input needed
christine24t
Posts: 6,063 Member
I have a good friend I've known for many years. Back in high school, she had a crush on this guy (he knew) but he didn't like her back. When we were in college, about junior year, he got her phone number and started talking to her and eventually they hooked up/engaged in some sexual activities while they both were home in town. She was so happy he actually wanted her for a while...and then she grew to kind of be disinterested/neutral in the situation later. But because she is very shy and can't tell him no, she usually caved every couple of months and would agree to "hang out," where they usually hooked up.
However, a couple months ago he really pissed her off while they were hooking up so she hasn't done anything with him since then. No caving as of yet.
The problem is is that he is almost obsessed with her. She showed me his texts tonight. He usually texts once or twice a day. She rarely responds, and if she does, it's always one word answers. He always asks to hang out. Yesterday, he sent two texts. Today, two. If she doesn't answer his texts in a couple of days, he will drive by her house (he does have a friend who lives a block over).
Is this just a guy desperate to hook up or do you think it's anything more creepy than that?
However, a couple months ago he really pissed her off while they were hooking up so she hasn't done anything with him since then. No caving as of yet.
The problem is is that he is almost obsessed with her. She showed me his texts tonight. He usually texts once or twice a day. She rarely responds, and if she does, it's always one word answers. He always asks to hang out. Yesterday, he sent two texts. Today, two. If she doesn't answer his texts in a couple of days, he will drive by her house (he does have a friend who lives a block over).
Is this just a guy desperate to hook up or do you think it's anything more creepy than that?
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Could really be either. She is playing the game very well..and it is keeping him interested. If she is no longer interested..she really should end things or at least somewhat bluntly set him straight.0
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To be blunt about it they both need to grow up however your only interaction will be with her so if you choose to get involved would just advise her to end it once and for all.
In short tell him not interested so no more texts,no more hanging out,just leave her alone.
If that doesn`t fix it then she needs to talk to her folks about it and so on as needed.0 -
I wouldnt call one or two texts per day an obsession. If the guy just wants sex, then there is nothing new there. I got called 52 times one night by a guy wanting sex. Sometimes sex is driving force for a lot of men, especially young men. Call it desperate if you like. Or just call it hormones..........lol
If he wants to date, then your friend needs to set some boundaries ie go out on a date, not jump into bed.
But if your friend doesn't like him at all, not as a date or a FWB then she needs to a) not reply to the texts or preferably b) just tell him she's not interested. And if he doesnt listen to that there is always the old "I have a b/f now, so leave me alone" line!!0 -
Maybe instead of poofing she needs to man up and tell him "This isn't working out for me any more".0
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I wouldnt call one or two texts per day an obsession. If the guy just wants sex, then there is nothing new there. I got called 52 times one night by a guy wanting sex. Sometimes sex is driving force for a lot of men, especially young men. Call it desperate if you like. Or just call it hormones..........lol
If he wants to date, then your friend needs to set some boundaries ie go out on a date, not jump into bed.
But if your friend doesn't like him at all, not as a date or a FWB then she needs to a) not reply to the texts or preferably b) just tell him she's not interested. And if he doesnt listen to that there is always the old "I have a b/f now, so leave me alone" line!!
Two texts a day isn't too bad, I agree. But the driving by her house thing is WEIRD. That's something that needs to be addressed above everything else, in my opinion. I don't think that's something to be taken lightly AT ALL. Unless he is just driving by because his friend lives nearby.
She does need to either buckle down and set some sexual boundaries, or just tell him she isn't interested anymore.0 -
I wouldnt call one or two texts per day an obsession. If the guy just wants sex, then there is nothing new there. I got called 52 times one night by a guy wanting sex. Sometimes sex is driving force for a lot of men, especially young men. Call it desperate if you like. Or just call it hormones..........lol
If he wants to date, then your friend needs to set some boundaries ie go out on a date, not jump into bed.
