anyone just going to be single this year?

4themoney

since dating was a bust in 2012, and i feel as though i'm scraping the bottom of the barrel, i think i'm going to spend 2013 just being single.

no worrying about guys or what they think of me, no dates, or talking to guys to get to know them.

i used to think i was at least cute, but now, i'm not so sure.........

TheKitsune6

I have no plans either way, just gonna go with the flow. There's a ton that I hope/expect to happen this year that has nothing to do with dating, and if something happens along the way - neat. If it doesn't? Neat. For me, that's one of the things you can't really plan out.

So I guess? Imagine one big giant shrug of "meh".

Jennifer2387

Awwww .. this makes me sad. You are cute! Don't say that!

Maybe just take a less intense approach. If something comes up, or someone :bigsmile: , then roll with it. But don't bother with somoene unless they really "catch" your interest. Make them pursue you! Don't drive yourself crazy. In the meantime, do you and maybe the perfect man will find you .. if not, you are creating your own happiness along the way!

Go boys! lol

zachatta

Stop worrying about the other sex and improve yourself.

Don't get me wrong, you must be social in order to meet new people. However, making a "long term plan" to find a mate of some sort almost never gets you the results you want.

So, I would say don't say to yourself "I am going to be single", just say "I have this X goal(s) I want to achieve for myself, period, and if I find someone who I want to be with, in whatever relationship I desire then I will pursue".

EDIT: dammit, 1k post and I was going to make a 1k post thread!

Second Edit: I also hope you didn't take that offensively, I wasn't trying to be offensive.

jenbit

Hmmm palnning on being single no on the other hand planning on getting a bf nope.

I kinda just go with the flow on this dating/going out thing. I have alot of fun being single and I dont mind going on dates. I enjoy men alot:bigsmile: :smokin: .

I never hunt for a BF I hunt for fun guys and good times. Dating and BFs happen when everything clicks just right. No point in stressing it

pa_jorg

Would I like to be in a relationship within the year? YES
Am I going to stress if I'm not? NO
Will I have fun dating and being social in the meantime? YUP


@4themoney - I'm saying this with sincerity, but I think your negative attitude is your biggest barrier to finding someone. Maybe it's because Peeps is an easy place to vent, but you always seem down in the dumps about yourself. Try to think and act in a positive and confident manner and good things will most likely come your way. :flowerforyou:

kristen6022

Don't give up now, 4themoney. In the past, now that I look back on my dating history (it seemed pretty pathetic then), when I took a step back, didn't "man hunt" and just went out with my friends, talked to new people and enjoyed my life is when I met quality people. The internet never worked for me because I would stress about it.

So, find a girlfriend, get dressed up (make-up, hair, heals, something that you feel good wearing, whole nine yards) and go get a drink or two at a classy bar. Talk to people, be open and love will find you.

But, I also have to agree with Zach. 2012 was my year to work on myself. I found a good job, I started going out more, I started losing weight and exercising and feeling really great about myself. Surprisingly, this summer I found someone that I'm not sure if I could ever see myself without. So, my advice to you is to step back, look at what you don't like about you and if it's fixable, work on fixing it. Not what others find wrong with you, what you find wrong with you (because most of the time they aren't the same thing). Concentrate on improving yourself this year.

afv417

Be yourself, do what you enjoy and continue focusing in your goals.

Don't be so down on yourself; others can sense that and it isn't attractive. If you're happy, the "one" will find it easy to be attracted to you and be happy with you.

cheerforsteelers

Do for yourself and not care about what men think or what other people think...when you don't focus on dating and finding someone then that's when something is least likely to happen (or so I have experienced). In 2012 I went out on dates and socialized. I think it was more of a goal to find someone, but this year I'm putting all the love on me and not worrying about someone else. If it happens, it happens.

flimflamfloz

Would I like to be in a relationship within the year? YES
Am I going to stress if I'm not? NO
Will I have fun dating and being social in the meantime? YUP

@4themoney - I'm saying this with sincerity, but I think your negative attitude is your biggest barrier to finding someone. Maybe it's because Peeps is an easy place to vent, but you always seem down in the dumps about yourself. Try to think and act in a positive and confident manner and good things will most likely come your way. :flowerforyou:

Yep, this.

