out of context and quite frankly the comment about Priests was so out of line it is not funny.
Have some respect for others and their beliefs and I say that as a Protestant.

christine24t

Also, church is excellent. I'm definitely not one for organized religion, but I have a friend (average guy 6/10) who married an extremely attractive Spanish woman (bonafide 9/10) that he met through church.

I love it. You're now going to church to pick up women. Can this get any more cynical? Perhaps you could find some p'tang among volunteers at the local soup kitchen, so pretend to care about the homeless for a couple of hours. Or rent a dog for an afternoon and go to an animal rights meet up (combine this with dog sitting for a few hours to increase your win). Perhaps join a rape awareness demonstration with a sign like "No means No!" and strike up conversation with the hotter babes. There are a lot of angles here that can be explored to dupe unsuspecting females.

I'm starting to better understand why gay men join the priesthood...

--P

Perhaps it would be better if you went back and re read what he wrote instead of making hysteric and offensive statements.
No where was the suggestion that people start going to church to find a mate but that if one was involved it can be a good medium.

Agree. P, I think you read it wrong.

pa_jorg

DM - Months back, weren't you trying to tell all the women here that we should learn to settle (I'll find that thread if I have time)? But when a guy does it, it's the worst thing in the world? Interesting...

Not to mention, the ONLY thing you are basing your 'observation' on is looks! Nothing about how compatible each couple is in ways that are not noticeable by sight alone!!! A bit shallow perhaps?