But if your friend doesn't like him at all, not as a date or a FWB then she needs to a) not reply to the texts or preferably b) just tell him she's not interested. And if he doesnt listen to that there is always the old "I have a b/f now, so leave me alone" line!!
Two texts a day isn't too bad, I agree. But the driving by her house thing is WEIRD. That's something that needs to be addressed above everything else, in my opinion. I don't think that's something to be taken lightly AT ALL. Unless he is just driving by because his friend lives nearby.
She does need to either buckle down and set some sexual boundaries, or just tell him she isn't interested anymore.
We also don't know if the 2 text are something like "hey can I come over" or a long disertation on what he would like to do to her.0 -
He'll eventually find another FWB and move on. Until this happens, if she's that disinterested in him, she should be square with him and let him know this.
I also have a very hard time believing that he keeps on texting her everyday even though she rarely responds to him. Unless he's an utter psychopath (which is a possibility) or has some form of autism, it doesn't really add up.0 -
Maybe instead of poofing she needs to man up and tell him "This isn't working out for me any more".
I second this.0 -
Maybe instead of poofing she needs to man up and tell him "This isn't working out for me any more".
I second this.
third0 -
The driving by would weird me out, but I'm throwing in a "fourth" on the manning up and telling him that's it's not working out anymore.0
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I also have a very hard time believing that he keeps on texting her everyday even though she rarely responds to him. Unless he's an utter psychopath (which is a possibility) or has some form of autism, it doesn't really add up.
You'd be surprised! I've known quite a few guys to do this. Even AFTER I've told them I'm not really interested. The worst part is that it would stop for a month or so and then they'd pop back up.0 -
I also have a very hard time believing that he keeps on texting her everyday even though she rarely responds to him. Unless he's an utter psychopath (which is a possibility) or has some form of autism, it doesn't really add up.
You'd be surprised! I've known quite a few guys to do this. Even AFTER I've told them I'm not really interested. The worst part is that it would stop for a month or so and then they'd pop back up.
It's the cute smile. Stop smiling and making yourself not so cute. ; )
Seriously, I don't understand why PEOPLE do this. I have ex lovers that still call/e-mail me at work as I've changed my cell phone number several times just so I could stop getting phone calls and texts to my personal number. You would think if someone is obviously not into you, and has already told you they're moving on, why prolong the agony?0 -
Seriously, I don't understand why PEOPLE do this. I have ex lovers that still call/e-mail me at work as I've changed my cell phone number several times just so I could stop getting phone calls and texts to my personal number. You would think if someone is obviously not into you, and has already told you they're moving on, why prolong the agony?
Hmm...you are pretty stalkable.
LOL0 -
He'll eventually find another FWB and move on. Until this happens, if she's that disinterested in him, she should be square with him and let him know this.
I also have a very hard time believing that he keeps on texting her everyday even though she rarely responds to him. Unless he's an utter psychopath (which is a possibility) or has some form of autism, it doesn't really add up.
She showed me the texts. He really does. They're all "hey babe what are you doing?" "Hey let's hang out soon." And yes she rarely replies.
I'm glad you all don't get a too creepy vibe. Especially your story Anna makes me feel better. I just wanted to make sure he isn't stalkery.0 -
I also have a very hard time believing that he keeps on texting her everyday even though she rarely responds to him. Unless he's an utter psychopath (which is a possibility) or has some form of autism, it doesn't really add up.
You'd be surprised! I've known quite a few guys to do this. Even AFTER I've told them I'm not really interested. The worst part is that it would stop for a month or so and then they'd pop back up.
It's the cute smile. Stop smiling and making yourself not so cute. ; )
Seriously, I don't understand why PEOPLE do this. I have ex lovers that still call/e-mail me at work as I've changed my cell phone number several times just so I could stop getting phone calls and texts to my personal number. You would think if someone is obviously not into you, and has already told you they're moving on, why prolong the agony?