Every time you are about to have a negative (and passive) thought (life is crap), just transform this thought into a positive action, something you can do to reach your goal or better yourself (let's go out, let's work on that profile, let's reconnect with my friend, or whatever is important to you).

Negative thoughts are always passive. Transform them into positive actions to get rid of them in the real world.

kristen49233

since dating was a bust in 2012, and i feel as though i'm scraping the bottom of the barrel, i think i'm going to spend 2013 just being single.

no worrying about guys or what they think of me, no dates, or talking to guys to get to know them.

i used to think i was at least cute, but now, i'm not so sure.........

I was thinking the same exact thing as the New Year rolled in. Dated a couple of old friends over the past few months, and all turned out to be busts. Tired of the dating games and am thinking I'll focus more on myself over the next few months. If something happens...it happens, but I'm not going to waste time thinking about it like I have been.

RunIntheMud

I agree with all of the advice given. You need to just enjoy life. You really are a beautiful woman, but you need to see yourself that way. Confidence is attractive above all else.

At the start of 2012, my boyfriend broke up with me. I was already taking time for myself, but with him gone it enabled me to do even more. I went on a few dates here and there, nothing significant. I went to dinner or had drinks with girlfriends. If I had a night where I just needed to get out, I'd just go sit at Starbucks, enjoy a treat and read. "Me" time. I enjoyed my time and just felt more desirable as a result. I really don't think you need to be out there looking for someone. If you are out doing things you enjoy, you will find him in time.

BigBrewski

I think that approach is FINE and it is what I did for most of 2012 and will do for most of 2013. In 2011 I did the dating pool becuase I thought I needed to be dating and that i needed a girlfriend. Everyone here can jump on that "needed" word becuase I didn't need to be dating or need a girlfriend. What I needed to do was figure out WHAT was best for ME.

My immediate focus is on reaching my goals but after that I might try the dating pool again. I have been avoiding it and honestly I have been VERY Happy so don't be suprised if I don't wait until 2014 to dip that toe in the dating pool again.

AnnaPixie

I'm going to get out my comfort zone, and grab opportunities along the way!! :smokin:

Agree with PMA being better for your all round health - Positive Mental Attitude - Yeah! :bigsmile:

farmers_daughter

It's very likely that I will still be single come December 31, 2013.... very.

But that won't stop me from flirting my @ss off.....if that's the only way I get it off then so be it. :bigsmile: BOO YAH!!!

I'm going to have fun, possibly open up to the idea of friends with benefits. But those are about the only changes I'm gonna make, the rest of me is doing pretty good.

pa_jorg

I'm going to get out my comfort zone, and grab opportunities along the way!! :smokin:

Agree with PMA being better for your all round health - Positive Mental Attitude - Yeah! :bigsmile:

:drinker: :drinker:

Carl01

I expect I will be single still a year from now.
The main issue I will deal with this year is where will I be living a year from today.

La_Amazona

Nope, I plan to have at least 6 boyfriends this year and at least 250 dates. I also want to have at least 5 one night stands and 3 FWB. Just no marriage or babies- yet.

lacroyx

Stop worrying about the other sex and improve yourself.

Pretty much my focus, physically and mentally. If something comes along, great! However, I'm not going to actively look.

4themoney

thanks, bruce!! :-)


i probably do use this forum to only vent, but that's because i don't know anyone in real life that is where i am, or gets where i am.

i DO NOT have single friends. all of my single friends meet people and end up with boyfriends that they date. i don't have a single friend, male or female, that i can talk to about any of this. my entire town is married, and if there are guys that are single they are dating someone already. or they are my ex and i would never date him again, LOL!!!

i spent over two years totally single, not a single date. i spent one solid year trying to meet men the only way i really can and absolutely NOTHING came of it. so, either i accept that and keep doing what i've been doing ( which would end up the definition of insanity, right? keep doing the same thing expecting different results) OR, i accept my current situation and stop doing what i've been doing.

without friends to go out with, i spend most of my weekends alone. and when i do go out with friends, they are all married and we do very married women types of things. the last time i went out with some female friends at a place where single people would be ( casino/ race track/ bar) two single guys hit on my married friends......... they asked my married friends for their phone numbers. even though my friends were very clear that they were married and i was single.

i think i had much more confidence going into dating than i do now. a year of rejection does negatively affect your thought processes. i need to NOT meet anyone at all for at least a year in order to just get back to where i have that self confidence again. i think i need a year of zero expectations. zero hopes and desires that involve men. just live my life single and stay single and not let anyone get my hopes up for more.

i am sorry if people think i'm a pessimist or that all i do is seem down. i have learned that i dislike dating to the nth degree, but i have no one else to talk to about it. if i shouldn't vent here, i won't. i am sorry if people think poorly of me because i do.


being a single woman with 5 kids is not easy, but it's also not the norm. i get a lot of comments from people in town, and lots of opinions. it's hard to accept being single and alone when everyone around you is asking you if you're dating or trying to meet people, LOL!

