Ex'es
Options
Replies
-
Oh boy, I never said I was faulting him nor I was questioning him about it. I said I didn't feel comfortable talking to him about my past relationships because of my "triggers" (someone else suggested I talk to him). All I was asking was how other people handle it. Just because it is easy for you to say, "the past is the past let's move on" it's not that easy for me.
Since this is going in a compeletely different direction....
/thread
I will tell ya, you put on your big girl pants, and wash your hair with jergens no tears.
Then you throw the past in the trash can and move on. The end
0 -
why dredge up the past?
How do I not? Especially when my last relationship was so hard on me emotionaly. Honest to God I am trying not to let it get in the way, but there are triggers that just make me think about it and I start to worry. I don't do it because I want to.
Trust me I know that feeling. But you have to treat him as an individual. Until he gives you a reason to worry. You just need to mentally kick those thoughts out of your head. The more you do it the easier it will become.0 -
why dredge up the past?
How do I not? Especially when my last relationship was so hard on me emotionaly. Honest to God I am trying not to let it get in the way, but there are triggers that just make me think about it and I start to worry. I don't do it because I want to.
Trust me I know that feeling. But you have to treat him as an individual. Until he gives you a reason to worry. You just need to mentally kick those thoughts out of your head. The more you do it the easier it will become.
Thank you. I appreciate this answer. And I'll repeat, I do treat him as the wonderful person he is. Would love to have a switch to turn off my brain; but he is great! And it IS getting easier as time goes on.0 -
I'm just here to see Danielle's avatar again.0
-
I'm just here to see Danielle's avatar again.
LOL0 -
It's human nature to assume that the new person is going to do certain things the same as the ex. Just do your best to let it go. And yup, a conversation might help the situation.0
-
He's given you no reason to doubt him. So, DON'T doubt him!!
When it enters your head give yourself positive affirmation that "this is X, he is NOT Y" and then slap yourself about the head!! :laugh:
Honestly afv, dont ruin a good thing through your own insecurities. EVEN if it doesnt work out in the end, there isnt any time spent worrying about it, that will prevent it! So, stop wasting your time in the negative and cherish the moment (which I know you are doing :bigsmile: )0 -
It's human nature to assume that the new person is going to do certain things the same as the ex. Just do your best to let it go. And yup, a conversation might help the situation.
The funny thing is I hope I meet someone exactly like my ex's that isn't on drugs and want's a relationship. Personality wise, the 2 ex's I'm thinking of are my ideal partners :bigsmile:
I dont know why we get so down on ex's, as we must have loved them at some point? So there must be something you liked about them? Think about those positive traits, rather than the bad one's :flowerforyou:0 -
I dont know why we get so down on ex's, as we must have loved them at some point? So there must be something you liked about them? Think about those positive traits, rather than the bad one's :flowerforyou:
Generally speaking I agree with you. I prefer to remember the good times with my ex whenever possible. But I do think some of the issues that drove a couple apart are what linger when you move on to the next person.0 -
I dont know why we get so down on ex's, as we must have loved them at some point? So there must be something you liked about them? Think about those positive traits, rather than the bad one's :flowerforyou:
I have to think about my ex's bad traits .. that was what got me over him..lol. If I think about the good things in him things get ugly quickly. Then I start to think about all of the things in ME that are bad to make him not want to be with me.0 -
Given that my ex is the only person I've been in a relationship with I can't talk about thinking about thinking about ex's whilst in a relationship. I do know about insecurities and thinking about things whilst in a relationship and i will say, don't do it. In the end it will undermine it. There'll come a point when your other half needs you to be strong for them and if they know you still have these issues they will cut you loose. I'm not saying it was the only reason we split up but I maintain it was part of it. One minute we were happy the next things got tough for her and then i'm single again.
Savour what you have is my advice, otherwise you may be left too nervous to start a new relationship and full of regrets.0 -
I dont know why we get so down on ex's, as we must have loved them at some point? So there must be something you liked about them? Think about those positive traits, rather than the bad one's :flowerforyou:
I have to think about my ex's bad traits .. that was what got me over him..lol. If I think about the good things in him things get ugly quickly. Then I start to think about all of the things in ME that are bad to make him not want to be with me.
Understandable Jen. I'm sure I went through a stage of dwelling on the bad bits too. That was over 12 years ago now tho. When someone took his place in my heart, I think that's when I let go of the bad stuff and now we are friends and I do love his personality, just not his 'ways' :flowerforyou:0 -
I dont know why we get so down on ex's, as we must have loved them at some point? So there must be something you liked about them? Think about those positive traits, rather than the bad one's :flowerforyou:
Generally speaking I agree with you. I prefer to remember the good times with my ex whenever possible. But I do think some of the issues that drove a couple apart are what linger when you move on to the next person.
Yeah, I would never knowingly be with someone that did hard drugs. It's a huge red flag to me now :noway:
I guess it just depends on why you broke up?? Some things are easier to get over than others I guess. Any form of abuse or cheating being the worst? But I'm just generalising now, so I'll shut up.........lol0