That's what I told her. I said "you're a great person and all but why hasn't he taken a hint? Surly there are other girls out there."0 -
I also have a very hard time believing that he keeps on texting her everyday even though she rarely responds to him. Unless he's an utter psychopath (which is a possibility) or has some form of autism, it doesn't really add up.
You'd be surprised! I've known quite a few guys to do this. Even AFTER I've told them I'm not really interested. The worst part is that it would stop for a month or so and then they'd pop back up.
It's the cute smile. Stop smiling and making yourself not so cute. ; )
Seriously, I don't understand why PEOPLE do this. I have ex lovers that still call/e-mail me at work as I've changed my cell phone number several times just so I could stop getting phone calls and texts to my personal number. You would think if someone is obviously not into you, and has already told you they're moving on, why prolong the agony?
That's what I told her. I said "you're a great person and all but why hasn't he taken a hint? Surly there are other girls out there."
Not that have on a somewhat regular basis had sex with him probably.0 -
I wouldnt call one or two texts per day an obsession. If the guy just wants sex, then there is nothing new there. I got called 52 times one night by a guy wanting sex. Sometimes sex is driving force for a lot of men, especially young men. Call it desperate if you like. Or just call it hormones..........lol
If he wants to date, then your friend needs to set some boundaries ie go out on a date, not jump into bed.
But if your friend doesn't like him at all, not as a date or a FWB then she needs to a) not reply to the texts or preferably b) just tell him she's not interested. And if he doesnt listen to that there is always the old "I have a b/f now, so leave me alone" line!!
Two texts a day isn't too bad, I agree. But the driving by her house thing is WEIRD. That's something that needs to be addressed above everything else, in my opinion. I don't think that's something to be taken lightly AT ALL. Unless he is just driving by because his friend lives nearby.
She does need to either buckle down and set some sexual boundaries, or just tell him she isn't interested anymore.
I agree that the driving by part is most concerning to me... then again, does she live on a main/busy street or is it true she's near his friend? It could be legit, but better safe than sorry.
Christine, You're doing a great job stepping out of your comfort zone, so I think it's time you told her that she needs to do the same and be honest with the guy about whatever she wants.0 -
If she really wants to get rid of the guy, she should tell him she is in loe with him, wants to get married and have lots and lots of babies very soon! She won't ever get another text from him again.0
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She should tell him she doesn't appreciate him coming by unannounced and if she really isn't that into him anymore then let him know.
I don't understand why people can't just say what they want. Be up front and be done with it. You don't have to worry/wonder/assume/freak out. Say what you need to say.0 -
She should tell him she doesn't appreciate him coming by unannounced and if she really isn't that into him anymore then let him know.
I don't understand why people can't just say what they want. Be up front and be done with it. You don't have to worry/wonder/assume/freak out. Say what you need to say.
It is easy for many people, but for others it's a big deal. She is very very shy in this regard, so I don't think she will tell him. I think she should but I know she won't.0 -
I also have a very hard time believing that he keeps on texting her everyday even though she rarely responds to him. Unless he's an utter psychopath (which is a possibility) or has some form of autism, it doesn't really add up.
You'd be surprised! I've known quite a few guys to do this. Even AFTER I've told them I'm not really interested. The worst part is that it would stop for a month or so and then they'd pop back up.
Well .. duh! Look at you! You are a hottie and they just want to make sure that you are SURE you don't want them ..lol.0 -
She should tell him she doesn't appreciate him coming by unannounced and if she really isn't that into him anymore then let him know.
I don't understand why people can't just say what they want. Be up front and be done with it. You don't have to worry/wonder/assume/freak out. Say what you need to say.
It is easy for many people, but for others it's a big deal. She is very very shy in this regard, so I don't think she will tell him. I think she should but I know she won't.
Well Honestly if she can't tell him that she doesn't want to "hang" anymore you can't call him a stalker. You cannot poof on someone you've know for many years and who knows wear you live. It really won't work. She needs to tell him she doesn't see him in that light anymore. Poor guy might think she's in a mood or something. Also are you sure she's not just keeping him on the back burner as a just in case guy0 -
She should tell him she doesn't appreciate him coming by unannounced and if she really isn't that into him anymore then let him know.