I think that approach is FINE and it is what I did for most of 2012 and will do for most of 2013. In 2011 I did the dating pool becuase I thought I needed to be dating and that i needed a girlfriend. Everyone here can jump on that "needed" word becuase I didn't need to be dating or need a girlfriend. What I needed to do was figure out WHAT was best for ME.

My immediate focus is on reaching my goals but after that I might try the dating pool again. I have been avoiding it and honestly I have been VERY Happy so don't be suprised if I don't wait until 2014 to dip that toe in the dating pool again.

4themoney

i don't know if you're being serious or joking, but you did make me laugh!!! ;-)

Nope, I plan to have at least 6 boyfriends this year and at least 250 dates. I also want to have at least 5 one night stands and 3 FWB. Just no marriage or babies- yet.

jenbit

First of all if your married friends attract more attention then you do go out by yourself. I know this is a strange concept to some ladies but we don't have to travel in packs or pairs. Going out by yourself draws attention (pull of that confidence). Walk around like you own the place. Going someplace where singles will be by yourself draws the eye and tells others that your confident in yourself and dont need to hide behind a wall of people . The men will aproach lol

4themoney

i wish i had your spunk and confidence ;-)


i'll go out or do things alone, but not typically to places where men are or where i would meet someone single.
2011, was my best year since 1998. i did whatever i wanted, usually alone. i never met anyone or got hit on, or asked for a number, or got chatted up by someone, but i had fun.
i'm just going to do that again. do what i want, by myself. :-)

First of all if your married friends attract more attention then you do go out by yourself. I know this is a strange concept to some ladies but we don't have to travel in packs or pairs. Going out by yourself draws attention (pull of that confidence). Walk around like you own the place. Going someplace where singles will be by yourself draws the eye and tells others that your confident in yourself and dont need to hide behind a wall of people . The men will aproach lol

pa_jorg

thanks, bruce!! :-)


i probably do use this forum to only vent, but that's because i don't know anyone in real life that is where i am, or gets where i am.

i DO NOT have single friends. all of my single friends meet people and end up with boyfriends that they date. i don't have a single friend, male or female, that i can talk to about any of this. my entire town is married, and if there are guys that are single they are dating someone already. or they are my ex and i would never date him again, LOL!!!

i spent over two years totally single, not a single date. i spent one solid year trying to meet men the only way i really can and absolutely NOTHING came of it. so, either i accept that and keep doing what i've been doing ( which would end up the definition of insanity, right? keep doing the same thing expecting different results) OR, i accept my current situation and stop doing what i've been doing.

without friends to go out with, i spend most of my weekends alone. and when i do go out with friends, they are all married and we do very married women types of things. the last time i went out with some female friends at a place where single people would be ( casino/ race track/ bar) two single guys hit on my married friends......... they asked my married friends for their phone numbers. even though my friends were very clear that they were married and i was single.

i think i had much more confidence going into dating than i do now. a year of rejection does negatively affect your thought processes. i need to NOT meet anyone at all for at least a year in order to just get back to where i have that self confidence again. i think i need a year of zero expectations. zero hopes and desires that involve men. just live my life single and stay single and not let anyone get my hopes up for more.

i am sorry if people think i'm a pessimist or that all i do is seem down. i have learned that i dislike dating to the nth degree, but i have no one else to talk to about it. if i shouldn't vent here, i won't. i am sorry if people think poorly of me because i do.


being a single woman with 5 kids is not easy, but it's also not the norm. i get a lot of comments from people in town, and lots of opinions. it's hard to accept being single and alone when everyone around you is asking you if you're dating or trying to meet people, LOL!

