Unsupportive SO's

RilantheFirebug

First off, I'm NOT trying to offend anyone or point any fingers or say anyone's dude/dudette is unsuitable/a jerk/etc.

I've been reading through some of these threads and I'm so sadden by some of the things I'm reading... your significant other telling you that you don't look good, pulling faces, having fights about your weight, and being generally unsupportive. I'm very lucky and don't have that problem with my husband but...how do you deal with it? I think I would probably be very sad and get way off track.

chezmama

You are very lucky. Not many guys are like that I am afraid.

For myself, I have learned to rely on myself instead of on him for my warm fuzzies and loving affirmations. Heck, I even made up a fake boyfriend who lived in my head and told me all things I needed to hear about myself. Pathetic, perhaps, but it worked because I started to believe "him". (He always knew just what to say! LOL) And I started to live like the beautiful person "he" told me I am. I stopped being invisible and started to be wonderful instead. When you are invisible, you shrink into the shadows and there is no need to fix your hair or your face. It really doesn't matter what you wear when no one can see you. But when I started to see myself as wonderful, I started to style my hair, wear some makeup and dress in better and more flattering clothing. I now carry myself with confidence and my "real" man has started to respond in kind. He's way more supportive and affectionate than he was...perhaps not to where I would like him to be, but to the point where I really don't "need" my fake boyfriend anymore. I know I sound like quite a fruit loop, but I must tell you that I always knew he was fake. In fact, it was really me telling myself what I needed to hear, but putting it in a man's voice because that is the way I needed to hear it. Yeah, the more I talk, the crazier I sound. Whatever...I am happier than I have ever been and my marriage is better than it has ever been, so whatever works, I guess.