I don't understand why people can't just say what they want. Be up front and be done with it. You don't have to worry/wonder/assume/freak out. Say what you need to say.
It is easy for many people, but for others it's a big deal. She is very very shy in this regard, so I don't think she will tell him. I think she should but I know she won't.
Well Honestly if she can't tell him that she doesn't want to "hang" anymore you can't call him a stalker. You cannot poof on someone you've know for many years and who knows wear you live. It really won't work. She needs to tell him she doesn't see him in that light anymore. Poor guy might think she's in a mood or something. Also are you sure she's not just keeping him on the back burner as a just in case guy
You are right to truly be a stalker the person has to be told that their actions aren't welcome.
This has been happening for two years so I don't really think he would see it as a mood. And I don't get the impression she is keeping him on the back burner. She doesn't respond usually, never initiates conversation.
And yes his friend does live nearby. But I don't always buy that he is in the neighborhood when he drives by.
And his friends don't know about it...they don't go out publicly.0 -
^^^ Is she still sleeping with him over the course of these 2 yrs. Cause then yes she is totally using him as the back burner0
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^^^ Is she still sleeping with him over the course of these 2 yrs. Cause then yes she is totally using him as the back burner
Not regularly but it has happened occasionally.
She doesn't like him anymore though but she has trouble with people pressuring her and being unable to say no. So every once in a while he presses hard enough and she gives in.
But ever since he upset her while they were hooking up she hasn't seen him. So she is trying but he won't give it up.
We were thinking about creating some kind of fake girl to start talking to him and get his attention off my friend..bad or good idea?0 -
We were thinking about creating some kind of fake girl to start talking to him and get his attention off my friend..bad or good idea?
Bad bad bad idea. He is still a person .. even if he is a douchey person. Don't play with his heart.0 -
We were thinking about creating some kind of fake girl to start talking to him and get his attention off my friend..bad or good idea?
Bad bad bad idea. He is still a person .. even if he is a douchey person. Don't play with his heart.
I know but it would be sooo fun. Except knowing my luck I would end up on Catfish the TV show.0 -
^^^ Is she still sleeping with him over the course of these 2 yrs. Cause then yes she is totally using him as the back burner
Not regularly but it has happened occasionally.
She doesn't like him anymore though but she has trouble with people pressuring her and being unable to say no. So every once in a while he presses hard enough and she gives in.
But ever since he upset her while they were hooking up she hasn't seen him. So she is trying but he won't give it up.
We were thinking about creating some kind of fake girl to start talking to him and get his attention off my friend..bad or good idea?
So how long ago did she stop giving in to him?
Wether or not she has a problem saying no he should not be able to pressure her into sex. Sorry but she may be sending him ixed signals in which case its not really his fault...... And never create a fake person to stalk him its childish, immature and just plain out mean0 -
I know but it would be sooo fun. Except knowing my luck I would end up on Catfish the TV show.
OMG! I love that show! Scares the crap out of me tho!0 -
^^^ Is she still sleeping with him over the course of these 2 yrs. Cause then yes she is totally using him as the back burner
Not regularly but it has happened occasionally.
She doesn't like him anymore though but she has trouble with people pressuring her and being unable to say no. So every once in a while he presses hard enough and she gives in.
But ever since he upset her while they were hooking up she hasn't seen him. So she is trying but he won't give it up.
We were thinking about creating some kind of fake girl to start talking to him and get his attention off my friend..bad or good idea?
So how long ago did she stop giving in to him?
Wether or not she has a problem saying no he should not be able to pressure her into sex. Sorry but she may be sending him ixed signals in which case its not really his fault...... And never create a fake person to stalk him its childish, immature and just plain out mean
October.
And I think it's one of those things where if he went to kiss her she wouldn't push him away. Like I said she is very shy and unassertive.0