I don't think anyone here thinks poorly of you, but we do notice a trend of you being negative. If it is just here to vent, that makes sense, but we do notice is all.

Ok, you just wrote about not having luck meeting guys to date and how all your friends are married. What about trying to make some single friends (male or female)? It would help you become more social and you never know who they might be able to introduce you to. Work the MFP angle for people in your area or try meetup.com or go to your local library or a bar. I guess my point is that it doesn't have to be so all-or-nothing for you when it comes to meeting people.

kerrymh

If history repeats itself I will be..
But I'm going to the gym right now and going to just be the best I can be and let the chips fall where they may.

FitnessPalWorks

Stop worrying about the other sex and improve yourself.

Don't get me wrong, you must be social in order to meet new people. However, making a "long term plan" to find a mate of some sort almost never gets you the results you want.

So, I would say don't say to yourself "I am going to be single", just say "I have this X goal(s) I want to achieve for myself, period, and if I find someone who I want to be with, in whatever relationship I desire then I will pursue".

^^ This.

dixiech1ck

After being single for the last 9 years, I think it's time to open up and try dating again. When you gain a lot of weight, move to a new state after having three back-to-back-to-back horrific relationships (5 yr long distance, a broken engagement and a cheater), it kind of wears you down. I needed that time to learn about myself, find some self-confidence and do what I needed to get by. I went on dates here and there, but nothing super worthwhile. I did find someone who I fell in love with (for the last year and a half) but sadly, the feelings aren't mutual on his end and so I need to open my heart and my life to someone who will feel that way. As someone else said, you can't force it and you can't rush it -- when it happens, whether finding them online or in person, then it happens. Otherwise, going to do like everyone else - enjoy life, live it, breathe it and when it happens, it'll be great. =D Keeping the faith...

4themoney

well, i won't be venting this year ;-) so hopefully people will sense that too.

i befriend single women and within months, they are a couple with someone. so i never have a single friend long. i have tried befriending single guys and lets just say that hasn't happened either. not to mention i only have every other weekend free. i am starting my job this month and that will suck up those free nights, so i'm actually not going to have ANY free time to meet people or date or go out. so, 2013 really is a good year to just be single :-)

I don't think anyone here thinks poorly of you, but we do notice a trend of you being negative. If it is just here to vent, that makes sense, but we do notice is all.

Ok, you just wrote about not having luck meeting guys to date and how all your friends are married. What about trying to make some single friends (male or female)? It would help you become more social and you never know who they might be able to introduce you to. Work the MFP angle for people in your area or try meetup.com or go to your local library or a bar. I guess my point is that it doesn't have to be so all-or-nothing for you when it comes to meeting people.

BigBrewski

i don't know if you're being serious or joking, but you did make me laugh!!! ;-)

Nope, I plan to have at least 6 boyfriends this year and at least 250 dates. I also want to have at least 5 one night stands and 3 FWB. Just no marriage or babies- yet.

I'll offer up a One Night Stand to either of you ladies if you happen to be in California or if I happen to get a new job where I travel.

laurenz2501

Stop worrying about the other sex and improve yourself.

Don't get me wrong, you must be social in order to meet new people. However, making a "long term plan" to find a mate of some sort almost never gets you the results you want.

So, I would say don't say to yourself "I am going to be single", just say "I have this X goal(s) I want to achieve for myself, period, and if I find someone who I want to be with, in whatever relationship I desire then I will pursue".

YESSSS. That's how I feel. I'm tired of looking and going on dates with guys I met online that don't end well or never happen at all lol i know i need to lose weight anyway so that's most likely the problem. so when i do lose weight i'll feel better about myself and have more confidence and hopefully that will show...because obviously whatever i've been doing isn't working.

sweetcurlz67

As I'm relatively new to the singles world, my friends have recommended I read the following book. I'm up to chapter 2.

http://www.goodreads.com/ebooks/download/46191.Why_Men_Love_B!tches Change the ! to an i

I haven't read through all the advice the others have given you yet, but so far, I agree with them. Be yourself and focus on yourself. It will fall into place. :flowerforyou:

ETA: I have other single friends that talk about meetup.com. not specifically for dating, but I read another post you wrote about going out and doing various things. Perhaps there are other singles in your area that you may not be aware of? Even if not, meetup is about a group of people who have similar interests and going out and doing things together.